❧ seventeenth: heyo
Wow.
Last entry was...back on June 1st. I should have written this entry for the 12/12/12 but yeah no. I'm technically writing this a little earlier than planned, too, but I have about 30 minutes to kill before heading out for my last exam of the semester and I'll go crazy if I don't do something.
So yeah, for those who only follow me via journals-I'M ALIVE. For those who follow me on Plurk-well you know most of what I'm about to write (I think). I don't really do really true RL snippets on Plurk, but at least y'all know I'm alive :'D
So...where to begin. I suppose we'll start with the not fun things (law) and then to future things/miscellaneous (wedding, life choices, what are they)? I'm also playing Guild Wars 2 but I'll save an entry for that tomorrow since Wintersday will be starting and then I can make proper screencaps of my characters... Oh and RP stuff. I have to discuss stuff about that, too. Uuuuh. That may go at the end here.
Right-o, here we go!
law school i am almost done with you.
So for those who were wondering since my last entry, yes I did continue into my third, and final, year of law school. Today is my last exam for the semester (Secured Transactions) and while I have no clue how I'll do and I am apprehensive (as always) about how I did with my other classes, it'll be done and I at least know enough for a C? Hopefully? God I hate that feeling.
Anyway, assuming I pass this semester, I'll only have one semester left. Assuming I pass that one, I will graduate. (Don't you love my conditionals? Assume this, assume that-shows how much confidence I have, huh?) After I graduate, I will then be married to Clark and living in Birmingham where I'll either be working or teaching. More on that later.
But here are my thoughts so far in comparison to the ocean of angst I spewed earlier in the year. I still don't like law. I still don't want to be a lawyer. I still won't take the bar exam. However, my mental state has greatly improved since then. I'm not trying to fail myself out. I still want to kill my classes, but for more normal reasons-they're classes, it's school, I'm a student, of course I want to kill them. I might not have put as much work in, but I feel about the same as I did in previous semesters in terms of knowing things.
Rather than going, "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE" I'm now trying harder to just think of this as another step to where I need to go. It was a bit nerve-wracking to tell people that I wasn't taking the bar exam. Since it's our third year, everyone is talking about the bar and where they would be going. Me having to say "I'm not taking the bar exam and I might end up teaching" was very hard. I had to deal with the whole "This was not what they expected!!!" issue that I have (more on that later) and had to stop thinking that I'm being judged. Most went with the "Oh, really? That's cool." and moved on. One guy who sits behind me was like "Are you sure? You're here and you're going into something else? :|a" but he's an older guy and a dad so while it was similar to what my parents are saying, it's not as bad. And I just have to keep thinking it's okay. People are going to think many different things, and one of them will be the one I fear most: disapproval.
It's okay to have someone not agree with you.
Somehow I have no qualms about this notion in anything else except really important things that I care about regarding my life. I guess part of it is that I need some kind of certainty or reassurance or I'll start thinking it's the wrong thing. And I don't like being wrong about certain things, but I'm drifting again.
Personal issues interlacing this topic aside, I'm almost done with it. I'll have my JD and I'll do SOMETHING with it and I don't feel as anxious about that SOMETHING because I have a few things in mind that I will try to proactively pursue. And overall, I think being in law school has helped me a lot. One, it's made me face my personal issues (big time) and two, I've learned a lot of skills that will help me. And having the JD will boost me in terms of jobs and, possibly, school.
This semester overall has been okay. I think I've talked more in my classes this semester than in all of the previous years. Especially in Family and Secured Transactions. I actually raised questions (GASP) and did fairly okay in them. I've had a few stumbles where I wasn't prepared or where I completely could not remember a case from the previous week and had forgotten we were going over that instead of the assigned day's reading. (ie, I read the wrong thing though it was technically right). But these were things I had always been afraid of, so this forced me to have to say "I'm sorry, I don't know" and hearing a "That's perfectly okay, thank you for being honest" was very, very reassuring. Of course that made me be like "CAN'T MESS UP AGAIN" but well. I've had lackluster performances but while I was mentally screaming at myself...I wasn't hung up over it. Obviously I remember it, but I'm not dwelling on it. I can shrug it off and move on and just say "Okay, I had a bad day today. Let's not have it happen again. It's okay."
