So, last night I had a dream that I was pregnant.
This used to be a common occurrence back when I was still in high school, before I had the tumor taken off my ovary in '05. They have always been extremely vivid and emotional, and there was never a father in the picture. After they stopped happening after my surgery, I seriously wondered if maybe it was my body's way of telling me there was something weird there that shouldn't be there.
So, last night my dream was just as vivid and emotional as they used to be back when I was a teenager. In this dream, I was ready to have the baby, so I was kind of walking around this unprofessional hospital room, and they were taking my temperature and stuff. But then I went down this hallway off the back of the room, and it was like, to a house of sorts, like the hospital room was just part of a big house. But I went into a bedroom with my friend Colleen, and she tried to get me to consider adoption. However, I was totally adamant on keeping the baby, and she made me cry because she kept telling me why I shouldn't keep it. "It will interfere with our plans to get an apartment!" and so on. (Which, yes, her and I are trying to get an apartment this summer, which has been the biggest topic of conversation around my group of friends.) But I told her I wanted it. She told me that she wouldn't be there for me if I did keep it, and I begged her to come because I needed someone to film it (wtf) So she left the room, but I was starting to second guess myself on whether I actually wanted to go through with it.
So then, after she left, the drunk, jailbird father of one of my VERY old friends, Kathy, showed up and sat across from me on a chair. I have never met him in person, but in the dream he looked like Ron Eldard as he looked in Super 8. And I asked him about being a father and he was crying about how he wasn't ready for Kathy and wished she would have been born later in his life. But then I had to leave to go have my child, so I walked down the hallway back to the hospital room. My grandma was there taking pictures of me and stuff, and they hooked me up to a bunch of monitors and shit on a hospital bed. Everything was ready to go, but the doctors stopped everything and told me I wasn't pregnant after all, that I was just fat. I was so fucking heartbroken, which is stupid because I don't even WANT kids at all. So, I left the room and went to the back yard in my hospital gown and sat in one of those blue plastic kiddie pools full of muddy water and cried. And then I woke up, and as per usual when I am crying in dreams, I woke up crying for real.
I dunno dudes.
So, last night my dream was just as vivid and emotional as they used to be back when I was a teenager. In this dream, I was ready to have the baby, so I was kind of walking around this unprofessional hospital room, and they were taking my temperature and stuff. But then I went down this hallway off the back of the room, and it was like, to a house of sorts, like the hospital room was just part of a big house. But I went into a bedroom with my friend Colleen, and she tried to get me to consider adoption. However, I was totally adamant on keeping the baby, and she made me cry because she kept telling me why I shouldn't keep it. "It will interfere with our plans to get an apartment!" and so on. (Which, yes, her and I are trying to get an apartment this summer, which has been the biggest topic of conversation around my group of friends.) But I told her I wanted it. She told me that she wouldn't be there for me if I did keep it, and I begged her to come because I needed someone to film it (wtf) So she left the room, but I was starting to second guess myself on whether I actually wanted to go through with it.
So then, after she left, the drunk, jailbird father of one of my VERY old friends, Kathy, showed up and sat across from me on a chair. I have never met him in person, but in the dream he looked like Ron Eldard as he looked in Super 8. And I asked him about being a father and he was crying about how he wasn't ready for Kathy and wished she would have been born later in his life. But then I had to leave to go have my child, so I walked down the hallway back to the hospital room. My grandma was there taking pictures of me and stuff, and they hooked me up to a bunch of monitors and shit on a hospital bed. Everything was ready to go, but the doctors stopped everything and told me I wasn't pregnant after all, that I was just fat. I was so fucking heartbroken, which is stupid because I don't even WANT kids at all. So, I left the room and went to the back yard in my hospital gown and sat in one of those blue plastic kiddie pools full of muddy water and cried. And then I woke up, and as per usual when I am crying in dreams, I woke up crying for real.
I dunno dudes.