FIC: Gratitude
Series: No Day But Today
Title: Gratitude
Pairing: Tike, Klaine
Includes: post-mpreg, zombies
Word Count: ~4279
Summary: Tina’s journey through their brave new world.
No one was huddled too close around the campfire. They were all too on edge to get comfortable. It was too likely that one of the infected might wander in and take someone else away from them.
Tina put another log on the fire and poked it, watching intently. The flames couldn’t get too high. It was too dangerous for them to be seen. She spotted Mike by the edge of the camp, a gun hanging from his hand, hair sticking up, clothes torn and bloody.
Tina drew close to him. “How do you feel?”
His mother was sitting with Brittany’s mom. She was like a block of ice. Granted, Tamara Chang had never really liked Tina much, but the woman had shut down. It was almost eerie to see her that way.
“Grateful,” he said finally. “It’s the word I’ve been using a lot, lately. Grateful I got my mom out of the hospital before the army got there. I mean, you hear about... It got so crazy... Grateful, too, we found your dad and everyone else. Grateful we all made it up here. I didn’t think I could hope for anyone else to have made it. Least of all...”
He brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. Any other day, she might have filled with a fluttery warmth. Her boyfriend. The first boy to ever tell her he loved her. The first boy to give her a pet name.
“I feel like hope died last week,” Tina muttered. She leaned into Mike’s shoulder. “We left people. I... God, Mike.”
He draped his arm around her shoulder. She pressed her face into him, but no tears would come. She’d spent them all over Columbus, when they saw the bombs dropping.
***
With her head reeling, her brain burning, Tina held her sides and wondered how long it would be before she lost herself. Started jerking, drooling. Started snapping and biting. Ripping into everyone she cared about. Nothing but remains. Dead meat.
When she thrashed, her arms pulled, like she was being held down. She saw images of her mother bowed over a child, lapping blood from its abdomen. Brittany’s mother being torn apart by two infected men, jerking at her like a choice steak between two feral dogs. Body parts strewn along the streets. Images of creatures, just outside of her line of vision, lunging at her, over and over.
She didn’t quite ever sleep, but she seemed to wake, constantly. Eventually when her eyes opened, her body drenched with sweat, she blinked up at the unfamiliar face in front of her. She jerked her body, trying to pull away, to run, to hide.
“It’s me! Tina? Niu niu? It’s me.”
No words came to her mind. She just let out a frightened shriek and struggled harder against her restraints, until they were slick with blood, and someone came to hold her down and stick her with something sharp.
Later she would learn that she was just reacting to the vaccine. Badly. She would learn that her father had reacted even worse and wouldn’t be coming with them to the refugee housing. And she would never forget the sound of Mike sobbing by her side.
***
Tamara walked into the den and threw a package of birth control into Tina’s lap. She looked down at it, gaped for a moment, then pointedly avoided Mama Chang’s gaze.
Brittany shrugged when they caught one another’s eye.
“Don’t expect me not to know what you and my son are doing. I just don’t want to be dealing with the consequences of that just now.” Tamara sat across from Tina, Santana, and Brittany and rubbed her brow.
Tina frowned at the package in her hands. “Um. Thanks.”
“We have news from the hospital.” Tarmara drew in a breath and straightened her shoulders. “Kurt’s been found.”
Brittany let out a squeal.
“Oh, shut up!” Santana said. She turned to Brittany and clasped her hands. Tina had never seen Santana that excited to see Kurt ever.
“At the hospital?” Tina urged. “Kurt’s in the hospital?”
Brittany stopped bouncing. She let out a little whimper.
“They may need to keep him for a while, according to Burt. I can go up later today and get some information from the doctors,” Tamara clarified. She paused.
A hand smoothed over her hair. Tina rolled her eyes. Had to be in place. Or the world might fucking end.
She folded her hands on her lap. “He’s pregnant.”
The girls went quiet. Santana frowned in confusion. “What?”
“Boys get pregnant?” Brittany’s eyes went wide, and she looked to Santana. “I might be a daddy!”
“At least with what you two girls do, we won’t have a situation like Kurt’s,” Tamara murmured.
Santana laughed, wickedly. “You know, I always had a sneaking suspicion Kurt was gonna wind up pregnant somehow.”
“This is no joke,” Tamara snapped. “He’s pregnant, he’s ill, and the doctors are keeping a close eye on him and the baby. We could lose them both, still.”
“You’re serious.” Tina slipped the birth control into her pocket. “He really is? He’s...”
“Yes. It’s rare, but it happens.” Tamara folded her hands in her lap. “I’ve not had a case, but I’ve had colleagues who did.”
Tina’s brain was spinning. Not too much unlike seeing her mother jerking back to life, but now what she felt wasn’t revulsion, or horror. She didn’t know how she felt about the idea of Kurt having a baby.
“Can I visit him? He must be so scared.”
“No. No one can, but family right now. We’ll see if he improves enough to see new people. I’m not sure...” Tamara’s lips tightened. “We’ll see.”
Tina covered her mouth and quietly thanked God. Grateful. So grateful to know that Kurt was still breathing. Now she’d add the little one to their prayers, no matter how strange it seemed. Actually, stranger things had happened.
