Cycle - Chapter 3
Title: Cycle (4/?)
Pairing: KakaIru
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: I really haven't got this whole update thing down. :P Sorry guys! I left you hanging for ages. And on a slightly unrelated note... I have a Kakashi plushie! :D I'm so excited to have found him! I've never seen one in Australia before! :snuggles Kakashi:
I apologise in advance for the ridiculous angst and tantrum-throwing in this chapter. Kakashi refuses to cheer up. XD
Summary: It was a never-ending cycle. Kakashi would be thrown into a new life and meet Iruka, who wouldn't remember him. But Kakashi would love him with all of his heart, unable to forget what they had. And no matter what Kakashi did, Iruka was always torn away.
Previous chapters: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Kakashi put the books down onto the table, the loud thud startling the person sitting there. The cold grey eye glared and the young man flinched back, quickly averting his gaze. Kakashi sneered beneath his scarf, grabbing the books of the table one by one as he placed them in their correct position on the shelves. He made no effort to hurry, knowing that there were piles more for him to sort and put away and that, in his absence, the piles would have grown even larger. He really hated libraries. Why did people want to read so damn much anyway? And if they insisted on borrowing books, they could at least have the decency to return them when it wasn’t his shift. He had far more important things to do.
But he worked regardless, knowing there was a reason that he had been sent to work there in the first place. He didn’t appreciate it, even if that was the case. But if it would allow him to be closer to Iruka… His shoulders drooped. He had not seen Iruka since that day at the school. He had searched and searched, but there was no sign of him. It was a long weekend, and for the first time in his life Kakashi found himself wishing that it was over already. He had to work at the library anyway, as the weekend was the busiest time, so a long weekend held nothing for him. Weekdays held nothing for him. Life held nothing for him when he was without his Iruka…
Kakashi hated it. He hated the separation, the anxiety, the fruitless searching. He hated that he couldn’t eat or drink or sleep; couldn’t indulge in any physical comforts that could force Iruka from his mind, even temporarily. He hated the fact that he alternately yearned for him and wished never to see him again. He hated that he was bad for Iruka; that he’d hurt him over and over again, but was too selfish to stay away from him for long. He hated that memories plagued him; hated that both good and bad tore him apart. He hated it!
He stopped, a bitter laugh escaping his lips as he realised what he was doing. Standing there in the middle of the library, wallowing in self-pity. He sounded like a whiny child, always thinking of himself. He was so pathetic. Just look at me now, Iruka, he thought. Am I still the man you fell in love with all those years ago?
“Excuse me, can you please help me find a book?”
Kakashi stiffened slightly, taking a deep breath, then turning around with a pleasant smile on his face. Well, a pleasant eye crinkle, anyway. He did try. “What are you looking for?”
“A book for my science assignment.”
“Science section is to your right. See the sign?” At a nod, Kakashi continued. “If you need any more help, please don’t hesitate to ask.” Another eye-smile.
“Right. Thanks, I guess.”
Kakashi turned back to his work abruptly, a scowl working its way onto his face again. He picked up another book, shoving it into its correct place. Then another, and another. It was not the most mentally stimulating work he’d ever done, it had to be said. When he finally finished his pile, he trudged back towards the main desk, where he knew a pile of recently returned books were just waiting for him to put away.
The librarian at the desk smiled at him, but Kakashi just looked at her briefly before turning to his work. He sorted the books, refusing to run back and forth between sections like a lunatic, thoroughly bored with it all. Glaring at nothing in particular, Kakashi picked up the large pile of history books and stalked off, barely able to see over the towering pile. He placed on a table and immediately began putting them away, working at a slightly faster pace. His shift was nearly over, and he had no intention of staying behind to finish up in the history section.
“Dammit!”
His entire body stiffened, his hand stopping half way between the bookshelf and his book pile. He knew that voice. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned around.
Iruka… There he sat, wiping spilt coffee off the desk with a handkerchief, cursing to himself. His hair was out, going down to his jaw in dark, silky waves. His chocolate eyes were shining with warmth and life, so different to Kakashi’s. He was looking a little thin, his cheekbones jutting out more than Kakashi thought was entirely healthy, but he was there. Iruka was alive and safe and only a metre away from him. But… he was packing up to leave.
