I'm being pulled in too many directions, and I'm home-sick
I've nothing to do between classes, so I figured that I would update.
I'm on my way to finishing Trying Tuesday, but I feel like I don't know what it is that I want to do from there. One part of me - the part that hasn't grown up or changed for three years - enjoys writing AIW fanfiction. She wants to write another one. She has already started it and feels like now she has the ability to do it justice because she has reconciled with Wonderland after kind of a drift. She thinks she might actually need to keep that part of her fully ablaze, and with there being episodes more than a month apart (as wonderful as their being posted at all is), this is really the way to plug herself in during the wait. And she wonders if she needs to do this because for some reason being back to school and around people is frustrating her, and her first video production class is frustrating her. All she actually wants to do is go home for Winter break already, in a way, and Wonderland is a little like Winter break, she guesses.
But then there's the other part that considers NaNoWriMo is just around the corner, that time of the year where she picks up something of worth and proves once again that she fails at completing it. It's just a ritual of life for her by now. November means taking out the dusty novel notes and pretending she has a fighting chance. She'll have support by her friends, a writing buddy who pushes her to complete the goals, and the joy of working on her story of five years. She knows it should be done. Not only that, but that she should enjoy it.
BUT, there is another part. And she's listening to Fleetwood Mac on the bus and fantasizing about the juxtaposition of Ellen and Hutter, from her freshest passion and newest project. She can imagine all of the beautiful illustrations, she's coming up with new details of that story often. She knows if she gave herself a goal for November to write this script, a goal like Script Frenzy's, she'd succeed somehow and enter December excitedly instead of dejectedly.
But which side is going to step in front?
It's taken WEEKS just to finish this AIW fanfiction. It will be my longest yet, but it still has been a struggle to find time, and for something where deep thought is not required. Nosferatu in Love and He's There will have to be treated like children.
Sometimes I honestly miss my days in community college. I miss taking two classes and being inspired by the campus. Something about it made it home - this university does not have those spaces that I enjoyed back home. On that subject, I miss having my home, having a comfortable, quiet home where I can leave my room, I can sit by the sliding glass doors and look at the plants rimmed with sunlight. If I want to, I can go out there. We have a yard. I can go to the kitchen, make tea, sit at the bar, pretend I'm with Hare. I can read, I can contemplate, or I can watch the changing leaves on our wooden porch surrounded in my mom's flowers. I'd better stop before I get too mushy to go to class.
I guess what I was getting at with that last paragraph is that it has always been difficult to squeeze in writing, but it was a little easier back then. I wasn't stuck in an unknown city, in a little apartment, always having to do full-time in school. I love school, but I love writing as much. There was once more of a balance.
Oh, decisions!
I've got 15 minutes until I leave for Japanese Literature. Decisions will have to be made later. Or maybe on the way there and back, I'll pick what happens in November.
-J
I'm on my way to finishing Trying Tuesday, but I feel like I don't know what it is that I want to do from there. One part of me - the part that hasn't grown up or changed for three years - enjoys writing AIW fanfiction. She wants to write another one. She has already started it and feels like now she has the ability to do it justice because she has reconciled with Wonderland after kind of a drift. She thinks she might actually need to keep that part of her fully ablaze, and with there being episodes more than a month apart (as wonderful as their being posted at all is), this is really the way to plug herself in during the wait. And she wonders if she needs to do this because for some reason being back to school and around people is frustrating her, and her first video production class is frustrating her. All she actually wants to do is go home for Winter break already, in a way, and Wonderland is a little like Winter break, she guesses.
But then there's the other part that considers NaNoWriMo is just around the corner, that time of the year where she picks up something of worth and proves once again that she fails at completing it. It's just a ritual of life for her by now. November means taking out the dusty novel notes and pretending she has a fighting chance. She'll have support by her friends, a writing buddy who pushes her to complete the goals, and the joy of working on her story of five years. She knows it should be done. Not only that, but that she should enjoy it.
BUT, there is another part. And she's listening to Fleetwood Mac on the bus and fantasizing about the juxtaposition of Ellen and Hutter, from her freshest passion and newest project. She can imagine all of the beautiful illustrations, she's coming up with new details of that story often. She knows if she gave herself a goal for November to write this script, a goal like Script Frenzy's, she'd succeed somehow and enter December excitedly instead of dejectedly.
But which side is going to step in front?
It's taken WEEKS just to finish this AIW fanfiction. It will be my longest yet, but it still has been a struggle to find time, and for something where deep thought is not required. Nosferatu in Love and He's There will have to be treated like children.
Sometimes I honestly miss my days in community college. I miss taking two classes and being inspired by the campus. Something about it made it home - this university does not have those spaces that I enjoyed back home. On that subject, I miss having my home, having a comfortable, quiet home where I can leave my room, I can sit by the sliding glass doors and look at the plants rimmed with sunlight. If I want to, I can go out there. We have a yard. I can go to the kitchen, make tea, sit at the bar, pretend I'm with Hare. I can read, I can contemplate, or I can watch the changing leaves on our wooden porch surrounded in my mom's flowers. I'd better stop before I get too mushy to go to class.
I guess what I was getting at with that last paragraph is that it has always been difficult to squeeze in writing, but it was a little easier back then. I wasn't stuck in an unknown city, in a little apartment, always having to do full-time in school. I love school, but I love writing as much. There was once more of a balance.
Oh, decisions!
I've got 15 minutes until I leave for Japanese Literature. Decisions will have to be made later. Or maybe on the way there and back, I'll pick what happens in November.
-J