FIFA U20 World Cup: Canada versus Chile
Canada versus Chile from the National Soccer Stadium in Toronto, Canada!
Warning: Gratuitous, unapologetic Pro-Canada flaunting! Chileans, stay away! I feel wildly patriotic today. So grab your poutine, take a seat and enjoy your Canada day!
This commentator comes to you from her, er, couch, at home, in Ottawa. Very close to Toronto, really, except smaller and less obnoxious.
First of all, some info about Team Canada:
Captain Will Johnson has made 3 appearances for the senior team, and currently is on loan to Dutch-land team De Graafschap.
Keeper Asmir Begovich speaks 40 languages*, has a nice nose, and plays for Portsmouth in England.
Edgar plays for Newcastle and has scored against Manchu - another reason to love our team! We hate Wayne Rooney!
And of course, what of their enemies opponents, Chile? Well, there are definitely ... at least 11 players! That's something, innit?
The pressure is on! It's Canada Day, in Canada, and Canada is playing! If you didn't already know this about Canada, we regularly eat Chileans for breakfast, fyi. They taste nice with a little pepper.
First Half:
Canada is playing in the 4-4-2 position. Not even the second minute and Chile has tried to bully their way into a goal, but is not able to get it in.
Lombardo has the ball! Lombardo, incidentally, plays for Toronto FC, Canada's only franchise in the MLS.
Peters tries to grab the ball (and grab the Chilean player) but it's kicked away...
Jackson tries to get a cross but is bombarded by Chilean players.
Nice attempt by Chile but it's way off from the goal. In fact... all of their attempts are easily thwarted by Canada's number one.
Chile has much better possession so far, but that doesn't say much. They're going to tire themselves out if they try to keep up this pace all game.
My dad is trying to analyze the game and he doesn't know much about it >.< STOP DISSING MY BOYS. You can tell my parents aren't Canadian, they don't appreciate our team! God! You immigrants, you don't appreciate this country!
Anyway. Beautiful save by Canada!!
Kick-in by Will Johnson, but it comes to nothing. Good opportunity...
Ohhh, attempt by Chile! Begovich tries to save to the right, but it comes from the left after a deflection! Still 0:0 at 17 minutes.
Beautiful Lombardo touches the ball... please do more close-ups, kthx...
Foul and free kick for Canada - time for us to break through that Chilean defense.
The wind, "apparently" is causing some difficulty. Personally, I think all the screaming Chile fans are causing the problems - YOU'RE IN CANADA CHEER FOR YOUR PEOPLE YOU RACIST BASTARDS.
Canada has some cute moves - who coaches these guys? Thumbs up to whoever it is.
Long-range shot again by Chile, but it's a miss. Possession is like 70-30 for Chile but they aren't doing anything with it.
We are "gathering shadows" according to the commentators. O.o
NOOOOOOOO!! 1:0, score for Chile! WHY GOD WHY?!?!
Canada trails "in its own backyard." Buggershitefuck. WHERE IS OUR DEFENSE GET OFF YOUR LAZY ARSES.
All right, all right. 25th minute. How will Canada respond?
THAT WAS A FOUL. CARD HIM REF, CARD HIM!
Free kick for the Canucks (those are the Canadians, for those not in know), because the Chileans are fouling bastards.
Plz don't score on your own goal, boys.
The hopes of the nation rest on Lombardo's shoulders. He will be crowned Prince of Soccer. Steven Harper will lay lilies at his feet...
O.o
Nice save by Canadian keeper Begovich. But a couple minutes later, a throw to Chile...
And a bad cross by Canada. Challenge to a Medina from Chile, he "falls down" (read: dive) and Chile gets an undeserved free kick. Goes to a corner kick. Canada's defense is all right but the rest - mid-field and forward - is wobbly. Begovich gets the ball.
O'Connor of Canada is cautioned with a yellow card, but he was totally going to the ball! He touched it, ref, you sniveling lunatic!
Insults aside... kick for Chile, dangerously close to the goal. And.... headed away! Whew :P
35 minutes in. The wind is against us, going North to South. Damn you, windy Toronto, and your lakes, and ... things.
Lombardo challenges. Chile plays the ball a little in their defense... Canada has the ball, throw in to Peters.
