Connected / Past Tense (Chap. 6)
Connected - Chapter 6
Chaptertitle: Past Tense
Pairing: Sakurai Sho & Aiba Masaki
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I don't own Sakuraiba. Just the plot.
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Past Tense
Chapter 6
Screams, cries. That’s all Sho could hear, lying in his dark room, unable to move because of the injuries that marked his entire body. He heard a man yell before he hit something. I must have been his wife, because only seconds later Sho heard a woman scream. He wanted to help her, but every bone in his body hurt; the only thing he could do was hoping that he wouldn’t finally kill her.
For almost his entire life he had to live with these people. His biological parents left him in an orphanage when he was still a baby - only a few months later his foster-parents gave him a home, a place where a child should grow up in happiness and security. But since he can remember his foster-father was beating, abusing and screaming at both him and his foster-mother every time he was drunk. And that happened every day. Every day he was afraid of coming home from school, meeting the drunken man and talking to him. It didn’t matter what kind of answer he gave, his foster-father always reacted with a punch. Sometimes Sho just wished that the man would punch him with all his might so that he could finally die.
‘Let me just die.’
***
Bathed in sweat Sho woke up and panted heavily. There wasn’t a single night in which he didn’t dream about his horror-childhood and his foster-father who abused him daily. Over the years Sho built a wall around him, protecting him from any further pain, but how could he protect himself when he was sleeping? He slowly wiped away the sweat from his forehead and remembered that he was spending the night with Aiba. Confused he looked at his side and saw that the taller man was not there anymore. Sho felt how his heart tightened and he started to panic - was he left alone again? He could not handle another emotional pain in his life, he felt like he wasn’t strong enough anymore.
Sho slowly crawled out of the bed, put on his boxers and a pair of sweat pants that were lying next to him before he went downstairs. The pain in his heart suddenly left when he saw Aiba standing in the kitchen, smiling and preparing breakfast. Sho was just standing there, looking at the younger man and laughing when Aiba dropped an orange on the floor that rolled through the whole apartment; Aiba chasing after it. Quietly Sho went to the younger man who finally caught the orange and lightly put his hand on Aiba's shoulder.
“Ah, good morning!” Aiba said while turning himself around to Sho and smiling brightly. The sudden smile that Sho received made him feel emotional; he never saw such a bright and honest smile in his entire life. Sho gripped on Aiba's back and pressed him at his body in a tight embrace. At first Aiba was surprised - shocked - but then he just grinned and hugged the older man back, lovingly caressing his hair.
“Please don’t let go” Sho whispered and buried his face into Aiba's shoulder, tightening the grip even more.
“I won’t” Aiba gently pressed a kiss on Sho's hair “But how am I suppose to serve you breakfast then?” Sho heard Aiba giggle and looked surprised to the kitchen where the nice-smelling food was standing. Next to typical Japanese food like miso-soup, red rice, fish and tofu there were standing pancakes, cereal, bread, jam and fresh fruits. Aiba took Sho's hand and led him to the dining table where he already placed coffee, tea and other juices - Sho felt like he was eating at a hotel. Aiba surely knew how to make breakfast.
“Here you are” Aiba placed everything on the big table before he sat himself next to Sho who inspected the massive amount of food in front of him. “Wow” he whispered and smiled at the taller man. While Sho devoured the food, he realized in what kind of surrounding he actually was. Slowly he turned his head to Aiba who silently put some jam on his bread and poured some tea in his animal-printed cup - everything seemed to be so normal. Sho's cheeks flushed and he spluttered when he thought about last night… and what they did. He was embarrassed and couldn’t look at Aiba anymore without thinking of something indecent. Sho wanted to touch him, caress his hair, hold him and kiss him… he wanted to repeat everything that they did a few hours ago. For Sho it was the best night of his life.
“Ne Sho-chan” Sho quickly turned his head to Aiba again after he heard his asking voice “You promised to tell me about yourself!” he giggled and smiled at Sho again, while sipping his tea. For a short time Sho thought that the tofu would get stuck in his throat - his mind was completely somewhere else, he didn’t really think about his promise anymore. But he knew Aiba long enough to know that he would insist to hear more about Sho's life; so he started to talk about himself. About school, his club activities as a student, what kind of music he liked, and so on. Aiba was very attentive and listened carefully to everything the older man said - he didn’t want to miss anything. He soaked up everything like a sponge and enjoyed how Sho slowly opened up. They laughed together, shared stories and just loved listening to another. Aibas gaze wandered to Sho's neck and the necklace that was around it. He didn’t notice it the night before - well how could he, Aiba was focused on something different.
