Trying Tuesday - Part 4
You're darn tootin', I wrote another part. And I'm excited about what happens next, so I have this crazy wish that I'll actually be done with the story by the end of the weekend. Fingers crossed!
Much happier with this than the last part. Part 3 is going to be revised, but I just continued with this one as if the part before it was how I'df liked.
Anyway, best part about part 4? It's practically Hatter/Rabbit, which is ridiculous. The fanart for this will be golden.
TRYING TUESDAY
Part Four
At half past five, Dum and Alice were having a chat at the bridge. Dum was wearing a decent button-down for once, with a black vest and slacks, and Alice had on her best dress, which was fittingly blue and ruffly around her knees. She tugged at the sash around her shoulders and giggled as Dum told her the joke from earlier about the Caterpillar. As their laughter died down in an almost awkward fashion, Alice was able to hear footsteps from around a bend of trees. “Hey, I think Dee's coming now,” she said.
“Took him long enough.”
It was Hatter who stepped out, however, and he was approaching the two of them with intense purpose, his fists clenched and his eyes threatening to escape his head. Dum considered hiding behind Alice, but it was too late. “DUM, I need to speak with you!” Hatter shouted on his way over, and then he scooped up his arm. “Alice, we'll be just a moment,” he added, while poor Dum was dragged off without a say in the matter, which was always the fate of the little guy.
They hurried a certain distance from Alice, then Hatter threw himself against a tree, breathing deeply. Dum just crossed his arms. “What's this all about?”
“I need to talk to someone. About my FEELINGS.”
Dum's shoulders tensed. “Why don't you just talk to the Caterpillar? Isn't he everybody's therapist?”
“He knows nothing of passion.”
“Woh, woh, woh, and who says I want to know about yours?”
“You're the only one who'll understand.”
“About your passion?” Dum clarified, almost seeming outraged. Hatter curled his fingers and ran them over his forehead.
“Look, it's not what you think. I just... Do you ever feel like maybe Rabbit... is lonely?” Dum could tell that this was no joke, and his eyes bulged accordingly, but Hatter waited patiently for an answer.
“...I think he gets enough of us, actually. Unless you meant... in a different way.”
“Well I mean, I-I mean, I... I wouldn't pin-point any way in particular.” Dum really had nothing to add to this train of thought, so Hatter broke off from the tree and struck his hands in front of him, hoping an explanation with gestures would make it all clearer for his listener. “I just mean today didn't it seem like Rabbit needed us, because of the ball, because the Queen is always keeping him busy?” Dum tried and failed to nod, but ended up looking over his shoulder to make sure Alice was still outside hearing range. “I-I spent some time with him today and I just... felt something. I feel like I know him for the first time. ...And he's marvelous,” Hatter half-whispered, his eyes turning to the glistening treetops. Old, sturdy trees they were, yet they created such colorful blossoms, which swayed freely in the wind like the spirits of fairies...
When Dum saw this musing taking place, he stepped back a ways. “Jesus, Hatter, it seems like you fall in love every week, but this has got to be the strangest infatuation yet."
Suddenly, Dee walked up out of nowhere, equally well dressed for the occasion, asking “Infatuation? With what?” before he came face-to-face with Hatter's all too familiar expression. “Oh. Nevermind.” He stood next to his brother and the trio entered an uncomfortable silence as Hatter rubbed the back of his neck, still breathing like the weight of a stone was on his heart, or perhaps the weight of a heavy bunny. “Well, what's going on this time?"
“I really don't want to repeat anything I heard,” Dum said, but Hatter broke out into passion once more.
“Dee, it's about R-” But before he could say any more, “Hare” joined the group. “Oh, for God's sake!” Hatter substituted for the name of his most coveted bunny. “I mean, hi, Hare.”
“Hatta~... Nice to see you here~...” The Tweedles couldn't help but notice that, though Hatter and “Hare” stood together, their shoulders were not shuffling against each other - there must've been as much as five inches between them, but neither Dee nor Dum had the heart to bring it up. “Hare” obviously has no idea what had taken place, but he was extremely generous in offering Hatter his hand, who didn't instinctively realize what it was doing in front of him.
“Well? Take it,” “Hare” ordered. “By the way, I'm sorry about earlier.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. No problem.”
He took the hand with lackluster and everybody returned to Alice, who had taken out a copy of the Wonderland newspaper from seemingly nowhere. When she looked up, everybody was just shuffling around without speaking, including Dum, who returned to her side and seemed to have forgotten that an explanation was in order. “What was that all about?” She asked. Slowly, all of their heads turned to her.
“Oh, Hatter just wanted to um... fix my tie,” Dum explained.
“I'm compulsive about ties,” Hatter added.
Alice nodded. Sure, why not?