Wow, Leverkusen apparently just bought Vidal from Chile. I feel that as a personal insult to Canadians everywhere, btw.
Begovich's kicks suck against the wind right now.
And the ball goes right between the legs of the Canadian! WTF?! There are only 3 minutes left, pick it up!
DIVE BY CHILE! WHATEVER! Free kick for Chile because they are DIVERS, the boobs. *pouts* Nice save by Begovich!
And first half is over! At 1:0 for Chile.
Notice about the Canada team that none of them actually sound Canadian: Begovich. O'Connor. Edgar. Lombardo.
Nothing really Canadian, like Maler. That's a lie. My last name is Maler, and I'm German.
*This is an exaggeration.
We're back! And now there is no excuse for the Canadians, cuz we're playing on the other side of the field.
Corner kick for Canada and the stadium explodes! Come on, come on, come oooooon!
Boo, how disappointing.
Vidal goes down - and Lombardo is carded! Looking at it in slow mo, Vidal was as much at fault, he ran in front of Lombardo and was clipped from behind.
Lombardo is "off-side" apparently. Totally subjective, imho. (Other than those rules, but who made those up? Really?)
Apparently Canada's fans woke up or something from their poutine-induced haze because we're bloody loud!
Yellow card again for Canada. CHILE YOU DIVERS.
OH MY FUCKING GOD WE LOSE AT LIFE.
2:0 for Chile. fdjislafisaodfjdklsa.
Actually it was a nice header. Damn you Chile, and your HEADS.
COME ON CANADA JUST FOUL THEM! I mean. Nothing.
60 minutes in. Where is the wind where you need it?! I'm sure there's a great Canadian joke about the Natives and wind rituals that could go here, but I'm too mad to make it.
Chile is just too good and we are just too much of Le Suck.
Lombardo is out and Alex Elliott is in.
Come on Will! We have possession! Gogogogogogogogo....
TRY TO PASS TO OTHER CANADIANS KTHX. It isn't hard, we're those PEOPLE IN RED.
Argh.
What are the chances Canada will score 3 in the next 30 minutes? I think about 1:1439508439548390547389547389.
You know what we need right now? That probability machine from Hitchhiker's Guide.
DIVE!!! DIVE BY CHILE! He has a "cramp"?!?! THIS IS CRAP!
NICE TRY BY CANADA! KEEP IT UP!
Chile is offside! OFFSIDE!! Okay, ref called it, whew. *scowls*
Clearly the Spanish ref is favouring the Chileans, their former slaves. Don't you remember the revolutions, ref?! DON'T YOU?! God I hope I haven't fucked my history there.
DON'T give the ball away! Jesus!
70th minute. Official possession is 40-60 for Chile.
BOOK HIM HE DIVED JESUSCHRISTfjksla;fjdksla;dfjkasl;jksla;fjdkslf;djksal!!!!!!
Chile, you are DIVERS, and I hope you get mobbed by angry, drunk Canadians tonight! Srsly, you know why there isn't a game in Ottawa tonight? Because Ottawians are CRAZY on Canada Day. Srsly. No one is safe.
Canadians are TOO FUCKING POLITE. You get knocked, YOU FUCKING LIE ON THE GROUND AND FUCKING CRY TO THAT REF UNTIL YOU GET A FREE KICK! THAT IS THE WAY OF FOOTBALL - POLITENESS WILL ONLY GET YOU A KICK IN THE BALLS.
Chilean player gets his ass BOOED as he makes his way off on a stretcher. UTTER CRAP, that's what this is.
The fans are all over it though - he's back on the field, fine of course, but is being booed every time he touches the ball!
Substitution for Chile. Medina is off.
OMFG WHY DO WE SUCK SO MUUUUUUUUUCH?!?!?!!?!?
*sobs*
3:0 for Chile.
*dies inside* That killed me to type. We are going to lose, and it's just painful.
Chile, oh, surprise surprise, falls down AGAIN and a Canadian player with a ridiculously long name gets a yellow card.
87th minute. Probably 3 hours of stoppage time added because of Chilean diving.*
Hey, here's a joke! What do Canada and Chile have in common? A GREAT DIVING TEAM. Hahahaha. O.o
1 minute left. Oh joy. 3 minutes added time.
And... this disappointing, pathetic excuse for a match is over THANK GOD. I'm going back to supporting my real team, Germany.
