Cycle - Chapter 2
Title: Cycle (3/?)
Pairing: KakaIru
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: LJ got this chapter a little later than fanfiction.net, so I apologise to me LJ readers. The reason? LJ hates me. I lost my temper. I went to bed before I punched my computer. :P
Summary: It was a never-ending cycle. Kakashi would be thrown into a new life and meet Iruka, who wouldn't remember him. But Kakashi would love him with all of his heart, unable to forget what they had. And no matter what Kakashi did, Iruka was always torn away.
Previous chapters: Prologue Chapter 1
Chapter 2
The hospital room was almost blindingly white. The fluorescent lights reflected off whitewashed walls, resulting in a very clean, sterilised, but slightly blinding effect. It smelt of all sorts of chemicals and was, quite frankly, one of Kakashi’s least favourite places in the history of the universe.
His boots echoed loudly as he walked down the now-familiar corridor. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he knew he would see, and pushed open the door that he had come to loathe with a passion.
“Hey, Kakashi,” came the weak greeting from the bed.
“Hey,” he murmured in reply. The placed the yellow flowers he held in his hand in the vase by the bedside. He settled himself down in a chair, his gaze on the floor. He couldn’t bear to look at him.
“Kakashi,” came the soft, sad voice. Bony hands reached out to cup his face, but Kakashi flinched away. The hands withdrew slowly, and he could picture the hurt he knew would be on that face. He swallowed, reaching out and taking both hands in his, running his fingers over the darker skin.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“It’s ok. And hey, shouldn’t I be the one upset? You’re supposed to cheer me up,” Iruka said teasingly, his voice still betraying his weakness to Kakashi. It was faint, croaky. Nothing like the fiery, loud teacher he had known all those lifetimes ago.
“I’m sorry,” Kakashi repeated, head bowed. He couldn’t watch him die. Not again.
“Hey, I was kidding… Kashi? Are you ok?” It was only then that Kakashi realised there were tears streaking down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” And Kakashi looked up. He choked slightly, the drawn, pale face still surprising him after so many weeks. There were heavy bags under the brown eyes that were once so full of life. He was gaunt, pale and tired, but Kakashi could see the love burning in Iruka’s eyes, in spite of his pain.
“Don’t apologise. I… I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not your fault.”
“I know. But I can’t help thinking… maybe if I’d gotten treatment sooner, then the cancer could have been cured.”
“Oh, Iruka.” Choked, slightly hysterical laughter left Kakashi’s lips. “This is hardly your fault, love.”
“But it’s not yours, either.” Iruka leaned forward slightly, his eyes pleading. “Promise me you’ll keep living, Kakashi? Promise me you won’t blame yourself? I know you have a major guilt-complex.”
“I’ll… I’ll try.”
“Kakashi,” Iruka said warningly.
“I promise,” Kakashi whispered.
- - - - -
Kakashi traipsed along the sidewalk, as he had for the past three days, unruffled by the pouring rain. He was soaked to the bone, but it didn’t really bother him. He’d always liked the rain, and it wasn’t as though he could really feel it. He supposed that he should have gotten himself an umbrella to keep up appearances, but quickly cast the idea aside. It was just another thing his neighbours could add to the growing list of strange things that Kakashi did.
Every night since he’d first arrived, some well-meaning neighbour had shown up to introduce themselves and welcome him to the city. Much to their surprise, Kakashi wasn’t impressed. He had brushed the first one off completely, snarled at the second, and unceremoniously handed the newly made casserole back to the old lady who attempted to give it to him. He almost felt guilty about that one. But not quite. It was better off in the hands of someone who would actually eat it, he reasoned.
But aside from those little incidences, he had settled into his new life rather well, all things considered. Due to his nighttime wanderings, he knew his way around the city centre and some of the suburbs beyond reasonably well. He’d found a bankcard in his wallet and was pleased to discover that he had quite a bit of money in the bank. It had taken him a few tries to figure out the PIN, but after that he was all set. He also found out that he was employed at the local library, apparently. He had discovered this once he worked out what his email address was, and checked his inbox. He had received an email informing him of his new schedule, much to his displeasure. He would have to stand around in a musty-smelling room all day, telling people to shut up as he sorted through the hundreds of books to find the ones that people couldn’t be bothered to put back properly. He wasn’t looking forward to it.
It had been a while since Kakashi had had a job in one of his lives. He knew from experience that it was best just to go along with it, and that it was given to him for a reason. He did ponder why he would need to be a librarian to get by in this life, but knew he would go along with it. He could use the money, even if he only bought things to keep up appearances. And when it came down to it, he didn’t really have a choice. His life was not under his control.
The more he thought about it, though, the better it seemed. Perhaps he would be able to find information about his… predicament in the library. Perhaps some dusty old book would give him the information he needed to make it all stop. He stood straighter, mind beginning to race. This life could hold the key to freeing him. He had never heard even a whisper of anyone being in his situation before, but that does not mean it had never happened. There could be a book, or even a number of books, that would tell him how he could atone for his sins and set himself free. Working at the library could turn out very useful. But, on the other hand, he could be getting his hopes up for nothing… I deserve this, Kakashi reminded himself. What I did… no, don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.
