Fic - Clueless 1/1 [Stargate Atlantis]
Meredith McKay was a genius. She was the kind of person people stared at with eyes wide in awe every time she opened her mouth. She knew and understood things that most people didn’t even dream it existed. But for the life of her, Meredith couldn’t figure out Lieutenant Colonel John fucking Sheppard. The man was a riddle wrapped up in mystery, inside an enigma, sprinkled with ambiguity just for the hell of it.
Never before in her life had Meredith encountered something she couldn’t wrap her head around. It made her itchy with curiosity. She wanted to just drag Sheppard down her lab and keep him there until she understood what made him tick. Even if she had to hook him on all sorts of cables, perform all possible kinds of scans and diagnostics or try something overly dramatic, like cut into his brain, to achieve her goal.
Meredith needed to do something to understand what the hell was wrong with Sheppard, because if things kept going the way they were, she would lose her mind before she reached the age of 40.
Meredith knew they were friends. Hell, Sheppard, with the exception of Carson of course, was the closest thing she had to a best friend. With him, she joked and bickered, drank beer and watched movies, played video games, raced toy cars, had pointless discussions about all kinds of sci-fi things (because Sheppard was a closeted geek) and saved Atlantis on a daily basis. In short, they made a pretty good team.
But sometimes, Meredith felt like Sheppard had some kind of mood disorder. If she would guess, Meredith would say he was something close to bipolar. Because really, it was the only possible explanation for his constant and unpredictable mood swings.
It was as if she was dealing with two separate John Sheppards. One who seemed to get physically ill whenever he was around Meredith, therefore rushing out of the room every time she walked in; and the other who seemed incapable to be away from her, lingering and hovering so much that she sometimes felt the urge to create a device with Asgard’s beaming technology to teleport him to another part of the city.
And whenever Sheppard wasn’t avoiding or clinging to Meredith, he just acted plain weird.
Often she would find him staring at her intently, with a strange, indefinable expression in his face that made her wonder if he wasn’t trying to implode her head with his mind.
The worst part of it was that whenever Sheppard was acting like that, people around him started to act equally weird too.
If it was Teyla, she would watch at Meredith with a look of… well, pity is the most fitting word for it, which made Meredith feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Ronon would roll his eyes in something close to exasperation and she couldn’t understand why.
Zelenka, like Ronon, would roll his eyes and start to mutter in Czech.
Carson would smile almost indulgently as if he was watching something fascinating.
Elizabeth would press her lips together and send Meredith and Sheppard a measuring look that sometimes seemed almost displeased.
All that made Meredith feel like they all knew something she didn’t. Something about her and her relationship with Sheppard. The whole thing was just so frustrating! She wished someone would just come around and say something already.
The reply to her wishes came in the form of Samantha Carter, right after the whole episode with the psychopathic crystalline entity.
Meredith was in her lab, updating the Ancients’ database about the creature and the planet they had found it, when Sam walked in and took a seat next to her.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” Meredith greeted distractedly, fingers moving light speed fast over the keyboard.
“How are you feeling?” Sam asked after a pause.
“As good as it’s expected after having a heart attack.” This time, Meredith stopped her actions and glanced at the blonde woman with a frown of distaste. “Keller refused to let me stay overnight for observation. If I die in my sleep tonight, it will be all her fault.”
Sam didn’t even attempt to hide the amused smile tugging on her lips, which just made Meredith feel even more put out.
“I’m sure Keller would make you stay if she thought you were in any danger.” Sam spoke in a conciliatory, almost indulgent tone. Meredith rolled her eyes and returned to her work. “So…” Sam started slowly, dragging Meredith’s attention back to her. “When you said you were seeing someone, not for a second I thought it would be John.”
Meredith turned to reply, mouth opening before Sam’s words were completely processed. “What?” She asked instead, brow furrowing in confusion. “I’m not…”
And, in that precise moment, after that simple sentence, everything started to make sense. The looks, the weird behavior, the odd moments… everything about John finally became clear to Meredith, as if someone had lit the proverbial light bulb. It nearly made her fall off her chair. Good God, she was dating John Sheppard.
Without finishing her reply, Meredith jumped out of the chair and ran out of the lab, heading straight for the mess hall, where she knew she would find John.
He was there having a late dinner, along with Teyla and Ronon. Meredith stalked towards the table, fuming. Once she was close enough, she jabbed an accusing finger on John’s chest.
“What the hell? We’ve been dating for the last three years and you didn’t think on mentioning to me?” The startled look on John’s face turned to amused. Besides him, Ronon snorted.
