(no subject)
last night was by far the worst night of my life. it was worse than juvi, worse than the night of my hearing, worse than anything.
i have no way of expressing my feelings, i can't write, i can't work out, i can't even work on my truck, fuck, i don't even want to work on my truck! they didn't need me at work, so now i'm sitting in my room listening to music thinking and looking at things i shouldn't be. the best way i know of expressing my feelings is to hit things, but i'm not angery. she didn't make me angery when we broke up, she made it worse by blaming herself so many times. the worst part is is that i'm not 100% sure it was the right move. we weren't making each other happy anymore, but i miss her so much. i miss staring into her eyes, i miss her sleeping on my chest, i miss so much. i know i should cherrish the good memories, but they just hurt. i almost wish we could have ended in an argument, b/c i can deal with anger so much better. now i just feel sick, and like an asshole for hurting her. i guess she could see it coming, but i wish it didn't have to. even near the end, i loved her, i still might. i've been confused for so long... and if this doesn't help, then i will have ruined something that was great. these last 14 months have been some of the best in my life. i wanted to say so much to her last night, and i couldn't. that might have been the worst feeling ever. i wish i could have helped her more, i wish i could take her pain away. i want her to be ok. i'm going to miss hugging her, and changing my sweat shirts after wearing them for a while.
i wish i could give her the christmas present she wants most, i wish i could make her feel better and realize that someday she'll find the perfect guy for her.
~you won't have to wake up early for my soccer games in the cold anymore. you don't have to listen to me complain, or deal with sally. what good is the ablity to work on my truck if i have no desire to, what if my friends don't make me happy anymore... i don't know. those weren't your fault, thats theirs and mine. they weren't open enough to accept you, and i wasn't smart enough to hold onto you. i never thought of you as tagging a long, i always wanted to with me. please don't be so hard on yourself, i hope you find happyness, and i hope we can still befriends, no matter what you say, i still think your an awesome person. goodbye kitten i will always have a place for you in my heart, i love you, i want to give you one last goodbye hug but i don't think i can w/o losing it. goodbye~
i can't say things i want to, i don't know how to express my feelings like most, i wish i could, i wish i could be perfect, this has been one of the worst days of my life, worse than any other break up i've been threw, i'm sorry if that hurts certain people, but its the truth, it really has been a bad day...
i have no way of expressing my feelings, i can't write, i can't work out, i can't even work on my truck, fuck, i don't even want to work on my truck! they didn't need me at work, so now i'm sitting in my room listening to music thinking and looking at things i shouldn't be. the best way i know of expressing my feelings is to hit things, but i'm not angery. she didn't make me angery when we broke up, she made it worse by blaming herself so many times. the worst part is is that i'm not 100% sure it was the right move. we weren't making each other happy anymore, but i miss her so much. i miss staring into her eyes, i miss her sleeping on my chest, i miss so much. i know i should cherrish the good memories, but they just hurt. i almost wish we could have ended in an argument, b/c i can deal with anger so much better. now i just feel sick, and like an asshole for hurting her. i guess she could see it coming, but i wish it didn't have to. even near the end, i loved her, i still might. i've been confused for so long... and if this doesn't help, then i will have ruined something that was great. these last 14 months have been some of the best in my life. i wanted to say so much to her last night, and i couldn't. that might have been the worst feeling ever. i wish i could have helped her more, i wish i could take her pain away. i want her to be ok. i'm going to miss hugging her, and changing my sweat shirts after wearing them for a while.
i wish i could give her the christmas present she wants most, i wish i could make her feel better and realize that someday she'll find the perfect guy for her.
~you won't have to wake up early for my soccer games in the cold anymore. you don't have to listen to me complain, or deal with sally. what good is the ablity to work on my truck if i have no desire to, what if my friends don't make me happy anymore... i don't know. those weren't your fault, thats theirs and mine. they weren't open enough to accept you, and i wasn't smart enough to hold onto you. i never thought of you as tagging a long, i always wanted to with me. please don't be so hard on yourself, i hope you find happyness, and i hope we can still befriends, no matter what you say, i still think your an awesome person. goodbye kitten i will always have a place for you in my heart, i love you, i want to give you one last goodbye hug but i don't think i can w/o losing it. goodbye~
i can't say things i want to, i don't know how to express my feelings like most, i wish i could, i wish i could be perfect, this has been one of the worst days of my life, worse than any other break up i've been threw, i'm sorry if that hurts certain people, but its the truth, it really has been a bad day...