* * *
At a quarter till, they came to the palace gates and found that a whole stream of visitors was entering the courtyard, precipitating a clattering of wine glasses and the “pop” of a fresh bottle opened. Hatter could see the Queen swaying around, bestowing upon her guests the most regal of greetings, but his eyes were searching, almost yearning, to see the white, wrinkly fuzz-ball that had always accompanied her. With satisfaction, he could see him pouring drinks a few feet away, gripping a table for balance. His fur was in disarray as if he had been touched by electricity, and, quite unlike him (or perhaps like him all along?), he was wearing a checkered bowtie with a light-up bulb. He giggled when the guests were delighted by it, and Hatter smiled, feeling an instinctive pull towards him, before he realized he was still holding “Hare”'s hand. To his surprise, “Hare” appeared to be watching “Rabbit” as well, but with a face that suggested he was tasting milk to see if it was sour.
Hatter, Hare, the Tweedles, and Alice worked their way through the crowd from there. It was quite unusual for the group to have to maneuver the courtyard during a party - usually the Queen pretended no one else in Wonderland existed when she had her celebrations, but this time it became apparent that she was a talented schmoozist and was not interested in her everyday subjects' conversation. When they found a table next to the royal fountain, they surveyed the greetings and chatter taking place across the span of the courtyard, and Alice admired a nearby fountain which had pink water bubbling from stone hearts and flowers. In due time, “Rabbit” rolled up with a cart of glasses and drinks, doing a little dance on his way.
“Hello!!! Well, I know YOU guys!” He chirped loudly enough for a couple other guests to turn around, curious who might be so close to the servant, and, of course, he noticed a particular person first. “Hatter, what'll it be?”
“Oh, uh... I think some fruit punch will do it.”
“Welll, I'm afraid you'll have to go to the punch bar for that,” “Rabbit” answered. Hatter rose from his chair and craned his neck around. “Hare” seemed particularly confused about this prospect.
“I don't see any punch bars.”
“That's because there aren't any! Hhahahahaahga! Sit down; I've got it right here!” He pulled out a bottle of bright red liquid and squirted it into a glass while “Hare” rolled his eyes. Hatter pretended he didn't notice and accepted his glass reflecting back all of “Rabbit”'s cheeriness. “Alice? What would you like?”
“Uhh, the same for me, please.” So he dished out another punch.
“He'aaa~?” He asked next, with such emphasis on his British accent that “Hare” was not as amused as he'd hoped.
“I'm fine for now, thank you.” The group stared at him for a moment before shrugging it off.
“Tweeeedles?”
“We want the wine, man.”
“Yeah, and pour it up to the rim, please,” Dee added. They gave each other a high-five.
“WEEEELLL, somebody's either looking for a good time, or to pass the time!” “Rabbit” said, and as he giggled obliviously under “Hare”'s scrutiny and poured their glasses, Hatter smiled to his lap a bit uncomfortably. Suddenly, the Queen showed up, her smile as bright as a treasure chest suddenly ceasing.
“Oh, hey, you guys. Welcome to the ball!” And she swished her hand, already on her way out. “Rabbit, come with me, the King of Spades arrived and if he doesn't get his booze immediately, he'll think I'm understaffed.”
“She is understaffed,” Dee muttered as “Rabbit” stumbled off, fluttering his fingers at the group.
“By the way, Hatter, we've got those tea cakes you like! I'll bring them later!” He shouted, his voice already being swallowed by the crowd.
“It's too bad the Queen didn't think to hire some help. Mr. Rabbit looks like he's got a lot of work cut out for him,” Alice added. “Then again, he seems like he's having a good time!”
“Coping mechanism,” Dum said. Suddenly Hatter broke off from his dreamy gaze in the bunny's direction and slammed his hand on the table, causing all their drink surfaces to jiggle.
“What, am I the only one who remembers what happened today?!”
“What happened today?” “Hare” asked, less like a curious partner and more like “Rabbit” and Hatter might've drawn on the palace walls with non-erasable markers.
“Oh, nothing, Rabbit just joined us for... lunch.”
“Lunch?! Since when did he have time for lunch outside the palace?” And before they knew it, “Hare” got up from the table. “If you'll excuse me...” and he was gone.
* * *
As the ball continued, Hatter took the Tweedles' lead and found himself some alcohol, which helped dull Hare's prickly edges for him, and which made the Tweedles' choreographed entertainment for the Queen twice as amusing. You might call it epically whimsical. It was of no matter to Rabbit, though. As he was used to doing nothing but wiping guest's asses during such an occasion, he couldn't help but occupy himself with organizing the snack table and decorations, which Hare failed to see were disarrayed, and he accidentally threw out random compliments and prevented a man's shirt cuff from dipping into the fondue cup. Some people were charmed by his randomly attentive, perhaps believed as gallant, behavior. Others wondered why a strange bunny man walking around by himself, and clearly no one of importance, was popping in out of nowhere to make adjustments. It's not like Rabbit wanted to do any of it, anyway! Hare was clearly just too incompetent to do the work of a seasoned servant. Rabbit wished he had more servant friends. They understood discipline.
