Some excerpts
I thought I'd do a post with another couple of excerpts from things I've been working on. Please don't feel shy about commenting. I could really do with some feedback. Sometimes I feel as if I'm never going to improve and become publishable.
The first excerpt is from 'Dischord' aka the metal novel. I stil have a sneaking fondness for this even though it is a Grade A mess.
When Maggie arrived fashionably late at La Gavrochè she looked Luci up and down so much Luci shrank from the scrutiny.
“Do you really go to work like that?"
For some reason Maggie’s little jibe needled her more than she cared to admit.
“I’d look bloody stupid wearing a suit at ‘Steel Blade’. At least I fit into the scene. Fans and artists can relate to me a bit more."
“Hmm, as long as you’re happy, sweetie.” she said with a dubious wrinkle of her distinguished Roman nose, looking down smugly at her own smart boucle Chloe suit which probably cost more than the deposit on Luci’s flat. “I suppose it’s just like camouflage isn’t it? Who are these-” she peered ostentatiously at her skinny tee shirt. "-Children of Bodom anyway?"
Luci rolled her eyes as the Major Domo appeared. He looked askance at her bright purple and black hair, tee shirt and ripped jeans.
“It’s alright, Pierre. She’s with me."
The guy actually had the cheek to wrinkle his nose insolently at her as he guided them to a discreet table in the corner, ideal for people spotting.
“Very good, Madam."
Maggie smirked. “You really can’t get the staff these days, can you?"
As they sat down, Luci hoped this would be over very soon. Twenty minutes tops or I’ll have to drink myself into a stupor.
"So, Luci. My darling. What’s your expert opinion on the Serenity’s Gaze scandal?"
Luci savoured the moment. Even though Maggie couldn’t seem to stop herself from sounding like a patronising bitch, she was coming to me for help. I have to try and remember that.
“Female jealousy. Mel and Helena never got on. It was only a matter of time before it ended in tears."
“So you don’t think-” said Maggie delicately, as she sipped her Riesling "-that it’s not all to do with Johannes Parviainen? I mean obviously I wasn’t there of course, but it’s pretty good motivation. You’re friends with Mel. Do you know whether she had a thing for him?"
Luci rolled her eyes. “Before they actually went on tour she wouldn’t shut up about him. Johannes this and Johannes that. I used to tease her about her crush on him all the time."
“He’s a very handsome man, there’s no denying it, is there? All that brooding Nordic machismo. Those otherwordly eyes of his... And did you see that Valentino advert they did? When he looks at her so longingly and says in that sexy accent of his 'I loved her, beyond all hope...’” Luci was surprised to hear Maggie’s hard cultured voice trail off almost lasciviously. “It’s hard to blame any woman for falling for him. And he was so damn convincing as Helena’s unrequited lover. If he’d looked at me like that, I would have thrown myself at his feet and begged him to... They must have done it at least once.... See, my instinct about the whole thing is this: The two women didn’t clash over precedence. It was over a man. Johannes Parviainen. Think about it."
Luci frowned. "I’m not so sure, Maggie. I mean I’ve been trying to wheedle it out of them for months but they just deny it. It got rather nasty. His management threatened me with a lawsuit if I wouldn’t drop the angle."
"Aha! crowed Maggie.” He wouldn’t have taken any action if he didn’t have anything to hide! Practically an admission of guilt! He’s slept with her, depend on it!"
“There’s no way Steve would publish. He hates too much controversy. ‘Keep the stars sweet’ that’s his motto."
“Yes, well I think you’re wasting your time-"
“I like working at ‘Steel Blade’. It’s a great rock magazine. I’m not going to walk away from my dream job-” Luci snapped defensively, sick of Maggie’s superior attitude.
“No one asks you to do anything like that, silly! But you can’t keep working for Steve MacLeod. He’ll never promote you darling."
Why not? I’m good. He knows it. I know it. It’s only a matter of time. I’m his natural successor."
Maggie tinkled pleasantly.
“Luci, please try not to be so naive, charming as it is. What possible reason does he have for promoting you? It suits him just fine to have you interviewing all those sweaty rock stars while he sits on high, has all the power and dictates to a talented girl like you. You should take charge of your own destiny and oust him."
“What? You mean a coup?"
