babybaby
I have to admit, the more time passes, the more used to the idea I am getting. That I will have a kid. It terrifies me just as much as it ever did, but I think I am ok with it. I'll be okay with it as long as I can provide the basic necessities and keep it happy.
It's the weirdest feeling...when you first find out you are pregnant it's like you can't believe it. Even after seeing the baby on screen, moving around. Nothing is there other than feeling sick or physically off...nothing to make you think there is a live little thing inside of you. Every day I would be waiting and hyper aware of anything going on in my stomach hoping to feel the first flutters of movement...but it never really happened. Not in a way I could discern as first movements anyway. I can feel movements pretty often now when I am still, which is really quite...bizarre and amazing. It does make it more real, to be able to feel the little person in you kicking and nudging at you. I was always expecting really light butterfly flutter type of movement when I was looking for it, but as soon as I started noticing it, it was just actual taps or pokes that I felt and some wiggling about. I still have to tell myself mentally every day that this is actually happening to me. I'm not just dreaming it all.
I have a lot on my mind lately. I wish things could at least be less stressful right now. It worries me, with my blood pressure issues. I know that when I get so emotionally distraught so often that it is just aggravating the problem all the more. My doctor is pretty concerned about me, since I am dealing with such bad blood pressure at such a young age. It's not very comforting at all just seeing the concern on their faces when they unstrap that cuff off of my arm. At least I am on the medication for it now, and it does seem to be working to lower it a bit, which is great.
This Friday I might get to find out what I am having at my 19week anatomy scan. I'm anxious. My mom is excited, she wants to take me shopping after to get my first official baby outfit if we end up finding out the sex like I am hoping. Thanks to the blood pressure issues though my doc is ordering me ultrasounds every month to check progress and make sure everything is still going as it should...so if not this time then maybe in another month. SIGH. Waiting sucks.
Getting to sleep fucking sucks, also. I can't find a comfortable position at all anymore, I am constantly tossing and turning. Before I was used to sleeping on my stomach and now I can't really. I can kind of do half side half stomach, but its still just not the same. And laying on my back makes me feel like I am suffocating. Blech.
It's the weirdest feeling...when you first find out you are pregnant it's like you can't believe it. Even after seeing the baby on screen, moving around. Nothing is there other than feeling sick or physically off...nothing to make you think there is a live little thing inside of you. Every day I would be waiting and hyper aware of anything going on in my stomach hoping to feel the first flutters of movement...but it never really happened. Not in a way I could discern as first movements anyway. I can feel movements pretty often now when I am still, which is really quite...bizarre and amazing. It does make it more real, to be able to feel the little person in you kicking and nudging at you. I was always expecting really light butterfly flutter type of movement when I was looking for it, but as soon as I started noticing it, it was just actual taps or pokes that I felt and some wiggling about. I still have to tell myself mentally every day that this is actually happening to me. I'm not just dreaming it all.
I have a lot on my mind lately. I wish things could at least be less stressful right now. It worries me, with my blood pressure issues. I know that when I get so emotionally distraught so often that it is just aggravating the problem all the more. My doctor is pretty concerned about me, since I am dealing with such bad blood pressure at such a young age. It's not very comforting at all just seeing the concern on their faces when they unstrap that cuff off of my arm. At least I am on the medication for it now, and it does seem to be working to lower it a bit, which is great.
This Friday I might get to find out what I am having at my 19week anatomy scan. I'm anxious. My mom is excited, she wants to take me shopping after to get my first official baby outfit if we end up finding out the sex like I am hoping. Thanks to the blood pressure issues though my doc is ordering me ultrasounds every month to check progress and make sure everything is still going as it should...so if not this time then maybe in another month. SIGH. Waiting sucks.
Getting to sleep fucking sucks, also. I can't find a comfortable position at all anymore, I am constantly tossing and turning. Before I was used to sleeping on my stomach and now I can't really. I can kind of do half side half stomach, but its still just not the same. And laying on my back makes me feel like I am suffocating. Blech.