-brief interlude, I went to take my exam and at this point of the entry I have returned. IT WAS HARD. I'M AFRAID. BUT OH WELL.
So where was I. Oh yes, law school generally. Anyway, as I said before, compared to how I was six months ago, I am in a much better place. I still get ragged on a little by my parents about not going into law, but once I really start looking into the other things I want to do, then they'll probably feel better. There's also this place that (through Dad) offered to let me kind of shadow/observe what they do. I need to call them because I think it would be good not because I want to be in law, but just for experience in general. Whether I'm applying to another school or for a job, experience will be good.
We'll see what the next semester brings.
wedding planning.
My layout is still like this for a reason, and I don't think I'll ever change it now. Maybe not even after I'm actually married (unless I find another cute couple-y image). Anyway, the wedding date is June 22, 2013 and we've gotten a lot of the big stuff out of the way. Dress has been decided, church booked, reception place booked, guest lists being finalized with hotels. It's actually a good thing I got all the big stuff out of the way because apparently June 22nd is a hot date for marriages.
Of course, now we gotta figure out the rest. With six months to go, I still need to figure out bridesmaid dresses, photography, wedding cake, wedding invitations, and possibly getting a wedding planner. Yeah, it's kind of weird getting one now when most of the big stuff has been dealt with, but it won't hurt. Won't hurt if we can't get one either.
I'm actually the most laid-back, apathetic bride in the world right now. It's both a good and bad thing. Good side, I'm not stressing over things. Bad side, I'm not being as motivated/stressed about things that I should be. My parents, on the other hand, have decided to do that for me. They're constantly telling me "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS NOW." and I'm like "Uh, I have school/exams right now. Backseat. It is over there /POINT."
:|a On the other hand, people are telling me "You still have time~ You still have time~" so it's like...I don't know? At any rate, I'm FORCING myself to at the very least get everything else rolling if not completed. At least if it's started my parents will be appeased and I'll also feel better. I'll admit I'm also starting to get a bit anxious, but I don't know if it's because of my parents being anxious about it that's bleeding in. Still, it's at the six month marker. I want to get things now before my next semester starts.
Also, I have to contact the church again. Man, my priest is really running me around. I keep trying to call him so he can set up the adult classes for me and Clark, but I never get him and I think his e-mail hates mine :| At this point I've just been like "...." and I know I should call him again. I'll try again tomorrow/within the week. It's just...kind of frustrating. Even when I see him at church. It's also come to the point where I feel awkward seeing him?? Because it's like "Uh, Father...you know you...still...haven't gotten back to me, right..."
/sighs.
Otherwise, things are doing well. Clark and I have decided to go to the UK for honeymoon! It'll likely be mostly London, but I'd also like to see Scotland and Ireland if possible. We'll be there for probably 10 days? Aah it'll be fun and exciting! (Our first choice was Japan but pfft. Maybe save that for another occasion :3 We'll get there one day!)
But yeah, I'm excited despite my otherwise apathetic attitude. I just can't wait to be married and get out of here.
what the future awaits.
So it's been mentioned/hinted at in the "law" section, but I shall finally explain stuff down here. In short, I've decided to be one of two things: a teacher (or professor) or some kind of copy editor.
...Yeah the last one probably seems weird for a law student. I'm sure any potential employers will give me odd looks, too. But that is what I'm going to pursue. Originally I was going to really shoot for a high school teacher, but upon further retrospection, perhaps being a college professor in the English department would be better. I would prefer focusing on writing, though, rather than literature. Not that I can't, but for some reason I want to help with practical things. Also probably because I just had three years of having to read and interpret a shit ton of cases >_>;
Downside of going for a teaching career is that I'd have to take at least 2 years of either education or getting my masters in English. I mean, that's kind of why I preferred high school teaching. I think I'd get more out of it dealing with high school kids. On the other hand...high school. No offense to anyone, but man, dealing with people on internet is like dealing with high schoolers no matter HOW OLD you are. And part of me wants to try and make some kind of impact early on so there are less of those and more mature young adults when they get to college. That and I know first hand how horrible freshmen can be when they write their first college papers. It's like "Were you not taught anything in high school????"