His expression one of annoyance, Iruka was standing up, pulling his bag onto the table and packing his things into it. There was a new coffee stain on his shirt, and that was presumably what had him worked up. But he was going to leave, and Kakashi might not find him again. He couldn’t let that happen. God, he needed Iruka.
Then Iruka was bending down, facing away from Kakashi, reaching for something he had dropped, and a plan suddenly sprung into Kakashi’s mind. His hand shot out, snatching a folder from Iruka’s desk, quickly shoving it in amongst the history books. To his relief, Iruka didn’t notice, shoving his folders and books into his bag quickly and slinging it over his shoulder. He left without so much as a backward glance at Kakashi, not seeming to have noticed him. But Kakashi didn’t care.
He quickly shoved the history books into the shelf, not caring whether they were in the right place or not, grabbing the folder and hurrying after Iruka. He followed him out of the library and down the street to a bus stop, his steps long and fast.
“Hey there!” he called. Iruka stopped, turning around in confusion.
“Uh, hello,” Iruka replied, giving him an odd look once he took in Kakashi’s appearance. “Can I help you?”
“Perhaps,” Kakashi said, stopping right in front of him, his eye curving into a cheery smile. “But that’s not what I’m here for. You left this in the library.” He brandished Iruka’s folder.
“Oh!” Iruka’s eyes widened. “Thank you so much!” He reached out for it, but then Kakashi had it behind his back, smirking behind his scarf.
“You’re welcome.”
“… May I have it, please?”
“Depends.”
“On what?” Iruka asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.
“On whether or not you agree to meet me for coffee.”
Iruka sputtered slightly. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“I don’t even know y-”
“Kakashi.” He thrust one pale hand out, still smiling cheerfully. Iruka stared at him, utter confusion written on his face. Kakashi felt torn between laughing and crying. He had found his Iruka again. Kakashi felt a wave of tenderness pass through him, feeling slightly guilty at the same time. He was blackmailing Iruka into having a coffee with him… Well, he’d done worse.
“Look, can I have my folder back, please?”
Kakashi said nothing, staring pointedly and waving his hand rather insistently in front of Iruka. Iruka finally gave in and shook it, withdrawing as quickly as possible and looking at Kakashi as though he were some kind of nutter. To be fair, Kakashi sort of agreed with him, but he had no intention of changing his behaviour. He knew from experience that the best way to be part of Iruka’s life was to just push his way in, regardless of whether Iruka was happy about it at first. Kakashi knew that this time, he wouldn’t have the strength to stay away from Iruka. Perhaps in the next life he could give Iruka more of a choice. A wave of guilt washed over him. Iruka clearly didn’t want him, and he should give him the choice now… but he just couldn’t. He was far too weak.
“Have coffee with me? Please?”
“Well… I… look…”
“Do you want this back or not?” Kakashi waved the folder in front of his face teasingly. “Come on now, it’s only a coffee.”
“Why?”
“You’re cute. I like you. Have coffee with me.”
“But… oh, fine.” Iruka reached for his folder but Kakashi placed it behind his back, well out of Iruka’s reach.
“This folder is my only guarantee that you’ll show up. I’ll be keeping it to make sure you come.” He smiled.
“This is really ridiculous. You don’t even know me!”
“Perhaps not, but I want to.” It wasn’t technically a lie. Kakashi didn’t know him in this life…
“You don’t even know my name!”
“Now that’s where you’re wrong.”
“Then what is it?”
“Iruka. Your name’s Iruka.”
Iruka’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. “How did you-”
“Meet me at that coffee shop opposite the park - the one with the pretty white tables out the front - at 11am. Don’t be late.”
“Fine,” Iruka huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes were still suspicious, but clearly he needed whatever was in the folder.
"See you then." Kakashi turned abruptly, waving over his shoulder and striding in the opposite direction, not even waiting for a reply. He glanced down at the folder in his hand, but didn't bother to open it. He didn't really care what was in it as long as it allowed him to see Iruka. He smiled fondly, though sadness and dread coiled in his stomach. Once again, Kakashi was swept up in the cycle.
