going in circles

[lahttecor]

i've come to the conclusion that i am the only one that manages to make me miserable...constantly working myself up constantly over thinking situations.but i spose thats just me and i should get used to it,but how the fuck do you get used to yourself?me and alex are still together which in all honesty is a sursprise,i thought we would have wound each other up,he upsets me a lot,not intenionally but to me thats worse, i can take people doing things on purspose,but when its just because someone forgot something or i passed there mind,i get seriously offended,its like all the insults in the world are nothing compared to being forgotten and alex does it alot,makes plans and forgets what he has said,invites me over then tells me all his guy mates are there,i can deal with a gathering but when its always guys i get fed up, theres only so much playstation and beer a girl can take, i hate pro soccer...ive never even played it.now ive got my car ive found my self just driving to calm down.anywhere i wanna go i go,i sit, i chill, alone or not ill go.

i found a photo of me and alex from year nine,im laughing and hes hugging me wearin a scream mask, he wouldnt let me have it so i stole it to photocopy and have for me.its a nice photograph.he said he missed me when he went camping, which is big for him because he doesnt like acting 'gay' as he refers to it, even though i have told him countless times being nice to your girlfriend doesnt make you gay...baffled.im listening to miserable music and happy music pisses me off at the moment,alex texts me and i feel okay but as soon as he calls me im pissed off again,he makes it worse by saying he didnt mean to,i just get upset to easy i spose.i hate the thought of being forgotten by someone thats meant to care about me, at least if he meant to upset me i could be angry but at the moment i know i shouldnt be angry and itsw making me feel worse...argh,i fucking hate relationships.im going out for a drive,im fucked off now