His shoulders slumping again, Kakashi plodded on, not really caring where he was going. He only looked up when a car drove too close to the pavement, splashing him with the dirty water pooled at the edge of the road. Kakashi scowled, considerably dirtier than before, though no more sodden than he had been. He would need to take a shower to get the grime off, though. He shoved his pale hands into his pockets, scuffing his shoes a little as his feet dragged on the ground.
He heard a school bell ring loudly and in just a few moments the space in front of him was filled with noisy teenagers. He had arrived at the local high school, just as school finished for the day. As he stood there, more and more students poured out of the large set of doors, talking and laughing as though they had not a care in the world. He found himself staring at them, watching the happiness on most of their faces, simply because school was over for the day. Some were shielding themselves from the rain with textbooks and the occasional umbrella, but others were clearly enjoying it, raising their faces to the sky. It would have been refreshing if they weren’t so annoying, in Kakashi’s opinion. Some of them stared at him as they went by, but he ignored them, not really caring what some kids thought of him. What anyone thought of him.
Kakashi stood there for a long time, just watching the students go by with mild interest. The majority of them were young and carefree, though he did see the occasional solemn face in amongst all the others. His eyes scanned them all, searching for that one familiar face, as he always when he was in a crowd. It was instinctive. But the school emptied, and there was still no sign of Iruka. He sighed slightly, feeling surprisingly disappointed. He should know better than to get his hopes up.
He turned away, trudging down the pavement even more dejected than before. He came to a set of traffic lights and looked up to cross the road, freezing in his place. The car was waiting at the traffic lights directly in front of him. A woman he could not see clearly was driving, but in the passenger seat… Iruka. Brown hair, scarred face, eyes shining with such life and laughter. My Iruka. Kakashi took a step forward, opening his mouth though he had no idea what he was planning on saying.
But then, those beautiful brown eyes looked directly at him and he stopped, staring into them. Those eyes pierced his very soul, tearing him apart, breaking all the walls he had built around his heart without even trying. Iruka’s eyes entranced and tormented him; melted and shattered him. For a moment, Kakashi could feel the rain on his face, the cold of his dripping wet clothes, the thundering beat of his heart.
Then the lights turned green and the car accelerated, leaving Kakashi standing alone in the rain.
.
Pairing: KakaIru
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: LJ got this chapter a little later than fanfiction.net, so I apologise to me LJ readers. The reason? LJ hates me. I lost my temper. I went to bed before I punched my computer. :P
Summary: It was a never-ending cycle. Kakashi would be thrown into a new life and meet Iruka, who wouldn't remember him. But Kakashi would love him with all of his heart, unable to forget what they had. And no matter what Kakashi did, Iruka was always torn away.
Previous chapters: Prologue Chapter 1
Chapter 2
The hospital room was almost blindingly white. The fluorescent lights reflected off whitewashed walls, resulting in a very clean, sterilised, but slightly blinding effect. It smelt of all sorts of chemicals and was, quite frankly, one of Kakashi’s least favourite places in the history of the universe.
His boots echoed loudly as he walked down the now-familiar corridor. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he knew he would see, and pushed open the door that he had come to loathe with a passion.
“Hey, Kakashi,” came the weak greeting from the bed.
“Hey,” he murmured in reply. The placed the yellow flowers he held in his hand in the vase by the bedside. He settled himself down in a chair, his gaze on the floor. He couldn’t bear to look at him.
“Kakashi,” came the soft, sad voice. Bony hands reached out to cup his face, but Kakashi flinched away. The hands withdrew slowly, and he could picture the hurt he knew would be on that face. He swallowed, reaching out and taking both hands in his, running his fingers over the darker skin.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“It’s ok. And hey, shouldn’t I be the one upset? You’re supposed to cheer me up,” Iruka said teasingly, his voice still betraying his weakness to Kakashi. It was faint, croaky. Nothing like the fiery, loud teacher he had known all those lifetimes ago.
“I’m sorry,” Kakashi repeated, head bowed. He couldn’t watch him die. Not again.
“Hey, I was kidding… Kashi? Are you ok?” It was only then that Kakashi realised there were tears streaking down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” And Kakashi looked up. He choked slightly, the drawn, pale face still surprising him after so many weeks. There were heavy bags under the brown eyes that were once so full of life. He was gaunt, pale and tired, but Kakashi could see the love burning in Iruka’s eyes, in spite of his pain.
“Don’t apologise. I… I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not your fault.”
“I know. But I can’t help thinking… maybe if I’d gotten treatment sooner, then the cancer could have been cured.”
“Oh, Iruka.” Choked, slightly hysterical laughter left Kakashi’s lips. “This is hardly your fault, love.”
