Realizations
I have learned something about myself recently that honestly makes things a lot more understandable...but a little bit more difficult. Everyone's heard of heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. Some may have even heard of Asexual. I have recently learned about something called Demisexual. Which is a person that doesn't feel any attraction so someone until they have gotten to know them. I mean no attraction to physical anything until they get to know the person themselves.
I have come to the realization that this is what I've been missing. I must be this demisexual...why else would I always wonder why someone's attractive or have to think about whether I like a person or not. Having also read this definition and thinking about it, it makes total sense. Every single person I've ever had a crush on, I've had to have a conversation with and mind you not a single one of them did I think "he's hot/handsome". I just talked to them.
I remember in high school, james, he would hang out with my friends but I'd never had a one on one with him. I'd also though nothing of it, he was just a guy that was friends with my friends. At least until I finally was alone with him, and was the only person for him to talk to. This guy was also my very first crush.
My second real crush wasn't until I met AJ when I came out here(That's a full 3 years later). Again, just a friend of friends, thought nothing of it, no physical attraction, then on the way back from the beach trip we went on, boom, conversation and suddenly I notice him.
Same for Avery, only I actually went on a date with him, but it took longer to get to know him, and start to feel that connection.
As for Carl, I had noticed him, but at the time when I did he was just the wierd boy with the toe shoes. It wasn't until he started showing up to hang out with my room mate that I officially met him. Even then I'd never really thought about it, all I knew was that he was a friend of my roomie. He didn't really give me the option of staying away from him, he was right up in my face from the start. Not letting me be shy. It was odd at first, but then as he hung around more, I noticed my thoughts would stray to him, but I'd shake them off thinking nothing could come of it so don't even bother. Suddenly though I finally got a conversation with him, this was through IM, a first for everything, and he asked me if I liked him. I was so confused I tried dodging the question to start, and I realized I did like him.
Nothing has come of this or will, I realize that, but now that I know what I know about myself. I'm really not sure what the next step will be. I can't be a clubber, it just doesn't do it for me, I get overwhelmed and emotional. Oh did I mention that ever since I've come out of the shy bubble I've been more emotional...yeah....not fun.
I feel like a crybaby half the time, I can't even control my tears anymore. I've started crying in public, and I can't understand why. It's getting super frustrating.
Anyways, I've noticed I have about one crush a year, so here's hoping next year it'll be a person that can take me a little more seriously.
I have come to the realization that this is what I've been missing. I must be this demisexual...why else would I always wonder why someone's attractive or have to think about whether I like a person or not. Having also read this definition and thinking about it, it makes total sense. Every single person I've ever had a crush on, I've had to have a conversation with and mind you not a single one of them did I think "he's hot/handsome". I just talked to them.
I remember in high school, james, he would hang out with my friends but I'd never had a one on one with him. I'd also though nothing of it, he was just a guy that was friends with my friends. At least until I finally was alone with him, and was the only person for him to talk to. This guy was also my very first crush.
My second real crush wasn't until I met AJ when I came out here(That's a full 3 years later). Again, just a friend of friends, thought nothing of it, no physical attraction, then on the way back from the beach trip we went on, boom, conversation and suddenly I notice him.
Same for Avery, only I actually went on a date with him, but it took longer to get to know him, and start to feel that connection.
As for Carl, I had noticed him, but at the time when I did he was just the wierd boy with the toe shoes. It wasn't until he started showing up to hang out with my room mate that I officially met him. Even then I'd never really thought about it, all I knew was that he was a friend of my roomie. He didn't really give me the option of staying away from him, he was right up in my face from the start. Not letting me be shy. It was odd at first, but then as he hung around more, I noticed my thoughts would stray to him, but I'd shake them off thinking nothing could come of it so don't even bother. Suddenly though I finally got a conversation with him, this was through IM, a first for everything, and he asked me if I liked him. I was so confused I tried dodging the question to start, and I realized I did like him.
Nothing has come of this or will, I realize that, but now that I know what I know about myself. I'm really not sure what the next step will be. I can't be a clubber, it just doesn't do it for me, I get overwhelmed and emotional. Oh did I mention that ever since I've come out of the shy bubble I've been more emotional...yeah....not fun.
I feel like a crybaby half the time, I can't even control my tears anymore. I've started crying in public, and I can't understand why. It's getting super frustrating.
Anyways, I've noticed I have about one crush a year, so here's hoping next year it'll be a person that can take me a little more seriously.