"Of course, my sweet. You told me that you’re their star writer. If you could organise a couple of hotshot leads... Make sure the publishers can see what a fantastic editor you’d be. How they’re missing out by keeping a stick in the mud like him in charge-"
Much as she hated to admit it, Luci had to concede Maggie was right.
“How would I do it?” she asked carefully.
“Ah, so now you’re interested, are you?” Maggie said, an amused smile playing round her scarlet painted lips. Alright, listen up my friend: when you get back, talk to your friend Mel. She’s at the heart of all this controversy, isn’t she? If you organised a sterling book deal with my friends at Fourth Estate about this you’d make a fucking mint. Make it controversial, the more the better. Then when you go to see the publishers you’ve got a little something to bargain with."
“When they renegotiate my contract, I’ll tell them I only want to stay if I get my promotion. To Editor."
“That’s exactly it."
The girls clinked glasses.
“It’s funny. Mel said pretty much the same thing when I interviewed her, a couple of days ago."
“You should listen to her. She’s a very smart and ambitious young lady, is Mel Ashford. Got great things ahead of her. Stick with her and you won’t go far wrong.”
As a complete change in tone this is the Thor fic that I'm strictly speaking not meant to be writing. I'm tentatively calling it 'Warprize' and it's all about Laufey wanting his son back from Odin and just how the sins of the parents affect the younger generation. I have great plans for this one. In fact I may be working on this for Nano, I dunno yet...
In this bit Laufey has come to Asgard as part of Peace talks but he has a ulterior motive.
“I was surprised you accepted my invitation to come here under the guise of peace.” Odin remarked as he shut the door on the rest of the court to give them privacy.
Laufey bared his teeth. It might have been a smile. Odin could not be sure.
“We are not complete savages, contrary to your beliefs here in Asgard.” Laufey’s deep rumble could be a laugh.
“There is something else that you took from me that day. Something that so far you have made no effort to offer restitution for.”
“I would almost think that you were hiding him from me. But you would not be so dishonest, or so rash-”
Odin was stung by the subtle insult offered by Laufey, in his own hall no less.
“Loki keeps to himself. He should have been here, but the boy is wilful. If he does not want to be found , then Heimdall himself would have trouble finding him. And if you mistreated him-”
“Tell me Laufey what was your real purpose in coming here today. In accepting my invitation?”
Laufey’s eyes gleamed, eager to leave aside pleasantries and do battle. “I want what is mine. I want what you took from me by stealth and trickery-“
“That is not true Laufey, and you know it.”
Laufey inclined his head, a mocking sneer twisting his face.“Do you deny what you did? I have never known Odin to lie without cause, to break his word to a fellow monarch.”
“Do you realise why you found him in the temple?”
“Because you had discarded him. So much for being his father.”
Laufey gave a mirthless chuckle. “Jotun children are dedicated in the temple for three days and nights. It is a sacred rite of ours. No, Odin. I hadn’t abandoned my son by any means. Because it was not enough to take our treasure, you had to take my son as well.”
“Think upon what I have told you and give me your answer. You have the reputation of a wise man. I’m sure you would like to keep it, would you not?”
Odin was still lost in thought as he approached his chambers. The Jotun had left Asgard eventually, not a moment too soon as far as he was concerned. He could still hear Laufey’s mocking voice is his ear, accusing him of taking his son for his own selfish ends.
It wasn’t like that. He’d entered the temple to take the casket and been distracted by the thin wail of a child.
It had lain on the altar, naked as the day it had slithered from it’s mother’s womb. Nothing to cover it in the bitter cold of Jotunheim’s winter. The child would have died if I hadn’t taken it with me. He’d picked up the child to cradle it in his hands. The skin lost it’s cold bluish hue. Took on the warm tints of life. The eyes lightened to a clear green. Hair sprouted, dark tufts on that head.
He’d never dreamed that Laufey had known he’d taken his son.
That he was biding his time like a cruel spider waiting in his web for the right opportunity.
That he would demand his son back.
And a quick excerpt from 'Songbirds' to finish off. I have to try and remember which parts I have already posted.
Tom was reluctant to go back to the coach house after the mortifying interlude with Pierre but Bettina still troubled him. How can I turn my back on her, when she needs a friend, someone on her side?
