Under the Cold Street Lights
Nostalgia is such a muthafuckin bitch.
I'm tired. I'm sad. I keep thinking if I cry I'll feel better.
But instead of crying I just want to run.
If I run fast enough the world can't catch.
At least they haven't yet.
I make my own future.
Fuck fate.
Is the idea of leaving life up to chance less terrifying?
No.
But I'll do it anyway. Because I will not be controlled.
I will not be controlled by memories of Richman anymore than I was ever controlled by him.
I will not be controlled by Josh, society, or my job.
I will not be controlled by my past anymore than i will be condemned by it.
Fuck it.
I run. I'm free. I will always be free until I decide I'm done with it.
People, this is why you don't want me. This is why I can't be with you.
I can't settle down.
I'm a bolter.
Am I happy?
Yeah. Will that stop me from running? No. Maybe I'm crazy.
Or maybe I'm afraid of being left. All I know is that I can't open up. No one has my whole heart. No one has me.
They exist with the illusion of me slipping in and out of their grasp.
And that's how I like it.
-Smiles
Don't be afraid to get down say
I don't wanna be in love.
I don't wanna be in love.