*I exaggerate a lot.
Warning: Gratuitous, unapologetic Pro-Canada flaunting! Chileans, stay away! I feel wildly patriotic today. So grab your poutine, take a seat and enjoy your Canada day!
This commentator comes to you from her, er, couch, at home, in Ottawa. Very close to Toronto, really, except smaller and less obnoxious.
First of all, some info about Team Canada:
Captain Will Johnson has made 3 appearances for the senior team, and currently is on loan to Dutch-land team De Graafschap.
Keeper Asmir Begovich speaks 40 languages*, has a nice nose, and plays for Portsmouth in England.
Edgar plays for Newcastle and has scored against Manchu - another reason to love our team! We hate Wayne Rooney!
And of course, what of their enemies opponents, Chile? Well, there are definitely ... at least 11 players! That's something, innit?
The pressure is on! It's Canada Day, in Canada, and Canada is playing! If you didn't already know this about Canada, we regularly eat Chileans for breakfast, fyi. They taste nice with a little pepper.
First Half:
Canada is playing in the 4-4-2 position. Not even the second minute and Chile has tried to bully their way into a goal, but is not able to get it in.
Lombardo has the ball! Lombardo, incidentally, plays for Toronto FC, Canada's only franchise in the MLS.
Peters tries to grab the ball (and grab the Chilean player) but it's kicked away...
Jackson tries to get a cross but is bombarded by Chilean players.
Nice attempt by Chile but it's way off from the goal. In fact... all of their attempts are easily thwarted by Canada's number one.
Chile has much better possession so far, but that doesn't say much. They're going to tire themselves out if they try to keep up this pace all game.
My dad is trying to analyze the game and he doesn't know much about it >.< STOP DISSING MY BOYS. You can tell my parents aren't Canadian, they don't appreciate our team! God! You immigrants, you don't appreciate this country!
Anyway. Beautiful save by Canada!!
Kick-in by Will Johnson, but it comes to nothing. Good opportunity...
Ohhh, attempt by Chile! Begovich tries to save to the right, but it comes from the left after a deflection! Still 0:0 at 17 minutes.
Beautiful Lombardo touches the ball... please do more close-ups, kthx...
Foul and free kick for Canada - time for us to break through that Chilean defense.
The wind, "apparently" is causing some difficulty. Personally, I think all the screaming Chile fans are causing the problems - YOU'RE IN CANADA CHEER FOR YOUR PEOPLE YOU RACIST BASTARDS.
Canada has some cute moves - who coaches these guys? Thumbs up to whoever it is.
Long-range shot again by Chile, but it's a miss. Possession is like 70-30 for Chile but they aren't doing anything with it.
We are "gathering shadows" according to the commentators. O.o
NOOOOOOOO!! 1:0, score for Chile! WHY GOD WHY?!?!
Canada trails "in its own backyard." Buggershitefuck. WHERE IS OUR DEFENSE GET OFF YOUR LAZY ARSES.
All right, all right. 25th minute. How will Canada respond?
THAT WAS A FOUL. CARD HIM REF, CARD HIM!
Free kick for the Canucks (those are the Canadians, for those not in know), because the Chileans are fouling bastards.
Plz don't score on your own goal, boys.
The hopes of the nation rest on Lombardo's shoulders. He will be crowned Prince of Soccer. Steven Harper will lay lilies at his feet...
O.o
Nice save by Canadian keeper Begovich. But a couple minutes later, a throw to Chile...
And a bad cross by Canada. Challenge to a Medina from Chile, he "falls down" (read: dive) and Chile gets an undeserved free kick. Goes to a corner kick. Canada's defense is all right but the rest - mid-field and forward - is wobbly. Begovich gets the ball.
O'Connor of Canada is cautioned with a yellow card, but he was totally going to the ball! He touched it, ref, you sniveling lunatic!
Insults aside... kick for Chile, dangerously close to the goal. And.... headed away! Whew :P
35 minutes in. The wind is against us, going North to South. Damn you, windy Toronto, and your lakes, and ... things.
Lombardo challenges. Chile plays the ball a little in their defense... Canada has the ball, throw in to Peters.
Wow, Leverkusen apparently just bought Vidal from Chile. I feel that as a personal insult to Canadians everywhere, btw.