***
“I bet his baby bump is so cute,” Brittany said. “When are we gonna be able to see him? You think? I wanna see him. I thought he’d be dead by now. Showing up pregnant is like, the opposite of that.”
“We don’t want to upset him,” Tina argued. “He’s had a hard time. What if he asks about Mercedes? Or Rachel? What do we say?”
“That we don’t know where they are, obviously.” Santana shrugged and tilted her head to the side. “Because we don’t.”
“And if he asks about Lauren?” Brittany asked. “Artie? Puck?”
Santana took her hand and squeezed it. Her voice softened. “We still don’t know what happened. Not for sure.”
“We have a guess,” Tina said.
Brittany frowned at Santana. “I’m not dumb. I know that. I know. I just wanna know how we’re supposed to tell him what’s been lost.”
Mike bounded up behind the couch. “Blainers has been found!”
“You’re kidding?” Tina jumped up and ran around the couch to hug him. “Oh, thank God! Oh, thank you Jesus. Where was he?”
“Um... it’s kind of a long story, but somehow he turned up in Kurt’s bed!” Mike’s grin faded as he seemed to reflect on those words.
Santana stifled her laugh. Then just cackled. “Of course he did. Getting Kurt preggers once just wasn’t enough!”
“I see nothing funny about this.” Tamara looked into the room with pursed lips. “I’m going to call Burt.”
Santana made a face at her as she left. The two of them had a thinly veiled hostility for reasons Tina couldn’t discern, which was odd, because Santana veiling her hostility wasn’t exactly in character. Maybe even Santana was afraid of Mama Chang.
Santana turned back to the others. “We should go to the hospital. Give our little newlyweds a surprise.”
“They need a baby shower!” Brittany jumped up and down. “I bet they haven’t been able to pick up any baby stuff!”
“In the middle of Corpseville? Probably not,” Mike said.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Tina stepped back and crossed her arms. “I think we should just wait.”
“I wanna see Kurt!” Brittany whined. “He’s the first person we’ve seen from Lima since... Well, Mike. I missed him. And he’s alive. So we should go see him.”
“Yeah, well.” Mike slipped his hands in his pockets. “I dunno that it’s so good for him to see us right now. It might be overwhelming.”
“Why? What do you think we’re gonna do?” Santana demanded.
“I don’t know, but...” Mike shrugged. “Finn and Van talk like Kurt’s... not okay.”
Tina touched his arm. “Is something wrong with the baby?”
Mike shrugged. “It’s more like... him. And Blaine sounds like they’re... you know. Not all there.”
He touched Tina’s hair gently. “You remember how you were after the vaccine.”
Tina took his hand and drew in a deep breath. She remembered.
“They’ll be fine,” Santana said. “When has Kurt ever said no to a party?”
Tina rolled her eyes and headed into the kitchen. Hopefully, the plans would burn themselves out, or Brittany would forget she wanted to go. Tina did want to see Kurt, though. They’d been without their friends for such a long time. She hadn’t even been close to Santana and Brittany before this had all happened. But they’d never found Mercedes and who knew if Artie the others had made it out of Columbus. It was the not knowing that kept her up at night, crying into Mike’s arms.
She stopped and hid on the other side of the counter as she heard a sob. Tamara leaned against the wall, bowing forward, as she held the phone to her ear.
“Yes, I know. Thank God.” She sobbed again, then laughed. “And thank God for your inappropriate jokes, I suppose. I am watching out for them. Just knowing they have a friend still alive means so much to the kids...”
Tina rested her head against the cabinet and watched the woman of steel breaking down, just a little.
“It’s so hard on them. They cling to their relationships so hard. They’ve lost everything else,” she said. “But you’re right. The boys will do better together, especially under the circumstances. What are the chances of bringing Kurt home? Well, here?”
She nodded for a moment. “I understand. I can come up later and bring you boys something to eat. I suppose they’re tired of hospital food by now... Honestly, I don’t blame him! There have been moments, especially at night, when I wished I had a gun under my pillow.”
Tamara’s laugh was soft, but genuine. Tina could imagine what Mr. Hummel had said. He was always so blunt, cracking dry jokes and talking straight to everyone. Tina bit her lip. She really missed her dad. And her mom. And everyone.
Slipping back into the other room, Tina sought out Mike and gave him a stealth attack hug. He laughed and swung her around.
“What is it?”
She shrugged. “Where’d the Cheerios go?”
“To get their ladykisses on, probably.” Mike nuzzled her neck, and she laughed.
“Stop.”
“Did you want to go see them?”
“Yes.” She thought about it. “Maybe. I don’t want to freak them out or exhaust them.”
Mike shrugged. “S’what I was thinking.”
“Good. No need to overwhelm them.”
“You’d think they’d be used to that by now. Or Kurt would. We’re pretty new weird to Blaine. All he’s seen from us was a couple of performances and getting our drunk seriously seriously on.”
Tina smiled, softly, remembering that week. How stupid they’d been, careless. Just silly little children.
***
There was a rumor that the crazy knife girl Juniper Pond was a wandering circus freak, but that was mostly because she spent every waking moment throwing knives at things, peering out windows and around corners in case there was somethings she should be throwing knives at, and walking around on her hands like a freaking monkey.