There was a knock on the door as he was in the garden pottering amongst the flowers and plants that he loved. Bettina stood at the gate holding the hands of the two children, a hopeful smile on her face. She was a vision in mint green linen, all clean sharp lines accentuating her slender elegant figure. The gentle sunshine lit her fair blonde hair rendering it almost silver blonde in the light.
“Tom?” she called, attracting his attention from his tulips.
“Madame Delorme?” he said, raising his head to greet her with a wave of one elegant if slightly grubby hand.
“We thought we’d return the visit, since you were so kind to drop in on me before. I hope you don’t mind.” She told him as she spread the full bell-like shape of her skirts around her.
“Not at all.” He gave her a welcoming smile. “Flora’s practicing, so I’m just spending time in the garden for now. Please take a seat.”
The children wandered round the garden staring with wide eyes at the stretch of it.
“Can we play?” Etienne said with awestruck eyes. He was a serious looking little lad with white blond hair and pale eyes, rather more like Bettina.
He smiled at the child trying to put him at his ease. “Of course you can, Etienne-“
“Thank you, Sir!”
“I hope that Pierre didn’t give you a hard time when you came to the house. He can be a bit funny at times-“ Bettina said.
Tom was a bit twitchy. Did she know? Did she have the slightest idea what her husband had done to him in that study? Pressed up against that study door, his hands moving wickedly on his shaft, whispering his lascivious poison in his ear?
He still felt the sear of his touch, the desperate passion he had unleashed despite Tom’s better judgment.
Bettina didn’t seem to notice his discomfort, intent upon her own problems. Her shoulders slumped in her tailored jacket as she settled next to him.
“Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to-“ he said with a gentle stroke of her hand. Letting her know without any more words she could confide in him if she needed it.
“What is it, Tom?”
“That day when I saw you and -“ he stopped not quite knowing how to bring up the subject.
“I had that bruise underneath my eye?”
He winced at her dispassionate tone. “You seemed to be in a great deal of distress, Bettina. I was concerned about you. He doesn’t mistreat you, does he?”
She gave him a sad yet cynical smile. “Depends what you mean by ‘mistreat’, doesn’t it?”
“We were fighting. Things got out of hand… It was a one off, Tom. I’m not in any physical danger but thank you for your concern. I think you’re the only person I’ve met recently who cares what happened to me.”
“Why did you marry him, if-“ he blushed, surprised at his own boldness. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to ask so personal a question.”
“I married him because I was a fool. Mad in love. Father tried to warn me he was beneath me but I refused to listen. In the end my father relented and let me marry him.”
When Flora came down after her practice Tom was still outside with Monsieur Delorme’s wife. That mysterious woman Tom was so taken by that afternoon.
Is something going on? She noticed the way they sat close to one another, her elegant pale hand tucked confidingly in his. The becoming flush on her high cheekbones as she sat with him, basking in the sunny warmth of his attention.
“Tom? I didn’t know you were out here?” she called giving the woman a dubious look as she approached.
Bettina rose, extending her hand in welcome. It made Flora feel like a visitor in her own garden and this woman was graciously receiving her.
Flora knew she was being terribly unwelcoming but she couldn’t help it. There was something about this woman that made her hackles rise.
Is it just jealousy that makes me not like her?
“You must be Flora Monaghan, Tom’s housemate. He’s told me so much about you. My name is Bettina.”
“What has got into you?” Tom demanded as soon as they got back into the house and were finally alone.
“Nothing, I was just-“
“What, Flora?” he definitely sounded irritated. His voice sharper than she’d ever heard him use towards her. It didn’t exactly induce her to like the woman, not one bit.
“Look it’s nothing, I was just being silly-“
“Bettina came round to thank me for my kindness that day. She’s very lonely up at that huge house by herself with the kids rattling round.”
Flora was a little surprised at the slip in his tongue. He’d already been round to their house? She hadn’t known that.
“When did you go round. You managed to keep that remarkably quiet?”
“I don’t know what gotten into you Flora, but you need to stop. I’m just being a friend to Bettina. I thought you’d be pleased I would make new friends.
Just as a final thing, a video to suit my mood, since I haven't included one in ages. Enjoy a bit of Sylvia MacNair singing Purcell.