Which is why I also would not mind just being a copy editor. I mean goddammit, I have a bachelor's in English and I got a JD and jeez writing papers and research is definitely something I should be able to do \o_O/
Okay, ideally I'd rather write my own works and be published-or work in some creative department for games or movies. But I'm in Alabama. Lolololololol.
Also, I am a bit hesitant about going back to school (again) because when I get married, unless I have a part-time job somewhere, Clark will be the only one paying income. So I'm starting to think that going on the job market direct would be the best route. Unless my JD can somehow land me a teaching career without it being law, I just really wanna help with the income :\ I don't want to have student loans and expenses hanging over us and me feeling like I'm not helping any. Clark can support us, but it would still be tight and rough and yeah I'd feel guilty.
Good news is I am not doing this alone! I went to my alumni advisor at BSC last month to talk about this. I need to get back with him, but I haven't had time to really look up things. Now that it's Christmas break, I'll be looking into that as well as the wedding stuff. Yeah, this month break will be me really working on my future.
And, if I really have to, depending on how my shadowing works at that firm, I may consider applying to work in some non-legal position at a firm. I hate writing legal memos and research papers, but I have this degree. I have to use it somehow if I need to. (Still not taking the bar even if you paid me.)
So all in all, it's still...kind of questionable what I'm doing. HOWEVER this is less questionable than what I was stressing about several months ago. Back then, I had nothing. Hell, even after I graduated college, I had nothing. I know this is late, but I have to focus and force myself to get my life straightened out. I can't just sit here hoping things will go right.
I have to not be afraid and not be anxious about it.
rping.
And the whole "writing" thing nicely segues into RPing. It may not look like it, but there is a kind of strange flow to my topics....
...Maybe.
Anyway, it's been up and down. I really blame Guild Wars 2 for my less than stellar performance lately |Da I will not lie, I spend a lot of my free time playing it, though usually it's only with Clark. My early days where I spent every waking moment working on my solo character is done >_>; He's already maxed out and just has the World v. World maps left to map.
...Right, I'm digressing.
As I said, it's been up and down. I dropped Tamaki from
somarium back in August (the game is over four years now ;a;) and I think my motivation had went to an all time low after that. It was (and still is) so damn depressing...I had him there for four years. Four years. No drops, no canon updates. He was like that for four years. But I did everything I ever wanted and more with him. He married Haruhi, a feat that I doubt anyone else has accomplished in RP, and they were together for a while before they were both dropped.
Hm...my current roster there is now: Ace, Cid Highwind, Death the Kid, Ryuuji Takasu, and Spyro the Dragon. Lol, yes, I apped Spyro into Somarium. It's actually been a lot of fun! He's my perky adventurous type character that I need.
Things are otherwise going well there and we've started the next arc. We've also broken a lot of records in LJ/DWRP history, I think. Things that are normally done when a game closes-killed off the main NPCs, destroyed the actual setting and forced characters out, destroyed several key structures and locations. I think there's more. But Somarium has a lot of, what I think at least, a lot of amazing changes that will be done to make the game continue to evolve into something fresh and new. Technically it's incorporating things that have already existed and just make them more of the center point, but plotwise-man I can't wait 8D
As for
soul_campaign, I was selected to be the NPC mod over the summer after Yukeh dropped. So I'm still there with just Kid, and I've been managing all right. Things have been kind of crazy with the older mods dropping and other game structure shuffling that's been going on. I've been helping with that where I can, though I feel bad because I haven't been around as much this past monthish due to my lack of RP motivation in general as well as focusing on Somarium. Thankfully they understand that Somarium will always be my main priority, and once this stretch of modly things have been handled, things will be back to its normal pace mod-wise.
Though I seriously need to get back into my games. I've been really slacking these past two months. I hope to remedy that this month and the upcoming months. I guess I never do well when games are shuffling around/changing on the mod side. All that wooork :|
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And then all that's left to write about is Guild Wars 2 \o/ But this is long so I'll just end here. I feel like I had more to say, but I'm sure I'll get it when I remember.