Once the dance was over, “Rabbit” announced that there would be a speech in ten minutes, and suddenly the Tweedles congo-lined their way through the crowd and threw their arms up in the air when they caught what they perceived to be Hare finally sipping at a glass of wine. “Oh, THERE you are, Hare!” Dum's voice soared.
“We've been looking all over for you!” Just as Dee finished his sentence, Hatter stepped out from behind him, rubbing his shoulder and just barely smiling. “Hare” eyed the empty wine glasses in their hands and raised his eyebrows.
“Can I help you?”
“No, but you can join us. Come on - we're gonna go take a dip in the pool,” Dum said. “Hare” scrunched up his face.
“What pool?”
“The Queen's indoor pool,” Dee clarified. “You know - the one we broke into last year. Across the courtyard, down the south wing hall, across from that work-out room,”
“With the dust-covered stair-stepper,” Dum added, jabbing Hatter in the chest, who started laughing, but abruptly cleared his throat when “Hare” looked horrified.
“You've got to be kidding me! It was you guys?! I should've known!” And they found themselves the subjects of severely persecuting index fingers, trembling in their direction.
“Well you were there, too. I don't see why this is such a surprise,” Hatter trailed.
“Yes, well, maybe I was, but-” Suddenly Alice made her way out of the crowd from between two guest's elbows, catching her breath. “The Queen's just gone inside to prepare for the speech!” She informed them. “Hare”'s mouth fell even lower.
“The gate's wide open! Hurry, you guys!” Dee said, and he directed everyone in the direction Dum was escaping. Against his will, “Hare” was shoved off with them, babbling helplessly as they crept through the garden. He could not believe how shit-eating their grins were as their feet trampled down drooped flowers. Dum was being particularly acrobatic, doing cartwheels across the grass and nearly tipping over the Queen's glass flamingos, and no one seemed nervous about them at all!
When they reached the porch to the south wing doors, Rabbit couldn't take it anymore. He bolted towards the front of the group and flung his body across the entrance, his arms spanning the twisting, iron roses across the doors and his face bringing to mind the great martyrs of Elizabethan theatre. “I cannot let you go through with this!” He uttered.
The group took one look at him, then to each other. Finally, Dee asked “why not?”
“Because! It is extremely disrespectful to the Queen!”
“Yeah, so?” Dee followed up. “It's not like she's going to know.”
“Of course she'll know! Why, I remember when this happened last year - water everywhere, and pool noodles in places they most certainly don't belong! And who had to slave well into the night cleaning it up? Who had to launder all of the dirty towels and fetch those noodles?! ...Rabbit! After a long, grueling Olympics of servitude, of which none of you could ever possibly understand!”
“Well, we could always try to be more careful this time,” Alice reasoned, but her words only brought him more anguish.
“Alice, I'm surprised at you. I honestly thought you were never involved in such shenanigans.”
“...You did?”
“Hare” darted his eyes around. “Oh, don't worry about it, Hare. Rabbit practically gets off on chores. It's all he has to live for!” Dum reasoned, but Hatter stepped away from his peers quite hesitantly at first and joined Rabbit's side, albeit without making eye contact.
“M-maybe Hare has a point. Why, Alice, you said it earlier - nobody likes a bunch of chores. I-I mean I wouldn't want Rabbit to have to clean up after us.” Sheepishly, he turned his face to “Hare”, whose brown eyes were glimmering with gratitude.
“T-thanks, Hatter,” he said, and Hatter could recognize a warmth in his reply that dissolved both their anxiety.
“...Are you two feeling alright?” Dee asked.
“I have to admit - you guys have been acting a little strange,” Alice added.
Dum hid his lips with his hand and whispered to his brother “maybe they both fell in love with Rabbit,” but Dee received the joke with bewilderment - he was not used to Dum's sense of humor being so perverse. Luckily, Hatter broke the silence.
“Look. Why don't we just have a few more drinks and leave early? I doubt anybody'd notice. Then we can just hop in my jacuzzi. How about that?” For a long moment, Hatter and “Hare” were just standing on the porch steps wondering if they were about to be shoved aside, but Alice and the Tweedles finally grumbled in agreement. They retreated from the garden, but Rabbit hid behind a bush and then tiptoed back to the entrance. He took a deep breath, eyed the dark halls at either end of him, and chose the one most likely to lead him to Hare.
When he found him, he was bending over the oven in the kitchen, his face glossy with sweat and a sloppily tied apron falling off his waist. When he spotted Rabbit, he nearly dropped the tray of quiche in surprise, but Rabbit flung himself forward and steadied him. They set the tray down together, and Hare backed up into the island with his face in his hands. “Not as easy as you thought it would be, is it?” Rabbit asked.
