How to get rid of an annoying IM buddy
[via blozor]: I occasionally receive IMs from people who ask “why do I have you on my buddy list?” Most of the time I don’t have them on my buddy list, so I have no idea why I am on theirs. I will make up something like “I bought weed from your mom” or “You! You owe me back child support!” and then I never hear from them again. Mission accomplished. In the case of the astonishingly gullible and/or high Ansel89, I had to literally take him to hell to get him to leave me alone.
Ansel89: hay
Ansel89: yo i am just cleani my buddies list out and i dont kno why u are on her
Ansel89: hello
Ansel89: hey i don't want to just del you so say something
Zack: Greetings Brother
Ansel89: lolo duse why are you on my list???
Zack: From blackest sepulcher of haterapes, I greet you. We are one beneath the compound eyes of Xogoth the Monstrolith.
Ansel89: wtf
Zack: Ansel, I extend my hand of red to you in kinship. You are my brother in MURDERCHURCH.
Ansel89: uhhhhhhhh *shakes hans*
Zack: Greetings Brother!
Ansel89: hi
Zack: I have missed you at our meetings, Ansel.
Ansel89: wtf what meetings
Zack: On that star spun night of dread auspices, you stood beforethe altar of Xogoth and took the oath to become one with the flock. Tojoin us in malevolent matrimony as a brother of the forever burningMURDERCHURCH.
Ansel89: lol no i didn't
Zack: You did! You drank deeply of the heartsblood. You had a sex with a black cat.
Ansel89: uhhhh
Zack: Do you not remember your vows? To uphold the three pillars of MURDERCHURCH?
Zack: Pillar one: murder the Christians sheep
Zack: Pillar two: partake the unholy sacrament of MURDER
Ansel89: no
Zack: Pillar three: drink blood from MURDERS
Ansel89: wait where are you?
Zack: The unhallowed black heath of Solomor, kissed with hoarfrost from the frozen heart of blackest murder.
Ansel89: lool ok says ilinois in your prof
Zack: It's a suburb of Peoria.
Ansel89: lol
Zack: I can Google Map it if you don't believe me.
Ansel89: no im from indiana but i go drinking in illinois sometimes
Zack: YES! You drink the heartsblood! You quaff the red wine of the innocents! You imbibe the liquid crimson philter of ruin!
Ansel89: lol wtf no keystone
Zack: There were some refreshments before the ceremony. Josh brought a cooler.
Ansel89: wait was this at the fairgrounds
Zack: YES! The forsaken pavilion normally claimed by 4H. We had itfrom 8PM to the Witching Hour and then it was midnight movies. At tentill midnight, when the darkest shroud of unholy nights gripped theland, we inducted you.
Ansel89: was sal there?
Zack: He attended the ceremony.
Ansel89: I havn't seen him in year what's he up to?
Zack: Ansel, don't you remember?
Ansel89: what
Zack: With the curved scimitar of the Djinn you cut off his head. Itwas your final act to join MURDERCHURCH. The blood sacrifice of a closefriend.
Ansel89: wtf
Zack: I'm not joking Ansel.
Ansel89: ok i dont believe you
Zack: Ansel, do you believe…in direst magic?
Ansel89: no
Zack: what about bleak goblins?
Ansel89: I believe in phsychics like Yori Gellar
Zack: Yes, yes, psychic powers are closely intertwined with black sorcery and wicked goblins.
Ansel89: seriously how do you know sal
Zack: I can hear Sal clamoring at the rust-faced gates of theforlorn abyss, Ansel. If you wish to speak to him, you will need to doas I say as quickly as you can.
Ansel89: uhhh ok
Zack: Do you have a black candle?
Ansel89: no
Zack: How about a red one?
Ansel89: let me check bathroom
Ansel89: ok its kind of greenish white and it say apple crips on the side
Zack: Yes! That will do nicely. That will appease the wraiths that guard the gates of the abyss.
Ansel89: ok light it?
Zack: Yes. As you light it say aloud "Oh, Xogoth, I light thissinister flame to represent the hatefire that burns within your bloodyentrails. May the Stargods of Ye Olde Tymes show the way to the goryfilth-abyss that waits beyond the door of death."
Ansel89: r ead it out?
Zack: Yes. Be sure to pronounce "Ye Olde Tymes" as "yeh oooldie thimes."
Ansel89: ok candle is lit 2
Zack: Alright, this next step is very important, Ansel, so you need to focus your mana.
Ansel89: how
Zack: Think of calming things. Think of…a balloon full of brains exploding over a field of maggoty corpses.
Zack: Imagine an old rotting galleon sailing a black ocean and onthe ship there is a crew of skeletons and they all turn at once to lookat you and puke up chunky black blood.