“But it’s not yours, either.” Iruka leaned forward slightly, his eyes pleading. “Promise me you’ll keep living, Kakashi? Promise me you won’t blame yourself? I know you have a major guilt-complex.”
“I’ll… I’ll try.”
“Kakashi,” Iruka said warningly.
“I promise,” Kakashi whispered.
- - - - -
Kakashi traipsed along the sidewalk, as he had for the past three days, unruffled by the pouring rain. He was soaked to the bone, but it didn’t really bother him. He’d always liked the rain, and it wasn’t as though he could really feel it. He supposed that he should have gotten himself an umbrella to keep up appearances, but quickly cast the idea aside. It was just another thing his neighbours could add to the growing list of strange things that Kakashi did.
Every night since he’d first arrived, some well-meaning neighbour had shown up to introduce themselves and welcome him to the city. Much to their surprise, Kakashi wasn’t impressed. He had brushed the first one off completely, snarled at the second, and unceremoniously handed the newly made casserole back to the old lady who attempted to give it to him. He almost felt guilty about that one. But not quite. It was better off in the hands of someone who would actually eat it, he reasoned.
But aside from those little incidences, he had settled into his new life rather well, all things considered. Due to his nighttime wanderings, he knew his way around the city centre and some of the suburbs beyond reasonably well. He’d found a bankcard in his wallet and was pleased to discover that he had quite a bit of money in the bank. It had taken him a few tries to figure out the PIN, but after that he was all set. He also found out that he was employed at the local library, apparently. He had discovered this once he worked out what his email address was, and checked his inbox. He had received an email informing him of his new schedule, much to his displeasure. He would have to stand around in a musty-smelling room all day, telling people to shut up as he sorted through the hundreds of books to find the ones that people couldn’t be bothered to put back properly. He wasn’t looking forward to it.
It had been a while since Kakashi had had a job in one of his lives. He knew from experience that it was best just to go along with it, and that it was given to him for a reason. He did ponder why he would need to be a librarian to get by in this life, but knew he would go along with it. He could use the money, even if he only bought things to keep up appearances. And when it came down to it, he didn’t really have a choice. His life was not under his control.
The more he thought about it, though, the better it seemed. Perhaps he would be able to find information about his… predicament in the library. Perhaps some dusty old book would give him the information he needed to make it all stop. He stood straighter, mind beginning to race. This life could hold the key to freeing him. He had never heard even a whisper of anyone being in his situation before, but that does not mean it had never happened. There could be a book, or even a number of books, that would tell him how he could atone for his sins and set himself free. Working at the library could turn out very useful. But, on the other hand, he could be getting his hopes up for nothing… I deserve this, Kakashi reminded himself. What I did… no, don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.
His shoulders slumping again, Kakashi plodded on, not really caring where he was going. He only looked up when a car drove too close to the pavement, splashing him with the dirty water pooled at the edge of the road. Kakashi scowled, considerably dirtier than before, though no more sodden than he had been. He would need to take a shower to get the grime off, though. He shoved his pale hands into his pockets, scuffing his shoes a little as his feet dragged on the ground.
He heard a school bell ring loudly and in just a few moments the space in front of him was filled with noisy teenagers. He had arrived at the local high school, just as school finished for the day. As he stood there, more and more students poured out of the large set of doors, talking and laughing as though they had not a care in the world. He found himself staring at them, watching the happiness on most of their faces, simply because school was over for the day. Some were shielding themselves from the rain with textbooks and the occasional umbrella, but others were clearly enjoying it, raising their faces to the sky. It would have been refreshing if they weren’t so annoying, in Kakashi’s opinion. Some of them stared at him as they went by, but he ignored them, not really caring what some kids thought of him. What anyone thought of him.
Kakashi stood there for a long time, just watching the students go by with mild interest. The majority of them were young and carefree, though he did see the occasional solemn face in amongst all the others. His eyes scanned them all, searching for that one familiar face, as he always when he was in a crowd. It was instinctive. But the school emptied, and there was still no sign of Iruka. He sighed slightly, feeling surprisingly disappointed. He should know better than to get his hopes up.
He turned away, trudging down the pavement even more dejected than before. He came to a set of traffic lights and looked up to cross the road, freezing in his place. The car was waiting at the traffic lights directly in front of him. A woman he could not see clearly was driving, but in the passenger seat… Iruka. Brown hair, scarred face, eyes shining with such life and laughter. My Iruka. Kakashi took a step forward, opening his mouth though he had no idea what he was planning on saying.
But then, those beautiful brown eyes looked directly at him and he stopped, staring into them. Those eyes pierced his very soul, tearing him apart, breaking all the walls he had built around his heart without even trying. Iruka’s eyes entranced and tormented him; melted and shattered him. For a moment, Kakashi could feel the rain on his face, the cold of his dripping wet clothes, the thundering beat of his heart.
Then the lights turned green and the car accelerated, leaving Kakashi standing alone in the rain.
.