.
Pairing: KakaIru
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: I really haven't got this whole update thing down. :P Sorry guys! I left you hanging for ages. And on a slightly unrelated note... I have a Kakashi plushie! :D I'm so excited to have found him! I've never seen one in Australia before! :snuggles Kakashi:
I apologise in advance for the ridiculous angst and tantrum-throwing in this chapter. Kakashi refuses to cheer up. XD
Summary: It was a never-ending cycle. Kakashi would be thrown into a new life and meet Iruka, who wouldn't remember him. But Kakashi would love him with all of his heart, unable to forget what they had. And no matter what Kakashi did, Iruka was always torn away.
Previous chapters: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Kakashi put the books down onto the table, the loud thud startling the person sitting there. The cold grey eye glared and the young man flinched back, quickly averting his gaze. Kakashi sneered beneath his scarf, grabbing the books of the table one by one as he placed them in their correct position on the shelves. He made no effort to hurry, knowing that there were piles more for him to sort and put away and that, in his absence, the piles would have grown even larger. He really hated libraries. Why did people want to read so damn much anyway? And if they insisted on borrowing books, they could at least have the decency to return them when it wasn’t his shift. He had far more important things to do.
But he worked regardless, knowing there was a reason that he had been sent to work there in the first place. He didn’t appreciate it, even if that was the case. But if it would allow him to be closer to Iruka… His shoulders drooped. He had not seen Iruka since that day at the school. He had searched and searched, but there was no sign of him. It was a long weekend, and for the first time in his life Kakashi found himself wishing that it was over already. He had to work at the library anyway, as the weekend was the busiest time, so a long weekend held nothing for him. Weekdays held nothing for him. Life held nothing for him when he was without his Iruka…
Kakashi hated it. He hated the separation, the anxiety, the fruitless searching. He hated that he couldn’t eat or drink or sleep; couldn’t indulge in any physical comforts that could force Iruka from his mind, even temporarily. He hated the fact that he alternately yearned for him and wished never to see him again. He hated that he was bad for Iruka; that he’d hurt him over and over again, but was too selfish to stay away from him for long. He hated that memories plagued him; hated that both good and bad tore him apart. He hated it!
He stopped, a bitter laugh escaping his lips as he realised what he was doing. Standing there in the middle of the library, wallowing in self-pity. He sounded like a whiny child, always thinking of himself. He was so pathetic. Just look at me now, Iruka, he thought. Am I still the man you fell in love with all those years ago?
“Excuse me, can you please help me find a book?”
Kakashi stiffened slightly, taking a deep breath, then turning around with a pleasant smile on his face. Well, a pleasant eye crinkle, anyway. He did try. “What are you looking for?”
“A book for my science assignment.”
“Science section is to your right. See the sign?” At a nod, Kakashi continued. “If you need any more help, please don’t hesitate to ask.” Another eye-smile.
“Right. Thanks, I guess.”
Kakashi turned back to his work abruptly, a scowl working its way onto his face again. He picked up another book, shoving it into its correct place. Then another, and another. It was not the most mentally stimulating work he’d ever done, it had to be said. When he finally finished his pile, he trudged back towards the main desk, where he knew a pile of recently returned books were just waiting for him to put away.
The librarian at the desk smiled at him, but Kakashi just looked at her briefly before turning to his work. He sorted the books, refusing to run back and forth between sections like a lunatic, thoroughly bored with it all. Glaring at nothing in particular, Kakashi picked up the large pile of history books and stalked off, barely able to see over the towering pile. He placed on a table and immediately began putting them away, working at a slightly faster pace. His shift was nearly over, and he had no intention of staying behind to finish up in the history section.
“Dammit!”
His entire body stiffened, his hand stopping half way between the bookshelf and his book pile. He knew that voice. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned around.
Iruka… There he sat, wiping spilt coffee off the desk with a handkerchief, cursing to himself. His hair was out, going down to his jaw in dark, silky waves. His chocolate eyes were shining with warmth and life, so different to Kakashi’s. He was looking a little thin, his cheekbones jutting out more than Kakashi thought was entirely healthy, but he was there. Iruka was alive and safe and only a metre away from him. But… he was packing up to leave.
