just updating...
I dunno.I mean,I can accept that I'm a sort of bi but why did she have to be the object of my attraction?
She's in my fucking class and she sits behind me and I soooo aware and self-conscious when she's at the back.I can't control her thoughts-I wonder what she bloody thinks of me.You know,she's straight and I'm sure that when she looks at me,it's disgust she's feeling...I can't stand the rejection and I wonder for how long I'll endure the pressure in this damn class...
The fact is,she's totally detached from all those feelings and thoughts emerging and circulating in me.Bloody hell,I can't even look at her in the face,I always have the feeling that 'lesbian' is written all over my face.It's horrible!!!
Not my sexual preferences but the risks I'm taking in behaving so strangely.My uni is a small institution and if anyone learns abt it,I'll be condemned forever.And God knows how fucking difficult and boring these courses are getting.
I'm living a fucking nightmare and however I struggle,I seem to get myself deeper in the shit!
It's just the fact that I can it in her eyes-they're so beautiful btw,yeah,I can see that she knows abt my attraction to her (it gets stronger by the sec when she's around)
Fuck,it's so difficult to be different in this DAMN SHITTY ISLAND WITH ITS FUCKING NARROW-MINDED APES!!!!!!!
My crush is becoming sort of an obssession (are there too many 's'?)I'm going completely nuts and bananas...
IT FUCKING HURTS not to be able to speak abt it to someone physically present in my life.LJ family helps but just to some extent...I'm getting probs to breathe and nothing is funny anymore-listening to Coldplay or Linkin Park or whatever just make me feel worse.Damn,I even lost my appetite and I've stopped watching my fav soaps (Angel/Charmed..)
When your heart hurts,it's worse than when you're hurt physically.Life's so complex...and my first fall was my birth.
I'm out.Sorry to friendly readers.I know I'm swimming in self-pity but I can't help it.I'm sick.
She's in my fucking class and she sits behind me and I soooo aware and self-conscious when she's at the back.I can't control her thoughts-I wonder what she bloody thinks of me.You know,she's straight and I'm sure that when she looks at me,it's disgust she's feeling...I can't stand the rejection and I wonder for how long I'll endure the pressure in this damn class...
The fact is,she's totally detached from all those feelings and thoughts emerging and circulating in me.Bloody hell,I can't even look at her in the face,I always have the feeling that 'lesbian' is written all over my face.It's horrible!!!
Not my sexual preferences but the risks I'm taking in behaving so strangely.My uni is a small institution and if anyone learns abt it,I'll be condemned forever.And God knows how fucking difficult and boring these courses are getting.
I'm living a fucking nightmare and however I struggle,I seem to get myself deeper in the shit!
It's just the fact that I can it in her eyes-they're so beautiful btw,yeah,I can see that she knows abt my attraction to her (it gets stronger by the sec when she's around)
Fuck,it's so difficult to be different in this DAMN SHITTY ISLAND WITH ITS FUCKING NARROW-MINDED APES!!!!!!!
My crush is becoming sort of an obssession (are there too many 's'?)I'm going completely nuts and bananas...
IT FUCKING HURTS not to be able to speak abt it to someone physically present in my life.LJ family helps but just to some extent...I'm getting probs to breathe and nothing is funny anymore-listening to Coldplay or Linkin Park or whatever just make me feel worse.Damn,I even lost my appetite and I've stopped watching my fav soaps (Angel/Charmed..)
When your heart hurts,it's worse than when you're hurt physically.Life's so complex...and my first fall was my birth.
I'm out.Sorry to friendly readers.I know I'm swimming in self-pity but I can't help it.I'm sick.