Tina didn’t know why she’d been put in charge of a child for any period of time, but after so long, Juni just started following her around. She’d flit off to play with Saffire when Mike or Santana was around, but clung close to her or Brittany when they were sans their other half. The little girl was protecting them. And she was actually pretty good at it. Tina didn’t like feeling like one of the weak ones, the ones to be protected, but it was the truth. She was still soft.
Tina spent more than a few nights keeping an eye on the crazy girl. Making sure she washed her hands, making sure she ate, changed her clothes, and slept. And also didn’t knife any of their friends. She grabbed the little monkey and wrangled her into her lap while the other sang. As they passed the time in the car, she started teaching pitch-matching with her and Saffire.
When they settled into the abandoned town, Santana and Brittany bopped around to “Me Against the Music,” then helped Tina lead the girls in an a capella “We Got the Beat.” The guys came up with a few numbers of their own, and Kurt and Finn did a duet of “Today for You.” It was a fun evening. Sure there were some guys on the perimeter watching, just in case. But just finding a place, a place where the government wasn’t looking over their back and no one with bombs knew where they were.
It was one of the best nights of her life. Life such as it was, anyway. After the girls went to sleep, Tina went back to the house Mike was staying in with the other single guys (since Mama Chang was determined to keep them from having sex ever), and completely failed not to make noise.
Nick and David bailed and went to sleep on in Kurt and Blaine’s den.
***
Kurt yawned widely like a cat. Pippa was cuddled up in her sling and tucked under Kurt’s sweater, making him look pregnant again. He’d been going to and fro all day. Making food. Making plans. Stitching up little baby clothes. Tinkering with the generators. Training people to shoot the crossbow. He was probably the single most useful person in the entire encampment. A dozen others tied for a close second. Mike for their quickness foraging. Van for her sharpness in the moment. Blaine for his uncanny ability to keep people’s interpersonal drama from overwhelming them. Really, they’d all die without that.
Kurt had come out to give his baby a little fresh, if cold, air, got to talking with Tina, and seemed ready for a nap as soon as they sat down.
Tina played with Pippa’s little curls idly. “Do you think I’ll get better at it?”
“I wasn’t amazing at it when I first started using it. The rest is...” Kurt shrugged and laid his head back against her. “Well, practice and necessity. By the time I had morning sickness I was passable. Be fabulous or be dead.”
“Seems like a sensible life strategy.” Tina’s fingers smoothed over soft, soft baby skin. “I never wanted this, you know. Even with all the goth stuff...”
“You were perkygoth,” Kurt murmured. “The kind with black eyeliner and sparkles. That I can get behind. It’s almost glam rock.”
“All so similar.” Tina pushed her hair behind her ears. “I wanted to live, though. I was never depressed like that.”
Kurt rubbed his hand over Pippa’s back. “I did,” he said after a moment. “Not all the time, of course, but... The world seemed so small back then. I’d never traveled to that many states, or killed anyone.” He laughed. “I was a virgin.”
“Hm.” Tina pinched her lips together. “I wasn’t.”
The two of them laughed. Brittany came down to sit with them. “One of these days, maybe I’ll learn to suck less with the crossbow. Or the guns. Or an axe? Um... You know I have some experience with cannons?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kurt said.
Brittany patted the baby and tried to peer down Kurt’s shirt to see her. “So when are you and Blaine gonna have another baby?”
“Oh. God, Britt. Not for a long time.” Kurt wrinkled his nose.
“But you love her so much.” Brittany folded her legs under her and waved at Juni, who was running past on her hands.
The girl did a backward flip and dropped into the dirt in front of them.
“‘Sup, spidermonkey?” Kurt raised a brow at her.
Tina opened her arms and Juni climbed into them. She was filthy. Tina was going to have to make sure this kid got a bath soon.
“Babies,” Brittany said, undeterred.
“Oh!” Kurt rolled his eyes up at the sky and shook his head. “I wouldn’t mind more kids. But later. You know, when I don’t have to worry about starving or freezing to death, or premature labor, or being ripped apart by drooling freaks. Maybe when this one is old enough to hold a weapon.”
“I’ll teach her!” Juni piped up.
Kurt looked dubious. But then again, Tina knew he’d met her under less than wonderful circumstances. His papa bear instincts made it hard for him to bond with her the way he had Saffire.
Brittany drifted away, and Tina was thinking about getting back to laundry when Mike make over to them, smiling widely.
Tina’s heart swelled. It always had, when she looked at him. When she’d met him for the first time, he’d looked at her so funny. Not like she was a freak, which was what most people did. Goth. Stutterer (although self-induced to deal with the pressure from her parents). No. He was quiet. Sweet. And he looked at her curiously, then bowed his head and moved away with his friends.
“Hey.” She winked broadly at him, and he leaned over Juni, pressing his hands in the dirt on either side of her legs as he kissed her.
“Hey.” Mike grinned lopsidedly and high-fived Juni before squatting on his haunches.
“Hey,” Kurt said dryly.
Mike covered his mouth and laughed. “Hey, Kurt. So. Um, Tina. Me and Van are gonna be going out scouting for food supplies. We’ll be a couple of days.”
“Wait.” She sat up and reached for his arm. “When?”
“Um.” Mike shrugged. “Now. We have to leave now, if we want to avoid traveling during the night. Still need to keep quiet, and it’s too cold at night, you know? We can reach the first stop by then, probably.”