“That’s beautiful” the taller man whispered fascinated and carefully stroked over the silver cross pendant. Sho gazed at Aiba and knew that sooner or later he had to tell him everything - even about the dark side of his life. What Sho didn’t know was that Aiba already waited for him to tell him about his childhood - what happened to him? Sho took Aiba's hand in his palm and looked gently in the taller man's eyes before he sighed and lowered his head.
“It’s from my mother” he started, his voice trembled a bit “My foster-mother. When I was still an infant, my biological parents brought me to an orphanage and left me there. I don’t know them.”
“You want to meet them?” Aiba asked quickly, but Sho only shook his head.
“No. Because I probably would just hold everything that happened to me in the past against them” Sho shortly stopped and breathed loudly in and out before continuing telling his story “I didn’t grow up in the most loving foster-family. I was stuck in anger, pain and hatred for more than 18 years.” After that Sho told Aiba about how violent his foster-father was; that his foster-mother and he got hit every day, living in fear every single minute. While Sho was opening up more and more, Aiba saw how hurt the older man was. Every story that he told was making him sadder and sadder; his wall of ignorance and fake-confidence crumbled and he revealed the hurt and broken Sho that was hiding this entire time.
“So you ran away when you were 18?”
“Yes, after I graduated from high school, I packed my things and ran away. I felt guilty, because I left my foster-mother alone, but I just couldn’t handle it anymore. At first I just wanted to jump of a roof or in front of a train… I just wanted to forget everything. But Ohno-kun offered me a place to stay; I got a part time job and somehow tried to survive. I really wanted to live normally, but all those years kept stuck in my mind, every day I thought about how my life would have been if my biological parents would have kept me. My anger grew from day to day, I hated them. I wanted to tell them how much they suck. And how much they ruined me. I quit my job, moved to another district here in Tokyo and broke off every contact I had to my few friends from cram school.”
“Did you ever have any contact to your foster-parents again?” When Aiba asked Sho about that, the older man slightly shook his head again and formed a sad smile.
“I saw my foster-father one time after I ran away” Sho swallowed hard “At my foster-mothers funeral.” Aiba put his cup of tea at the table, when he heard the word ‘funeral’ and looked at Sho who slowly turned his head away to hide his tears.
“Sho” Aiba whispered and put his palm on Sho's cheek.
“I guess she couldn’t handle it anymore. The abuse, that I ran away… that I left her alone with… him. I heard that she leaked the gas line when she was alone at home and lightened a cigarette - it was suicide. The only thing from her I have left is this necklace that she gave me when I graduated from high school. Everything else was burned.” A single tear was rolling down Sho's cheek and he quickly wiped it away, sniffing silently. Aibas eyes were filled with tears and he pulled Sho in a hug, tight and protective. He felt how Sho was burying his face in his shoulder and sobbed, it seemed like he’d finally cried his heart out after years of suppressing his feelings. “It was my fault, she must have hated me” he cried quietly and gripped onto Aiba's shirt. The younger man immediately shook his head in a fast motion and caressed Sho's back and hair. “Don’t think like that, Sho-chan. She loved you, I truly believe that. And I believe that she is watching you every day, being your guardian.”
Aiba couldn’t change Sho's way of thinking immediately, but somehow Sho felt a bit better and he slowly stopped crying. He felt how the guilt on his shoulders slowly got lighter after he heard Aiba's words and the conviction in his voice. The older man raised his head and looked into his lover's deep brown lightly glassy eyes that were filled with pure love.
“Masaki…” he whispered before kissing the taller man with his plump lips. The salty taste of Shos tear's was spreading on Aibas lips and in his mouth while they were kissing each other deeply, but he didn’t mind - he just wanted to make Sho feel better. After a few minutes they broke and Sho pressed Aiba once again tightly on his chest.
“Thank you” he said sincerely and kissed Aiba's neck. “Thank you for being here right now.”
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Comment: Another chapter! Somehow I am really motivated and I thought.. let's upload another chapter, ne! Sho revealed what happened to him in the past, I hope you like it. But not everything is revealed yet.. there are still other things that both Sho and Aiba are not aware of.. so watch out for that! :) Until then, enjoy!
Btw, I wanted to thank all of you for your kind comments - they really make my day and motivate me to write more and upload more <3 a big hug to all of you :*