O let me weep Purcell
Sylvia Mc Nair
The first excerpt is from 'Dischord' aka the metal novel. I stil have a sneaking fondness for this even though it is a Grade A mess.
When Maggie arrived fashionably late at La Gavrochè she looked Luci up and down so much Luci shrank from the scrutiny.
“Do you really go to work like that?"
For some reason Maggie’s little jibe needled her more than she cared to admit.
“I’d look bloody stupid wearing a suit at ‘Steel Blade’. At least I fit into the scene. Fans and artists can relate to me a bit more."
“Hmm, as long as you’re happy, sweetie.” she said with a dubious wrinkle of her distinguished Roman nose, looking down smugly at her own smart boucle Chloe suit which probably cost more than the deposit on Luci’s flat. “I suppose it’s just like camouflage isn’t it? Who are these-” she peered ostentatiously at her skinny tee shirt. "-Children of Bodom anyway?"
Luci rolled her eyes as the Major Domo appeared. He looked askance at her bright purple and black hair, tee shirt and ripped jeans.
“It’s alright, Pierre. She’s with me."
The guy actually had the cheek to wrinkle his nose insolently at her as he guided them to a discreet table in the corner, ideal for people spotting.
“Very good, Madam."
Maggie smirked. “You really can’t get the staff these days, can you?"
As they sat down, Luci hoped this would be over very soon. Twenty minutes tops or I’ll have to drink myself into a stupor.
"So, Luci. My darling. What’s your expert opinion on the Serenity’s Gaze scandal?"
Luci savoured the moment. Even though Maggie couldn’t seem to stop herself from sounding like a patronising bitch, she was coming to me for help. I have to try and remember that.
“Female jealousy. Mel and Helena never got on. It was only a matter of time before it ended in tears."
“So you don’t think-” said Maggie delicately, as she sipped her Riesling "-that it’s not all to do with Johannes Parviainen? I mean obviously I wasn’t there of course, but it’s pretty good motivation. You’re friends with Mel. Do you know whether she had a thing for him?"
Luci rolled her eyes. “Before they actually went on tour she wouldn’t shut up about him. Johannes this and Johannes that. I used to tease her about her crush on him all the time."
“He’s a very handsome man, there’s no denying it, is there? All that brooding Nordic machismo. Those otherwordly eyes of his... And did you see that Valentino advert they did? When he looks at her so longingly and says in that sexy accent of his 'I loved her, beyond all hope...’” Luci was surprised to hear Maggie’s hard cultured voice trail off almost lasciviously. “It’s hard to blame any woman for falling for him. And he was so damn convincing as Helena’s unrequited lover. If he’d looked at me like that, I would have thrown myself at his feet and begged him to... They must have done it at least once.... See, my instinct about the whole thing is this: The two women didn’t clash over precedence. It was over a man. Johannes Parviainen. Think about it."
Luci frowned. "I’m not so sure, Maggie. I mean I’ve been trying to wheedle it out of them for months but they just deny it. It got rather nasty. His management threatened me with a lawsuit if I wouldn’t drop the angle."
"Aha! crowed Maggie.” He wouldn’t have taken any action if he didn’t have anything to hide! Practically an admission of guilt! He’s slept with her, depend on it!"
“There’s no way Steve would publish. He hates too much controversy. ‘Keep the stars sweet’ that’s his motto."
“Yes, well I think you’re wasting your time-"
“I like working at ‘Steel Blade’. It’s a great rock magazine. I’m not going to walk away from my dream job-” Luci snapped defensively, sick of Maggie’s superior attitude.
“No one asks you to do anything like that, silly! But you can’t keep working for Steve MacLeod. He’ll never promote you darling."
Why not? I’m good. He knows it. I know it. It’s only a matter of time. I’m his natural successor."
Maggie tinkled pleasantly.
“Luci, please try not to be so naive, charming as it is. What possible reason does he have for promoting you? It suits him just fine to have you interviewing all those sweaty rock stars while he sits on high, has all the power and dictates to a talented girl like you. You should take charge of your own destiny and oust him."
“What? You mean a coup?"