This entry was originally posted on my DW journal here.
Last entry was...back on June 1st. I should have written this entry for the 12/12/12 but yeah no. I'm technically writing this a little earlier than planned, too, but I have about 30 minutes to kill before heading out for my last exam of the semester and I'll go crazy if I don't do something.
So yeah, for those who only follow me via journals-I'M ALIVE. For those who follow me on Plurk-well you know most of what I'm about to write (I think). I don't really do really true RL snippets on Plurk, but at least y'all know I'm alive :'D
So...where to begin. I suppose we'll start with the not fun things (law) and then to future things/miscellaneous (wedding, life choices, what are they)? I'm also playing Guild Wars 2 but I'll save an entry for that tomorrow since Wintersday will be starting and then I can make proper screencaps of my characters... Oh and RP stuff. I have to discuss stuff about that, too. Uuuuh. That may go at the end here.
Right-o, here we go!
law school i am almost done with you.
So for those who were wondering since my last entry, yes I did continue into my third, and final, year of law school. Today is my last exam for the semester (Secured Transactions) and while I have no clue how I'll do and I am apprehensive (as always) about how I did with my other classes, it'll be done and I at least know enough for a C? Hopefully? God I hate that feeling.
Anyway, assuming I pass this semester, I'll only have one semester left. Assuming I pass that one, I will graduate. (Don't you love my conditionals? Assume this, assume that-shows how much confidence I have, huh?) After I graduate, I will then be married to Clark and living in Birmingham where I'll either be working or teaching. More on that later.
But here are my thoughts so far in comparison to the ocean of angst I spewed earlier in the year. I still don't like law. I still don't want to be a lawyer. I still won't take the bar exam. However, my mental state has greatly improved since then. I'm not trying to fail myself out. I still want to kill my classes, but for more normal reasons-they're classes, it's school, I'm a student, of course I want to kill them. I might not have put as much work in, but I feel about the same as I did in previous semesters in terms of knowing things.
Rather than going, "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE" I'm now trying harder to just think of this as another step to where I need to go. It was a bit nerve-wracking to tell people that I wasn't taking the bar exam. Since it's our third year, everyone is talking about the bar and where they would be going. Me having to say "I'm not taking the bar exam and I might end up teaching" was very hard. I had to deal with the whole "This was not what they expected!!!" issue that I have (more on that later) and had to stop thinking that I'm being judged. Most went with the "Oh, really? That's cool." and moved on. One guy who sits behind me was like "Are you sure? You're here and you're going into something else? :|a" but he's an older guy and a dad so while it was similar to what my parents are saying, it's not as bad. And I just have to keep thinking it's okay. People are going to think many different things, and one of them will be the one I fear most: disapproval.
It's okay to have someone not agree with you.
Somehow I have no qualms about this notion in anything else except really important things that I care about regarding my life. I guess part of it is that I need some kind of certainty or reassurance or I'll start thinking it's the wrong thing. And I don't like being wrong about certain things, but I'm drifting again.
Personal issues interlacing this topic aside, I'm almost done with it. I'll have my JD and I'll do SOMETHING with it and I don't feel as anxious about that SOMETHING because I have a few things in mind that I will try to proactively pursue. And overall, I think being in law school has helped me a lot. One, it's made me face my personal issues (big time) and two, I've learned a lot of skills that will help me. And having the JD will boost me in terms of jobs and, possibly, school.
This semester overall has been okay. I think I've talked more in my classes this semester than in all of the previous years. Especially in Family and Secured Transactions. I actually raised questions (GASP) and did fairly okay in them. I've had a few stumbles where I wasn't prepared or where I completely could not remember a case from the previous week and had forgotten we were going over that instead of the assigned day's reading. (ie, I read the wrong thing though it was technically right). But these were things I had always been afraid of, so this forced me to have to say "I'm sorry, I don't know" and hearing a "That's perfectly okay, thank you for being honest" was very, very reassuring. Of course that made me be like "CAN'T MESS UP AGAIN" but well. I've had lackluster performances but while I was mentally screaming at myself...I wasn't hung up over it. Obviously I remember it, but I'm not dwelling on it. I can shrug it off and move on and just say "Okay, I had a bad day today. Let's not have it happen again. It's okay."