Ansel89: thats not helping
Zack: Okay, try this, try a beautiful woman naked in front of you.She has huge breasts with big pink nipples and smooth tanned skin andcurvy hips. She smiles and then her face starts shrinking up like adeath raisin and her skin falls off in big wallpapery sheets and youcan see her muscle moving underneath. Then snakes come out of her eyesockets and then start biting her body and you can hear a cacklinglaugh.
Ansel89: uhhhh alrigh mana focused I guess
Zack: Good. Now concentrate very murderously.
Ansel89: ok smells like applpie
Zack: Concentrate! Repeat aloud everything I type.
Ansel89: ok
Zack: Triple Ripple Swirl of Boundless Hate, Xogoth!
Ansel89: triple ripple sw irl of bondless hate xogoth!!
Zack: No, just say "ok" after you've said each part out loud.
Ansel89: ok.
Zack: Wait! You didn't say that part out loud, did you?
Ansel89: no
Zack: Alright, good, continue the incantation: Xogoth! I beseechunto your mega raped palace of rotflesh and livid tortured tissue!
Ansel89: ok
Zack: Reach into your meaty purse of the ages and draw out the skincoin of Sal!
Ansel89: ok
Zack: Xogoth! I implore you with this sacrifice to wrench his agony filled soul from the beyond!
Ansel89: ok
Zack: Now slit the throat of the sacrifice and hold her neck so that her blood fills the Ognostimaeous chalice!
Ansel89: wtf
Zack: The sacrifice man, quickly!
Ansel89: no sacrifice1!!!!!
Zack: You must! I can hear the tremors of Xogoth's approach! He is drawing near!
Ansel89: dude you didn't say sacrifice
Zack: Oh Hated Gods, quickly Ansel!
Ansel89: i got nothing
Zack: I can feel his unquenchable bloodlust gripping me! My blood israging! My blood-filled organs are shaking! Ansel….he…is…………nnnnn
Ansel89: what!
Ansel89: hey
Ansel89: wtf dude u there???
Zack: Ansel.
Ansel89: u ok?
Zack: I am satiated. For now.
Ansel89: did xerox leave
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha. I am Xogoth. I can smell your fear through the pitiful meat machines. I will rend your bones!
Ansel89: NOT FUN Y!
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm coming for you, Ansel. Your Yankee Candle will not save you!
Ansel89: WTF how did you know??!
Zack: Your blood is like a juice box to me! Your fear like a paradestopping traffic! I will dine on your deepest guts before I am throughwith you!
****User Has Disconnected
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ansel89: hay
Ansel89: yo i am just cleani my buddies list out and i dont kno why u are on her
Ansel89: hello
Ansel89: hey i don't want to just del you so say something
Zack: Greetings Brother
Ansel89: lolo duse why are you on my list???
Zack: From blackest sepulcher of haterapes, I greet you. We are one beneath the compound eyes of Xogoth the Monstrolith.
Ansel89: wtf
Zack: Ansel, I extend my hand of red to you in kinship. You are my brother in MURDERCHURCH.
Ansel89: uhhhhhhhh *shakes hans*
Zack: Greetings Brother!
Ansel89: hi
Zack: I have missed you at our meetings, Ansel.
Ansel89: wtf what meetings
Zack: On that star spun night of dread auspices, you stood beforethe altar of Xogoth and took the oath to become one with the flock. Tojoin us in malevolent matrimony as a brother of the forever burningMURDERCHURCH.
Ansel89: lol no i didn't
Zack: You did! You drank deeply of the heartsblood. You had a sex with a black cat.
Ansel89: uhhhh
Zack: Do you not remember your vows? To uphold the three pillars of MURDERCHURCH?
Zack: Pillar one: murder the Christians sheep
Zack: Pillar two: partake the unholy sacrament of MURDER
Ansel89: no
Zack: Pillar three: drink blood from MURDERS
Ansel89: wait where are you?
Zack: The unhallowed black heath of Solomor, kissed with hoarfrost from the frozen heart of blackest murder.
Ansel89: lool ok says ilinois in your prof
Zack: It's a suburb of Peoria.
Ansel89: lol
Zack: I can Google Map it if you don't believe me.
Ansel89: no im from indiana but i go drinking in illinois sometimes
Zack: YES! You drink the heartsblood! You quaff the red wine of the innocents! You imbibe the liquid crimson philter of ruin!
Ansel89: lol wtf no keystone
Zack: There were some refreshments before the ceremony. Josh brought a cooler.
Ansel89: wait was this at the fairgrounds
Zack: YES! The forsaken pavilion normally claimed by 4H. We had itfrom 8PM to the Witching Hour and then it was midnight movies. At tentill midnight, when the darkest shroud of unholy nights gripped theland, we inducted you.
