(no subject)
What is innocence? Is it virginity, naivety, or something else? I think what happens to you in life makes you innocent or not. I have been told a lot recently I am not innocent and I have also been told I am annoying, a bitch, and a lot of others things. So I will discus both of them tonight. Here I defend who I am.
Innocence-
What happens to you in life makes you innocent. The memories you hold onto make you innocent or not. My first memories are being alone in a big room and seeing a man hit him father then throw me. Then I remember putting wet washcloths on my mom’s forehead, of burning myself trying to cook dinner for mommy. Then I remember school, I remember being mad fun of, I remember boys kicking me so hard they left shoe prints on my legs, of my head being ground into cement. I also remember kick people, I remember throwing a boy into a pole, and I remember breaking someone’s nose and the blood running all over me. I remember growing up and being called ugly. I remember my father yelling at me. I do not remember bliss, I can not remember safety. I don’t think I was ever safe. I now know a father yelling at me saying he hates me and is leaving because he doesn’t want to deal with me anymore. I remember pain. SO I am not innocent. So I jaded and cold. What else am I suppose to be. I have never known anything else. I am what my environment made me into.
Annoying, hyper, and a bitch,
Okay so you think I’m all these things. Well here let’s try an exercise.
Imagine you have a disease….come on really try. Okay thank you. Now image you have actually 2 diseases. Ohh no wait 5 but the first 3 aren’t that bad they make life harder than normal they make things painful but you can live with the first 3. Now onto the 2 bad ones.
The first they look at you with sad eyes. They explain the way you see the world isn’t right. Everything you think is wrong. Now imagine how that feels everything you think is wrong. Now imagine them trying to explain how it is wrong and not understanding how what you think is wrong. Imagine that every time someone insults you wanting to cry, thinking they hate you. Now imagine every time someone smiled you feel higher than cloud 9. Now imagine knowing that both feelings are “wrong.” Imagine knowing the way you have been your whole life is wrong. Now imagine them telling you about this disease that it was a 50% mortality rate. Imagine the shock every other person dies with this disease. Now imagine they do not die slowly and softly, or in pain. They die both ways. They die by their own hands.
The next dieses they look at you with fear. They start talking about things you thought were normal. Not being able to tell what is right and wrong. You do not understand social bounders, that you are very charismatic. You smile as they talk about how a lot of people with this disease become very powerful and rich. Now their face darkens, they become successful or kill people. People with this disease are other killers. Imagine hearing Charles Manson name, and others who maimed, raped, and killed. Imagine being told you can not understand right and wrong. Imagine them talking about medicines.
They give you a lot of medicines. Now they medicines make you feel dead, you neither feel happy or sad. They also make you see blurry, make you throw up, make you feel agony like never before. Now they take you off the medicine which make you see things, it makes you ice cold then burning hot. It makes you sick. It makes you real sick.
Now imagine dealing with the disease everyday. Imagine every time you hear something having to rethink it. Having you make yourself reinterpret it than what your brain first thought. Imagine doing that with every word, every sentence, every conversation, everyday, every week, month, year, and forever.
Now image on top of that you have angry parents, you have dead friends who you miss you feel like left you, imagine having to deal with other people’s problems, imagine trying to have fun, imagine making yourself smile. Image having to do this everyday.
That is small part of my life. Now what do you think of me. Come on tell me honestly. Please me honest.
Innocence-
What happens to you in life makes you innocent. The memories you hold onto make you innocent or not. My first memories are being alone in a big room and seeing a man hit him father then throw me. Then I remember putting wet washcloths on my mom’s forehead, of burning myself trying to cook dinner for mommy. Then I remember school, I remember being mad fun of, I remember boys kicking me so hard they left shoe prints on my legs, of my head being ground into cement. I also remember kick people, I remember throwing a boy into a pole, and I remember breaking someone’s nose and the blood running all over me. I remember growing up and being called ugly. I remember my father yelling at me. I do not remember bliss, I can not remember safety. I don’t think I was ever safe. I now know a father yelling at me saying he hates me and is leaving because he doesn’t want to deal with me anymore. I remember pain. SO I am not innocent. So I jaded and cold. What else am I suppose to be. I have never known anything else. I am what my environment made me into.
Annoying, hyper, and a bitch,
Okay so you think I’m all these things. Well here let’s try an exercise.
Imagine you have a disease….come on really try. Okay thank you. Now image you have actually 2 diseases. Ohh no wait 5 but the first 3 aren’t that bad they make life harder than normal they make things painful but you can live with the first 3. Now onto the 2 bad ones.
The first they look at you with sad eyes. They explain the way you see the world isn’t right. Everything you think is wrong. Now imagine how that feels everything you think is wrong. Now imagine them trying to explain how it is wrong and not understanding how what you think is wrong. Imagine that every time someone insults you wanting to cry, thinking they hate you. Now imagine every time someone smiled you feel higher than cloud 9. Now imagine knowing that both feelings are “wrong.” Imagine knowing the way you have been your whole life is wrong. Now imagine them telling you about this disease that it was a 50% mortality rate. Imagine the shock every other person dies with this disease. Now imagine they do not die slowly and softly, or in pain. They die both ways. They die by their own hands.
The next dieses they look at you with fear. They start talking about things you thought were normal. Not being able to tell what is right and wrong. You do not understand social bounders, that you are very charismatic. You smile as they talk about how a lot of people with this disease become very powerful and rich. Now their face darkens, they become successful or kill people. People with this disease are other killers. Imagine hearing Charles Manson name, and others who maimed, raped, and killed. Imagine being told you can not understand right and wrong. Imagine them talking about medicines.
They give you a lot of medicines. Now they medicines make you feel dead, you neither feel happy or sad. They also make you see blurry, make you throw up, make you feel agony like never before. Now they take you off the medicine which make you see things, it makes you ice cold then burning hot. It makes you sick. It makes you real sick.
Now imagine dealing with the disease everyday. Imagine every time you hear something having to rethink it. Having you make yourself reinterpret it than what your brain first thought. Imagine doing that with every word, every sentence, every conversation, everyday, every week, month, year, and forever.
Now image on top of that you have angry parents, you have dead friends who you miss you feel like left you, imagine having to deal with other people’s problems, imagine trying to have fun, imagine making yourself smile. Image having to do this everyday.
That is small part of my life. Now what do you think of me. Come on tell me honestly. Please me honest.