Library Computer Says: DELINQUENT
Oh $16.10 in library fines you could have been better spend…
Me: So, when does the library call about overdue books?
Librarian 1: A week, I think.
Me: A WEEK!!! A bloody week?!? That’s bogus! Do you know who I am?
Librarian 1: I do have your library card.
Me: Did I say this was bogus? This is the freaking public library! The public demands that you have books in. The public would like to know when books are overdue. If you haven’t seen the book within three days of the due date it’s time to call. My goodness, if it’s not in by then it ain’t coming back. The public demands notification within three days. THE PUBLIC DEMANDS.
Librarian 1: I assure you we do everything in out power to ensure books are returned in a timely fashion.
Woman: Do I owe two dollars for one book?
Librarian 2: Yes. It was due the 21st and today is the 31st.
Woman: Huh.
Me: A ha! Totally bogus this “one week notice.” I see through your not-so-subtle plan. Never calling people and watching them rack up fines until their account is frozen so they have to come in and pay their fines or you’ll send the hounds of hell after them.
Librarian 1: I assure you we have no hounds of hell.
Me: I see your nefarious plan and I DO NOT APPROVE! I hate your establishment and I take my leave of it. Free book lending indeed. Hmph!
*I walk home in the cold wind because buses are stupid*
*Get home and eye phone messages suspiciously*
Message 2: This is the Public Library calling. The material you requested is now in.
Me: And you couldn’t tell me this 10 minutes ago while I was in your doors and you were stealing my money? I F-ing hate your establishment! *punches ‘off’ button angry because the phone was cordless and I couldn’t slam it*
~Nox