“Oh, Rabbit, I don't know what to do! There are five courses of snacks and over a hundred people! I'm not even supposed to be here! Tell me you came to help me!” Rabbit gave him an up-and-down glance and his features softened in sympathy - it was hard to see himself this way. His head was like a bouquet of frazzled fur; his hands and knee-guards were scoffed and brown; the flashing bulb on his bowtie was also short-circuiting.
“There, there. Of course I'll help you. We have to pull off his ball, for both of our sanity. Now, the Queen is probably waiting for you to assist her for the speech. Just get out there, do what you must, and I'll have all of the snacks ready behind the doors, and you can take them to the guests as soon as you're dismissed,” he said. As his sentence ended, Hare bubbled with incomprehensible gratitude and grabbed both his arms as he sunk to his knees.
“I LOVE YOU,” he told him.
Rabbit squinted to the air in front of him and gave him a tentative pat on the shoulder. “And when you have the time, please wash up,” he added. As Hare dashed off, he found himself disappointed that he could smell that bad, but calmly rolled up his sleeves and went to work.
To both of their surprise, they worked as a team from there, rolling out drinks and tasties with great efficiency, although Hare continued to roll around the party in a haze of fatigue, and he caught Hatter noticing on many occasions. Then, finally, when Hare made his last round back to the kitchen, he had no idea that he was being followed. Once he was safely away from the party, Hatter jumped out of nowhere and greeted him at the kitchen entrance.
“Hi, Rabbit!” Hare instinctively clutched him by the lapels and looked around the room for Rabbit, who seemed to have disappeared, but still he yanked Hatter all the way in and lowered him to the floor behind the island.
“What are you doing down here?”
“I just wanted to apologize for not giving Hare enough attention today. I know he means well. But I-I just had to see you!” Hatter answered, cupping his hands in front of him. To his dismay, “Rabbit” was frowning.
“We can't keep meeting like this!”
“I know, but I just wanted to make sure you didn't need my help anymore.” “Rabbit”'s fingers curled against his lips, and he looked about ready to melt.
“Oh! Hatter, that's so sweet of you, but I'm doing fine. Y-you should be with Hare, and don't worry about me. I've got it all covered. In fact, I'm used to it!” Hatter shook his head and clutched his hands.
“But I don't want you to be used to it-”
“What the hell is going on in here?” “Hare” suddenly asked, stepping out from the pantry with his hands on his hips. His counterpart didn't know what to say, and Hatter seemed to be making a marriage proposal.
He got up from his knees. “Hare! How did you get down here?”
“I could ask the same to you! What's the meaning of this?!”
“Oh God! You're having an affair?!” Hatter asked, his mouth flopping into an angsty grimace.
“No, we're not!” They both shouted.
“First you're meeting each other first thing in the morning, then down in the palace kitchen, and Hare is wearing funny clothes?! Well now I know it wasn't 'books' you were borrowing!”
“Hatta~, you are out of your mind if you think I would ever be attracted to-- that,” “Hare” started, swishing his hand at his own body but not quite agreeing with his own gesture.
“And what is wrong with Rabbit?!” Hatter asked, receiving no answer. “Is it because he's old?! Well maybe he has a youthful spirit! After all, he's always skating around. Obviously, he keeps himself in shape.” Rather than protest, both seemed intensely interested, suddenly. “Or, you know, maybe he's furry! But I think we're all plenty used to it. And so what if he's got an ice cream belly? Who here's gonna say they don't like ice cream?! I know I'm in the lucky minority who doesn't show it,” Hatter continued, and he patted his stomach. “Looks aren't what's important anyway. I may be beautiful, but I can recognize a beautiful personality.” By then, he'd marched around the room with indignation and ended up in front of his partner, whose frustration had dissolved into awe. “Okay, so you didn't have an affair, but... but... What's going on?”
Hatter extended his grey hands towards both bunnies and waited for an answer. When Rabbit and Hare met eyes, they seemed to come to an agreement about what must be done. “Uhh, well, Hare, Hatter just helped me with a couple chores earlier today and mistakenly thought that I needed his help again. But I don't, and you guys should really get back to the ball. Somebody's gotta do the work around here, and, Hare, you deserve not to worry about it, for once.” Though Hatter cocked his eyebrow, “Hare” hesitantly came forward and reached for his arm.
“Come on, Hatter, let's go back,” he tried, but Hatter started to shake his head.
“You heard the man. Get out! I can't be distracted like this!” “Rabbit” added, pained. As “Hare” tugged, Hatter's arm started to yield and he was lead out of the room.
* * *
At half past eight, Rabbit had watched Hare fumble with the Wonderland chalice - which was there as tribute to the Queen's accomplishments that year - roll right over her and everybody else's gowns, make unflattering expressions at guests, and begin to hold up wine bottles like they were gruelingly heavy weights. Hatter for some reason was steering clear of him now and had decided to get shit-faced to dull the pain of being abandoned by both bunnies. The Tweedles and Alice were even distancing themselves from him, as they found his swerving and cross-eyed conversation to be a deterrent, as did many of the other guests. Rabbit couldn't help but hear them mumbling about him, so he backed Hatter up into a chair as sweetly as possible and told him to shut the fuck up. Then he stepped off and began bussing a nearby table like it was a completely normal thing for Hare's body to do while Hatter was singing himself a song in the corner.