“I don’t want you to go,” she murmured.
Mike looked down. “Tina...”
“I know it’s selfish. I just don’t.”
She didn’t know how she’d do this without him. The rest of her family was dead. She had no idea what had happened to her best friend Mercedes. Sure, Kurt was quickly taking her place, but it was hard, so hard. It was just hard to keep losing people you loved, and hold it together.
So she kissed him again, told him she loved him, and let him go.
***
They always made it back on time. Always. Sometimes before they were supposed to be back. Tina paced around the living room with her hands in her hair, while Kurt peeked his head back from the kitchen several times. She’d been there for hours. Since she, Brittany, and Santana had finished mending clothes. Long enough that she shouldn’t have been surprised to see Finn walk through the door.
Midnight. They were a day late, now. Tina bolted for the bathroom and threw up. After some murmuring in the other room, she jumped at the feel of Kurt’s strong hands on her back.
“It’s okay, honey. I’d be the same way, if Blaine were out there.” He petted her back... like she was his child. “I even get nervous when he has to do the night shift on the wall. Even though we’ve not seen a single walker here.”
Tina fell on her knees and cupped her wet cheeks. She had this sick feeling in her stomach. Mike wasn’t coming back. He couldn’t have become one of them, so they’d just kill him in the worst way possible, and she would be alone.
Kurt hugged her tightly and petted her hair, and slowly slowly, she calmed.
“Thanks.”
“Come on out here,” he ordered. “I’m serving a late dinner for Finn. He’s worried, too.”
“Ugh.” Tina wiped her mouth and stood with him.
The sound of Pippa crying turned her head, and Blaine came out, looking sleepy as he danced her around.
“Lemme?” Finn held out his arms and smiled like it was his birthday when Blaine gave him his niece. “Hey, Pipster!”
“You don’t think she has enough nicknames?” Kurt teased.
He went into the other room and started dishing out food. Tina sat, but didn’t move to eat anything.
“Sorry, guys,” she managed.
“It’s okay. I think we’ve all been there.” Blaine looked at Kurt, who lowered his head and rubbed the back of his neck.
She slept on their sofa that night and woke in the early morning to excited voices and a squeal.
“Put me down!”
Laughing. Van’s laughing. Tina pushed herself up to see Van being twirled around and around by Finn. Her face fell as she looked at Tina. She smacked Finn’s arm, and he let her down.
“God, I... Tina.” The small woman crossed her arms and frowned with lips parted with uncertainty.
“Oh, my God! No, no, no...” Tina covered her mouth and shook. Blaine wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Tina. Juni...”
Tina’s insides turned to ice water. Juni was such a weird, fierce little thing. It had never occurred to her... But it should have. She was just a little girl, and Tina had objected to them taking her. Well, the first time, she’d objected, but after that...
“She’s dead.” Tina swallowed, then said it again. “She’s dead.”
Van nodded. Finn, unable to restrain himself, pulled her into his arms.
Tina rose and hurried out the front door. It occurred to her after she was darting across the town that she could have asked Van more questions, or even put on shoes, but it was too late. She wasn’t going back.
She arrived at the boys’ house, flung the door open, and saw nothing. From room to room, she flew, but there was only Nick and David, sleeping. Where would Mike be? She hugged her arms, shaking gone to shivering, and turned around.
There he was, leaving the house she shared with Mike’s mother, Forest, Saffire, and Juni. There was a welt on his face and his clothes were torn. She was freezing, but she flung herself at him anyway, and held him as tightly as her body would allow.
“God! Niu Niu, you’re so cold!” Mike lifted her up and took her into his house. Setting her down on the sofa, he grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her. “I got scared when you weren’t at your place.”
“You were scared!” Tina curled up against him.
“Yeah. I get scared. Slipping in and out of ghost towns isn’t exactly like doing a dance routine, y’know.” Mike petted her. His breath was warm on her neck and shoulder. “I dunno if I could do it, if I didn’t have you to come back to. I mean, I don’t want my mom to lose anyone else either... I just...”
“Shut up.” Tina grabbed his face and kissed him roughly.
Mike lifted her up again. They went into the bedroom, and focused on getting warm.
Afterward, lying there together, stroking one another’s skin, Tina rested her head on Mike’s chest.
“Juni...”
“Oh. Um.”
“Van told me.” She closed her eyes.
“It’s still dangerous out there. For everyone.”
“Was it walkers?”
“No. A jerkoff with a gun. She took him out, though. The bullet... It went through her neck.”
Tina covered her mouth. “I’m the worst person in the world.”
“What? No.”
“For being so grateful for you coming back, when she never will.”
Mike wrapped his arms around her more tightly. “Yeah, then I’m the worst, right beside you.”
Tina listened to the noises of the old house. “Does Saffire know? Juni was the only girl around her age.”
“I dunno. I don’t think she even woke up when I was there.”
“I’ll tell her. I want to hold a funeral. For Juni. We can do a service for anyone people have lost.” Her fingers curled over his side. “I think we need to.”
When she looked up, Mike nodded. “We can talk to Burt tomorrow.”
Her fine black hair spilled over Mike’s shoulders as they huddled close through the night. Tina didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, her head stuffed with guilt, grief, and gratitude.