Begovich's kicks suck against the wind right now.
And the ball goes right between the legs of the Canadian! WTF?! There are only 3 minutes left, pick it up!
DIVE BY CHILE! WHATEVER! Free kick for Chile because they are DIVERS, the boobs. *pouts* Nice save by Begovich!
And first half is over! At 1:0 for Chile.
Notice about the Canada team that none of them actually sound Canadian: Begovich. O'Connor. Edgar. Lombardo.
Nothing really Canadian, like Maler. That's a lie. My last name is Maler, and I'm German.
*This is an exaggeration.
We're back! And now there is no excuse for the Canadians, cuz we're playing on the other side of the field.
Corner kick for Canada and the stadium explodes! Come on, come on, come oooooon!
Boo, how disappointing.
Vidal goes down - and Lombardo is carded! Looking at it in slow mo, Vidal was as much at fault, he ran in front of Lombardo and was clipped from behind.
Lombardo is "off-side" apparently. Totally subjective, imho. (Other than those rules, but who made those up? Really?)
Apparently Canada's fans woke up or something from their poutine-induced haze because we're bloody loud!
Yellow card again for Canada. CHILE YOU DIVERS.
OH MY FUCKING GOD WE LOSE AT LIFE.
2:0 for Chile. fdjislafisaodfjdklsa.
Actually it was a nice header. Damn you Chile, and your HEADS.
COME ON CANADA JUST FOUL THEM! I mean. Nothing.
60 minutes in. Where is the wind where you need it?! I'm sure there's a great Canadian joke about the Natives and wind rituals that could go here, but I'm too mad to make it.
Chile is just too good and we are just too much of Le Suck.
Lombardo is out and Alex Elliott is in.
Come on Will! We have possession! Gogogogogogogogo....
TRY TO PASS TO OTHER CANADIANS KTHX. It isn't hard, we're those PEOPLE IN RED.
Argh.
What are the chances Canada will score 3 in the next 30 minutes? I think about 1:1439508439548390547389547389.
You know what we need right now? That probability machine from Hitchhiker's Guide.
DIVE!!! DIVE BY CHILE! He has a "cramp"?!?! THIS IS CRAP!
NICE TRY BY CANADA! KEEP IT UP!
Chile is offside! OFFSIDE!! Okay, ref called it, whew. *scowls*
Clearly the Spanish ref is favouring the Chileans, their former slaves. Don't you remember the revolutions, ref?! DON'T YOU?! God I hope I haven't fucked my history there.
DON'T give the ball away! Jesus!
70th minute. Official possession is 40-60 for Chile.
BOOK HIM HE DIVED JESUSCHRISTfjksla;fjdksla;dfjkasl;jksla;fjdkslf;djksal!!!!!!
Chile, you are DIVERS, and I hope you get mobbed by angry, drunk Canadians tonight! Srsly, you know why there isn't a game in Ottawa tonight? Because Ottawians are CRAZY on Canada Day. Srsly. No one is safe.
Canadians are TOO FUCKING POLITE. You get knocked, YOU FUCKING LIE ON THE GROUND AND FUCKING CRY TO THAT REF UNTIL YOU GET A FREE KICK! THAT IS THE WAY OF FOOTBALL - POLITENESS WILL ONLY GET YOU A KICK IN THE BALLS.
Chilean player gets his ass BOOED as he makes his way off on a stretcher. UTTER CRAP, that's what this is.
The fans are all over it though - he's back on the field, fine of course, but is being booed every time he touches the ball!
Substitution for Chile. Medina is off.
OMFG WHY DO WE SUCK SO MUUUUUUUUUCH?!?!?!!?!?
*sobs*
3:0 for Chile.
*dies inside* That killed me to type. We are going to lose, and it's just painful.
Chile, oh, surprise surprise, falls down AGAIN and a Canadian player with a ridiculously long name gets a yellow card.
87th minute. Probably 3 hours of stoppage time added because of Chilean diving.*
Hey, here's a joke! What do Canada and Chile have in common? A GREAT DIVING TEAM. Hahahaha. O.o
1 minute left. Oh joy. 3 minutes added time.
And... this disappointing, pathetic excuse for a match is over THANK GOD. I'm going back to supporting my real team, Germany.
*I exaggerate a lot.