Jack's Regrets
Fandom: Torchwood (what else?)
Rating: R
Warnings: A little angst, a little swearing
Word Count: 5581
Summary: Jack really has to learn to pay more attention to his friends.
Prompt: 021. Friends.
Notes: Set between Countrycide and Greeks Bearing Gifts (6 and 7). Because I couldn't resist the lure...
Jack's Regrets
They staggered back into the Hub together, and Ianto made his way upstairs to fetch them all a cup of coffee. Owen helped Gwen to sit down, and took the chair next to her, while Tosh sat opposite them, still a little shaky, and Jack leant against the wall, watching them all.
Tosh buried her head in her hands for a few moments, while Gwen closed her eyes, clearly still in pain and only allowing herself to relax now they were safely back in the Hub.
“Alright,” Jack said quietly, after a few seconds’ pause. “I’ll file a report and take care of all the paperwork.”
Owen gave him an incredulous look, as if he couldn’t believe that Jack was thinking about the paperwork after all that had happened. Jack just carried on talking.
“Everybody take the day off tomorrow, okay? None of you have had a proper break for weeks, so now’s your chance. If anything turns up, I’ll deal with it. I want you all rested and ready for work again the day after.”
Ianto entered the room, carrying five cups of coffee on a tray. In silence, as Jack broke off, he handed out the cups to everyone, barely reacting to Gwen’s heartfelt thanks, Toshiko’s almost wordless murmur of gratitude, Jack’s brief, tired smile, Owen’s nod of acknowledgment. He took a seat, two chairs down the table from Tosh, and wrapped his hands around his coffee mug, hunched over and isolated and not even looking up when Jack, sipping his coffee, told him, “You’ve got the day off tomorrow, Ianto.”
Jack looked around at the others as they relaxed and took comfort from the warm, familiar taste of their drinks.
“Tosh, you know everything can be put on hold for a little while. I don’t want you to even be thinking of new programs or ways to improve the CCTV tracker or whatever. Relax, go out, enjoy yourself. Owen, everything’s been turned over to the police. They’re not expecting any help and they don’t need it, so you don’t have to do a report. They can manage without your expertise. I’m sure you can think of plenty of other things to do with your time. Gwen, as soon as you leave here you go to the A and E and get that gunshot wound checked out. I can take you there if you want.”
Owen said, “I’ll get her there. I can tell them exactly what’s happened and make sure they don’t screw things up worse.”
That earned him a weak smile from Toshiko and a look of gratitude from Gwen. Jack just nodded, said, “Okay,” and then gave them all a smile and continued, “Drink your coffee and get home, then. I’ll see you all on Wednesday.”
Silence fell again as everyone drank, in no particular hurry to leave. Ianto turned his mug round two or three times, until Owen got up and helped Gwen to her feet, supporting her as they left without another word. Tosh took a few moments more, her hands no longer shaking, and managed a smile at Jack as she got up.
“Thank you,” she said, and he hugged her, smiling back.
Ianto stood up and collected the mugs together on the tray. He was surprised when Tosh turned to him and repeated her thanks, hugging him as well. And then she was on her way out, collecting her bag and holding her head high as she went.
Reaching out to pick up the tray, Ianto was stopped when Jack’s hand covered his.
“Leave it,” he was told. “I’ll sort it. Get yourself home and rest.”
Ianto hesitated, then, as Jack picked up the tray, he nodded and turned away. He was by the door before Jack called after him.
“You’re alright, aren’t you?”
With a forced smile, Ianto nodded again, and waited the split-second it took for Jack to smile back and turn away before he left.
~*~
When he got home, unlocking his door, he had to bite his lip to stop himself from giving in to the creeping fear that had started to invade his soul the minute he’d walked out of the Hub. He fumbled with the door key until it turned and the door opened, then practically hurled himself into his flat and slammed a hand onto the light switch. Only momentarily comforted by the flood of light, he closed the door behind him and locked it every way he could. He only just stopped short of barricading himself in.
Turning to face the room again, he forced himself to walk away from the door, turning on every light he passed. He found himself edging around corners, wishing he had a gun with him, checking the windows to make sure they were all closed and locked tightly, closing the curtains, and making himself look in every possible hiding place to reassure himself that there was nothing there.
It didn’t work. He locked himself in his bedroom and sat on the bed, trying to ignore the pain, as he had been doing from the moment it started. And once he’d sat down he found himself staring at the open bathroom door, eyes wide. He hadn’t checked in there. Anything - anyone - could be in there. He felt, without really registering it, that he’d know if there were aliens invading his flat. But humans…
He was far more scared by humans than he was by aliens. If those people could do what they’d done, then where did that leave everyone else? They could attack out of nowhere. And even though he knew the group from the village were all safely locked away now, there were so many other people out there who might do the same.
As much as he wanted to go into the bathroom (to throw up? Or to clean the cuts and bruises? He wasn’t quite sure) he couldn’t. The light was off and the darkness sat there staring at him with the villagers’ eyes.
He got up, went slowly, shakily, to the bedroom door, and unlocked it again.
~*~
He was careful when he got to the hospital. He saw Owen’s car parked outside, and waited in the shadows nearby until Owen came out, helping Gwen. They were more comfortable together than just friends, and as Ianto watched, Owen helped Gwen into the passenger seat and kissed her before getting in and pulling away. Ianto waited until they were gone, not caring about the obvious meaning behind that kiss. If that was how they chose to deal with the events of the past twenty-four hours, let them. It would bring them no happiness in the end.
He went into the hospital, trying to walk without clutching his ribs, and told a pack of lies whenever anyone asked him for personal details.
~*~
He was back at home by five in the morning, and lay in bed with his eyes wide open until it was time to get up.
~*~
At ten to nine, Jack was concentrating hard on the report he was writing when the smell of fresh coffee hit him. He reached out without thinking, found the mug and was in the process of raising it to his lips, murmuring, “Thanks, Ianto,” when he paused and looked up, saying, “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Making coffee, sir,” Ianto said calmly, and Jack frowned at him. Ianto stared back impassively until Jack said, “I thought I told you to take the day off?”
“And do what?” Ianto asked, with a touch of bitterness, and adding belatedly, “Sir.”
Jack shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee and leaning back in his chair, saying, “I don’t know. Read a book, watch a film, go out somewhere. Meet up with old friends, go out and make some new ones. Go shopping, do the laundry. Do everything mundane and normal. Celebrate being human.”
The way Ianto flinched told him he’d gone wrong. He watched Ianto start to say something, then stop, then quietly say instead, “If you don’t mind, sir, I’ll just stick to my normal routine in here,” and turn away. And Jack sat there in silence, drinking the coffee Ianto had brought him and reflecting on the irony that Torchwood had come so close to being destroyed by humans instead of aliens.
