If you have a dog or a cat in your house - read this!
Ever wondered what goes on in your pet's head? Well, read below:
Excerpt from a Dog’s Diary …..
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My Favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
300 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpt from a Cat’s Diary ….
Day 983 of my captivity …
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a little hunter I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices today. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overhead that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies”. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormenters by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He’s obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ……..