“Took you long enough. Who told you?”
“Sam was…” Meredith started to reply, but Ronon cut her off by turning to Teyla with a smirk.
“I told you someone would have to tell her. That’s two weeks of knife cleaning duty for you.”
“You’ve bet on this?” Meredith exclaimed indignant.
“They used to bet on how long it would take for you to notice, but after the first year, they kinda gave up hope on you figuring out by yourself.” John said, an amused little smile tucked on the corner of his lips. It only made Meredith angrier.
“So why didn’t you tell me?” She demanded, punctuating every word with a forceful jab of her finger. He paused for a moment, as if to think, before shrugging.
“It never seemed like the right time.” John replied nonchalant.
Meredith really, really hated when he acted like that. Like if they were simply discussing the weather instead of something really important. She felt like smack him. Thing was, she wasn’t completely sure he wouldn’t smack her back. So instead of doing anything, Meredith spun on her heels and stalked out of the mess hall, muttering darkly under her breath.
She headed to her quarters instead of back to the lab. There was a lot for her to think about; she could update the database later, or she could simply tell Zelenka to do it.
Meredith fell on her too small bed and stared at the neutral hues of her ceiling, a frown of irritation still marrying her features as she replayed in her mind every single bit of interaction she had ever had with John for the last three years, trying to figure out when did this whole mess began.
After an entire hour of brooding, Meredith was feeling a bit less shocked, therefore, a lot let angry about this whole thing so she went out to find John. They really needed to talk about this. She didn’t even bother trying his quarters first, heading straight for the East pier, where she knew he would be.
When Meredith sat next to him, John didn’t say a word of greeting, just acknowledged her presence by handing her a beer. “So… are you done freaking out about this?”
“I wasn’t…” Meredith tried to protest, but he just sent her one of his ‘yeah, right’ looks and she trailed off sheepishly and took a drink of her beer. “When did you start to…” She didn’t have to finish her question before John was answering it.
“Since Antarctica, I think. But I was sure after the Iratus Bug thing.” He replied with that same nonchalance of before, taking a long pull of his beer. Meredith frowned, turning that new information over in her head.
“Hey, that was when you first suggested movie nights.” She stated, making John glance her way with the expression he used to prompt her to continue her line of thought. For the second time in the same night, Meredith felt the light bulb switching on. “Wait! That was a date?”
Sheppard smiled that little boyish smile of his that was part shy, part wicked and shrugged. “It wasn’t like there’s a theater around here or even a nice restaurant for that matter, I had to improvise.”
“And all this time you didn’t think of telling me? Not even once?”
“Like I said, the timing never seemed right.”
“It never seemed right?” Meredith repeated, disbelief making her tone a little high pinched. “How about when I started to date Katie? Weren’t that a right time to let me know that I was in a long term relationship already? Or about all those times I almost died, or you almost died? Weren’t those right either?”
This time, John had the decency to look a little embarrassed. “To tell you the truth, I thought the whole Katie think would go nowhere.” Meredith let out a snort of exasperation and glared. “What you’re glaring at me for? You’re not the easiest person to be around, Mer. I thought Katie would come to her senses and dump you. Either that or you’d get tired of pretending to be something you’re not and finish things off.”
“I’ve never pretended to be something I wasn’t around Katie.” She protested, making Sheppard roll his eyes.
“Please. You don’t even think Botany is a real science!” She spluttered a little, searching for an argument against that, but found none so she changed the subject. “What about the near death experiences, huh?”
“Well, they were just that, near death experiences. I wasn’t going tell you I L…” John choked on the word, stopped talking altogether and looked away. Meredith couldn’t actually see it, but she would bet her secret stash of Twinkies that he was blushing. She smiled in satisfaction.
“You can’t say it, can you?” She accused in something close to glee. “That’s why you didn’t tell me!”
“I can say it!” John protested indignantly. Meredith just smirked.
“Then say it.” She challenged.
Sheppard narrowed her eyes, displeasure obvious on his face, but Meredith knew he wasn’t about the back off from a challenge. She watched as he took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He cleared his throat and tried again, but as before, no word came.
“You say it.” John settled for instead, making Meredith triumphant smile widen.
“I’ll say it, if you say it.”
“Well, you can’t say it either.” He accused lamely.
“Sure I can, but I won’t. Not until I hear it from you first.”
John glared a little at her smug look, but didn’t reply, choosing instead to take another drink for his beer. Meredith did the same and they lapsed to silence for a few moments. That lasted until Meredith suddenly slapped John on the back of the head with an indignant huff.