At ten o’clock, Jack had finished the report and was in the armoury, choosing a weapon to take onto the firing range when he heard the door open, and, looking out, caught Tosh on her way in.
“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” he asked loudly, and she looked over at him, startled, then smiled.
“I just wanted to check on everything,” she said. “And I’ve been thinking of ways to improve the GPS trackers in the comms, maybe to include some basic health readouts in the information it relays so we’ll know if they get removed or anyone’s injured.”
Jack smiled at her, saying, “Good idea. Keep me posted on what you’re thinking of adding, and don’t make any changes without my say-so, but in principle I like it. Go ahead.”
Though he knew he’d be turning down half her ideas later (would it work if he kept his comm separate and avoided the health monitors? Couldn’t have readings recording his deaths and revivals, in any case) it was worth agreeing just to see her smile brilliantly at him and go skipping up the steps to get to work. He was sure, now, that she’d be alright.
She called out to ask, curiously, what he was up to as he started walking away, and he waved a gun without looking back, saying, “Practice,” and receiving a rather less cheerful, “Okay,” in return. It took him a moment to realise that he’d probably reminded her of the rescue, which, no doubt, she was trying to forget. And yet when he glanced back, just before he went around the corner, she seemed to be absorbed in her work, so he shrugged and carried on.
After half an hour pumping bullets into the targets, Jack was feeling much more relaxed. He was cleaning the guns afterwards when he looked up and found Gwen sitting outside the firing range, watching him through the glass. He smiled and called, “Feeling better?”
She nodded, and he told her calmly, “You should be at home resting.”
“I tried,” she said, “but Rhys is out at work, and I was bored. Tosh told me you were down here. She’s busy dismantling her comm, you know.”
Jack nodded, still smiling a little. “Yeah,” he said, “I know. I guess it gives her something to do.”
Gwen said nothing, so after a moment he collected together the guns, reassembling the one he’d been working on when he’d noticed her, and taking them with him as he headed back round to return to the main area of the Hub. He paused by Gwen, and offered her a hand, saying, “Come on.”
He helped her to her feet and back upstairs, sitting her down on the couch and returning Toshiko’s absent-minded greeting. Once he’d put the guns away, he got a pile of newspapers out (all from that week) and dumped them on the coffee table in front of Gwen.
“If you’re at a loss, you can check all these for any possible alien sightings or whatever. The computer system isn’t so great at picking up the vaguer references. No offence, Tosh.”
“None taken,” Tosh assured him without turning, and Gwen smiled, nodded, and grabbed the first paper.
After about another hour, Ianto came to collect Jack’s coffee mug, pausing when he saw Gwen and Tosh, and then asking them if they wanted anything to eat or drink. While they were placing their orders, the door went again, and they all turned as Owen entered, saying, loudly, “I’m just here ’cause I left my -” and then stopped, staring at them all.
Jack, leaning in the doorway of his office, said in the awkward silence, “Do none of you people know how to take a day off?” and then Ianto said, “I was just about to fetch lunch. What would you like?”
With a shrug, Owen wandered up the steps and flopped down into his seat, saying, “Whatever. Only had breakfast half an hour ago.”
“Well,” said Jack, “since you’re here, you may as well do some work. How about finishing off the last six reports on alien substances or lifeforms that you promised me a month ago?”
Owen rolled his eyes, but for once didn’t make a smart comeback, just started logging on to his computer to do as he was told. Jack grinned, and in the ensuing silence, Ianto left. Jack noticed he was on his way out when the door rolled back yet again, but didn’t bother to shout a goodbye, instead going to see what Toshiko had come up with for the comms.
~*~
Ianto stayed in the Hub as late as he could, but eventually he had to go home, swamped by irrational guilt at lurking there so long. If Jack caught him… Though he had a feeling that he could easily just curl up under his desk and sleep till morning without even risking discovery.
He made it home, crashed out on his bed without even removing his shoes, and lay there for an hour, trying desperately to overcome… everything and sleep. But his mind took him back to a cellar and a freezer, the smell of blood, the sight of human corpses hung up like meat, the feel of a baseball bat slamming into his flesh and a gag in his mouth and a blade at his throat and hysterical panic coursing through him, and he bolted for the bathroom and threw up into the toilet.
He spent the rest of the night shaking and crying on the bathroom floor, with the door locked and the light on, struggling to his feet when a glance at his watch told him it was getting on for six in the morning. He stood in the shower for an hour and a half, until he felt he’d washed some of the tiredness away, shaved with shaking hands, absurdly relieved that he had an electric razor, dressed smartly, and left for the Hub without eating breakfast.
~*~
Jack and Gwen were out investigating something or other in the morning (he hadn’t really been paying attention) and Tosh and Owen were busy with reports and research on their computers downstairs, so he locked up the tourist information entrance and curled up in a chair in the back room. He set an alarm on his phone, with the volume turned up on that and also on his computer, so that if he did happen to get a message after he’d managed to fall sleep, he’d wake up for it. The only flaw in his plan was that he couldn’t fall asleep.
He was roused from something approaching a doze (or perhaps he’d just been staring vacantly at nothing long enough to forget how to use his eyes) by a loud bleep from his computer. Checking it, he found an Instant Message from Gwen, saying “Just got back. Freezing out! Any chance of a coffee?” although admittedly with a little more chatspeak.
He made the coffee and delivered it, getting by without saying a word. Nobody noticed how he moved - a little more slowly and carefully than usual, favouring his bruised limbs and trying to make sure he didn’t slip or spill anything. And he retreated back upstairs as quickly as he could, more or less ignored by the others.
Somehow he managed to fall asleep this time, woken after an hour or so by another bleep from the computer. Sighing, he dragged himself over to see what they wanted, but it was Toshiko, and she was offering to fetch him some lunch. She seemed to want to talk about what had happened, but that was the last thing Ianto wanted to do. In the end they agreed she would fetch him a salad - and they’d not discuss the matter again. He was vaguely surprised to hear that she wasn’t sleeping well either, but he gathered that she meant she kept waking from nightmares, rather than being utterly unable to even get to sleep in the first place.
They had lunch in the boardroom again, and he sat there listening to Jack telling funny stories, and Owen and Gwen throwing in comments every now and again. Tosh brightened up when Jack called on her to tell them about the comm refinements, but Ianto didn’t need to say anything. He cleared up the rubbish when they all began to drift back to their work, made it back upstairs without having to deal with the others again, and slept undisturbed for the rest of the afternoon.