-brief interlude, I went to take my exam and at this point of the entry I have returned. IT WAS HARD. I'M AFRAID. BUT OH WELL.
So where was I. Oh yes, law school generally. Anyway, as I said before, compared to how I was six months ago, I am in a much better place. I still get ragged on a little by my parents about not going into law, but once I really start looking into the other things I want to do, then they'll probably feel better. There's also this place that (through Dad) offered to let me kind of shadow/observe what they do. I need to call them because I think it would be good not because I want to be in law, but just for experience in general. Whether I'm applying to another school or for a job, experience will be good.
We'll see what the next semester brings.
wedding planning.
My layout is still like this for a reason, and I don't think I'll ever change it now. Maybe not even after I'm actually married (unless I find another cute couple-y image). Anyway, the wedding date is June 22, 2013 and we've gotten a lot of the big stuff out of the way. Dress has been decided, church booked, reception place booked, guest lists being finalized with hotels. It's actually a good thing I got all the big stuff out of the way because apparently June 22nd is a hot date for marriages.
Of course, now we gotta figure out the rest. With six months to go, I still need to figure out bridesmaid dresses, photography, wedding cake, wedding invitations, and possibly getting a wedding planner. Yeah, it's kind of weird getting one now when most of the big stuff has been dealt with, but it won't hurt. Won't hurt if we can't get one either.
I'm actually the most laid-back, apathetic bride in the world right now. It's both a good and bad thing. Good side, I'm not stressing over things. Bad side, I'm not being as motivated/stressed about things that I should be. My parents, on the other hand, have decided to do that for me. They're constantly telling me "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS NOW." and I'm like "Uh, I have school/exams right now. Backseat. It is over there /POINT."
:|a On the other hand, people are telling me "You still have time~ You still have time~" so it's like...I don't know? At any rate, I'm FORCING myself to at the very least get everything else rolling if not completed. At least if it's started my parents will be appeased and I'll also feel better. I'll admit I'm also starting to get a bit anxious, but I don't know if it's because of my parents being anxious about it that's bleeding in. Still, it's at the six month marker. I want to get things now before my next semester starts.
Also, I have to contact the church again. Man, my priest is really running me around. I keep trying to call him so he can set up the adult classes for me and Clark, but I never get him and I think his e-mail hates mine :| At this point I've just been like "...." and I know I should call him again. I'll try again tomorrow/within the week. It's just...kind of frustrating. Even when I see him at church. It's also come to the point where I feel awkward seeing him?? Because it's like "Uh, Father...you know you...still...haven't gotten back to me, right..."
/sighs.
Otherwise, things are doing well. Clark and I have decided to go to the UK for honeymoon! It'll likely be mostly London, but I'd also like to see Scotland and Ireland if possible. We'll be there for probably 10 days? Aah it'll be fun and exciting! (Our first choice was Japan but pfft. Maybe save that for another occasion :3 We'll get there one day!)
But yeah, I'm excited despite my otherwise apathetic attitude. I just can't wait to be married and get out of here.
what the future awaits.
So it's been mentioned/hinted at in the "law" section, but I shall finally explain stuff down here. In short, I've decided to be one of two things: a teacher (or professor) or some kind of copy editor.
...Yeah the last one probably seems weird for a law student. I'm sure any potential employers will give me odd looks, too. But that is what I'm going to pursue. Originally I was going to really shoot for a high school teacher, but upon further retrospection, perhaps being a college professor in the English department would be better. I would prefer focusing on writing, though, rather than literature. Not that I can't, but for some reason I want to help with practical things. Also probably because I just had three years of having to read and interpret a shit ton of cases >_>;
Downside of going for a teaching career is that I'd have to take at least 2 years of either education or getting my masters in English. I mean, that's kind of why I preferred high school teaching. I think I'd get more out of it dealing with high school kids. On the other hand...high school. No offense to anyone, but man, dealing with people on internet is like dealing with high schoolers no matter HOW OLD you are. And part of me wants to try and make some kind of impact early on so there are less of those and more mature young adults when they get to college. That and I know first hand how horrible freshmen can be when they write their first college papers. It's like "Were you not taught anything in high school????"
