Does This Mean I'm...?

May 01, 2013 21:40

So I've come to realise over the past few weeks just how much I've changed as a person, and I feel that it's definitely for the positive.

It's taken a long time, a lot of downs, some ups, the loss of many friends and the realisation that I'm not so good at making new ones... but I think I've finally gown up.

I'm certainly not the child I used to be, even a year ago. I've finally learned how to use my own voice in the world, give my opinion and be okay the happenings of my dark and evil mind. I've come to understand the need for me time and that it's okay to ask for it.

This might sound silly to some, but I'm finally learned how to say "no" and that is massive. I no longer do what I don't want to - and for many years, the things that I didn't want to do were taking up so much time that it now actually hurts to think about.

I'm no longer the child who will go on that road trip when I don't have the money, am totally exhausted and would really rather scream than listen to someone prattle on about their problems, knowing full well they will never listen to mine.
I'm no longer the child that will attend any event that I'm asked to, out of fear of letting people now.
I'm no longer the child that will nod meekly when told she probably has depression because she's not happy in a relationship (no, ex's mother, clearly it was depression and not the fact that I was exhausted by your son's constant berating of me, temper tantrums, laziness and getting angry when I hung out with my friends. CLEARLY it was all my head.)
I'm no longer the child that will make excuses for others just to try and make myself seem less for them.
I'm no longer the child that will hide what I enjoy doing because I'm afraid of the label it will give me.
I'm no longer the child that cannot ask for help.

A few work issues aside and a still healing heart, I am happier now than I have ever been. I'm okay with accepting what I and not feeling pressured to take what I don't. I've learned to enjoy what I want to enjoy, not because someone else has told me to. I'm (almost) able to let the past be the past and look to the future.

The only problem is... I don't know what I want to have in that future.

life, randomness, thoughts

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