Next Part: Party Crasher
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth.
comments posted there. Please comment there using OpenID or your DW account.
Title: Gratitude
Pairing: Tike, Klaine
Includes: post-mpreg, zombies
Word Count: ~4279
Summary: Tina’s journey through their brave new world.
No one was huddled too close around the campfire. They were all too on edge to get comfortable. It was too likely that one of the infected might wander in and take someone else away from them.
Tina put another log on the fire and poked it, watching intently. The flames couldn’t get too high. It was too dangerous for them to be seen. She spotted Mike by the edge of the camp, a gun hanging from his hand, hair sticking up, clothes torn and bloody.
Tina drew close to him. “How do you feel?”
His mother was sitting with Brittany’s mom. She was like a block of ice. Granted, Tamara Chang had never really liked Tina much, but the woman had shut down. It was almost eerie to see her that way.
“Grateful,” he said finally. “It’s the word I’ve been using a lot, lately. Grateful I got my mom out of the hospital before the army got there. I mean, you hear about... It got so crazy... Grateful, too, we found your dad and everyone else. Grateful we all made it up here. I didn’t think I could hope for anyone else to have made it. Least of all...”
He brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. Any other day, she might have filled with a fluttery warmth. Her boyfriend. The first boy to ever tell her he loved her. The first boy to give her a pet name.
“I feel like hope died last week,” Tina muttered. She leaned into Mike’s shoulder. “We left people. I... God, Mike.”
He draped his arm around her shoulder. She pressed her face into him, but no tears would come. She’d spent them all over Columbus, when they saw the bombs dropping.
***
With her head reeling, her brain burning, Tina held her sides and wondered how long it would be before she lost herself. Started jerking, drooling. Started snapping and biting. Ripping into everyone she cared about. Nothing but remains. Dead meat.
When she thrashed, her arms pulled, like she was being held down. She saw images of her mother bowed over a child, lapping blood from its abdomen. Brittany’s mother being torn apart by two infected men, jerking at her like a choice steak between two feral dogs. Body parts strewn along the streets. Images of creatures, just outside of her line of vision, lunging at her, over and over.
She didn’t quite ever sleep, but she seemed to wake, constantly. Eventually when her eyes opened, her body drenched with sweat, she blinked up at the unfamiliar face in front of her. She jerked her body, trying to pull away, to run, to hide.
“It’s me! Tina? Niu niu? It’s me.”
No words came to her mind. She just let out a frightened shriek and struggled harder against her restraints, until they were slick with blood, and someone came to hold her down and stick her with something sharp.
Later she would learn that she was just reacting to the vaccine. Badly. She would learn that her father had reacted even worse and wouldn’t be coming with them to the refugee housing. And she would never forget the sound of Mike sobbing by her side.
***
Tamara walked into the den and threw a package of birth control into Tina’s lap. She looked down at it, gaped for a moment, then pointedly avoided Mama Chang’s gaze.
Brittany shrugged when they caught one another’s eye.
“Don’t expect me not to know what you and my son are doing. I just don’t want to be dealing with the consequences of that just now.” Tamara sat across from Tina, Santana, and Brittany and rubbed her brow.
Tina frowned at the package in her hands. “Um. Thanks.”
“We have news from the hospital.” Tarmara drew in a breath and straightened her shoulders. “Kurt’s been found.”
Brittany let out a squeal.
“Oh, shut up!” Santana said. She turned to Brittany and clasped her hands. Tina had never seen Santana that excited to see Kurt ever.
“At the hospital?” Tina urged. “Kurt’s in the hospital?”
Brittany stopped bouncing. She let out a little whimper.
“They may need to keep him for a while, according to Burt. I can go up later today and get some information from the doctors,” Tamara clarified. She paused.
A hand smoothed over her hair. Tina rolled her eyes. Had to be in place. Or the world might fucking end.
She folded her hands on her lap. “He’s pregnant.”
The girls went quiet. Santana frowned in confusion. “What?”
“Boys get pregnant?” Brittany’s eyes went wide, and she looked to Santana. “I might be a daddy!”
“At least with what you two girls do, we won’t have a situation like Kurt’s,” Tamara murmured.
Santana laughed, wickedly. “You know, I always had a sneaking suspicion Kurt was gonna wind up pregnant somehow.”
“This is no joke,” Tamara snapped. “He’s pregnant, he’s ill, and the doctors are keeping a close eye on him and the baby. We could lose them both, still.”
“You’re serious.” Tina slipped the birth control into her pocket. “He really is? He’s...”
“Yes. It’s rare, but it happens.” Tamara folded her hands in her lap. “I’ve not had a case, but I’ve had colleagues who did.”
Tina’s brain was spinning. Not too much unlike seeing her mother jerking back to life, but now what she felt wasn’t revulsion, or horror. She didn’t know how she felt about the idea of Kurt having a baby.
“Can I visit him? He must be so scared.”
“No. No one can, but family right now. We’ll see if he improves enough to see new people. I’m not sure...” Tamara’s lips tightened. “We’ll see.”
Tina covered her mouth and quietly thanked God. Grateful. So grateful to know that Kurt was still breathing. Now she’d add the little one to their prayers, no matter how strange it seemed. Actually, stranger things had happened.