Suddenly he heard a trumpet sound and looked across the courtyard to find the Queen approaching her podium. “My dear subjects! I hope you all enjoyed dinner tonight, but even more, the dessert! Rabbit!” And “Rabbit” set down the trumpet and tripped over himself on the way to the curtains, where he drew them as gracefully as possible while the Queen laughed nervously. When he wheeled it out, everyone could see that it was monstrous.
It was the cake of all cakes. Stretching five feet tall, layer after layer, with purple and blue frosting glowing under a random spotlight, it almost outdid the Queen, but only almost, because if it had, she wouldn't have stood for it. Everyone gathered around, Alice especially since her time in Wonderland before her parents got suspicious was coming to a close, but Hare had to passively slice and serve the cake and keep himself from drooling all over it. Rabbit resumed his table bussing when he caught sight of something sparkling on the floor. With eyes wide, he lowered to all fours and crawled forward, sharpening his gaze on the sparkle enough to tell that it was a fallen jewel, but just as he was reaching he felt his leg being shoved in one direction and then crushed by a terrible weight. He didn't need to turn around once he heard the drunken Hatter murmuring, but he was broken off by a “whoosh” and then a “squish!” and everyone was being sprayed with cake.
Rabbit didn't dare move, but he surveyed the courtyard. Hatter was planted face-first in the foot of the curtains, the curtains had all splayed across the floor, the rod holding them was dipping into the fondue fountain and the “Happy Birthday, Wonderland!” sign that the Queen had commissioned weeks ago, with care, had replaced the cake. Meanwhile, everyone at the ball was standing rigid with their hands outstretched and mouths agape as if a bus had just driven by and soaked them with cold water. The Queen seemed to wipe away the frosting from her eyes in slow motion.
Then she traced this catastrophe back to its source and grew livid. She darted for Rabbit with a fire under her ass - it was as if she'd swallowed an entire bottle of hot sauce. The only thing that was missing was steam coming out of her ears! Rabbit felt like he was having an out of body experience - no, perhaps the worst nightmare you could possibly have. Of course, he had irritated, disappointed, frustrated, misinterpreted, and even angered the Queen, but never like this - what he saw coming at him was bound to give him Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He'd be hiding under tables the rest of his life whenever he so much as heard the word “red”.
“HARE,” she screeched, her finger swishing at the air in front of him, “I KNEW SOMETHING WOULD GO WRONG WITH YOU AT MY BALL.” Rabbit carefully slid his leg out from under Hatter's fallen feet and stood up as straightly as if he were at boot camp. She looked over at Hatter, who rolled to his side, reached for his hat, and put it on backwards. “Hatter, you get up right now.”
Hatter was drunk as a clam, but he was sentient enough to know his Queen was pissed, so he got to his feet and tried to maintain his balance next to “Hare”. “I want you out of here right now,” the Queen said. Rabbit could only babble, and Hatter seemed taken aback over the matter. Then he just started to giggle because the Queen looked funny when she was covered in cake. He had half a mind to stick his finger in her and have a taste. “You have ruined the ball,” she clarified, swatting away the Hatter's hand. Silence continued from these future-ball-exiles. From within the crowd, the Tweedles shook their heads like two black women going “mmmmMm.” Alice just covered her mouth.
The Queen had had enough.”I SAID OUT. OUT,” she shouted, and Rabbit began to shuffle with tears in his eyes, but Hatter starting swaying right into him as they hurried for the gates, and he had to apply himself at keeping this giant purple man from dropping. Once they'd passed the gates and were shuffling together onto the forest path, the Queen did a little angry dance. “Oh, harumph! And don't think you'll be invited again!”
And her voice echoed, so that all of Wonderland could hear it again and again and again... Or, at least, it felt that they could in Rabbit's broken heart.
Favorite Quotes
“I need to talk to someone. About my FEELINGS.”
The Tweedles couldn't help but notice that, though Hatter and “Hare” stood together, their shoulders were not shuffling against each other - there must've been as much as five inches between them.
“What happened today?” “Hare” asked, less like a curious partner and more like “Rabbit” and Hatter might've drawn on the palace walls with non-erasable markers.
Rabbit wished he had more servant friends. They understood discipline.
Hatter was planted face-first in the foot of the curtains, the curtains had all splayed across the floor, the rod holding them was dipping into the fondue fountain and the “Happy Birthday, Wonderland!” sign that the Queen had commissioned weeks ago, with care, had replaced the cake. Meanwhile, everyone at the ball was standing rigid with their hands outstretched and mouths agape as if a bus had just driven by and soaked them with cold water.
