(no subject)
since i have last written things got worse then better then worse again but i think everything is ok for right now. on friday night i was at justins house and we got into a big fight i don't even remember what it was about and then when we kinda calmed down we were going to sleep and things were wierd and then he said to me "what do you want to happen" and i didn't know what he meant. he pretty much told me that this should be the end and that he would always be my friend and expected me to still stay the night. i layed there and thought about everything that had just happened and got really mad i just jumped right out of bed and started grabbing my stuff and crying my head off at the same time. right when i got to his bedroom door he jumped out of bed and grabbed me and told me not to go anywhere and hugged me and said he was sorry. i didnt even hug him back or anything. we sat down on his bed and talked about stuff and i just kept crying so hard. then he put his head down and he started crying really hard to. i had never ever seen justin cry before. maybe only like once or twice but never really over anything with our relationship. he told me that he was scared because all we do is fight anymore and he was scared that he was losing me and that i would go to someone else. so we talked about everything and it all cleared up then we had really good makeup sex. hehe. but since then things got alot better with me and him. maybe that is what we needed? everything is sort of back to normal now but i still feel really sad sometimes and can't explain it. i don't know why i feel this way sometimes. alot of it has to do with robert i think but i'm trying to get past that. me and justin just patched up everything and i dont' want to risk doing something that would ruin what we have now but i cant fight my urges for robert. he has been calling me alot most of the time i ignore the calls some of the time i answer it. i think i'm going to go to bed because i have to open at work tomrrow. i have some vacation time coming up really soon and i think now is a good time to use it.