Er, hi.
Wow, first of all, a comment on the new layout. Spankin'.
Secondly, an update on real life! Woohoo!
Academix: going really well. My essays and assignments are really difficult, a massive step-up from undergrad, so I'm under a lot more stress to do them properly. Of course, I'm not ever entirely sure that I write them perfect as required, and having anxiety issues doesn't help! I've been under massive amounts of stress during the past month due to two difficult deadlines. Otherwise my course is going extremely well, and I'm really happy with it.
I'm considering starting the IAPT programme in the UK next year, just because it trains me in CBT, which is a basic skill I think psychologists need to have - mainly because it's proven to be so effective for anxiety and (some cases) of depression. To go on a course just for that and to be paid to train in it - sounds like a business plan for the next year or so. After that I plan to continue with either counselling psychology doctorate or art psychotherapy.
Life: My stress leads to a day of depression per month, which happens usually at the point that I do really well and I'm really strong, and making decisions about my future and what I want to do academically etc. At that point it seems like the anxiety about doing all of these things isn't dealt with properly, causing me to freak out and shut myself down - all the things that I've been addressing in therapy (stress with parents, low self-esteem - to the point I feel I'm not allowed to do things for myself, like shopping or taking care of my body - and feeling like I need to appear a certain way to people to be liked, etc) start playing up and hit me hard. But therapy also allowed me to build my confidence and my sense-of-self, and I'm getting stronger after each depression-day (it's happened three times now, each time nearly 4 weeks to the day!).
Will and I are still doing really well, despite that every time I get stressed I shut myself down and act like a 'shadow' (according to him, I don't usually notice it, but I'm getting better at seeing the markers). When that happens, he gets sad and withdrawn - he doesn't change his behaviour or shut down, he just gets really down, because he sees me being 'sad' and gets like that himself. We're working on how I can communicate better when I'm stressed instead of shutting down or taking it out on him, and I'm working on recognising my personal markers of getting anxious, antsy, depressed, frustrated, angry and scared. These are all emotions I've been taught my entire life to repress, so having never had a chance to explore them properly, I don't know how to deal with them once they come out to play. Turns out, not accepting your emotions really makes you have a low self-esteem!
I've been working with emotional freedom therapy, which is a weird combination of tapping on several acupuncture points with your fingers and talking-out-loud 'meditation'. Despite its oddity, it's very helpful for when I feel stressed. I've also resolved to begin proper meditation, because I realised I don't like being highly-strung! Being relaxed and enjoying myself, and giving myself permission to feel is bar none the most liberating thing I've ever felt. And it's really incredibly beautiful!
I'm going to Australia for two weeks soon, and after that, when I return in January, Will and I are going to start looking for houses together ^_^
Secondly, an update on real life! Woohoo!
Academix: going really well. My essays and assignments are really difficult, a massive step-up from undergrad, so I'm under a lot more stress to do them properly. Of course, I'm not ever entirely sure that I write them perfect as required, and having anxiety issues doesn't help! I've been under massive amounts of stress during the past month due to two difficult deadlines. Otherwise my course is going extremely well, and I'm really happy with it.
I'm considering starting the IAPT programme in the UK next year, just because it trains me in CBT, which is a basic skill I think psychologists need to have - mainly because it's proven to be so effective for anxiety and (some cases) of depression. To go on a course just for that and to be paid to train in it - sounds like a business plan for the next year or so. After that I plan to continue with either counselling psychology doctorate or art psychotherapy.
Life: My stress leads to a day of depression per month, which happens usually at the point that I do really well and I'm really strong, and making decisions about my future and what I want to do academically etc. At that point it seems like the anxiety about doing all of these things isn't dealt with properly, causing me to freak out and shut myself down - all the things that I've been addressing in therapy (stress with parents, low self-esteem - to the point I feel I'm not allowed to do things for myself, like shopping or taking care of my body - and feeling like I need to appear a certain way to people to be liked, etc) start playing up and hit me hard. But therapy also allowed me to build my confidence and my sense-of-self, and I'm getting stronger after each depression-day (it's happened three times now, each time nearly 4 weeks to the day!).
Will and I are still doing really well, despite that every time I get stressed I shut myself down and act like a 'shadow' (according to him, I don't usually notice it, but I'm getting better at seeing the markers). When that happens, he gets sad and withdrawn - he doesn't change his behaviour or shut down, he just gets really down, because he sees me being 'sad' and gets like that himself. We're working on how I can communicate better when I'm stressed instead of shutting down or taking it out on him, and I'm working on recognising my personal markers of getting anxious, antsy, depressed, frustrated, angry and scared. These are all emotions I've been taught my entire life to repress, so having never had a chance to explore them properly, I don't know how to deal with them once they come out to play. Turns out, not accepting your emotions really makes you have a low self-esteem!
I've been working with emotional freedom therapy, which is a weird combination of tapping on several acupuncture points with your fingers and talking-out-loud 'meditation'. Despite its oddity, it's very helpful for when I feel stressed. I've also resolved to begin proper meditation, because I realised I don't like being highly-strung! Being relaxed and enjoying myself, and giving myself permission to feel is bar none the most liberating thing I've ever felt. And it's really incredibly beautiful!
I'm going to Australia for two weeks soon, and after that, when I return in January, Will and I are going to start looking for houses together ^_^