Ansel89: was sal there?
Zack: He attended the ceremony.
Ansel89: I havn't seen him in year what's he up to?
Zack: Ansel, don't you remember?
Ansel89: what
Zack: With the curved scimitar of the Djinn you cut off his head. Itwas your final act to join MURDERCHURCH. The blood sacrifice of a closefriend.
Ansel89: wtf
Zack: I'm not joking Ansel.
Ansel89: ok i dont believe you
Zack: Ansel, do you believe…in direst magic?
Ansel89: no
Zack: what about bleak goblins?
Ansel89: I believe in phsychics like Yori Gellar
Zack: Yes, yes, psychic powers are closely intertwined with black sorcery and wicked goblins.
Ansel89: seriously how do you know sal
Zack: I can hear Sal clamoring at the rust-faced gates of theforlorn abyss, Ansel. If you wish to speak to him, you will need to doas I say as quickly as you can.
Ansel89: uhhh ok
Zack: Do you have a black candle?
Ansel89: no
Zack: How about a red one?
Ansel89: let me check bathroom
Ansel89: ok its kind of greenish white and it say apple crips on the side
Zack: Yes! That will do nicely. That will appease the wraiths that guard the gates of the abyss.
Ansel89: ok light it?
Zack: Yes. As you light it say aloud "Oh, Xogoth, I light thissinister flame to represent the hatefire that burns within your bloodyentrails. May the Stargods of Ye Olde Tymes show the way to the goryfilth-abyss that waits beyond the door of death."
Ansel89: r ead it out?
Zack: Yes. Be sure to pronounce "Ye Olde Tymes" as "yeh oooldie thimes."
Ansel89: ok candle is lit 2
Zack: Alright, this next step is very important, Ansel, so you need to focus your mana.
Ansel89: how
Zack: Think of calming things. Think of…a balloon full of brains exploding over a field of maggoty corpses.
Zack: Imagine an old rotting galleon sailing a black ocean and onthe ship there is a crew of skeletons and they all turn at once to lookat you and puke up chunky black blood.
Ansel89: thats not helping
Zack: Okay, try this, try a beautiful woman naked in front of you.She has huge breasts with big pink nipples and smooth tanned skin andcurvy hips. She smiles and then her face starts shrinking up like adeath raisin and her skin falls off in big wallpapery sheets and youcan see her muscle moving underneath. Then snakes come out of her eyesockets and then start biting her body and you can hear a cacklinglaugh.
Ansel89: uhhhh alrigh mana focused I guess
Zack: Good. Now concentrate very murderously.
Ansel89: ok smells like applpie
Zack: Concentrate! Repeat aloud everything I type.
Ansel89: ok
Zack: Triple Ripple Swirl of Boundless Hate, Xogoth!
Ansel89: triple ripple sw irl of bondless hate xogoth!!
Zack: No, just say "ok" after you've said each part out loud.
Ansel89: ok.
Zack: Wait! You didn't say that part out loud, did you?
Ansel89: no
Zack: Alright, good, continue the incantation: Xogoth! I beseechunto your mega raped palace of rotflesh and livid tortured tissue!
Ansel89: ok
Zack: Reach into your meaty purse of the ages and draw out the skincoin of Sal!
Ansel89: ok
Zack: Xogoth! I implore you with this sacrifice to wrench his agony filled soul from the beyond!
Ansel89: ok
Zack: Now slit the throat of the sacrifice and hold her neck so that her blood fills the Ognostimaeous chalice!
Ansel89: wtf
Zack: The sacrifice man, quickly!
Ansel89: no sacrifice1!!!!!
Zack: You must! I can hear the tremors of Xogoth's approach! He is drawing near!
Ansel89: dude you didn't say sacrifice
Zack: Oh Hated Gods, quickly Ansel!
Ansel89: i got nothing
Zack: I can feel his unquenchable bloodlust gripping me! My blood israging! My blood-filled organs are shaking! Ansel….he…is…………nnnnn
Ansel89: what!
Ansel89: hey
Ansel89: wtf dude u there???
Zack: Ansel.
Ansel89: u ok?
Zack: I am satiated. For now.
Ansel89: did xerox leave
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha. I am Xogoth. I can smell your fear through the pitiful meat machines. I will rend your bones!
Ansel89: NOT FUN Y!
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm coming for you, Ansel. Your Yankee Candle will not save you!
Ansel89: WTF how did you know??!
Zack: Your blood is like a juice box to me! Your fear like a paradestopping traffic! I will dine on your deepest guts before I am throughwith you!
****User Has Disconnected
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha.