Pain, deep in my soul
Don't worry, not the angsty kind.
I live in such a redneck podunk little town. Sure, it's a great place to have little kids, and it's nice that I can bump into my doctor at the grocery store and he knows me, and the pharmacy will run us a credit if we're between paychecks, but holy Hel....culturally? It should be the 9th Circle of Hell.
The high points of the Preston summer social season are two demolition derbies, Rodeo/Carnival weekend and the County Fair.
The derbies are relatively self-explanatory. Guys spend all year fixing up these junkers and then go to the derby and proceed to smash them up again. On exciting nights, someone's engine catches on fire.
Rodeo/Carnival Weekend triples the population here. It's a Kirby rodeo, so we get cowboys in from all over the country. It runs Thur, Fri and Sat nights, preceded by a parade through town. The carnival is set up in the big grassy area next to the rodeo arena. The parade is about 85% floats sponsored by local businesses (basically rolling commercials), about 10% beauty queens (like Miss Cache Valley, Miss Richmond, blah blah blah) and the last 5% is things like the marching bands from the 2 local high schools, along with cheerleaders, the football team from the University in Logan and more rodeo queens than you would ever believe.
The carnival and derby nights...wow, they get more attention than the local prom. Girls get all gussied up in their newest, tightest Wrangler jeans and cute shirts (their version of cute, not mine), do their hair and makeup like they're going to the opera or some shit and off they go to pick up guys. Those are the nights/places to be seen.
The County Fair is exactly what you're picturing from all those old movies. Buildings full of sheep, pigs, cows, chickens and rabbits that the 4H kids have raised. Another building that is half foodstuffs that people have entered, like breads, canned goods, vegetables, whatever. The other half is crafts and photographs. There is live entertainment, too, like a hypnotist, bands and singers, local dance troupes (clogging!) and such. Then there's the Bull Bonanza, which again, girls get all dressed up for. It's a couple hours of just bull riding.
In the winter we have the Festival of Lights on Thanksgiving weekend. This includes such joys as an Electrical Parade (basically the same stuff as the summer parade, only in the dark and the floats are lit up). Again with many different local singers and other performers. Oh, and the Bed Races. Each team for this thing needs 10 people. 4 people push a bed with a 5th person ensconced in it down the street. At the end the OTHER 5 people take their place and race back. Yes, really. Fri and Sat nights we have the parade and then fireworks and then someone flips a switch and they light up the town with Christmas lights. The entirety of Main St. No fooling. In case you weren't paying attention, I live in Idaho. By Thanksgiving there is usually snow on the ground and even if there isn't it's damn cold. So people start lining up for the parade an hour before hand, freezing off bits of themselves and drinking cocoa. Then they stand around for at least a couple of hours for said parade, etc. They're insane.
All these things combined wound some deep part of my psyche that craves some sort of high-toned to-do. I want to weep. No, I'm not kidding about any of it. But at least I can laugh while I weep. Don't get me wrong, some of it can be fun, but the amount of focus these things get you'd think would be reserved for visiting dignitaries.
Damn rednecks anyway.
I live in such a redneck podunk little town. Sure, it's a great place to have little kids, and it's nice that I can bump into my doctor at the grocery store and he knows me, and the pharmacy will run us a credit if we're between paychecks, but holy Hel....culturally? It should be the 9th Circle of Hell.
The high points of the Preston summer social season are two demolition derbies, Rodeo/Carnival weekend and the County Fair.
The derbies are relatively self-explanatory. Guys spend all year fixing up these junkers and then go to the derby and proceed to smash them up again. On exciting nights, someone's engine catches on fire.
Rodeo/Carnival Weekend triples the population here. It's a Kirby rodeo, so we get cowboys in from all over the country. It runs Thur, Fri and Sat nights, preceded by a parade through town. The carnival is set up in the big grassy area next to the rodeo arena. The parade is about 85% floats sponsored by local businesses (basically rolling commercials), about 10% beauty queens (like Miss Cache Valley, Miss Richmond, blah blah blah) and the last 5% is things like the marching bands from the 2 local high schools, along with cheerleaders, the football team from the University in Logan and more rodeo queens than you would ever believe.
The carnival and derby nights...wow, they get more attention than the local prom. Girls get all gussied up in their newest, tightest Wrangler jeans and cute shirts (their version of cute, not mine), do their hair and makeup like they're going to the opera or some shit and off they go to pick up guys. Those are the nights/places to be seen.
The County Fair is exactly what you're picturing from all those old movies. Buildings full of sheep, pigs, cows, chickens and rabbits that the 4H kids have raised. Another building that is half foodstuffs that people have entered, like breads, canned goods, vegetables, whatever. The other half is crafts and photographs. There is live entertainment, too, like a hypnotist, bands and singers, local dance troupes (clogging!) and such. Then there's the Bull Bonanza, which again, girls get all dressed up for. It's a couple hours of just bull riding.
In the winter we have the Festival of Lights on Thanksgiving weekend. This includes such joys as an Electrical Parade (basically the same stuff as the summer parade, only in the dark and the floats are lit up). Again with many different local singers and other performers. Oh, and the Bed Races. Each team for this thing needs 10 people. 4 people push a bed with a 5th person ensconced in it down the street. At the end the OTHER 5 people take their place and race back. Yes, really. Fri and Sat nights we have the parade and then fireworks and then someone flips a switch and they light up the town with Christmas lights. The entirety of Main St. No fooling. In case you weren't paying attention, I live in Idaho. By Thanksgiving there is usually snow on the ground and even if there isn't it's damn cold. So people start lining up for the parade an hour before hand, freezing off bits of themselves and drinking cocoa. Then they stand around for at least a couple of hours for said parade, etc. They're insane.
All these things combined wound some deep part of my psyche that craves some sort of high-toned to-do. I want to weep. No, I'm not kidding about any of it. But at least I can laugh while I weep. Don't get me wrong, some of it can be fun, but the amount of focus these things get you'd think would be reserved for visiting dignitaries.
Damn rednecks anyway.