~*~
For the next few days he managed to get by on a few hours sleep in the Hub, in between sorting the archives, providing the others with food and drink, and coping with any unusual situations which might arise. At night he lay awake at home, or wandered around aimlessly, checking repeatedly that all the doors and windows were locked and the rooms were empty. He knew that he wasn’t doing his health any favours by acting like this, but he couldn’t help himself. Sleeping wasn’t safe at home.
But he started making mistakes at work. He’d just finished the filing one day when he realised that he’d dated everything wrong, and had to redo it all from the start. He nearly burst into tears. And stupid little things really upset him, like finding he’d run out of milk when he tried to make the coffee, or mixing up two sets of leaflets in the tourist information office.
Then it began to get worse. He dropped a mug in the kitchen, stood there and watched it shatter on the floor. When he finally stirred himself to clear it up, he cut his hand on one of the shards, spilt the plasters in the sink and nearly had a panic attack, fighting back huge sobs and watching his blood go swirling down the plughole as he ran cold water over his hand, cleaning and numbing at the same time.
The worst was on his way back upstairs the next day, having delivered coffee to the others. They were absorbed in research or games, so nobody saw when he walked past the couch and tripped over nothing. Except Jack, who was standing right in front of him and tried, but failed, to catch him.
“Falling for me at last?” he asked quietly, helping Ianto back to his feet. “You alright?”
“I’m fine,” Ianto muttered back, pulling his hand out of Jack’s and dusting himself down self-consciously. Glancing up, he found that Jack was watching him, looking sceptical. He forced a smile, saying, “Really, Jack, I’m fine,” and biting back the guilty “Honest,” that tried to slip out.
“Okay,” Jack said after a moment, and stepped out of his way. Ianto hurried back upstairs, cursing himself a thousand times over, horribly embarrassed.
~*~
Jack watched the others as they waved down at him from the lift, heading out to a bar to celebrate another day without an alien incursion or deadly artefact being discovered. Once they’d gone he went up to the tourist information office, wondering where Ianto had got to. The place was locked up, but he found Ianto’s car keys on the desk.
Frowning, he checked the back room, but it was empty. The kitchen, too, contained no Ianto, though there was an unpleasant crunch beneath his feet when he stepped in, and he found a few shards of a broken mug underneath the table. He looked in on a few other rooms, but found no trace of Ianto until he checked one room that he knew Ianto liked to use as an office.
The computer was on, background swirling idly and a file open, in the process of being edited. Ianto was sprawled out on the desk beside the keyboard, slumped forward in his chair with his head on his arms, fast asleep.
For a second or two, Jack paused in the doorway, watching him. The he tiptoed over, leant a little closer, paused, took a breath, and yelled, “Boo!”
Ianto’s reaction was electric. He was out of his chair in a split-second, on his feet and his fist connecting with Jack’s jaw before Jack could even take another breath. Jack found himself flat on his back on the floor, clutching his jaw, while Ianto was backed up against the desk by the far wall, trembling and staring at him.
“Ow,” Jack said pointedly, then muttered, “Please, don’t make a habit of that,” as he sat up.
Ianto said, “You… you…”
“Yes, me,” Jack said, wincing and touching his face gingerly, checking his fingers for blood.
“You son of a fucking bitch!” Ianto gasped, then clapped a hand over his mouth, looking horrified. Jack stared at him.
“You know,” he said after a couple of seconds, “you’re full of surprises today. Care to tell me what’s going on?”
Ianto, to Jack’s great surprise, burst into tears and crumpled into a little huddle by the desk. He covered his face with both hands, trying to control himself, but couldn’t seem to stop crying. Jack moved over and pulled him into his arms, saying, “Hey, hey, calm down. Come on, what’s wrong?”
It took a few more moments, but Ianto finally managed to get control of himself enough to whisper, “Can’t sleep.”
“You were managing when I found you,” Jack reminded him, trying to be light-hearted, and Ianto gasped a laugh.
“That’s here. Can’t sleep at home. It’s not… it’s not safe.”
That confused Jack a little. “It’s not safe at home, but it’s safe here?” he asked, and Ianto nodded against his chest.
Jack asked, “Why?”
There was a brief pause, then Ianto tried to pull away slightly. Jack let him go, watching him rub at his red eyes, avoiding Jack’s gaze as he muttered, “You saved us. We’d have died without you.”
Jack looked at him in silence as he took that in. He hadn’t expected that any of his team would wind up with paranoia like this, and, much as he was flattered by the fact that Ianto only felt safe if he was nearby, he knew that wasn’t a good thing. Something like this could destroy a person. And he gazed at Ianto searchingly, wondering how he could have missed the deep shadows beneath his eyes, the slightly sunken appearance of his face, the paleness of his skin, the tremble in his hands. He was bordering on a nervous wreck, and Jack felt terrible. He should have noticed. It had been weeks since Ianto had let loose and really shown how he’d felt - and Jack hadn’t learned. He hadn’t been paying that much more attention to Ianto than usual, still caught up in all the new adventures and missions of Torchwood instead of taking care of his team.
“Come with me,” he said gently, getting to his feet and taking hold of Ianto’s hands to help him up. Ianto seemed too exhausted to fight him, following wordlessly as Jack led him by the hand back to the main area of the Hub. They went into Jack’s office, and Jack opened up the hatch that led to his quarters.
“Climb down,” he told Ianto, disturbed by how automatically he obeyed. He followed, leaving the hatch open, and turned to Ianto, putting his hands on his shoulders for a moment.
“Get undressed and go to bed,” he said, and Ianto backed away from him, suddenly looking scared. Jack sighed, and pulled back his hands, saying, “I swear, I’m not going to do anything. I won’t even try. It’s not as though you’re in any state to enjoy it.”
“That’s not…” Ianto started, then stopped himself and turned away.
Jack left him alone for the time being, sitting on the bed to take off his shoes, putting them neatly by the chest of drawers off to one side of the bedroom. When he glanced back, Ianto was slowly draping his tie and jacket over the back of the only chair in the room. He kept his back to Jack, sitting to take his shoes and socks off, then standing again to remove and fold his shirt, laying it on the chair. Jack didn’t let himself make any comment on the bruises that covered Ianto’s back, biting his tongue to stay silent even when he saw that the bruising was worse, if anything, on his legs.
Ianto tuned, and met Jack’s gaze for a second, then looked away and asked, bitterly, “Enjoying yourself?”
“No,” Jack told him, turning back the covers on the bed. “Go to sleep.”
Ianto hesitated, but then edged over and gingerly got in, wincing as he curled up on his side. Jack went over to the ladder, climbing partway up to close the hatch, then came back down, turned off the light, and went to get into bed behind Ianto, tucking the covers around them both and gently putting his arm around Ianto’s waist.