He'd be hiding under tables the rest of his life whenever he so much as heard the word “red”.
Much happier with this than the last part. Part 3 is going to be revised, but I just continued with this one as if the part before it was how I'df liked.
Anyway, best part about part 4? It's practically Hatter/Rabbit, which is ridiculous. The fanart for this will be golden.
TRYING TUESDAY
Part Four
At half past five, Dum and Alice were having a chat at the bridge. Dum was wearing a decent button-down for once, with a black vest and slacks, and Alice had on her best dress, which was fittingly blue and ruffly around her knees. She tugged at the sash around her shoulders and giggled as Dum told her the joke from earlier about the Caterpillar. As their laughter died down in an almost awkward fashion, Alice was able to hear footsteps from around a bend of trees. “Hey, I think Dee's coming now,” she said.
“Took him long enough.”
It was Hatter who stepped out, however, and he was approaching the two of them with intense purpose, his fists clenched and his eyes threatening to escape his head. Dum considered hiding behind Alice, but it was too late. “DUM, I need to speak with you!” Hatter shouted on his way over, and then he scooped up his arm. “Alice, we'll be just a moment,” he added, while poor Dum was dragged off without a say in the matter, which was always the fate of the little guy.
They hurried a certain distance from Alice, then Hatter threw himself against a tree, breathing deeply. Dum just crossed his arms. “What's this all about?”
“I need to talk to someone. About my FEELINGS.”
Dum's shoulders tensed. “Why don't you just talk to the Caterpillar? Isn't he everybody's therapist?”
“He knows nothing of passion.”
“Woh, woh, woh, and who says I want to know about yours?”
“You're the only one who'll understand.”
“About your passion?” Dum clarified, almost seeming outraged. Hatter curled his fingers and ran them over his forehead.
“Look, it's not what you think. I just... Do you ever feel like maybe Rabbit... is lonely?” Dum could tell that this was no joke, and his eyes bulged accordingly, but Hatter waited patiently for an answer.
“...I think he gets enough of us, actually. Unless you meant... in a different way.”
“Well I mean, I-I mean, I... I wouldn't pin-point any way in particular.” Dum really had nothing to add to this train of thought, so Hatter broke off from the tree and struck his hands in front of him, hoping an explanation with gestures would make it all clearer for his listener. “I just mean today didn't it seem like Rabbit needed us, because of the ball, because the Queen is always keeping him busy?” Dum tried and failed to nod, but ended up looking over his shoulder to make sure Alice was still outside hearing range. “I-I spent some time with him today and I just... felt something. I feel like I know him for the first time. ...And he's marvelous,” Hatter half-whispered, his eyes turning to the glistening treetops. Old, sturdy trees they were, yet they created such colorful blossoms, which swayed freely in the wind like the spirits of fairies...
When Dum saw this musing taking place, he stepped back a ways. “Jesus, Hatter, it seems like you fall in love every week, but this has got to be the strangest infatuation yet."
Suddenly, Dee walked up out of nowhere, equally well dressed for the occasion, asking “Infatuation? With what?” before he came face-to-face with Hatter's all too familiar expression. “Oh. Nevermind.” He stood next to his brother and the trio entered an uncomfortable silence as Hatter rubbed the back of his neck, still breathing like the weight of a stone was on his heart, or perhaps the weight of a heavy bunny. “Well, what's going on this time?"
“I really don't want to repeat anything I heard,” Dum said, but Hatter broke out into passion once more.
“Dee, it's about R-” But before he could say any more, “Hare” joined the group. “Oh, for God's sake!” Hatter substituted for the name of his most coveted bunny. “I mean, hi, Hare.”
“Hatta~... Nice to see you here~...” The Tweedles couldn't help but notice that, though Hatter and “Hare” stood together, their shoulders were not shuffling against each other - there must've been as much as five inches between them, but neither Dee nor Dum had the heart to bring it up. “Hare” obviously has no idea what had taken place, but he was extremely generous in offering Hatter his hand, who didn't instinctively realize what it was doing in front of him.
“Well? Take it,” “Hare” ordered. “By the way, I'm sorry about earlier.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. No problem.”
He took the hand with lackluster and everybody returned to Alice, who had taken out a copy of the Wonderland newspaper from seemingly nowhere. When she looked up, everybody was just shuffling around without speaking, including Dum, who returned to her side and seemed to have forgotten that an explanation was in order. “What was that all about?” She asked. Slowly, all of their heads turned to her.
“Oh, Hatter just wanted to um... fix my tie,” Dum explained.
“I'm compulsive about ties,” Hatter added.
Alice nodded. Sure, why not?
