I'm sorry, I should clarify.
I've been fighting a mental breakdown since summer. It has only gotten worse. Everyday is filled with guilt, every day is panic, and most attempts to hold on to something leave me empty handed. I can't even keep my feet on the ground. Times change, people change, I know. I think the doctors and shrinks I've gone recently to only stirred things up, and now everything is a chore. After chasing after a better life, a better me, a better way to do things, I've wound up with multiple panic attacks daily. I've lost much of my identity, I've lost many of my friends, and I feel older and more caged-in by the day.
However, I will not give in.
Suicidal thoughts do plague me. I'm not going to lie, every single day. It's not easy to get out of bed when you've run out of love.
However, the fact that I've made it this far is an accomplishment. I've known darkness before, I've known isolation and fear and panic before. And I made it through. I'm not going to give in.
I'm not going to die. I'm refuse to kill myself even when faced when the world is against me and chaos is king.
And with any luck, once again I will get back to feeling alive.
However, I will not give in.
Suicidal thoughts do plague me. I'm not going to lie, every single day. It's not easy to get out of bed when you've run out of love.
However, the fact that I've made it this far is an accomplishment. I've known darkness before, I've known isolation and fear and panic before. And I made it through. I'm not going to give in.
I'm not going to die. I'm refuse to kill myself even when faced when the world is against me and chaos is king.
And with any luck, once again I will get back to feeling alive.