Self-Exploration Rant
I am very tired of hearing complaints about who I am and what I do. I sometimes wonder if anyone realizes that I am human, imperfect, and make just as many mistakes as anyone else. At least, I'm fairly certain that if I made that many more mistakes or had that many more flaws than anyone else, I would truly have no friends, which is not the case. It probably does not help that I am a perfectionist, and so am unduly affected by complaints. Always paranoid that they might be true and diminish my acceptability. However, of late I have recieved too many contradictory complaints. Therefore, I find it necessary to address the truth about myself and put to rest the contradictions ringing in my head and heart.
I am consistantly, and above all else, a Truth Seeker. I am The Fool in the Tarot desck. I ask the unaskable, the uncomfortable questions. I blunder into things I shouldn't. Fools make mistakes, but they are forgivable because mistakes are necessary for learning. I admit fully that I am still young and have much to learn. I am angry at being unforgiven for not being the perfect roommate, girlfriend, friend, etc. I learn from my mistakes and I change. It hurts that people assume that everything I have done wrong is how I will always be. A little forgiveness and faith would go a long way here.
I am fiercly and unchangingly loyal to all those I love, which is quite an increasing number even without counting my growing "family". I value open conversation. I am accomidating to other people's feelings, wants, and needs, but I am not a mind reader. Nor do I expect anyone else to be. I am naive, and need a great many things explained to me that seem obvious to anyone else. I depend a great deal on my friends to help me get over my many fears. I backslide a lot but at least I'm trying to overcome them instead of succumbing to them. In return I am dependable when my friends need me. Is that so bad? I like to think not.
I am not the kind of person to say, "I am who I am, and if you don't like it leave," but I do belive in staying true to my strengths and talents, even if there are people who disagree with me. I don't think that's wrong, and i don't think there are too many other people who think it's wrong either.
I am consistantly, and above all else, a Truth Seeker. I am The Fool in the Tarot desck. I ask the unaskable, the uncomfortable questions. I blunder into things I shouldn't. Fools make mistakes, but they are forgivable because mistakes are necessary for learning. I admit fully that I am still young and have much to learn. I am angry at being unforgiven for not being the perfect roommate, girlfriend, friend, etc. I learn from my mistakes and I change. It hurts that people assume that everything I have done wrong is how I will always be. A little forgiveness and faith would go a long way here.
I am fiercly and unchangingly loyal to all those I love, which is quite an increasing number even without counting my growing "family". I value open conversation. I am accomidating to other people's feelings, wants, and needs, but I am not a mind reader. Nor do I expect anyone else to be. I am naive, and need a great many things explained to me that seem obvious to anyone else. I depend a great deal on my friends to help me get over my many fears. I backslide a lot but at least I'm trying to overcome them instead of succumbing to them. In return I am dependable when my friends need me. Is that so bad? I like to think not.
I am not the kind of person to say, "I am who I am, and if you don't like it leave," but I do belive in staying true to my strengths and talents, even if there are people who disagree with me. I don't think that's wrong, and i don't think there are too many other people who think it's wrong either.