He received no complaints, though he knew that Ianto wasn’t asleep yet. And he didn’t say anything, either, just lay there until Ianto fell asleep, holding him and wishing he’d noticed that Ianto needed his help sooner. What sort of a leader was he if he couldn’t even do that?
Ianto shifted in his sleep, and Jack was careful to avoid touching his bruises. He didn’t want to wake him up.
The hours passed slowly, and Jack slept for a few minutes here and there, needing only a little rest. He watched Ianto for the most part, soothing him when he started having nightmares, keeping that comforting arm around him and occasionally reassuring him with a few whispered words, just to let him know he was still safe.
He didn’t give in to the temptation to talk, however much he wanted to take this chance to explain himself; all his thoughts and feelings, actions, emotions, words and deeds, history and future and present and past all mixed up in a chaotic spiral. It would have helped him, undeniably, but he was too afraid that Ianto would hear and remember something, anything of what he said. So he lay in silence, listening to Ianto breathe until morning.
~*~
Ianto woke slowly, briefly disoriented until he remembered how Jack had found him the previous night. He raised his head and looked around, seeing a clock on the wall and rubbing sleep from his eyes. It was just past seven in the morning, and he sat up a little, leaning on one arm and wincing slightly.
“Go back to sleep,” Jack muttered.
“I have to get ready,” Ianto told him, without looking back at him, but Jack said, “No you don’t. I’ll call the others and give them the day off. You could use the rest.”
“No,” Ianto said flatly, then asked, “Can’t we just carry on as normal? I’m okay now. I feel better.”
Jack sat up beside him, arm still around his waist, saying, “You sure?”
Ianto nodded, and Jack, sighing, pulled back his arm to let him get up. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing his shoulders, and was about to stand up when he paused and looked back, saying, “Jack? Please. Don’t tell anyone I slept here?”
“I wasn’t going to say a word,” Jack told him, lying back down and stretching out comfortably in the bed. He closed his eyes, and Ianto watched him warily for a few seconds until he opened one eye again, and said, “No, really. I wouldn’t have told anyone. And I won’t. I promise.”
Ianto looked away and got up, and Jack said, “There’s a shower just through there if you want it. I can wait. I don’t normally get up this early.”
There was a pause, and Ianto glanced back at him as he collected his clothes, finding that Jack’s eyes were open again. Jack smiled.
“Promise I won’t peek.”
~*~
When Ianto was washed and dressed at last (he wondered if the others would notice that he was wearing the same clothes as the day before) he went up to the kitchen to try and find some food, leaving Jack singing in the shower.
Torchwood didn’t do much in the way of healthy breakfasts, so he went back downstairs to tell Jack he was going out, then went to the Tesco’s round the corner and came back with milk and cereal. He took two bowls and two cups of coffee downstairs on a tray, surprising Jack, who was towelling his hair dry as he sat on the couch in the main area.
“Breakfast?” Jack asked, grinning when Ianto nodded and presented him with his bowl. He put aside the towel, taking the bowl and saying, “I haven’t been served breakfast for years. This is… nice.”
Ianto sat beside him, smiling, and started eating. He was quite surprised by how much better he was feeling, but he supposed that a decent night’s sleep could do that for you. He felt so much better, in fact, that when Jack started telling him about various different breakfasts he’d had over the years, and the bizarre and funny circumstances surrounding them, he actually laughed once or twice.
~*~
There were a couple of incidents during the day, involving a rather hectic chase around the streets of Cardiff after an alien device that went bouncing along like a rubber ball, careering down roads and bouncing under buses as Jack, Gwen and Owen tried frantically to follow, directed by Tosh and Ianto from the Hub, and, later, a more serene collection of what Jack called a Personality Refractor, which was causing some havoc among a group of tourists on a boat trip, who were swapping personality traits quicker than Owen swapped phone numbers and email addresses.
Ianto coped adequately (and no-one seemed to notice that he was wearing yesterday’s shirt), but was still quite relieved when Jack sent the others home early.
In the quiet that followed their departure, Ianto sought Jack out in his office. He was sitting back in his chair, reading Tosh’s quick report on the alien bouncy ball, but glanced up when Ianto entered.
“I…” Ianto started, then paused and thought twice about it. He was a little surprised when Jack smiled at him, and asked, “You want to stay here again?”
Ianto hesitated, then nodded, avoiding Jack’s gaze and saying, “I just… I don’t think I can face sleeping at home yet.”
“Sure,” Jack said lightly. “Stay here as long as you need.”
Ianto gave him a grateful smile, and said, “I’ll fetch some clothes for tomorrow, then come back.”
Jack nodded easily, said, “I’ll see you in a bit, then,” and went back to reading Tosh’s report.
~*~
When he got back home, Ianto was aware that, although perhaps a little more nervous than usual, he was, on the whole, feeling quite relaxed. He took a few minutes to check up on everything, making sure the locks hadn’t been tried (just in case) and that there were no messages on the answer phone, calmed himself down by watering the plants - which had been sorely neglected for the past few days - and collected his clothes for the next day. That done, he took another look around, standing by the door, nodded to himself, and went back to the Hub.
~*~
Two days later, first thing in the morning, with an hour still to go before the others were due in, Jack was looking through the day’s schedule and occasionally glancing at the monitors around him to check and see if there was any alien incursion he could use as an excuse to cry off doing his paperwork.
A bowl of cereal appeared on his desk, and he looked up to find Ianto standing before him.
“You’re early,” he noted, with a smile, and then glanced at the bowl. “Now, this you can make a habit of.”
“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” Ianto told him solemnly. “You should make a habit of it.”
Jack grinned, then put his schedule to one side and picked up the spoon Ianto had provided. Glancing back up, he said, “You look… rested.”
“I slept well,” Ianto shrugged, and smiled a little at him before he turned and left again. Jack watched him go, feeling a brief pang of regret that he’d kept his promises two nights running - and that Ianto had slept at home the previous night - but then squashed regret under relief that Ianto was alright, and tucked in to his breakfast.
He resolved to keep a closer eye on his team in future. He counted them as his friends these days, so he owed them a little more attention. Next time, he’d catch anything like this before it went too far.
~*~
Next time came too soon. And Jack, for all he noticed how strangely Toshiko was acting, was ultimately helpless to stop events from unfolding.
Trapped in a situation that should never have happened, knowing he could save Toshiko’s life but terrified he was too late for her soul, gripped by selfish fears of how much she’d discovered about him, Jack regretted, yet again, his failure to be there for his team when they needed him.