***
“I bet his baby bump is so cute,” Brittany said. “When are we gonna be able to see him? You think? I wanna see him. I thought he’d be dead by now. Showing up pregnant is like, the opposite of that.”
“We don’t want to upset him,” Tina argued. “He’s had a hard time. What if he asks about Mercedes? Or Rachel? What do we say?”
“That we don’t know where they are, obviously.” Santana shrugged and tilted her head to the side. “Because we don’t.”
“And if he asks about Lauren?” Brittany asked. “Artie? Puck?”
Santana took her hand and squeezed it. Her voice softened. “We still don’t know what happened. Not for sure.”
“We have a guess,” Tina said.
Brittany frowned at Santana. “I’m not dumb. I know that. I know. I just wanna know how we’re supposed to tell him what’s been lost.”
Mike bounded up behind the couch. “Blainers has been found!”
“You’re kidding?” Tina jumped up and ran around the couch to hug him. “Oh, thank God! Oh, thank you Jesus. Where was he?”
“Um... it’s kind of a long story, but somehow he turned up in Kurt’s bed!” Mike’s grin faded as he seemed to reflect on those words.
Santana stifled her laugh. Then just cackled. “Of course he did. Getting Kurt preggers once just wasn’t enough!”
“I see nothing funny about this.” Tamara looked into the room with pursed lips. “I’m going to call Burt.”
Santana made a face at her as she left. The two of them had a thinly veiled hostility for reasons Tina couldn’t discern, which was odd, because Santana veiling her hostility wasn’t exactly in character. Maybe even Santana was afraid of Mama Chang.
Santana turned back to the others. “We should go to the hospital. Give our little newlyweds a surprise.”
“They need a baby shower!” Brittany jumped up and down. “I bet they haven’t been able to pick up any baby stuff!”
“In the middle of Corpseville? Probably not,” Mike said.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Tina stepped back and crossed her arms. “I think we should just wait.”
“I wanna see Kurt!” Brittany whined. “He’s the first person we’ve seen from Lima since... Well, Mike. I missed him. And he’s alive. So we should go see him.”
“Yeah, well.” Mike slipped his hands in his pockets. “I dunno that it’s so good for him to see us right now. It might be overwhelming.”
“Why? What do you think we’re gonna do?” Santana demanded.
“I don’t know, but...” Mike shrugged. “Finn and Van talk like Kurt’s... not okay.”
Tina touched his arm. “Is something wrong with the baby?”
Mike shrugged. “It’s more like... him. And Blaine sounds like they’re... you know. Not all there.”
He touched Tina’s hair gently. “You remember how you were after the vaccine.”
Tina took his hand and drew in a deep breath. She remembered.
“They’ll be fine,” Santana said. “When has Kurt ever said no to a party?”
Tina rolled her eyes and headed into the kitchen. Hopefully, the plans would burn themselves out, or Brittany would forget she wanted to go. Tina did want to see Kurt, though. They’d been without their friends for such a long time. She hadn’t even been close to Santana and Brittany before this had all happened. But they’d never found Mercedes and who knew if Artie the others had made it out of Columbus. It was the not knowing that kept her up at night, crying into Mike’s arms.
She stopped and hid on the other side of the counter as she heard a sob. Tamara leaned against the wall, bowing forward, as she held the phone to her ear.
“Yes, I know. Thank God.” She sobbed again, then laughed. “And thank God for your inappropriate jokes, I suppose. I am watching out for them. Just knowing they have a friend still alive means so much to the kids...”
Tina rested her head against the cabinet and watched the woman of steel breaking down, just a little.
“It’s so hard on them. They cling to their relationships so hard. They’ve lost everything else,” she said. “But you’re right. The boys will do better together, especially under the circumstances. What are the chances of bringing Kurt home? Well, here?”
She nodded for a moment. “I understand. I can come up later and bring you boys something to eat. I suppose they’re tired of hospital food by now... Honestly, I don’t blame him! There have been moments, especially at night, when I wished I had a gun under my pillow.”
Tamara’s laugh was soft, but genuine. Tina could imagine what Mr. Hummel had said. He was always so blunt, cracking dry jokes and talking straight to everyone. Tina bit her lip. She really missed her dad. And her mom. And everyone.
Slipping back into the other room, Tina sought out Mike and gave him a stealth attack hug. He laughed and swung her around.
“What is it?”
She shrugged. “Where’d the Cheerios go?”
“To get their ladykisses on, probably.” Mike nuzzled her neck, and she laughed.
“Stop.”
“Did you want to go see them?”
“Yes.” She thought about it. “Maybe. I don’t want to freak them out or exhaust them.”
Mike shrugged. “S’what I was thinking.”
“Good. No need to overwhelm them.”
“You’d think they’d be used to that by now. Or Kurt would. We’re pretty new weird to Blaine. All he’s seen from us was a couple of performances and getting our drunk seriously seriously on.”
Tina smiled, softly, remembering that week. How stupid they’d been, careless. Just silly little children.
***
There was a rumor that the crazy knife girl Juniper Pond was a wandering circus freak, but that was mostly because she spent every waking moment throwing knives at things, peering out windows and around corners in case there was somethings she should be throwing knives at, and walking around on her hands like a freaking monkey.
