Nerves
Me: Ok Ollie, see you later.
Ollie: Where are you going?
Me: Umm.. New York.
Ollie: Why are you goin-- oh, already? God Damn, Erica!
Me: "Break a leg, Erica" would do just fine.
So I am getting on a bus in about four or five hours to go to NYC to the biggest auditions of my life. No I am not auditioning for Avenue Q. (Although I should. You know I got the puppet skills like: whoa.)I am attending the University/Resident Theatre Association (U/RTA) National Unified Auditions. For GRAD SCHOOL. Who am I all of a sudden? Why do I want to go back to school?
I don't know but I reallly do. I just want a change. I have been denying it to everyone, you know kind of playing the whole-- well if I don't there is always this and we got a good thing with this or that---but in my heart God Damn Erica wants to go bad!
so why has it took me so long to write my statement of purpose? To finally admit it to everyone that I really want to be an actor? Because I am terrified. Terribly wonderfully frightened that something will come along and take me away in one fell swoop. I guess I am scared I will have to grow up. Move away from mommy. Pursue acting with all I got. I can't remember the last time I completely gave into something without being able to see where the exit door was in my periphery. I guess it would probably be the last time I truly fell in love. I have gotten good at having other options, see the way out of a potentially dangerous situation. I am very good now at not just going through the motions, but believing in false emotions as well. Confronting my own truths has been what 2006 has so far been all about.
But here I am world, I want this so bad. I want to move away, to study theater, to come out ready to conquer the world. I want to be on stage. Producing, writing, what have you was fun-- it was fulfilling. I want to be more than fulfilled, I want to be glorified. I want everyone to look at me. I want to make people feel something, anything: lust, repulsion, longing, embarassment, jealousy. I want to be an actor.
I've never been so nervous in my life.
Ollie: Where are you going?
Me: Umm.. New York.
Ollie: Why are you goin-- oh, already? God Damn, Erica!
Me: "Break a leg, Erica" would do just fine.
So I am getting on a bus in about four or five hours to go to NYC to the biggest auditions of my life. No I am not auditioning for Avenue Q. (Although I should. You know I got the puppet skills like: whoa.)I am attending the University/Resident Theatre Association (U/RTA) National Unified Auditions. For GRAD SCHOOL. Who am I all of a sudden? Why do I want to go back to school?
I don't know but I reallly do. I just want a change. I have been denying it to everyone, you know kind of playing the whole-- well if I don't there is always this and we got a good thing with this or that---but in my heart God Damn Erica wants to go bad!
so why has it took me so long to write my statement of purpose? To finally admit it to everyone that I really want to be an actor? Because I am terrified. Terribly wonderfully frightened that something will come along and take me away in one fell swoop. I guess I am scared I will have to grow up. Move away from mommy. Pursue acting with all I got. I can't remember the last time I completely gave into something without being able to see where the exit door was in my periphery. I guess it would probably be the last time I truly fell in love. I have gotten good at having other options, see the way out of a potentially dangerous situation. I am very good now at not just going through the motions, but believing in false emotions as well. Confronting my own truths has been what 2006 has so far been all about.
But here I am world, I want this so bad. I want to move away, to study theater, to come out ready to conquer the world. I want to be on stage. Producing, writing, what have you was fun-- it was fulfilling. I want to be more than fulfilled, I want to be glorified. I want everyone to look at me. I want to make people feel something, anything: lust, repulsion, longing, embarassment, jealousy. I want to be an actor.
I've never been so nervous in my life.