Bullies
We all had them in high school. They were the kids on the playground who chose one kid to pick on, and if you had the nerve to associate with that kid, you got picked on too. You, and he or she, were mocked, had things thrown at you, called names, and they told your friends lies about you so that your friends would be angry with you too.
I remember those kids. I had quite a few of them.
And then I grew up.
But they didn't.
Many of us can say that we have bullies in our lives. They're the people who STILL mock us, STILL abuse us, STILL lie to our friends so they'll be angry with us, and they STILL hide in the shadows and throw things at us, and then run away. When we try to go to their superiors, they cry, "She started it! I didn't do anything like that. All I said was..."
And it drives us crazy.
But does it have to?
A friend of mine last night reminded me that I can view this as the patheticness that it really is.
"when the time is right, you too will see their inane posturing before their demon god, that is only the voice of their own deficiency that means they need to feel 'special', when being 'average' is all they'll ever be...their need for everyone to be broken means if one tries to move up the Maslow Pyramid they will try to inflict the punishment meted to Prometheus... the problem isn't wholly yours, but their dislike of people out evolving them... "*
It's not your problem.
They're pathetic. They have teeny, tiny little egos that they have to feed with the suffering of others. When a person does all they can to beat you down and put themselves on a high-horse above you?
It's not because you've got a problem. It's not because you're really worthless and you didn't know it. It's NOT even because you trust people more than you should.
I've heard that one. It's one of my favorites. It's a great way to blame someone else for the fact that you hurt them.
It's because, your bully, is an asshole.
And you DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT.
Here are a couple of things to try if you think that you've got a bully in your life.
Confront them. I know it seems scary, but it's the best way to find out if they're REALLY a bully, or if you're just imagining it. If their response is to be genuinely sorry and then take steps to STOP what they're doing? They're probably not a bully.
If, however, their response is to SEEM genuine, but then stab you in the back and mock you and rally their friends to pick on you further?
They're most likely a bully. And at this point, confronting them further isn't going to get you anywhere.
Your next step is to try and talk to someone above them. This usually helps to some extent... at least to get them off your back. The unfortunate thing about this is that usually, when they feel disciplined, a bully will pull out as many justifications as they can. "They started it!" and "It's not really as bad as she's making it sound." and finally, when they can't think of anything else to say, they'll come out with, "Well, no one's perfect. Really, you shouldn't be confronting me. You should just try to be the person that you think I SHOULD be. And you expect too much if you expect me to stop abusing you. I mean really, this is just who I am."
And, to a certain extent, they're right. Although the only reason that they're saying it is so that people will stop confronting them about their bullying and they still don't have to change.
But it is who they are, because it's who they've CHOSEN to be. And they have no intentions of changing, which means that there's nothing you can do. There's nothing that you can say to convince them that they ought to get over themselves, because they've already determined that they aren't goign to do it. They're not going to change. They don't care about you, or anyone else, enough to. They want the prestige that comes with having whatever titles they might have, but they don't want the responsibility that goes along with them.
And they're going to CONTINUE being bullies, and CONTINUE abusing you, AND the people you love, until you get away from them.
And you still, don't, have, to take it.
The thing that most people don't realize, is that you DON'T NEED THESE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE! You don't need them. In fact? You're too GOOD for them. The only reason they want to keep you around is because they're PATHETIC, and they NEED SOMEONE TO USE AS A PUNCHING BAG. Don't fall for it!! I don't care HOW many times they say "We really love you, and really, this is just how people are. You're going to have to get used to it." They're LYING!!! Trust me, I know!!! Because I've met plenty of people who AREN'T like that!!!
And hell, honey, I'LL INTRODUCE YOU TO THEM!
But the bottom line is, you deserve to have people in your life who will treat you well. You deserve to have people in your life who will be honest with you about your blind spots, but will spend MORE time being honest with you about what you've got GOING for you. You deserve to have people who will build you up and NOT feel like they need to tear you down FIRST. You deserve to have people who don't make you feel stupid on a regular basis, who don't make you feel worthless, who don't make you feel like no one can love you, who don't make you feel like you're not capable of anything but screwing up.
You deserve to be friends with people, and be close to people, who aren't bullies. And I promise, I PROMISE, they're out there.
And they're a lot easier to find when you pull yourself away from the bullies. Because bullies are like nice-people repellent. The people who ARE good for you? Won't come around those assholes.
Because they know them. In fact? They've probably been where you are. Let them be your testimony that you DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT.
There is no good enough excuse for letting yourself continue to be abused. If it's a bully on the job and you've tried everything and can't get them to stop, find another job. Seriously, your psyche doesn't need that and will only take it for so long and there are other jobs out there. They'll just abuse the next person who comes in, until FINALLY the boss will get some sense and FIRE their ass. If it's a bully at your church? Talk to the pastor. And if they have the pastor convinced that they're not bullies? Honey, leave. Get the phone numbers of whatever good people you've managed to find there, and take a hike. You will find another church that you like, or you won't, and you can sleep IN on Sunday mornings! ;) God will understand, trust me. If it's a bully in your book club? Leave. And then call me up, because I've been wanting to start a book club anyway. ;)
Nothing is worth taking that kind of abuse for. Nothing.
I don't care what they say or how they try to manipulate you, you know them for what they are now. Get away from them. Run, as fast as you can. Because you don't need them, and there are better people. They're the monsters in your fairy tale... but you don't need a hero.
You can rescue yourself.
You're not a victim.
Because you, always, have, the freedom, to leave.
It's your choice. I love you.
Love,
Crystal
*For the concerned, this is not a slam against every member of any particular religion, but rather a reference to those folks who might abuse ANY religion for the purpose of bullying others.