"Of course, my sweet. You told me that you’re their star writer. If you could organise a couple of hotshot leads... Make sure the publishers can see what a fantastic editor you’d be. How they’re missing out by keeping a stick in the mud like him in charge-"
Much as she hated to admit it, Luci had to concede Maggie was right.
“How would I do it?” she asked carefully.
“Ah, so now you’re interested, are you?” Maggie said, an amused smile playing round her scarlet painted lips. Alright, listen up my friend: when you get back, talk to your friend Mel. She’s at the heart of all this controversy, isn’t she? If you organised a sterling book deal with my friends at Fourth Estate about this you’d make a fucking mint. Make it controversial, the more the better. Then when you go to see the publishers you’ve got a little something to bargain with."
“When they renegotiate my contract, I’ll tell them I only want to stay if I get my promotion. To Editor."
“That’s exactly it."
The girls clinked glasses.
“It’s funny. Mel said pretty much the same thing when I interviewed her, a couple of days ago."
“You should listen to her. She’s a very smart and ambitious young lady, is Mel Ashford. Got great things ahead of her. Stick with her and you won’t go far wrong.”
As a complete change in tone this is the Thor fic that I'm strictly speaking not meant to be writing. I'm tentatively calling it 'Warprize' and it's all about Laufey wanting his son back from Odin and just how the sins of the parents affect the younger generation. I have great plans for this one. In fact I may be working on this for Nano, I dunno yet...
In this bit Laufey has come to Asgard as part of Peace talks but he has a ulterior motive.
“I was surprised you accepted my invitation to come here under the guise of peace.” Odin remarked as he shut the door on the rest of the court to give them privacy.
Laufey bared his teeth. It might have been a smile. Odin could not be sure.
“We are not complete savages, contrary to your beliefs here in Asgard.” Laufey’s deep rumble could be a laugh.
“There is something else that you took from me that day. Something that so far you have made no effort to offer restitution for.”
“I would almost think that you were hiding him from me. But you would not be so dishonest, or so rash-”
Odin was stung by the subtle insult offered by Laufey, in his own hall no less.
“Loki keeps to himself. He should have been here, but the boy is wilful. If he does not want to be found , then Heimdall himself would have trouble finding him. And if you mistreated him-”
“Tell me Laufey what was your real purpose in coming here today. In accepting my invitation?”
Laufey’s eyes gleamed, eager to leave aside pleasantries and do battle. “I want what is mine. I want what you took from me by stealth and trickery-“
“That is not true Laufey, and you know it.”
Laufey inclined his head, a mocking sneer twisting his face.“Do you deny what you did? I have never known Odin to lie without cause, to break his word to a fellow monarch.”
“Do you realise why you found him in the temple?”
“Because you had discarded him. So much for being his father.”
Laufey gave a mirthless chuckle. “Jotun children are dedicated in the temple for three days and nights. It is a sacred rite of ours. No, Odin. I hadn’t abandoned my son by any means. Because it was not enough to take our treasure, you had to take my son as well.”
“Think upon what I have told you and give me your answer. You have the reputation of a wise man. I’m sure you would like to keep it, would you not?”
Odin was still lost in thought as he approached his chambers. The Jotun had left Asgard eventually, not a moment too soon as far as he was concerned. He could still hear Laufey’s mocking voice is his ear, accusing him of taking his son for his own selfish ends.
It wasn’t like that. He’d entered the temple to take the casket and been distracted by the thin wail of a child.
It had lain on the altar, naked as the day it had slithered from it’s mother’s womb. Nothing to cover it in the bitter cold of Jotunheim’s winter. The child would have died if I hadn’t taken it with me. He’d picked up the child to cradle it in his hands. The skin lost it’s cold bluish hue. Took on the warm tints of life. The eyes lightened to a clear green. Hair sprouted, dark tufts on that head.
He’d never dreamed that Laufey had known he’d taken his son.
That he was biding his time like a cruel spider waiting in his web for the right opportunity.
That he would demand his son back.
And a quick excerpt from 'Songbirds' to finish off. I have to try and remember which parts I have already posted.
Tom was reluctant to go back to the coach house after the mortifying interlude with Pierre but Bettina still troubled him. How can I turn my back on her, when she needs a friend, someone on her side?