But what more could he do?
Rating: R
Warnings: A little angst, a little swearing
Word Count: 5581
Summary: Jack really has to learn to pay more attention to his friends.
Prompt: 021. Friends.
Notes: Set between Countrycide and Greeks Bearing Gifts (6 and 7). Because I couldn't resist the lure...
Jack's Regrets
They staggered back into the Hub together, and Ianto made his way upstairs to fetch them all a cup of coffee. Owen helped Gwen to sit down, and took the chair next to her, while Tosh sat opposite them, still a little shaky, and Jack leant against the wall, watching them all.
Tosh buried her head in her hands for a few moments, while Gwen closed her eyes, clearly still in pain and only allowing herself to relax now they were safely back in the Hub.
“Alright,” Jack said quietly, after a few seconds’ pause. “I’ll file a report and take care of all the paperwork.”
Owen gave him an incredulous look, as if he couldn’t believe that Jack was thinking about the paperwork after all that had happened. Jack just carried on talking.
“Everybody take the day off tomorrow, okay? None of you have had a proper break for weeks, so now’s your chance. If anything turns up, I’ll deal with it. I want you all rested and ready for work again the day after.”
Ianto entered the room, carrying five cups of coffee on a tray. In silence, as Jack broke off, he handed out the cups to everyone, barely reacting to Gwen’s heartfelt thanks, Toshiko’s almost wordless murmur of gratitude, Jack’s brief, tired smile, Owen’s nod of acknowledgment. He took a seat, two chairs down the table from Tosh, and wrapped his hands around his coffee mug, hunched over and isolated and not even looking up when Jack, sipping his coffee, told him, “You’ve got the day off tomorrow, Ianto.”
Jack looked around at the others as they relaxed and took comfort from the warm, familiar taste of their drinks.
“Tosh, you know everything can be put on hold for a little while. I don’t want you to even be thinking of new programs or ways to improve the CCTV tracker or whatever. Relax, go out, enjoy yourself. Owen, everything’s been turned over to the police. They’re not expecting any help and they don’t need it, so you don’t have to do a report. They can manage without your expertise. I’m sure you can think of plenty of other things to do with your time. Gwen, as soon as you leave here you go to the A and E and get that gunshot wound checked out. I can take you there if you want.”
Owen said, “I’ll get her there. I can tell them exactly what’s happened and make sure they don’t screw things up worse.”
That earned him a weak smile from Toshiko and a look of gratitude from Gwen. Jack just nodded, said, “Okay,” and then gave them all a smile and continued, “Drink your coffee and get home, then. I’ll see you all on Wednesday.”
Silence fell again as everyone drank, in no particular hurry to leave. Ianto turned his mug round two or three times, until Owen got up and helped Gwen to her feet, supporting her as they left without another word. Tosh took a few moments more, her hands no longer shaking, and managed a smile at Jack as she got up.
“Thank you,” she said, and he hugged her, smiling back.
Ianto stood up and collected the mugs together on the tray. He was surprised when Tosh turned to him and repeated her thanks, hugging him as well. And then she was on her way out, collecting her bag and holding her head high as she went.
Reaching out to pick up the tray, Ianto was stopped when Jack’s hand covered his.
“Leave it,” he was told. “I’ll sort it. Get yourself home and rest.”
Ianto hesitated, then, as Jack picked up the tray, he nodded and turned away. He was by the door before Jack called after him.
“You’re alright, aren’t you?”
With a forced smile, Ianto nodded again, and waited the split-second it took for Jack to smile back and turn away before he left.
~*~
When he got home, unlocking his door, he had to bite his lip to stop himself from giving in to the creeping fear that had started to invade his soul the minute he’d walked out of the Hub. He fumbled with the door key until it turned and the door opened, then practically hurled himself into his flat and slammed a hand onto the light switch. Only momentarily comforted by the flood of light, he closed the door behind him and locked it every way he could. He only just stopped short of barricading himself in.
Turning to face the room again, he forced himself to walk away from the door, turning on every light he passed. He found himself edging around corners, wishing he had a gun with him, checking the windows to make sure they were all closed and locked tightly, closing the curtains, and making himself look in every possible hiding place to reassure himself that there was nothing there.
It didn’t work. He locked himself in his bedroom and sat on the bed, trying to ignore the pain, as he had been doing from the moment it started. And once he’d sat down he found himself staring at the open bathroom door, eyes wide. He hadn’t checked in there. Anything - anyone - could be in there. He felt, without really registering it, that he’d know if there were aliens invading his flat. But humans…
He was far more scared by humans than he was by aliens. If those people could do what they’d done, then where did that leave everyone else? They could attack out of nowhere. And even though he knew the group from the village were all safely locked away now, there were so many other people out there who might do the same.
As much as he wanted to go into the bathroom (to throw up? Or to clean the cuts and bruises? He wasn’t quite sure) he couldn’t. The light was off and the darkness sat there staring at him with the villagers’ eyes.
He got up, went slowly, shakily, to the bedroom door, and unlocked it again.
~*~
He was careful when he got to the hospital. He saw Owen’s car parked outside, and waited in the shadows nearby until Owen came out, helping Gwen. They were more comfortable together than just friends, and as Ianto watched, Owen helped Gwen into the passenger seat and kissed her before getting in and pulling away. Ianto waited until they were gone, not caring about the obvious meaning behind that kiss. If that was how they chose to deal with the events of the past twenty-four hours, let them. It would bring them no happiness in the end.
He went into the hospital, trying to walk without clutching his ribs, and told a pack of lies whenever anyone asked him for personal details.
~*~
He was back at home by five in the morning, and lay in bed with his eyes wide open until it was time to get up.
~*~
At ten to nine, Jack was concentrating hard on the report he was writing when the smell of fresh coffee hit him. He reached out without thinking, found the mug and was in the process of raising it to his lips, murmuring, “Thanks, Ianto,” when he paused and looked up, saying, “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Making coffee, sir,” Ianto said calmly, and Jack frowned at him. Ianto stared back impassively until Jack said, “I thought I told you to take the day off?”
“And do what?” Ianto asked, with a touch of bitterness, and adding belatedly, “Sir.”
Jack shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee and leaning back in his chair, saying, “I don’t know. Read a book, watch a film, go out somewhere. Meet up with old friends, go out and make some new ones. Go shopping, do the laundry. Do everything mundane and normal. Celebrate being human.”
The way Ianto flinched told him he’d gone wrong. He watched Ianto start to say something, then stop, then quietly say instead, “If you don’t mind, sir, I’ll just stick to my normal routine in here,” and turn away. And Jack sat there in silence, drinking the coffee Ianto had brought him and reflecting on the irony that Torchwood had come so close to being destroyed by humans instead of aliens.