* * *
At a quarter till, they came to the palace gates and found that a whole stream of visitors was entering the courtyard, precipitating a clattering of wine glasses and the “pop” of a fresh bottle opened. Hatter could see the Queen swaying around, bestowing upon her guests the most regal of greetings, but his eyes were searching, almost yearning, to see the white, wrinkly fuzz-ball that had always accompanied her. With satisfaction, he could see him pouring drinks a few feet away, gripping a table for balance. His fur was in disarray as if he had been touched by electricity, and, quite unlike him (or perhaps like him all along?), he was wearing a checkered bowtie with a light-up bulb. He giggled when the guests were delighted by it, and Hatter smiled, feeling an instinctive pull towards him, before he realized he was still holding “Hare”'s hand. To his surprise, “Hare” appeared to be watching “Rabbit” as well, but with a face that suggested he was tasting milk to see if it was sour.
Hatter, Hare, the Tweedles, and Alice worked their way through the crowd from there. It was quite unusual for the group to have to maneuver the courtyard during a party - usually the Queen pretended no one else in Wonderland existed when she had her celebrations, but this time it became apparent that she was a talented schmoozist and was not interested in her everyday subjects' conversation. When they found a table next to the royal fountain, they surveyed the greetings and chatter taking place across the span of the courtyard, and Alice admired a nearby fountain which had pink water bubbling from stone hearts and flowers. In due time, “Rabbit” rolled up with a cart of glasses and drinks, doing a little dance on his way.
“Hello!!! Well, I know YOU guys!” He chirped loudly enough for a couple other guests to turn around, curious who might be so close to the servant, and, of course, he noticed a particular person first. “Hatter, what'll it be?”
“Oh, uh... I think some fruit punch will do it.”
“Welll, I'm afraid you'll have to go to the punch bar for that,” “Rabbit” answered. Hatter rose from his chair and craned his neck around. “Hare” seemed particularly confused about this prospect.
“I don't see any punch bars.”
“That's because there aren't any! Hhahahahaahga! Sit down; I've got it right here!” He pulled out a bottle of bright red liquid and squirted it into a glass while “Hare” rolled his eyes. Hatter pretended he didn't notice and accepted his glass reflecting back all of “Rabbit”'s cheeriness. “Alice? What would you like?”
“Uhh, the same for me, please.” So he dished out another punch.
“He'aaa~?” He asked next, with such emphasis on his British accent that “Hare” was not as amused as he'd hoped.
“I'm fine for now, thank you.” The group stared at him for a moment before shrugging it off.
“Tweeeedles?”
“We want the wine, man.”
“Yeah, and pour it up to the rim, please,” Dee added. They gave each other a high-five.
“WEEEELLL, somebody's either looking for a good time, or to pass the time!” “Rabbit” said, and as he giggled obliviously under “Hare”'s scrutiny and poured their glasses, Hatter smiled to his lap a bit uncomfortably. Suddenly, the Queen showed up, her smile as bright as a treasure chest suddenly ceasing.
“Oh, hey, you guys. Welcome to the ball!” And she swished her hand, already on her way out. “Rabbit, come with me, the King of Spades arrived and if he doesn't get his booze immediately, he'll think I'm understaffed.”
“She is understaffed,” Dee muttered as “Rabbit” stumbled off, fluttering his fingers at the group.
“By the way, Hatter, we've got those tea cakes you like! I'll bring them later!” He shouted, his voice already being swallowed by the crowd.
“It's too bad the Queen didn't think to hire some help. Mr. Rabbit looks like he's got a lot of work cut out for him,” Alice added. “Then again, he seems like he's having a good time!”
“Coping mechanism,” Dum said. Suddenly Hatter broke off from his dreamy gaze in the bunny's direction and slammed his hand on the table, causing all their drink surfaces to jiggle.
“What, am I the only one who remembers what happened today?!”
“What happened today?” “Hare” asked, less like a curious partner and more like “Rabbit” and Hatter might've drawn on the palace walls with non-erasable markers.
“Oh, nothing, Rabbit just joined us for... lunch.”
“Lunch?! Since when did he have time for lunch outside the palace?” And before they knew it, “Hare” got up from the table. “If you'll excuse me...” and he was gone.
* * *
As the ball continued, Hatter took the Tweedles' lead and found himself some alcohol, which helped dull Hare's prickly edges for him, and which made the Tweedles' choreographed entertainment for the Queen twice as amusing. You might call it epically whimsical. It was of no matter to Rabbit, though. As he was used to doing nothing but wiping guest's asses during such an occasion, he couldn't help but occupy himself with organizing the snack table and decorations, which Hare failed to see were disarrayed, and he accidentally threw out random compliments and prevented a man's shirt cuff from dipping into the fondue cup. Some people were charmed by his randomly attentive, perhaps believed as gallant, behavior. Others wondered why a strange bunny man walking around by himself, and clearly no one of importance, was popping in out of nowhere to make adjustments. It's not like Rabbit wanted to do any of it, anyway! Hare was clearly just too incompetent to do the work of a seasoned servant. Rabbit wished he had more servant friends. They understood discipline.