Tina didn’t know why she’d been put in charge of a child for any period of time, but after so long, Juni just started following her around. She’d flit off to play with Saffire when Mike or Santana was around, but clung close to her or Brittany when they were sans their other half. The little girl was protecting them. And she was actually pretty good at it. Tina didn’t like feeling like one of the weak ones, the ones to be protected, but it was the truth. She was still soft.
Tina spent more than a few nights keeping an eye on the crazy girl. Making sure she washed her hands, making sure she ate, changed her clothes, and slept. And also didn’t knife any of their friends. She grabbed the little monkey and wrangled her into her lap while the other sang. As they passed the time in the car, she started teaching pitch-matching with her and Saffire.
When they settled into the abandoned town, Santana and Brittany bopped around to “Me Against the Music,” then helped Tina lead the girls in an a capella “We Got the Beat.” The guys came up with a few numbers of their own, and Kurt and Finn did a duet of “Today for You.” It was a fun evening. Sure there were some guys on the perimeter watching, just in case. But just finding a place, a place where the government wasn’t looking over their back and no one with bombs knew where they were.
It was one of the best nights of her life. Life such as it was, anyway. After the girls went to sleep, Tina went back to the house Mike was staying in with the other single guys (since Mama Chang was determined to keep them from having sex ever), and completely failed not to make noise.
Nick and David bailed and went to sleep on in Kurt and Blaine’s den.
***
Kurt yawned widely like a cat. Pippa was cuddled up in her sling and tucked under Kurt’s sweater, making him look pregnant again. He’d been going to and fro all day. Making food. Making plans. Stitching up little baby clothes. Tinkering with the generators. Training people to shoot the crossbow. He was probably the single most useful person in the entire encampment. A dozen others tied for a close second. Mike for their quickness foraging. Van for her sharpness in the moment. Blaine for his uncanny ability to keep people’s interpersonal drama from overwhelming them. Really, they’d all die without that.
Kurt had come out to give his baby a little fresh, if cold, air, got to talking with Tina, and seemed ready for a nap as soon as they sat down.
Tina played with Pippa’s little curls idly. “Do you think I’ll get better at it?”
“I wasn’t amazing at it when I first started using it. The rest is...” Kurt shrugged and laid his head back against her. “Well, practice and necessity. By the time I had morning sickness I was passable. Be fabulous or be dead.”
“Seems like a sensible life strategy.” Tina’s fingers smoothed over soft, soft baby skin. “I never wanted this, you know. Even with all the goth stuff...”
“You were perkygoth,” Kurt murmured. “The kind with black eyeliner and sparkles. That I can get behind. It’s almost glam rock.”
“All so similar.” Tina pushed her hair behind her ears. “I wanted to live, though. I was never depressed like that.”
Kurt rubbed his hand over Pippa’s back. “I did,” he said after a moment. “Not all the time, of course, but... The world seemed so small back then. I’d never traveled to that many states, or killed anyone.” He laughed. “I was a virgin.”
“Hm.” Tina pinched her lips together. “I wasn’t.”
The two of them laughed. Brittany came down to sit with them. “One of these days, maybe I’ll learn to suck less with the crossbow. Or the guns. Or an axe? Um... You know I have some experience with cannons?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kurt said.
Brittany patted the baby and tried to peer down Kurt’s shirt to see her. “So when are you and Blaine gonna have another baby?”
“Oh. God, Britt. Not for a long time.” Kurt wrinkled his nose.
“But you love her so much.” Brittany folded her legs under her and waved at Juni, who was running past on her hands.
The girl did a backward flip and dropped into the dirt in front of them.
“‘Sup, spidermonkey?” Kurt raised a brow at her.
Tina opened her arms and Juni climbed into them. She was filthy. Tina was going to have to make sure this kid got a bath soon.
“Babies,” Brittany said, undeterred.
“Oh!” Kurt rolled his eyes up at the sky and shook his head. “I wouldn’t mind more kids. But later. You know, when I don’t have to worry about starving or freezing to death, or premature labor, or being ripped apart by drooling freaks. Maybe when this one is old enough to hold a weapon.”
“I’ll teach her!” Juni piped up.
Kurt looked dubious. But then again, Tina knew he’d met her under less than wonderful circumstances. His papa bear instincts made it hard for him to bond with her the way he had Saffire.
Brittany drifted away, and Tina was thinking about getting back to laundry when Mike make over to them, smiling widely.
Tina’s heart swelled. It always had, when she looked at him. When she’d met him for the first time, he’d looked at her so funny. Not like she was a freak, which was what most people did. Goth. Stutterer (although self-induced to deal with the pressure from her parents). No. He was quiet. Sweet. And he looked at her curiously, then bowed his head and moved away with his friends.
“Hey.” She winked broadly at him, and he leaned over Juni, pressing his hands in the dirt on either side of her legs as he kissed her.
“Hey.” Mike grinned lopsidedly and high-fived Juni before squatting on his haunches.
“Hey,” Kurt said dryly.
Mike covered his mouth and laughed. “Hey, Kurt. So. Um, Tina. Me and Van are gonna be going out scouting for food supplies. We’ll be a couple of days.”
“Wait.” She sat up and reached for his arm. “When?”
“Um.” Mike shrugged. “Now. We have to leave now, if we want to avoid traveling during the night. Still need to keep quiet, and it’s too cold at night, you know? We can reach the first stop by then, probably.”