There was a knock on the door as he was in the garden pottering amongst the flowers and plants that he loved. Bettina stood at the gate holding the hands of the two children, a hopeful smile on her face. She was a vision in mint green linen, all clean sharp lines accentuating her slender elegant figure. The gentle sunshine lit her fair blonde hair rendering it almost silver blonde in the light.
“Tom?” she called, attracting his attention from his tulips.
“Madame Delorme?” he said, raising his head to greet her with a wave of one elegant if slightly grubby hand.
“We thought we’d return the visit, since you were so kind to drop in on me before. I hope you don’t mind.” She told him as she spread the full bell-like shape of her skirts around her.
“Not at all.” He gave her a welcoming smile. “Flora’s practicing, so I’m just spending time in the garden for now. Please take a seat.”
The children wandered round the garden staring with wide eyes at the stretch of it.
“Can we play?” Etienne said with awestruck eyes. He was a serious looking little lad with white blond hair and pale eyes, rather more like Bettina.
He smiled at the child trying to put him at his ease. “Of course you can, Etienne-“
“Thank you, Sir!”
“I hope that Pierre didn’t give you a hard time when you came to the house. He can be a bit funny at times-“ Bettina said.
Tom was a bit twitchy. Did she know? Did she have the slightest idea what her husband had done to him in that study? Pressed up against that study door, his hands moving wickedly on his shaft, whispering his lascivious poison in his ear?
He still felt the sear of his touch, the desperate passion he had unleashed despite Tom’s better judgment.
Bettina didn’t seem to notice his discomfort, intent upon her own problems. Her shoulders slumped in her tailored jacket as she settled next to him.
“Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to-“ he said with a gentle stroke of her hand. Letting her know without any more words she could confide in him if she needed it.
“What is it, Tom?”
“That day when I saw you and -“ he stopped not quite knowing how to bring up the subject.
“I had that bruise underneath my eye?”
He winced at her dispassionate tone. “You seemed to be in a great deal of distress, Bettina. I was concerned about you. He doesn’t mistreat you, does he?”
She gave him a sad yet cynical smile. “Depends what you mean by ‘mistreat’, doesn’t it?”
“We were fighting. Things got out of hand… It was a one off, Tom. I’m not in any physical danger but thank you for your concern. I think you’re the only person I’ve met recently who cares what happened to me.”
“Why did you marry him, if-“ he blushed, surprised at his own boldness. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to ask so personal a question.”
“I married him because I was a fool. Mad in love. Father tried to warn me he was beneath me but I refused to listen. In the end my father relented and let me marry him.”
When Flora came down after her practice Tom was still outside with Monsieur Delorme’s wife. That mysterious woman Tom was so taken by that afternoon.
Is something going on? She noticed the way they sat close to one another, her elegant pale hand tucked confidingly in his. The becoming flush on her high cheekbones as she sat with him, basking in the sunny warmth of his attention.
“Tom? I didn’t know you were out here?” she called giving the woman a dubious look as she approached.
Bettina rose, extending her hand in welcome. It made Flora feel like a visitor in her own garden and this woman was graciously receiving her.
Flora knew she was being terribly unwelcoming but she couldn’t help it. There was something about this woman that made her hackles rise.
Is it just jealousy that makes me not like her?
“You must be Flora Monaghan, Tom’s housemate. He’s told me so much about you. My name is Bettina.”
“What has got into you?” Tom demanded as soon as they got back into the house and were finally alone.
“Nothing, I was just-“
“What, Flora?” he definitely sounded irritated. His voice sharper than she’d ever heard him use towards her. It didn’t exactly induce her to like the woman, not one bit.
“Look it’s nothing, I was just being silly-“
“Bettina came round to thank me for my kindness that day. She’s very lonely up at that huge house by herself with the kids rattling round.”
Flora was a little surprised at the slip in his tongue. He’d already been round to their house? She hadn’t known that.
“When did you go round. You managed to keep that remarkably quiet?”
“I don’t know what gotten into you Flora, but you need to stop. I’m just being a friend to Bettina. I thought you’d be pleased I would make new friends.
Just as a final thing, a video to suit my mood, since I haven't included one in ages. Enjoy a bit of Sylvia MacNair singing Purcell.
Click to viewO let me weep Purcell
Sylvia Mc Nair