It's a good thing I had pancakes today.
Been awhile since I posted stuff other than memes and fic prompts. I dropped the ball on advent calendar but I'm hoping to finish the prompt I owe soon. *crosses fingers*
I got everyone's Christmas cards and I loved them. *hugs* Hope everyone got the ones I sent out by now! :D
I actually just wanted to babble a little bit because someone on my f-list posted about her experience with an "inappropriate body policing comment" and I was going to respond and just started ranting about my own issues and instead of hitting post I thought I'd rather put it up here in my own space instead of unloading on her.
So...
"Oh man. I /hate/ that. When people think they have the right to make comments about your body it's just...ugh.
And it gets me from both sexes, just in different ways. Females usually make comments like "Oh, you could be so much cuter if you had your eyebrows done/wore contacts/had your hair done/etc." Which usually just gets a non-commital grunt from me and wishes for justified stabbings.
From males I get the surprised looks when I "dress up" and the comments that I "clean up good" and should "do it more often". And oh how I wish that I could snap that I don't dress up for their benefit and I can dress as I damned well please without starting some shitstorm.
It's one of the reasons I don't dress up. Because it seems like some guys take it like some green light that I'm dressing up for /them/ and that I want their attention. I dress up for me, because I want to feel pretty not because I want some guy to "notice" me.
And it's seriously not for compliments. I'm good with compliments like "oh, your dress is so cute! I love your shoes! etc" but I get uncomfortable with the whole "Wow, you look hot." I like looking in the mirror and thinking that a certain dress/jeans/shirt makes my waist/shoulders/hips/cleavage/butt look nice, but I just get uncomfortable when people I barely know pay me those kinds of compliments.
Except, I guess it's expected? Men especially have been conditioned to tell women they're attractive because they think that that's what women want to hear. It's a compliment, right? But I don't need the compliments of people I barely know to give me a boost. And I especially don't like or feel complimented when someone tells me they consider me sexually attractive; mostly, I think, because I'm asexual so sex thoughts that involve me are major DNW. Which I guess is why the "hot" compliments bother me because it feels to me as if saying "You look hot." is akin to "You're sexually attractive." and when it's someone who's trying to hit on me I tend to translate it to "I want to have sex with you." and I could be wrong and I might be right in my interpretation of it because I sometimes miss all the sexual nuances that sexual people put out there. And I tend to translate it this way because when I don't it turns out that I should have and I'm left feeling uncomfortable when someone makes it clear that that they're considering me in a sexual manner because I don't think of myself that way and I didn't think of them that way either. Am I making any sense?
And If I want an opinion on how I look I ask my closest friends; not if I look hot, but if an outfit is suitable for a certain occasion, if a certain hairstyle is working, if my make-up is uneven because I trust them and they know me. So when they say "you look good" I can say "thank you" and feel good about it because they're not my friends because I look good, they're my friends because they know /me/ and they would still go out in public with me if I was a total mess. Which I usually am. :D
And don't even get me started on the weight thing. I hate the whole approval thing as if I'm a pet that's just done a trick. "Oh, it's so great you're worried about your health! And you're going to look so much hotter!" from people who barely know you. And the implied message that you need to lose weight to look better and fit in with what society considers attractive which is a tiny dress size, a high hemline and a low neckline and it's about time you got with the program because how are you ever going to get a guy walking around in jeans and a shirt?
And....I'm ranting.
*sigh*
It's one of the reasons I do love Tim [from NCIS]. Now that he's a little leaner they haven't had women throwing themselves at him because he's not "fat" anymore. He's still McGeek which is why I loved him in the first place.
"
Have I told you I love you guys? Lots and lots, yo!
I got everyone's Christmas cards and I loved them. *hugs* Hope everyone got the ones I sent out by now! :D
I actually just wanted to babble a little bit because someone on my f-list posted about her experience with an "inappropriate body policing comment" and I was going to respond and just started ranting about my own issues and instead of hitting post I thought I'd rather put it up here in my own space instead of unloading on her.
So...
"Oh man. I /hate/ that. When people think they have the right to make comments about your body it's just...ugh.
And it gets me from both sexes, just in different ways. Females usually make comments like "Oh, you could be so much cuter if you had your eyebrows done/wore contacts/had your hair done/etc." Which usually just gets a non-commital grunt from me and wishes for justified stabbings.
From males I get the surprised looks when I "dress up" and the comments that I "clean up good" and should "do it more often". And oh how I wish that I could snap that I don't dress up for their benefit and I can dress as I damned well please without starting some shitstorm.
It's one of the reasons I don't dress up. Because it seems like some guys take it like some green light that I'm dressing up for /them/ and that I want their attention. I dress up for me, because I want to feel pretty not because I want some guy to "notice" me.
And it's seriously not for compliments. I'm good with compliments like "oh, your dress is so cute! I love your shoes! etc" but I get uncomfortable with the whole "Wow, you look hot." I like looking in the mirror and thinking that a certain dress/jeans/shirt makes my waist/shoulders/hips/cleavage/butt look nice, but I just get uncomfortable when people I barely know pay me those kinds of compliments.
Except, I guess it's expected? Men especially have been conditioned to tell women they're attractive because they think that that's what women want to hear. It's a compliment, right? But I don't need the compliments of people I barely know to give me a boost. And I especially don't like or feel complimented when someone tells me they consider me sexually attractive; mostly, I think, because I'm asexual so sex thoughts that involve me are major DNW. Which I guess is why the "hot" compliments bother me because it feels to me as if saying "You look hot." is akin to "You're sexually attractive." and when it's someone who's trying to hit on me I tend to translate it to "I want to have sex with you." and I could be wrong and I might be right in my interpretation of it because I sometimes miss all the sexual nuances that sexual people put out there. And I tend to translate it this way because when I don't it turns out that I should have and I'm left feeling uncomfortable when someone makes it clear that that they're considering me in a sexual manner because I don't think of myself that way and I didn't think of them that way either. Am I making any sense?
And If I want an opinion on how I look I ask my closest friends; not if I look hot, but if an outfit is suitable for a certain occasion, if a certain hairstyle is working, if my make-up is uneven because I trust them and they know me. So when they say "you look good" I can say "thank you" and feel good about it because they're not my friends because I look good, they're my friends because they know /me/ and they would still go out in public with me if I was a total mess. Which I usually am. :D
And don't even get me started on the weight thing. I hate the whole approval thing as if I'm a pet that's just done a trick. "Oh, it's so great you're worried about your health! And you're going to look so much hotter!" from people who barely know you. And the implied message that you need to lose weight to look better and fit in with what society considers attractive which is a tiny dress size, a high hemline and a low neckline and it's about time you got with the program because how are you ever going to get a guy walking around in jeans and a shirt?
And....I'm ranting.
*sigh*
It's one of the reasons I do love Tim [from NCIS]. Now that he's a little leaner they haven't had women throwing themselves at him because he's not "fat" anymore. He's still McGeek which is why I loved him in the first place.
"
Have I told you I love you guys? Lots and lots, yo!