“I don’t want you to go,” she murmured.
Mike looked down. “Tina...”
“I know it’s selfish. I just don’t.”
She didn’t know how she’d do this without him. The rest of her family was dead. She had no idea what had happened to her best friend Mercedes. Sure, Kurt was quickly taking her place, but it was hard, so hard. It was just hard to keep losing people you loved, and hold it together.
So she kissed him again, told him she loved him, and let him go.
***
They always made it back on time. Always. Sometimes before they were supposed to be back. Tina paced around the living room with her hands in her hair, while Kurt peeked his head back from the kitchen several times. She’d been there for hours. Since she, Brittany, and Santana had finished mending clothes. Long enough that she shouldn’t have been surprised to see Finn walk through the door.
Midnight. They were a day late, now. Tina bolted for the bathroom and threw up. After some murmuring in the other room, she jumped at the feel of Kurt’s strong hands on her back.
“It’s okay, honey. I’d be the same way, if Blaine were out there.” He petted her back... like she was his child. “I even get nervous when he has to do the night shift on the wall. Even though we’ve not seen a single walker here.”
Tina fell on her knees and cupped her wet cheeks. She had this sick feeling in her stomach. Mike wasn’t coming back. He couldn’t have become one of them, so they’d just kill him in the worst way possible, and she would be alone.
Kurt hugged her tightly and petted her hair, and slowly slowly, she calmed.
“Thanks.”
“Come on out here,” he ordered. “I’m serving a late dinner for Finn. He’s worried, too.”
“Ugh.” Tina wiped her mouth and stood with him.
The sound of Pippa crying turned her head, and Blaine came out, looking sleepy as he danced her around.
“Lemme?” Finn held out his arms and smiled like it was his birthday when Blaine gave him his niece. “Hey, Pipster!”
“You don’t think she has enough nicknames?” Kurt teased.
He went into the other room and started dishing out food. Tina sat, but didn’t move to eat anything.
“Sorry, guys,” she managed.
“It’s okay. I think we’ve all been there.” Blaine looked at Kurt, who lowered his head and rubbed the back of his neck.
She slept on their sofa that night and woke in the early morning to excited voices and a squeal.
“Put me down!”
Laughing. Van’s laughing. Tina pushed herself up to see Van being twirled around and around by Finn. Her face fell as she looked at Tina. She smacked Finn’s arm, and he let her down.
“God, I... Tina.” The small woman crossed her arms and frowned with lips parted with uncertainty.
“Oh, my God! No, no, no...” Tina covered her mouth and shook. Blaine wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Tina. Juni...”
Tina’s insides turned to ice water. Juni was such a weird, fierce little thing. It had never occurred to her... But it should have. She was just a little girl, and Tina had objected to them taking her. Well, the first time, she’d objected, but after that...
“She’s dead.” Tina swallowed, then said it again. “She’s dead.”
Van nodded. Finn, unable to restrain himself, pulled her into his arms.
Tina rose and hurried out the front door. It occurred to her after she was darting across the town that she could have asked Van more questions, or even put on shoes, but it was too late. She wasn’t going back.
She arrived at the boys’ house, flung the door open, and saw nothing. From room to room, she flew, but there was only Nick and David, sleeping. Where would Mike be? She hugged her arms, shaking gone to shivering, and turned around.
There he was, leaving the house she shared with Mike’s mother, Forest, Saffire, and Juni. There was a welt on his face and his clothes were torn. She was freezing, but she flung herself at him anyway, and held him as tightly as her body would allow.
“God! Niu Niu, you’re so cold!” Mike lifted her up and took her into his house. Setting her down on the sofa, he grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her. “I got scared when you weren’t at your place.”
“You were scared!” Tina curled up against him.
“Yeah. I get scared. Slipping in and out of ghost towns isn’t exactly like doing a dance routine, y’know.” Mike petted her. His breath was warm on her neck and shoulder. “I dunno if I could do it, if I didn’t have you to come back to. I mean, I don’t want my mom to lose anyone else either... I just...”
“Shut up.” Tina grabbed his face and kissed him roughly.
Mike lifted her up again. They went into the bedroom, and focused on getting warm.
Afterward, lying there together, stroking one another’s skin, Tina rested her head on Mike’s chest.
“Juni...”
“Oh. Um.”
“Van told me.” She closed her eyes.
“It’s still dangerous out there. For everyone.”
“Was it walkers?”
“No. A jerkoff with a gun. She took him out, though. The bullet... It went through her neck.”
Tina covered her mouth. “I’m the worst person in the world.”
“What? No.”
“For being so grateful for you coming back, when she never will.”
Mike wrapped his arms around her more tightly. “Yeah, then I’m the worst, right beside you.”
Tina listened to the noises of the old house. “Does Saffire know? Juni was the only girl around her age.”
“I dunno. I don’t think she even woke up when I was there.”
“I’ll tell her. I want to hold a funeral. For Juni. We can do a service for anyone people have lost.” Her fingers curled over his side. “I think we need to.”
When she looked up, Mike nodded. “We can talk to Burt tomorrow.”
Her fine black hair spilled over Mike’s shoulders as they huddled close through the night. Tina didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, her head stuffed with guilt, grief, and gratitude.
Next Part: Party Crasher
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