So Eye See
Here is a puzzle that I'm coping with these days:
- My eyes are really bad. I'm told I'm seeing 20-20, but it is very hard to focus and/or process what I'm seeing. The world is full of halos or clouds, and the black letters on the Eye Charts all have siamese twins. I'm sensitive to light and, lately, it hurts to try to focus on faces when people are talking. To compensate for this I have started NOT focusing on people as they talk--either looking at nothing much or closing my eyes entirely. Which is actually much more relaxing. In general, I'm relying on my eyes much less and on the people around me more. The downside is I can't read very well, and my driving is limited.
I'm told I have cateracts but they're not remarkable cateracts, and however rare it might be that I have them at my age it isn't remarkably rare. I could have them sliced and diced, and frankly I would really appreciate having my eyesight BACK, but I'm befuddled and grumpy over no two of my doctors ever reaching a definitive consensus about any damn thing. I'm distrustful of the guy who's more than happy to cut into my eyeballs, and I'm distrustful of the guy who wants try half a dozen other things and milk me for steady office visits and co-pays. Also I can't help but wonder if it's another one for the Mysterious Symptoms board and I think it might merit an MRI because when was the last time we looked at all of that? But also, fucking hell, I'm tired of trying to diagnose my own zebra.
So in the meantime, I'm just sitting here, squinting at stuff like the blind old woman I always knew I would become--and always was, at heart.
- My eyes are really bad. I'm told I'm seeing 20-20, but it is very hard to focus and/or process what I'm seeing. The world is full of halos or clouds, and the black letters on the Eye Charts all have siamese twins. I'm sensitive to light and, lately, it hurts to try to focus on faces when people are talking. To compensate for this I have started NOT focusing on people as they talk--either looking at nothing much or closing my eyes entirely. Which is actually much more relaxing. In general, I'm relying on my eyes much less and on the people around me more. The downside is I can't read very well, and my driving is limited.
I'm told I have cateracts but they're not remarkable cateracts, and however rare it might be that I have them at my age it isn't remarkably rare. I could have them sliced and diced, and frankly I would really appreciate having my eyesight BACK, but I'm befuddled and grumpy over no two of my doctors ever reaching a definitive consensus about any damn thing. I'm distrustful of the guy who's more than happy to cut into my eyeballs, and I'm distrustful of the guy who wants try half a dozen other things and milk me for steady office visits and co-pays. Also I can't help but wonder if it's another one for the Mysterious Symptoms board and I think it might merit an MRI because when was the last time we looked at all of that? But also, fucking hell, I'm tired of trying to diagnose my own zebra.
So in the meantime, I'm just sitting here, squinting at stuff like the blind old woman I always knew I would become--and always was, at heart.