if you dont admit it its not the truth, right?
well i just imed jellocake about stuff with the california plans. now i guess its real. i dont think i can go as soon as originally planned. i hate it. i have stupid medical shit that i have to stay "within network" for or it will cost me an arm and a leg to get any of it taken care of. i also cant find a job out there for the life of me. and not for lack of trying. places either ignore me or say i just dont fit into their needs right now. i think they dont take me seriously since i'm coming from so far away. the only jobs i've gotten any return on are ones around home... for the summer. i know dan wont budge on his plans and i would never ask him too, but come september i'll be fine. by then i'll have money, and even some work experience that would aid my job hunting in california. damn being a college student. i'm hating life right now. the only good thing is that i go to florida in like two days... well more like 3. but dan will probably be mad at me and it will ruin the whole week. i want to curl up in a ball and cry about how nothing in my life ever works out the way i plan it to. maybe i should be optimistic and look at this as some sort of cosmic sign that i'm not meant to go to california now. maybe something wonderful will unfold right here in boring, monotonous, doylestown, pa. ugh. dan, please dont be mad. i love you and i want to go, i swear this isnt me chickening out or anything like that. its money and timing. i want to live with you so bad and you know i want to go out there. please dont be mad. i really need your hugs when i get to florida and i wont be able to stand it if you're mad at me.