At ten o’clock, Jack had finished the report and was in the armoury, choosing a weapon to take onto the firing range when he heard the door open, and, looking out, caught Tosh on her way in.
“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” he asked loudly, and she looked over at him, startled, then smiled.
“I just wanted to check on everything,” she said. “And I’ve been thinking of ways to improve the GPS trackers in the comms, maybe to include some basic health readouts in the information it relays so we’ll know if they get removed or anyone’s injured.”
Jack smiled at her, saying, “Good idea. Keep me posted on what you’re thinking of adding, and don’t make any changes without my say-so, but in principle I like it. Go ahead.”
Though he knew he’d be turning down half her ideas later (would it work if he kept his comm separate and avoided the health monitors? Couldn’t have readings recording his deaths and revivals, in any case) it was worth agreeing just to see her smile brilliantly at him and go skipping up the steps to get to work. He was sure, now, that she’d be alright.
She called out to ask, curiously, what he was up to as he started walking away, and he waved a gun without looking back, saying, “Practice,” and receiving a rather less cheerful, “Okay,” in return. It took him a moment to realise that he’d probably reminded her of the rescue, which, no doubt, she was trying to forget. And yet when he glanced back, just before he went around the corner, she seemed to be absorbed in her work, so he shrugged and carried on.
After half an hour pumping bullets into the targets, Jack was feeling much more relaxed. He was cleaning the guns afterwards when he looked up and found Gwen sitting outside the firing range, watching him through the glass. He smiled and called, “Feeling better?”
She nodded, and he told her calmly, “You should be at home resting.”
“I tried,” she said, “but Rhys is out at work, and I was bored. Tosh told me you were down here. She’s busy dismantling her comm, you know.”
Jack nodded, still smiling a little. “Yeah,” he said, “I know. I guess it gives her something to do.”
Gwen said nothing, so after a moment he collected together the guns, reassembling the one he’d been working on when he’d noticed her, and taking them with him as he headed back round to return to the main area of the Hub. He paused by Gwen, and offered her a hand, saying, “Come on.”
He helped her to her feet and back upstairs, sitting her down on the couch and returning Toshiko’s absent-minded greeting. Once he’d put the guns away, he got a pile of newspapers out (all from that week) and dumped them on the coffee table in front of Gwen.
“If you’re at a loss, you can check all these for any possible alien sightings or whatever. The computer system isn’t so great at picking up the vaguer references. No offence, Tosh.”
“None taken,” Tosh assured him without turning, and Gwen smiled, nodded, and grabbed the first paper.
After about another hour, Ianto came to collect Jack’s coffee mug, pausing when he saw Gwen and Tosh, and then asking them if they wanted anything to eat or drink. While they were placing their orders, the door went again, and they all turned as Owen entered, saying, loudly, “I’m just here ’cause I left my -” and then stopped, staring at them all.
Jack, leaning in the doorway of his office, said in the awkward silence, “Do none of you people know how to take a day off?” and then Ianto said, “I was just about to fetch lunch. What would you like?”
With a shrug, Owen wandered up the steps and flopped down into his seat, saying, “Whatever. Only had breakfast half an hour ago.”
“Well,” said Jack, “since you’re here, you may as well do some work. How about finishing off the last six reports on alien substances or lifeforms that you promised me a month ago?”
Owen rolled his eyes, but for once didn’t make a smart comeback, just started logging on to his computer to do as he was told. Jack grinned, and in the ensuing silence, Ianto left. Jack noticed he was on his way out when the door rolled back yet again, but didn’t bother to shout a goodbye, instead going to see what Toshiko had come up with for the comms.
~*~
Ianto stayed in the Hub as late as he could, but eventually he had to go home, swamped by irrational guilt at lurking there so long. If Jack caught him… Though he had a feeling that he could easily just curl up under his desk and sleep till morning without even risking discovery.
He made it home, crashed out on his bed without even removing his shoes, and lay there for an hour, trying desperately to overcome… everything and sleep. But his mind took him back to a cellar and a freezer, the smell of blood, the sight of human corpses hung up like meat, the feel of a baseball bat slamming into his flesh and a gag in his mouth and a blade at his throat and hysterical panic coursing through him, and he bolted for the bathroom and threw up into the toilet.
He spent the rest of the night shaking and crying on the bathroom floor, with the door locked and the light on, struggling to his feet when a glance at his watch told him it was getting on for six in the morning. He stood in the shower for an hour and a half, until he felt he’d washed some of the tiredness away, shaved with shaking hands, absurdly relieved that he had an electric razor, dressed smartly, and left for the Hub without eating breakfast.
~*~
Jack and Gwen were out investigating something or other in the morning (he hadn’t really been paying attention) and Tosh and Owen were busy with reports and research on their computers downstairs, so he locked up the tourist information entrance and curled up in a chair in the back room. He set an alarm on his phone, with the volume turned up on that and also on his computer, so that if he did happen to get a message after he’d managed to fall sleep, he’d wake up for it. The only flaw in his plan was that he couldn’t fall asleep.
He was roused from something approaching a doze (or perhaps he’d just been staring vacantly at nothing long enough to forget how to use his eyes) by a loud bleep from his computer. Checking it, he found an Instant Message from Gwen, saying “Just got back. Freezing out! Any chance of a coffee?” although admittedly with a little more chatspeak.
He made the coffee and delivered it, getting by without saying a word. Nobody noticed how he moved - a little more slowly and carefully than usual, favouring his bruised limbs and trying to make sure he didn’t slip or spill anything. And he retreated back upstairs as quickly as he could, more or less ignored by the others.
Somehow he managed to fall asleep this time, woken after an hour or so by another bleep from the computer. Sighing, he dragged himself over to see what they wanted, but it was Toshiko, and she was offering to fetch him some lunch. She seemed to want to talk about what had happened, but that was the last thing Ianto wanted to do. In the end they agreed she would fetch him a salad - and they’d not discuss the matter again. He was vaguely surprised to hear that she wasn’t sleeping well either, but he gathered that she meant she kept waking from nightmares, rather than being utterly unable to even get to sleep in the first place.
They had lunch in the boardroom again, and he sat there listening to Jack telling funny stories, and Owen and Gwen throwing in comments every now and again. Tosh brightened up when Jack called on her to tell them about the comm refinements, but Ianto didn’t need to say anything. He cleared up the rubbish when they all began to drift back to their work, made it back upstairs without having to deal with the others again, and slept undisturbed for the rest of the afternoon.