Which is why I also would not mind just being a copy editor. I mean goddammit, I have a bachelor's in English and I got a JD and jeez writing papers and research is definitely something I should be able to do \o_O/
Okay, ideally I'd rather write my own works and be published-or work in some creative department for games or movies. But I'm in Alabama. Lolololololol.
Also, I am a bit hesitant about going back to school (again) because when I get married, unless I have a part-time job somewhere, Clark will be the only one paying income. So I'm starting to think that going on the job market direct would be the best route. Unless my JD can somehow land me a teaching career without it being law, I just really wanna help with the income :\ I don't want to have student loans and expenses hanging over us and me feeling like I'm not helping any. Clark can support us, but it would still be tight and rough and yeah I'd feel guilty.
Good news is I am not doing this alone! I went to my alumni advisor at BSC last month to talk about this. I need to get back with him, but I haven't had time to really look up things. Now that it's Christmas break, I'll be looking into that as well as the wedding stuff. Yeah, this month break will be me really working on my future.
And, if I really have to, depending on how my shadowing works at that firm, I may consider applying to work in some non-legal position at a firm. I hate writing legal memos and research papers, but I have this degree. I have to use it somehow if I need to. (Still not taking the bar even if you paid me.)
So all in all, it's still...kind of questionable what I'm doing. HOWEVER this is less questionable than what I was stressing about several months ago. Back then, I had nothing. Hell, even after I graduated college, I had nothing. I know this is late, but I have to focus and force myself to get my life straightened out. I can't just sit here hoping things will go right.
I have to not be afraid and not be anxious about it.
rping.
And the whole "writing" thing nicely segues into RPing. It may not look like it, but there is a kind of strange flow to my topics....
...Maybe.
Anyway, it's been up and down. I really blame Guild Wars 2 for my less than stellar performance lately |Da I will not lie, I spend a lot of my free time playing it, though usually it's only with Clark. My early days where I spent every waking moment working on my solo character is done >_>; He's already maxed out and just has the World v. World maps left to map.
...Right, I'm digressing.
As I said, it's been up and down. I dropped Tamaki from
somarium back in August (the game is over four years now ;a;) and I think my motivation had went to an all time low after that. It was (and still is) so damn depressing...I had him there for four years. Four years. No drops, no canon updates. He was like that for four years. But I did everything I ever wanted and more with him. He married Haruhi, a feat that I doubt anyone else has accomplished in RP, and they were together for a while before they were both dropped.
Hm...my current roster there is now: Ace, Cid Highwind, Death the Kid, Ryuuji Takasu, and Spyro the Dragon. Lol, yes, I apped Spyro into Somarium. It's actually been a lot of fun! He's my perky adventurous type character that I need.
Things are otherwise going well there and we've started the next arc. We've also broken a lot of records in LJ/DWRP history, I think. Things that are normally done when a game closes-killed off the main NPCs, destroyed the actual setting and forced characters out, destroyed several key structures and locations. I think there's more. But Somarium has a lot of, what I think at least, a lot of amazing changes that will be done to make the game continue to evolve into something fresh and new. Technically it's incorporating things that have already existed and just make them more of the center point, but plotwise-man I can't wait 8D
As for
soul_campaign, I was selected to be the NPC mod over the summer after Yukeh dropped. So I'm still there with just Kid, and I've been managing all right. Things have been kind of crazy with the older mods dropping and other game structure shuffling that's been going on. I've been helping with that where I can, though I feel bad because I haven't been around as much this past monthish due to my lack of RP motivation in general as well as focusing on Somarium. Thankfully they understand that Somarium will always be my main priority, and once this stretch of modly things have been handled, things will be back to its normal pace mod-wise.
Though I seriously need to get back into my games. I've been really slacking these past two months. I hope to remedy that this month and the upcoming months. I guess I never do well when games are shuffling around/changing on the mod side. All that wooork :|
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And then all that's left to write about is Guild Wars 2 \o/ But this is long so I'll just end here. I feel like I had more to say, but I'm sure I'll get it when I remember.
This entry was originally posted on my DW journal here.