“Hey!” He protested, rubbing the spot. “What was that for?”
“I just realized you cheated on me too many times to count!” She stated in rightfully indignation.
“Well, you weren’t exactly a saint either!” He shot back with a glare.
“Yeah, but I didn’t know!” Meredith protested glaring too.
“Exactly! You didn’t know so it wasn’t like I could crawl on your bed late at night whenever I felt like it and a man has needs!” He replied matter-of-factly and annoyed. “And anyway, I didn’t sleep with any of them.”
“You didn’t?” She asked in surprised, forgetting her anger for the moment.
“No.” He sounded almost sheepish and hesitant as he said it. It made Meredith smile.
“But now I know.” She spoke carefully.
“Now you know.” He repeated just as carefully with a nod and sneaked a glance at her. Meredith grinned and inched closer to him.
“And you know what that means.”
“I… do?” John said in hesitant confusion, not exactly making it a question, but not making an affirmative either. Meredith smiled.
“It means that whenever you have one of these manly needs, you can come to me.” She explained slowly and meaningfully before nudging his shoulder with hers. John looked at her from the corner of his eyes quickly, before looking away again.
“Yeah…” He said quickly. “I knew that.”
“I’m sure you did.” Meredith replied and she could hear her own grin in her voice. John glanced at her again, his own smile tugging on the corner of his lips as he reached for Meredith’s hand and entwined their fingers together.
They stayed like that for a few more minutes, silence comfortable around them. Meredith sneaked a few glances at John, biting her lips as if to physically keep something from getting out. He sighed heavily and turned to face her, impatience obvious in his expression.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Meredith replied quickly, looking away.
“McKay…” John said in a forcefully, warning tone. The same tone he used to force her to speed up her techno babble to the part he actually understood.
Meredith sighed heavily and shifted, as if she was uncomfortable. “I was just wondering…” She paused to consider her words. “I was wondering if you were feeling one of those manly urges by now. Like… you know… the urge to kiss… well… me.” She finished awkwardly, feeling her cheeks burning with embarrassment and waited a second, before risking a quick look at John. He was watching her, that familiar intent look that she couldn’t decipher was once again in his face.
“You’re sure?” He asked carefully and she nodded.
“Yes, yes. I mean, we’re dating and it’s only natural that we… it’s been three years, I think that’s more than enough time to…” Her nervous babble was abruptly interrupted by John surging forward and pressing their lips together.
“Just shut up, McKay.” John ordered in a mutter against Meredith’s lips and she complied without a single complain.
xxx
Never before in her life had Meredith encountered something she couldn’t wrap her head around. It made her itchy with curiosity. She wanted to just drag Sheppard down her lab and keep him there until she understood what made him tick. Even if she had to hook him on all sorts of cables, perform all possible kinds of scans and diagnostics or try something overly dramatic, like cut into his brain, to achieve her goal.
Meredith needed to do something to understand what the hell was wrong with Sheppard, because if things kept going the way they were, she would lose her mind before she reached the age of 40.
Meredith knew they were friends. Hell, Sheppard, with the exception of Carson of course, was the closest thing she had to a best friend. With him, she joked and bickered, drank beer and watched movies, played video games, raced toy cars, had pointless discussions about all kinds of sci-fi things (because Sheppard was a closeted geek) and saved Atlantis on a daily basis. In short, they made a pretty good team.
But sometimes, Meredith felt like Sheppard had some kind of mood disorder. If she would guess, Meredith would say he was something close to bipolar. Because really, it was the only possible explanation for his constant and unpredictable mood swings.
It was as if she was dealing with two separate John Sheppards. One who seemed to get physically ill whenever he was around Meredith, therefore rushing out of the room every time she walked in; and the other who seemed incapable to be away from her, lingering and hovering so much that she sometimes felt the urge to create a device with Asgard’s beaming technology to teleport him to another part of the city.
And whenever Sheppard wasn’t avoiding or clinging to Meredith, he just acted plain weird.
Often she would find him staring at her intently, with a strange, indefinable expression in his face that made her wonder if he wasn’t trying to implode her head with his mind.
The worst part of it was that whenever Sheppard was acting like that, people around him started to act equally weird too.
If it was Teyla, she would watch at Meredith with a look of… well, pity is the most fitting word for it, which made Meredith feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Ronon would roll his eyes in something close to exasperation and she couldn’t understand why.
Zelenka, like Ronon, would roll his eyes and start to mutter in Czech.
Carson would smile almost indulgently as if he was watching something fascinating.
Elizabeth would press her lips together and send Meredith and Sheppard a measuring look that sometimes seemed almost displeased.