~*~
For the next few days he managed to get by on a few hours sleep in the Hub, in between sorting the archives, providing the others with food and drink, and coping with any unusual situations which might arise. At night he lay awake at home, or wandered around aimlessly, checking repeatedly that all the doors and windows were locked and the rooms were empty. He knew that he wasn’t doing his health any favours by acting like this, but he couldn’t help himself. Sleeping wasn’t safe at home.
But he started making mistakes at work. He’d just finished the filing one day when he realised that he’d dated everything wrong, and had to redo it all from the start. He nearly burst into tears. And stupid little things really upset him, like finding he’d run out of milk when he tried to make the coffee, or mixing up two sets of leaflets in the tourist information office.
Then it began to get worse. He dropped a mug in the kitchen, stood there and watched it shatter on the floor. When he finally stirred himself to clear it up, he cut his hand on one of the shards, spilt the plasters in the sink and nearly had a panic attack, fighting back huge sobs and watching his blood go swirling down the plughole as he ran cold water over his hand, cleaning and numbing at the same time.
The worst was on his way back upstairs the next day, having delivered coffee to the others. They were absorbed in research or games, so nobody saw when he walked past the couch and tripped over nothing. Except Jack, who was standing right in front of him and tried, but failed, to catch him.
“Falling for me at last?” he asked quietly, helping Ianto back to his feet. “You alright?”
“I’m fine,” Ianto muttered back, pulling his hand out of Jack’s and dusting himself down self-consciously. Glancing up, he found that Jack was watching him, looking sceptical. He forced a smile, saying, “Really, Jack, I’m fine,” and biting back the guilty “Honest,” that tried to slip out.
“Okay,” Jack said after a moment, and stepped out of his way. Ianto hurried back upstairs, cursing himself a thousand times over, horribly embarrassed.
~*~
Jack watched the others as they waved down at him from the lift, heading out to a bar to celebrate another day without an alien incursion or deadly artefact being discovered. Once they’d gone he went up to the tourist information office, wondering where Ianto had got to. The place was locked up, but he found Ianto’s car keys on the desk.
Frowning, he checked the back room, but it was empty. The kitchen, too, contained no Ianto, though there was an unpleasant crunch beneath his feet when he stepped in, and he found a few shards of a broken mug underneath the table. He looked in on a few other rooms, but found no trace of Ianto until he checked one room that he knew Ianto liked to use as an office.
The computer was on, background swirling idly and a file open, in the process of being edited. Ianto was sprawled out on the desk beside the keyboard, slumped forward in his chair with his head on his arms, fast asleep.
For a second or two, Jack paused in the doorway, watching him. The he tiptoed over, leant a little closer, paused, took a breath, and yelled, “Boo!”
Ianto’s reaction was electric. He was out of his chair in a split-second, on his feet and his fist connecting with Jack’s jaw before Jack could even take another breath. Jack found himself flat on his back on the floor, clutching his jaw, while Ianto was backed up against the desk by the far wall, trembling and staring at him.
“Ow,” Jack said pointedly, then muttered, “Please, don’t make a habit of that,” as he sat up.
Ianto said, “You… you…”
“Yes, me,” Jack said, wincing and touching his face gingerly, checking his fingers for blood.
“You son of a fucking bitch!” Ianto gasped, then clapped a hand over his mouth, looking horrified. Jack stared at him.
“You know,” he said after a couple of seconds, “you’re full of surprises today. Care to tell me what’s going on?”
Ianto, to Jack’s great surprise, burst into tears and crumpled into a little huddle by the desk. He covered his face with both hands, trying to control himself, but couldn’t seem to stop crying. Jack moved over and pulled him into his arms, saying, “Hey, hey, calm down. Come on, what’s wrong?”
It took a few more moments, but Ianto finally managed to get control of himself enough to whisper, “Can’t sleep.”
“You were managing when I found you,” Jack reminded him, trying to be light-hearted, and Ianto gasped a laugh.
“That’s here. Can’t sleep at home. It’s not… it’s not safe.”
That confused Jack a little. “It’s not safe at home, but it’s safe here?” he asked, and Ianto nodded against his chest.
Jack asked, “Why?”
There was a brief pause, then Ianto tried to pull away slightly. Jack let him go, watching him rub at his red eyes, avoiding Jack’s gaze as he muttered, “You saved us. We’d have died without you.”
Jack looked at him in silence as he took that in. He hadn’t expected that any of his team would wind up with paranoia like this, and, much as he was flattered by the fact that Ianto only felt safe if he was nearby, he knew that wasn’t a good thing. Something like this could destroy a person. And he gazed at Ianto searchingly, wondering how he could have missed the deep shadows beneath his eyes, the slightly sunken appearance of his face, the paleness of his skin, the tremble in his hands. He was bordering on a nervous wreck, and Jack felt terrible. He should have noticed. It had been weeks since Ianto had let loose and really shown how he’d felt - and Jack hadn’t learned. He hadn’t been paying that much more attention to Ianto than usual, still caught up in all the new adventures and missions of Torchwood instead of taking care of his team.
“Come with me,” he said gently, getting to his feet and taking hold of Ianto’s hands to help him up. Ianto seemed too exhausted to fight him, following wordlessly as Jack led him by the hand back to the main area of the Hub. They went into Jack’s office, and Jack opened up the hatch that led to his quarters.
“Climb down,” he told Ianto, disturbed by how automatically he obeyed. He followed, leaving the hatch open, and turned to Ianto, putting his hands on his shoulders for a moment.
“Get undressed and go to bed,” he said, and Ianto backed away from him, suddenly looking scared. Jack sighed, and pulled back his hands, saying, “I swear, I’m not going to do anything. I won’t even try. It’s not as though you’re in any state to enjoy it.”
“That’s not…” Ianto started, then stopped himself and turned away.
Jack left him alone for the time being, sitting on the bed to take off his shoes, putting them neatly by the chest of drawers off to one side of the bedroom. When he glanced back, Ianto was slowly draping his tie and jacket over the back of the only chair in the room. He kept his back to Jack, sitting to take his shoes and socks off, then standing again to remove and fold his shirt, laying it on the chair. Jack didn’t let himself make any comment on the bruises that covered Ianto’s back, biting his tongue to stay silent even when he saw that the bruising was worse, if anything, on his legs.
Ianto tuned, and met Jack’s gaze for a second, then looked away and asked, bitterly, “Enjoying yourself?”
“No,” Jack told him, turning back the covers on the bed. “Go to sleep.”
Ianto hesitated, but then edged over and gingerly got in, wincing as he curled up on his side. Jack went over to the ladder, climbing partway up to close the hatch, then came back down, turned off the light, and went to get into bed behind Ianto, tucking the covers around them both and gently putting his arm around Ianto’s waist.
