Ignore me. Just bitching again. Because apparently that's all I know how to do anymore.
If Colleen says one more fucking condescending thing to me I'm going to flip my shit. I'm home sick today, and she didn't work. I've got fucking bronchitis, and she can't even stop her nagging bitchy ass mom comments for one day. Do you want to know the only things she said to me all day?
"I hope you're not warming that soup in that plastic container."
"Make sure you put your tea bag in the trash, I don't want to have to take care of it again."
"If you're not in your room, turn off the light. Our bill was like $15 dollars more this month."
"You sound like a crypt keeper."
That's it. Nothing like "How are you feeling?" or "Do you need any help?" or hell, I would rather she didn't speak to me at all rather than treat me like a child all day. That's basically what Amanda did. I hate being ignored but it's better than getting treated like shit.
I don't know why everyone treats me like I'm an inconvenience when I'm sick, when I stop the fucking world to make sure they're okay and have everything they need when they're sick. I really do hate them a little right now. I'm sure it will pass, because I never stay pissed at anyone, but right now I wish I had somewhere else to go. I understand being shut out all day, nobody wants to hang with a sick person, but I'm feeling pretty shunned today.
Plus, these medications for the bronchitis aren't helping me keep from slipping into my dissociative psycholand. I still can't keep reality straight, especially right now. I'm fucking crazy, sick and stressed out. My life is a piece of shit right now. I'm ready to snap, and I have nobody to lean on. I wish someone in my offline life would believe me that I'm losing my mind, besides my equally crazy father. I try to tell my friends, they don't believe me, my grandma just thinks I'm whiney, I can't tell my mom because all she does is constantly whine to me herself, so she doesn't care what's going on with me. My doctor doesn't listen either, just wants to put me on anti-depressants, but I'm not depressed. I'm losing touch with reality. That's not the same.
I need a break. A mental break. I wish I could check myself into a mental institution for the weekend. But that's not the sort of thing I want on my record. Especially not if I want to be a psychology professor. You can't BE crazy and teach people about other crazy people. Or maybe you can, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Like, why do I want to be a teacher? I can't even remember why I decided that. I used to have a goal, but I'm floundering now. Aren't you supposed to have this kind of crisis in your 30s?
God damn, I'm pathetic, aren't I? I bet you wish I would stop whining too. How did I become this way? -_-
"I hope you're not warming that soup in that plastic container."
"Make sure you put your tea bag in the trash, I don't want to have to take care of it again."
"If you're not in your room, turn off the light. Our bill was like $15 dollars more this month."
"You sound like a crypt keeper."
That's it. Nothing like "How are you feeling?" or "Do you need any help?" or hell, I would rather she didn't speak to me at all rather than treat me like a child all day. That's basically what Amanda did. I hate being ignored but it's better than getting treated like shit.
I don't know why everyone treats me like I'm an inconvenience when I'm sick, when I stop the fucking world to make sure they're okay and have everything they need when they're sick. I really do hate them a little right now. I'm sure it will pass, because I never stay pissed at anyone, but right now I wish I had somewhere else to go. I understand being shut out all day, nobody wants to hang with a sick person, but I'm feeling pretty shunned today.
Plus, these medications for the bronchitis aren't helping me keep from slipping into my dissociative psycholand. I still can't keep reality straight, especially right now. I'm fucking crazy, sick and stressed out. My life is a piece of shit right now. I'm ready to snap, and I have nobody to lean on. I wish someone in my offline life would believe me that I'm losing my mind, besides my equally crazy father. I try to tell my friends, they don't believe me, my grandma just thinks I'm whiney, I can't tell my mom because all she does is constantly whine to me herself, so she doesn't care what's going on with me. My doctor doesn't listen either, just wants to put me on anti-depressants, but I'm not depressed. I'm losing touch with reality. That's not the same.
I need a break. A mental break. I wish I could check myself into a mental institution for the weekend. But that's not the sort of thing I want on my record. Especially not if I want to be a psychology professor. You can't BE crazy and teach people about other crazy people. Or maybe you can, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Like, why do I want to be a teacher? I can't even remember why I decided that. I used to have a goal, but I'm floundering now. Aren't you supposed to have this kind of crisis in your 30s?
God damn, I'm pathetic, aren't I? I bet you wish I would stop whining too. How did I become this way? -_-