All that made Meredith feel like they all knew something she didn’t. Something about her and her relationship with Sheppard. The whole thing was just so frustrating! She wished someone would just come around and say something already.
The reply to her wishes came in the form of Samantha Carter, right after the whole episode with the psychopathic crystalline entity.
Meredith was in her lab, updating the Ancients’ database about the creature and the planet they had found it, when Sam walked in and took a seat next to her.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” Meredith greeted distractedly, fingers moving light speed fast over the keyboard.
“How are you feeling?” Sam asked after a pause.
“As good as it’s expected after having a heart attack.” This time, Meredith stopped her actions and glanced at the blonde woman with a frown of distaste. “Keller refused to let me stay overnight for observation. If I die in my sleep tonight, it will be all her fault.”
Sam didn’t even attempt to hide the amused smile tugging on her lips, which just made Meredith feel even more put out.
“I’m sure Keller would make you stay if she thought you were in any danger.” Sam spoke in a conciliatory, almost indulgent tone. Meredith rolled her eyes and returned to her work. “So…” Sam started slowly, dragging Meredith’s attention back to her. “When you said you were seeing someone, not for a second I thought it would be John.”
Meredith turned to reply, mouth opening before Sam’s words were completely processed. “What?” She asked instead, brow furrowing in confusion. “I’m not…”
And, in that precise moment, after that simple sentence, everything started to make sense. The looks, the weird behavior, the odd moments… everything about John finally became clear to Meredith, as if someone had lit the proverbial light bulb. It nearly made her fall off her chair. Good God, she was dating John Sheppard.
Without finishing her reply, Meredith jumped out of the chair and ran out of the lab, heading straight for the mess hall, where she knew she would find John.
He was there having a late dinner, along with Teyla and Ronon. Meredith stalked towards the table, fuming. Once she was close enough, she jabbed an accusing finger on John’s chest.
“What the hell? We’ve been dating for the last three years and you didn’t think on mentioning to me?” The startled look on John’s face turned to amused. Besides him, Ronon snorted.
“Took you long enough. Who told you?”
“Sam was…” Meredith started to reply, but Ronon cut her off by turning to Teyla with a smirk.
“I told you someone would have to tell her. That’s two weeks of knife cleaning duty for you.”
“You’ve bet on this?” Meredith exclaimed indignant.
“They used to bet on how long it would take for you to notice, but after the first year, they kinda gave up hope on you figuring out by yourself.” John said, an amused little smile tucked on the corner of his lips. It only made Meredith angrier.
“So why didn’t you tell me?” She demanded, punctuating every word with a forceful jab of her finger. He paused for a moment, as if to think, before shrugging.
“It never seemed like the right time.” John replied nonchalant.
Meredith really, really hated when he acted like that. Like if they were simply discussing the weather instead of something really important. She felt like smack him. Thing was, she wasn’t completely sure he wouldn’t smack her back. So instead of doing anything, Meredith spun on her heels and stalked out of the mess hall, muttering darkly under her breath.
She headed to her quarters instead of back to the lab. There was a lot for her to think about; she could update the database later, or she could simply tell Zelenka to do it.
Meredith fell on her too small bed and stared at the neutral hues of her ceiling, a frown of irritation still marrying her features as she replayed in her mind every single bit of interaction she had ever had with John for the last three years, trying to figure out when did this whole mess began.
After an entire hour of brooding, Meredith was feeling a bit less shocked, therefore, a lot let angry about this whole thing so she went out to find John. They really needed to talk about this. She didn’t even bother trying his quarters first, heading straight for the East pier, where she knew he would be.
When Meredith sat next to him, John didn’t say a word of greeting, just acknowledged her presence by handing her a beer. “So… are you done freaking out about this?”
“I wasn’t…” Meredith tried to protest, but he just sent her one of his ‘yeah, right’ looks and she trailed off sheepishly and took a drink of her beer. “When did you start to…” She didn’t have to finish her question before John was answering it.
“Since Antarctica, I think. But I was sure after the Iratus Bug thing.” He replied with that same nonchalance of before, taking a long pull of his beer. Meredith frowned, turning that new information over in her head.
“Hey, that was when you first suggested movie nights.” She stated, making John glance her way with the expression he used to prompt her to continue her line of thought. For the second time in the same night, Meredith felt the light bulb switching on. “Wait! That was a date?”
Sheppard smiled that little boyish smile of his that was part shy, part wicked and shrugged. “It wasn’t like there’s a theater around here or even a nice restaurant for that matter, I had to improvise.”