Wanna talk about it? Come visit my little world.
Powered by ScribeFire.
I remember those kids. I had quite a few of them.
And then I grew up.
But they didn't.
Many of us can say that we have bullies in our lives. They're the people who STILL mock us, STILL abuse us, STILL lie to our friends so they'll be angry with us, and they STILL hide in the shadows and throw things at us, and then run away. When we try to go to their superiors, they cry, "She started it! I didn't do anything like that. All I said was..."
And it drives us crazy.
But does it have to?
A friend of mine last night reminded me that I can view this as the patheticness that it really is.
"when the time is right, you too will see their inane posturing before their demon god, that is only the voice of their own deficiency that means they need to feel 'special', when being 'average' is all they'll ever be...their need for everyone to be broken means if one tries to move up the Maslow Pyramid they will try to inflict the punishment meted to Prometheus... the problem isn't wholly yours, but their dislike of people out evolving them... "*
It's not your problem.
They're pathetic. They have teeny, tiny little egos that they have to feed with the suffering of others. When a person does all they can to beat you down and put themselves on a high-horse above you?
It's not because you've got a problem. It's not because you're really worthless and you didn't know it. It's NOT even because you trust people more than you should.
I've heard that one. It's one of my favorites. It's a great way to blame someone else for the fact that you hurt them.
It's because, your bully, is an asshole.
And you DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT.
Here are a couple of things to try if you think that you've got a bully in your life.
Confront them. I know it seems scary, but it's the best way to find out if they're REALLY a bully, or if you're just imagining it. If their response is to be genuinely sorry and then take steps to STOP what they're doing? They're probably not a bully.
If, however, their response is to SEEM genuine, but then stab you in the back and mock you and rally their friends to pick on you further?
They're most likely a bully. And at this point, confronting them further isn't going to get you anywhere.
Your next step is to try and talk to someone above them. This usually helps to some extent... at least to get them off your back. The unfortunate thing about this is that usually, when they feel disciplined, a bully will pull out as many justifications as they can. "They started it!" and "It's not really as bad as she's making it sound." and finally, when they can't think of anything else to say, they'll come out with, "Well, no one's perfect. Really, you shouldn't be confronting me. You should just try to be the person that you think I SHOULD be. And you expect too much if you expect me to stop abusing you. I mean really, this is just who I am."
And, to a certain extent, they're right. Although the only reason that they're saying it is so that people will stop confronting them about their bullying and they still don't have to change.
But it is who they are, because it's who they've CHOSEN to be. And they have no intentions of changing, which means that there's nothing you can do. There's nothing that you can say to convince them that they ought to get over themselves, because they've already determined that they aren't goign to do it. They're not going to change. They don't care about you, or anyone else, enough to. They want the prestige that comes with having whatever titles they might have, but they don't want the responsibility that goes along with them.
And they're going to CONTINUE being bullies, and CONTINUE abusing you, AND the people you love, until you get away from them.
And you still, don't, have, to take it.
The thing that most people don't realize, is that you DON'T NEED THESE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE! You don't need them. In fact? You're too GOOD for them. The only reason they want to keep you around is because they're PATHETIC, and they NEED SOMEONE TO USE AS A PUNCHING BAG. Don't fall for it!! I don't care HOW many times they say "We really love you, and really, this is just how people are. You're going to have to get used to it." They're LYING!!! Trust me, I know!!! Because I've met plenty of people who AREN'T like that!!!
And hell, honey, I'LL INTRODUCE YOU TO THEM!
But the bottom line is, you deserve to have people in your life who will treat you well. You deserve to have people in your life who will be honest with you about your blind spots, but will spend MORE time being honest with you about what you've got GOING for you. You deserve to have people who will build you up and NOT feel like they need to tear you down FIRST. You deserve to have people who don't make you feel stupid on a regular basis, who don't make you feel worthless, who don't make you feel like no one can love you, who don't make you feel like you're not capable of anything but screwing up.
You deserve to be friends with people, and be close to people, who aren't bullies. And I promise, I PROMISE, they're out there.
And they're a lot easier to find when you pull yourself away from the bullies. Because bullies are like nice-people repellent. The people who ARE good for you? Won't come around those assholes.
Because they know them. In fact? They've probably been where you are. Let them be your testimony that you DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT.
There is no good enough excuse for letting yourself continue to be abused. If it's a bully on the job and you've tried everything and can't get them to stop, find another job. Seriously, your psyche doesn't need that and will only take it for so long and there are other jobs out there. They'll just abuse the next person who comes in, until FINALLY the boss will get some sense and FIRE their ass. If it's a bully at your church? Talk to the pastor. And if they have the pastor convinced that they're not bullies? Honey, leave. Get the phone numbers of whatever good people you've managed to find there, and take a hike. You will find another church that you like, or you won't, and you can sleep IN on Sunday mornings! ;) God will understand, trust me. If it's a bully in your book club? Leave. And then call me up, because I've been wanting to start a book club anyway. ;)
Nothing is worth taking that kind of abuse for. Nothing.
I don't care what they say or how they try to manipulate you, you know them for what they are now. Get away from them. Run, as fast as you can. Because you don't need them, and there are better people. They're the monsters in your fairy tale... but you don't need a hero.
You can rescue yourself.
You're not a victim.
Because you, always, have, the freedom, to leave.
It's your choice. I love you.
Love,
Crystal
*For the concerned, this is not a slam against every member of any particular religion, but rather a reference to those folks who might abuse ANY religion for the purpose of bullying others.
Wanna talk about it? Come visit my little world.
Powered by ScribeFire.