He received no complaints, though he knew that Ianto wasn’t asleep yet. And he didn’t say anything, either, just lay there until Ianto fell asleep, holding him and wishing he’d noticed that Ianto needed his help sooner. What sort of a leader was he if he couldn’t even do that?
Ianto shifted in his sleep, and Jack was careful to avoid touching his bruises. He didn’t want to wake him up.
The hours passed slowly, and Jack slept for a few minutes here and there, needing only a little rest. He watched Ianto for the most part, soothing him when he started having nightmares, keeping that comforting arm around him and occasionally reassuring him with a few whispered words, just to let him know he was still safe.
He didn’t give in to the temptation to talk, however much he wanted to take this chance to explain himself; all his thoughts and feelings, actions, emotions, words and deeds, history and future and present and past all mixed up in a chaotic spiral. It would have helped him, undeniably, but he was too afraid that Ianto would hear and remember something, anything of what he said. So he lay in silence, listening to Ianto breathe until morning.
~*~
Ianto woke slowly, briefly disoriented until he remembered how Jack had found him the previous night. He raised his head and looked around, seeing a clock on the wall and rubbing sleep from his eyes. It was just past seven in the morning, and he sat up a little, leaning on one arm and wincing slightly.
“Go back to sleep,” Jack muttered.
“I have to get ready,” Ianto told him, without looking back at him, but Jack said, “No you don’t. I’ll call the others and give them the day off. You could use the rest.”
“No,” Ianto said flatly, then asked, “Can’t we just carry on as normal? I’m okay now. I feel better.”
Jack sat up beside him, arm still around his waist, saying, “You sure?”
Ianto nodded, and Jack, sighing, pulled back his arm to let him get up. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing his shoulders, and was about to stand up when he paused and looked back, saying, “Jack? Please. Don’t tell anyone I slept here?”
“I wasn’t going to say a word,” Jack told him, lying back down and stretching out comfortably in the bed. He closed his eyes, and Ianto watched him warily for a few seconds until he opened one eye again, and said, “No, really. I wouldn’t have told anyone. And I won’t. I promise.”
Ianto looked away and got up, and Jack said, “There’s a shower just through there if you want it. I can wait. I don’t normally get up this early.”
There was a pause, and Ianto glanced back at him as he collected his clothes, finding that Jack’s eyes were open again. Jack smiled.
“Promise I won’t peek.”
~*~
When Ianto was washed and dressed at last (he wondered if the others would notice that he was wearing the same clothes as the day before) he went up to the kitchen to try and find some food, leaving Jack singing in the shower.
Torchwood didn’t do much in the way of healthy breakfasts, so he went back downstairs to tell Jack he was going out, then went to the Tesco’s round the corner and came back with milk and cereal. He took two bowls and two cups of coffee downstairs on a tray, surprising Jack, who was towelling his hair dry as he sat on the couch in the main area.
“Breakfast?” Jack asked, grinning when Ianto nodded and presented him with his bowl. He put aside the towel, taking the bowl and saying, “I haven’t been served breakfast for years. This is… nice.”
Ianto sat beside him, smiling, and started eating. He was quite surprised by how much better he was feeling, but he supposed that a decent night’s sleep could do that for you. He felt so much better, in fact, that when Jack started telling him about various different breakfasts he’d had over the years, and the bizarre and funny circumstances surrounding them, he actually laughed once or twice.
~*~
There were a couple of incidents during the day, involving a rather hectic chase around the streets of Cardiff after an alien device that went bouncing along like a rubber ball, careering down roads and bouncing under buses as Jack, Gwen and Owen tried frantically to follow, directed by Tosh and Ianto from the Hub, and, later, a more serene collection of what Jack called a Personality Refractor, which was causing some havoc among a group of tourists on a boat trip, who were swapping personality traits quicker than Owen swapped phone numbers and email addresses.
Ianto coped adequately (and no-one seemed to notice that he was wearing yesterday’s shirt), but was still quite relieved when Jack sent the others home early.
In the quiet that followed their departure, Ianto sought Jack out in his office. He was sitting back in his chair, reading Tosh’s quick report on the alien bouncy ball, but glanced up when Ianto entered.
“I…” Ianto started, then paused and thought twice about it. He was a little surprised when Jack smiled at him, and asked, “You want to stay here again?”
Ianto hesitated, then nodded, avoiding Jack’s gaze and saying, “I just… I don’t think I can face sleeping at home yet.”
“Sure,” Jack said lightly. “Stay here as long as you need.”
Ianto gave him a grateful smile, and said, “I’ll fetch some clothes for tomorrow, then come back.”
Jack nodded easily, said, “I’ll see you in a bit, then,” and went back to reading Tosh’s report.
~*~
When he got back home, Ianto was aware that, although perhaps a little more nervous than usual, he was, on the whole, feeling quite relaxed. He took a few minutes to check up on everything, making sure the locks hadn’t been tried (just in case) and that there were no messages on the answer phone, calmed himself down by watering the plants - which had been sorely neglected for the past few days - and collected his clothes for the next day. That done, he took another look around, standing by the door, nodded to himself, and went back to the Hub.
~*~
Two days later, first thing in the morning, with an hour still to go before the others were due in, Jack was looking through the day’s schedule and occasionally glancing at the monitors around him to check and see if there was any alien incursion he could use as an excuse to cry off doing his paperwork.
A bowl of cereal appeared on his desk, and he looked up to find Ianto standing before him.
“You’re early,” he noted, with a smile, and then glanced at the bowl. “Now, this you can make a habit of.”
“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” Ianto told him solemnly. “You should make a habit of it.”
Jack grinned, then put his schedule to one side and picked up the spoon Ianto had provided. Glancing back up, he said, “You look… rested.”
“I slept well,” Ianto shrugged, and smiled a little at him before he turned and left again. Jack watched him go, feeling a brief pang of regret that he’d kept his promises two nights running - and that Ianto had slept at home the previous night - but then squashed regret under relief that Ianto was alright, and tucked in to his breakfast.
He resolved to keep a closer eye on his team in future. He counted them as his friends these days, so he owed them a little more attention. Next time, he’d catch anything like this before it went too far.
~*~
Next time came too soon. And Jack, for all he noticed how strangely Toshiko was acting, was ultimately helpless to stop events from unfolding.
Trapped in a situation that should never have happened, knowing he could save Toshiko’s life but terrified he was too late for her soul, gripped by selfish fears of how much she’d discovered about him, Jack regretted, yet again, his failure to be there for his team when they needed him.
But what more could he do?