*now* I get it...
I've been in a declutter kind of mood of late. Not that you'd really know it from looking at the house, but I have been slowly chipping away at it. Recently it's been the closets/clothes. The FlyLady messages have been sinking in, but it really took hearing someone else talk about their closet and inability to fling things that really hit home for me.
I had a co-worker tell me about how she had these great suits that she always got complements on when she wore, but they're too small for her right now. She's holding on to them because they're great suits and she loved them, but she feels soooo bad every time she looks at them because she can't wear them, she's gained weight and again, feels sooo bad when she looks at them. My first thought was "why would she do that to her self?!" then it was a, "hang on, why am *I* doing that to *me*?!" I mean, yes, there's some great clothes I have, and no, I don't fit into them right now... maybe soon I will, but are they motivating me to fit into them? No. I have guilt for my accumulated body clutter, for having spend money on something that hasn't been worn and loved. Somethings I have attachments to because I've worn them and have memories associated with the garments... other things I haven't even had those moments.
It's amazing to me how simple pieces of fabric can hold so much emotional weight. I mean, they're just inanimate objects that are made up of thread woven and sewn together. So why are they allowed to hold so much power over me? Probably because I let it. And I let the programing that was implanted by my mother take over.
Then the next logical thought is, "well, *when* I lose the weight I can wear ____!" but why do I want to reward myself with wearing something that I've had? Why not reward my new look (when I have it) with something new and flattering?!
So think I'm gonna take a quick trip home at lunch and fling a few pounds of guilt.