“And all this time you didn’t think of telling me? Not even once?”
“Like I said, the timing never seemed right.”
“It never seemed right?” Meredith repeated, disbelief making her tone a little high pinched. “How about when I started to date Katie? Weren’t that a right time to let me know that I was in a long term relationship already? Or about all those times I almost died, or you almost died? Weren’t those right either?”
This time, John had the decency to look a little embarrassed. “To tell you the truth, I thought the whole Katie think would go nowhere.” Meredith let out a snort of exasperation and glared. “What you’re glaring at me for? You’re not the easiest person to be around, Mer. I thought Katie would come to her senses and dump you. Either that or you’d get tired of pretending to be something you’re not and finish things off.”
“I’ve never pretended to be something I wasn’t around Katie.” She protested, making Sheppard roll his eyes.
“Please. You don’t even think Botany is a real science!” She spluttered a little, searching for an argument against that, but found none so she changed the subject. “What about the near death experiences, huh?”
“Well, they were just that, near death experiences. I wasn’t going tell you I L…” John choked on the word, stopped talking altogether and looked away. Meredith couldn’t actually see it, but she would bet her secret stash of Twinkies that he was blushing. She smiled in satisfaction.
“You can’t say it, can you?” She accused in something close to glee. “That’s why you didn’t tell me!”
“I can say it!” John protested indignantly. Meredith just smirked.
“Then say it.” She challenged.
Sheppard narrowed her eyes, displeasure obvious on his face, but Meredith knew he wasn’t about the back off from a challenge. She watched as he took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He cleared his throat and tried again, but as before, no word came.
“You say it.” John settled for instead, making Meredith triumphant smile widen.
“I’ll say it, if you say it.”
“Well, you can’t say it either.” He accused lamely.
“Sure I can, but I won’t. Not until I hear it from you first.”
John glared a little at her smug look, but didn’t reply, choosing instead to take another drink for his beer. Meredith did the same and they lapsed to silence for a few moments. That lasted until Meredith suddenly slapped John on the back of the head with an indignant huff.
“Hey!” He protested, rubbing the spot. “What was that for?”
“I just realized you cheated on me too many times to count!” She stated in rightfully indignation.
“Well, you weren’t exactly a saint either!” He shot back with a glare.
“Yeah, but I didn’t know!” Meredith protested glaring too.
“Exactly! You didn’t know so it wasn’t like I could crawl on your bed late at night whenever I felt like it and a man has needs!” He replied matter-of-factly and annoyed. “And anyway, I didn’t sleep with any of them.”
“You didn’t?” She asked in surprised, forgetting her anger for the moment.
“No.” He sounded almost sheepish and hesitant as he said it. It made Meredith smile.
“But now I know.” She spoke carefully.
“Now you know.” He repeated just as carefully with a nod and sneaked a glance at her. Meredith grinned and inched closer to him.
“And you know what that means.”
“I… do?” John said in hesitant confusion, not exactly making it a question, but not making an affirmative either. Meredith smiled.
“It means that whenever you have one of these manly needs, you can come to me.” She explained slowly and meaningfully before nudging his shoulder with hers. John looked at her from the corner of his eyes quickly, before looking away again.
“Yeah…” He said quickly. “I knew that.”
“I’m sure you did.” Meredith replied and she could hear her own grin in her voice. John glanced at her again, his own smile tugging on the corner of his lips as he reached for Meredith’s hand and entwined their fingers together.
They stayed like that for a few more minutes, silence comfortable around them. Meredith sneaked a few glances at John, biting her lips as if to physically keep something from getting out. He sighed heavily and turned to face her, impatience obvious in his expression.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Meredith replied quickly, looking away.
“McKay…” John said in a forcefully, warning tone. The same tone he used to force her to speed up her techno babble to the part he actually understood.
Meredith sighed heavily and shifted, as if she was uncomfortable. “I was just wondering…” She paused to consider her words. “I was wondering if you were feeling one of those manly urges by now. Like… you know… the urge to kiss… well… me.” She finished awkwardly, feeling her cheeks burning with embarrassment and waited a second, before risking a quick look at John. He was watching her, that familiar intent look that she couldn’t decipher was once again in his face.
“You’re sure?” He asked carefully and she nodded.
“Yes, yes. I mean, we’re dating and it’s only natural that we… it’s been three years, I think that’s more than enough time to…” Her nervous babble was abruptly interrupted by John surging forward and pressing their lips together.
“Just shut up, McKay.” John ordered in a mutter against Meredith’s lips and she complied without a single complain.
xxx