❧ twenty-second: fear not this night
I wanted to write this earlier, but I just didn't have time. Things have been busy with the wedding coming up in...less than 12 hours. So even though this is now past midnight and technically Saturday, I'm referencing "today" as Friday, June 21, and "tomorrow" as Saturdy, June 22. So here is what I wanted to write.
Today is the last day I am single.
Today is the last day I will be with my parents.
Today is the last day I can be the "young, carefree student" that stays up late reading/watching/gaming.
Today is the last day I can be considered as a "young, little girl."
Today is the last day I will be a virgin.
Tomorrow will be the first day I will truly be an adult.
Tomorrow I will be married.
Tomorrow will be the first day of my new life.
Today is the last day I am "Vanessa Theresa Lee."
Tomorrow will be the first day as "Vanessa Lee Weber."
I actually had the list more eloquent in my head, but it's late now and I have to be up in around six hours.
Clark and I had been dating for close to eight years now. And no, I was not lying about the virgin thing. Yes, he has waited that long. (well okay we've gone to third base, but it's still short from home /cough)
People ask me if I'm nervous or anxious. I always have to wonder, "What are they implying?" I'm not nervous or anxious about being married. Process...it is a little nerve-racking. Wanting everything to come out nice and not goof up too much. So if it's about getting everything ready and the like, yeah I guess I am. But I'm still much more laidback about it. I guess the only thing I'm stressed out most is the timing. Today was a hectic day because my cousin was late for...well everything. And it wasn't entirely her fault, either. More like my other cousins fault.
But it all turned out fine in the end. I had a bridal luncheon with the girls, and it included a manicure/pedicure. I kept messing up my nails >_>; So we wound up buying the actual nail polish, which wasn't a bad idea in general. Now I have it in case we need to touch up my nails and stuff tomorrow. And we ended up redoing a nail completely, anyway. But it was fun.
Rehearsal went all right-except for cousin being late because of other cousin and blah. So that was a little hectic and stressful BUT we all got through it and hopefully we all remember what to do, haha. I'll have the planners and people out there helping us, but it is a bit nerve-racking to think about. I don't want to trip over my dress! Biggest fear right there. But I think it'll be okay. We just have to get through the ~half hour ceremony and we'll be good.
Rehearsal dinner was great...though I ended up making an impromptu speech. Everyone's speeches/toasts kept thanking me so it was really weird. I was like "Why me, why not poke at Clark more D8" so I ended up talking and as usual I was kind of all over the place (in a good way) and it was funny...until I got to the emotional parts and tried very hard not to break down crying but still ended up choking up and struggling to get through it. I was thanking everyone, thanking Clark, thanking this moment that we could all of our family, including those from overseas that I wasn't even sure would come due to some circumstances.
But it was...yeah. It's still kind of surreal. Like, everyone is all excited and on clouds whereas I'm more lowkeyed and just keeping like "This is another thing I will get through."
Like, I am excited. But not super pumped. Of course I hardly am so no real surprise. In some ways I think I'm subconsciously forcing myself to be calm so I won't be stressed. It's that or I might some kind of...emotional problem /coughs. Like I know I'm apathetic but this is to a level that might be a little unhealthy...
But I am excited. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the end. It is a bit scary, too. I keep thinking I might not be wife material. But at the same time I really want it and we'll see where I grow from there.
In possibly exactly 12 hours from now (it's 12:32AM) I may be married. Give or take a few minutes (really depends how long the ceremony will be). But around there.
So the next time I write an entry...well I guess "laenavesse" works in some ways, haha. But I'll have to start thinking of something different.
This entry was originally posted on my DW journal here.
Today is the last day I am single.
Today is the last day I will be with my parents.
Today is the last day I can be the "young, carefree student" that stays up late reading/watching/gaming.
Today is the last day I can be considered as a "young, little girl."
Today is the last day I will be a virgin.
Tomorrow will be the first day I will truly be an adult.
Tomorrow I will be married.
Tomorrow will be the first day of my new life.
Today is the last day I am "Vanessa Theresa Lee."
Tomorrow will be the first day as "Vanessa Lee Weber."
I actually had the list more eloquent in my head, but it's late now and I have to be up in around six hours.
Clark and I had been dating for close to eight years now. And no, I was not lying about the virgin thing. Yes, he has waited that long. (well okay we've gone to third base, but it's still short from home /cough)
People ask me if I'm nervous or anxious. I always have to wonder, "What are they implying?" I'm not nervous or anxious about being married. Process...it is a little nerve-racking. Wanting everything to come out nice and not goof up too much. So if it's about getting everything ready and the like, yeah I guess I am. But I'm still much more laidback about it. I guess the only thing I'm stressed out most is the timing. Today was a hectic day because my cousin was late for...well everything. And it wasn't entirely her fault, either. More like my other cousins fault.
But it all turned out fine in the end. I had a bridal luncheon with the girls, and it included a manicure/pedicure. I kept messing up my nails >_>; So we wound up buying the actual nail polish, which wasn't a bad idea in general. Now I have it in case we need to touch up my nails and stuff tomorrow. And we ended up redoing a nail completely, anyway. But it was fun.
Rehearsal went all right-except for cousin being late because of other cousin and blah. So that was a little hectic and stressful BUT we all got through it and hopefully we all remember what to do, haha. I'll have the planners and people out there helping us, but it is a bit nerve-racking to think about. I don't want to trip over my dress! Biggest fear right there. But I think it'll be okay. We just have to get through the ~half hour ceremony and we'll be good.
Rehearsal dinner was great...though I ended up making an impromptu speech. Everyone's speeches/toasts kept thanking me so it was really weird. I was like "Why me, why not poke at Clark more D8" so I ended up talking and as usual I was kind of all over the place (in a good way) and it was funny...until I got to the emotional parts and tried very hard not to break down crying but still ended up choking up and struggling to get through it. I was thanking everyone, thanking Clark, thanking this moment that we could all of our family, including those from overseas that I wasn't even sure would come due to some circumstances.
But it was...yeah. It's still kind of surreal. Like, everyone is all excited and on clouds whereas I'm more lowkeyed and just keeping like "This is another thing I will get through."
Like, I am excited. But not super pumped. Of course I hardly am so no real surprise. In some ways I think I'm subconsciously forcing myself to be calm so I won't be stressed. It's that or I might some kind of...emotional problem /coughs. Like I know I'm apathetic but this is to a level that might be a little unhealthy...
But I am excited. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the end. It is a bit scary, too. I keep thinking I might not be wife material. But at the same time I really want it and we'll see where I grow from there.
In possibly exactly 12 hours from now (it's 12:32AM) I may be married. Give or take a few minutes (really depends how long the ceremony will be). But around there.
So the next time I write an entry...well I guess "laenavesse" works in some ways, haha. But I'll have to start thinking of something different.
This entry was originally posted on my DW journal here.