His expression one of annoyance, Iruka was standing up, pulling his bag onto the table and packing his things into it. There was a new coffee stain on his shirt, and that was presumably what had him worked up. But he was going to leave, and Kakashi might not find him again. He couldn’t let that happen. God, he needed Iruka.
Then Iruka was bending down, facing away from Kakashi, reaching for something he had dropped, and a plan suddenly sprung into Kakashi’s mind. His hand shot out, snatching a folder from Iruka’s desk, quickly shoving it in amongst the history books. To his relief, Iruka didn’t notice, shoving his folders and books into his bag quickly and slinging it over his shoulder. He left without so much as a backward glance at Kakashi, not seeming to have noticed him. But Kakashi didn’t care.
He quickly shoved the history books into the shelf, not caring whether they were in the right place or not, grabbing the folder and hurrying after Iruka. He followed him out of the library and down the street to a bus stop, his steps long and fast.
“Hey there!” he called. Iruka stopped, turning around in confusion.
“Uh, hello,” Iruka replied, giving him an odd look once he took in Kakashi’s appearance. “Can I help you?”
“Perhaps,” Kakashi said, stopping right in front of him, his eye curving into a cheery smile. “But that’s not what I’m here for. You left this in the library.” He brandished Iruka’s folder.
“Oh!” Iruka’s eyes widened. “Thank you so much!” He reached out for it, but then Kakashi had it behind his back, smirking behind his scarf.
“You’re welcome.”
“… May I have it, please?”
“Depends.”
“On what?” Iruka asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.
“On whether or not you agree to meet me for coffee.”
Iruka sputtered slightly. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“I don’t even know y-”
“Kakashi.” He thrust one pale hand out, still smiling cheerfully. Iruka stared at him, utter confusion written on his face. Kakashi felt torn between laughing and crying. He had found his Iruka again. Kakashi felt a wave of tenderness pass through him, feeling slightly guilty at the same time. He was blackmailing Iruka into having a coffee with him… Well, he’d done worse.
“Look, can I have my folder back, please?”
Kakashi said nothing, staring pointedly and waving his hand rather insistently in front of Iruka. Iruka finally gave in and shook it, withdrawing as quickly as possible and looking at Kakashi as though he were some kind of nutter. To be fair, Kakashi sort of agreed with him, but he had no intention of changing his behaviour. He knew from experience that the best way to be part of Iruka’s life was to just push his way in, regardless of whether Iruka was happy about it at first. Kakashi knew that this time, he wouldn’t have the strength to stay away from Iruka. Perhaps in the next life he could give Iruka more of a choice. A wave of guilt washed over him. Iruka clearly didn’t want him, and he should give him the choice now… but he just couldn’t. He was far too weak.
“Have coffee with me? Please?”
“Well… I… look…”
“Do you want this back or not?” Kakashi waved the folder in front of his face teasingly. “Come on now, it’s only a coffee.”
“Why?”
“You’re cute. I like you. Have coffee with me.”
“But… oh, fine.” Iruka reached for his folder but Kakashi placed it behind his back, well out of Iruka’s reach.
“This folder is my only guarantee that you’ll show up. I’ll be keeping it to make sure you come.” He smiled.
“This is really ridiculous. You don’t even know me!”
“Perhaps not, but I want to.” It wasn’t technically a lie. Kakashi didn’t know him in this life…
“You don’t even know my name!”
“Now that’s where you’re wrong.”
“Then what is it?”
“Iruka. Your name’s Iruka.”
Iruka’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. “How did you-”
“Meet me at that coffee shop opposite the park - the one with the pretty white tables out the front - at 11am. Don’t be late.”
“Fine,” Iruka huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes were still suspicious, but clearly he needed whatever was in the folder.
"See you then." Kakashi turned abruptly, waving over his shoulder and striding in the opposite direction, not even waiting for a reply. He glanced down at the folder in his hand, but didn't bother to open it. He didn't really care what was in it as long as it allowed him to see Iruka. He smiled fondly, though sadness and dread coiled in his stomach. Once again, Kakashi was swept up in the cycle.
.