DUST CLOUDS &WHIRRING
Yesterday I realised how much the comment "We exist to reproduce" enrages me. Perhaps because of fear, perhaps because to come from another human being, it seems to completely insult our existence. One cannot be so reductionist with something so complex; and if it is thus then it undermines our lives, undermines our lifestyles, our morals, our framework, our societal laws, our thinking. In my opinon, if you are going to say that we exist to reproduce, you are an animal with brains unable to fill an eggcup(this is actually a hidden Harry Potter quote I kid you not). Because if that's going to be a legitimate argument of yours then you can follow that which you believe in. Go fuck someone and die then. I definitely do not live to do that, and to run as far as I can from that ignorant comment, I don't intend to marry, I don't intend to have kids. That is who I am, and I am a strong believer in the self, and the goals of the self. Mine extend far beyond the simple establishment of a family. I hate how some people can be so stupid and contrived in the way that they feel the need to say something even if it is not worthwhile to hear. I could rant alot more because things just seem to have subtle correlations, I ranted for about an hour non-stop last night.
On a separate note, a Facebook message from Neal has made me quite happy :) I look forward to possible seeing him again in Germany next summer if it suits. The world feels so small all of a sudden, to have the freedom to travel, to have the means to. Another thing that made me incredibly happy today is that Melanie told me last night that she had a "surprise". I feared the worst pessimisticall but as it turns out she had brought a pack of Tim Tams to school for us to share!! So thoughtful, it really made my day. We chewed looking at each other wide-eyed, savouring the mouthgasm hahaha. Next week I'll bring a pack for us.
I came home to Kevin standing outside wearing a mask(the ones you strap behind your ears?). Still doused in sleep from the school bus nap, I was completely disoriented and utterly confused. Oh yeah, the construction workers are here today... to rennovate our kitchen. The dust has risen up through the entire house, crept up every step of the staircase, so that my room has become a sanctuary and I've taken to wearing a scarf around my face. It is gonna be this way for the next two weeks apparently, we are having to eat out every night. The dust inhalation can't be healthy
I think Octavian has been stressed because he bit my finger... I shoved his cage closer to the balcony door so he can get some fresh air. I don't think he'll be able to come out again any time soon - yesterday I lay out towels because he kept slipping on the floor, and he bounded around outside his cafe for 4hours, hopefully this all ends soon. There is an incessant whirring in the background, as though someone is making a 500litre milkshake in a giant milkshake maker and it is taking a long long time. I am quite sad though, even if it is silly, to have monumental changes occur in my life, whether structurally, physically or mentally.... It is because I know that whatever happens is irreparable, and the past can never be reclaimed. There is a certain sentiment of loss somewhere in there, and even though it is loss in the replacement of something better... the feeling of loss never seems to be a good one. My mind plays tricks on me.
I have been quite happily filling out my university stuff on commonapp.org :) Still treading through it like a trooper! And I've never started something so early! I always think to myself that it is much nicer to start something early and have it develop through gradual progression in a series of stages rather than just one... however I don't do it often and fail to abide by these promises to myself. I'm sorry to say I can't say that I've done the same for my second world literature paper or TOK essay as I have done for the college application process.... What can I say? The weekend is upon us! And Fridays are reputably relaxed for me. I have a weekend agenda consisting of: tanning, playing with Octavian and getting my hands on that Double Bay fish sandwich.
On a separate note, a Facebook message from Neal has made me quite happy :) I look forward to possible seeing him again in Germany next summer if it suits. The world feels so small all of a sudden, to have the freedom to travel, to have the means to. Another thing that made me incredibly happy today is that Melanie told me last night that she had a "surprise". I feared the worst pessimisticall but as it turns out she had brought a pack of Tim Tams to school for us to share!! So thoughtful, it really made my day. We chewed looking at each other wide-eyed, savouring the mouthgasm hahaha. Next week I'll bring a pack for us.
I came home to Kevin standing outside wearing a mask(the ones you strap behind your ears?). Still doused in sleep from the school bus nap, I was completely disoriented and utterly confused. Oh yeah, the construction workers are here today... to rennovate our kitchen. The dust has risen up through the entire house, crept up every step of the staircase, so that my room has become a sanctuary and I've taken to wearing a scarf around my face. It is gonna be this way for the next two weeks apparently, we are having to eat out every night. The dust inhalation can't be healthy
I think Octavian has been stressed because he bit my finger... I shoved his cage closer to the balcony door so he can get some fresh air. I don't think he'll be able to come out again any time soon - yesterday I lay out towels because he kept slipping on the floor, and he bounded around outside his cafe for 4hours, hopefully this all ends soon. There is an incessant whirring in the background, as though someone is making a 500litre milkshake in a giant milkshake maker and it is taking a long long time. I am quite sad though, even if it is silly, to have monumental changes occur in my life, whether structurally, physically or mentally.... It is because I know that whatever happens is irreparable, and the past can never be reclaimed. There is a certain sentiment of loss somewhere in there, and even though it is loss in the replacement of something better... the feeling of loss never seems to be a good one. My mind plays tricks on me.
I have been quite happily filling out my university stuff on commonapp.org :) Still treading through it like a trooper! And I've never started something so early! I always think to myself that it is much nicer to start something early and have it develop through gradual progression in a series of stages rather than just one... however I don't do it often and fail to abide by these promises to myself. I'm sorry to say I can't say that I've done the same for my second world literature paper or TOK essay as I have done for the college application process.... What can I say? The weekend is upon us! And Fridays are reputably relaxed for me. I have a weekend agenda consisting of: tanning, playing with Octavian and getting my hands on that Double Bay fish sandwich.