Once the dance was over, “Rabbit” announced that there would be a speech in ten minutes, and suddenly the Tweedles congo-lined their way through the crowd and threw their arms up in the air when they caught what they perceived to be Hare finally sipping at a glass of wine. “Oh, THERE you are, Hare!” Dum's voice soared.
“We've been looking all over for you!” Just as Dee finished his sentence, Hatter stepped out from behind him, rubbing his shoulder and just barely smiling. “Hare” eyed the empty wine glasses in their hands and raised his eyebrows.
“Can I help you?”
“No, but you can join us. Come on - we're gonna go take a dip in the pool,” Dum said. “Hare” scrunched up his face.
“What pool?”
“The Queen's indoor pool,” Dee clarified. “You know - the one we broke into last year. Across the courtyard, down the south wing hall, across from that work-out room,”
“With the dust-covered stair-stepper,” Dum added, jabbing Hatter in the chest, who started laughing, but abruptly cleared his throat when “Hare” looked horrified.
“You've got to be kidding me! It was you guys?! I should've known!” And they found themselves the subjects of severely persecuting index fingers, trembling in their direction.
“Well you were there, too. I don't see why this is such a surprise,” Hatter trailed.
“Yes, well, maybe I was, but-” Suddenly Alice made her way out of the crowd from between two guest's elbows, catching her breath. “The Queen's just gone inside to prepare for the speech!” She informed them. “Hare”'s mouth fell even lower.
“The gate's wide open! Hurry, you guys!” Dee said, and he directed everyone in the direction Dum was escaping. Against his will, “Hare” was shoved off with them, babbling helplessly as they crept through the garden. He could not believe how shit-eating their grins were as their feet trampled down drooped flowers. Dum was being particularly acrobatic, doing cartwheels across the grass and nearly tipping over the Queen's glass flamingos, and no one seemed nervous about them at all!
When they reached the porch to the south wing doors, Rabbit couldn't take it anymore. He bolted towards the front of the group and flung his body across the entrance, his arms spanning the twisting, iron roses across the doors and his face bringing to mind the great martyrs of Elizabethan theatre. “I cannot let you go through with this!” He uttered.
The group took one look at him, then to each other. Finally, Dee asked “why not?”
“Because! It is extremely disrespectful to the Queen!”
“Yeah, so?” Dee followed up. “It's not like she's going to know.”
“Of course she'll know! Why, I remember when this happened last year - water everywhere, and pool noodles in places they most certainly don't belong! And who had to slave well into the night cleaning it up? Who had to launder all of the dirty towels and fetch those noodles?! ...Rabbit! After a long, grueling Olympics of servitude, of which none of you could ever possibly understand!”
“Well, we could always try to be more careful this time,” Alice reasoned, but her words only brought him more anguish.
“Alice, I'm surprised at you. I honestly thought you were never involved in such shenanigans.”
“...You did?”
“Hare” darted his eyes around. “Oh, don't worry about it, Hare. Rabbit practically gets off on chores. It's all he has to live for!” Dum reasoned, but Hatter stepped away from his peers quite hesitantly at first and joined Rabbit's side, albeit without making eye contact.
“M-maybe Hare has a point. Why, Alice, you said it earlier - nobody likes a bunch of chores. I-I mean I wouldn't want Rabbit to have to clean up after us.” Sheepishly, he turned his face to “Hare”, whose brown eyes were glimmering with gratitude.
“T-thanks, Hatter,” he said, and Hatter could recognize a warmth in his reply that dissolved both their anxiety.
“...Are you two feeling alright?” Dee asked.
“I have to admit - you guys have been acting a little strange,” Alice added.
Dum hid his lips with his hand and whispered to his brother “maybe they both fell in love with Rabbit,” but Dee received the joke with bewilderment - he was not used to Dum's sense of humor being so perverse. Luckily, Hatter broke the silence.
“Look. Why don't we just have a few more drinks and leave early? I doubt anybody'd notice. Then we can just hop in my jacuzzi. How about that?” For a long moment, Hatter and “Hare” were just standing on the porch steps wondering if they were about to be shoved aside, but Alice and the Tweedles finally grumbled in agreement. They retreated from the garden, but Rabbit hid behind a bush and then tiptoed back to the entrance. He took a deep breath, eyed the dark halls at either end of him, and chose the one most likely to lead him to Hare.
When he found him, he was bending over the oven in the kitchen, his face glossy with sweat and a sloppily tied apron falling off his waist. When he spotted Rabbit, he nearly dropped the tray of quiche in surprise, but Rabbit flung himself forward and steadied him. They set the tray down together, and Hare backed up into the island with his face in his hands. “Not as easy as you thought it would be, is it?” Rabbit asked.
“Oh, Rabbit, I don't know what to do! There are five courses of snacks and over a hundred people! I'm not even supposed to be here! Tell me you came to help me!” Rabbit gave him an up-and-down glance and his features softened in sympathy - it was hard to see himself this way. His head was like a bouquet of frazzled fur; his hands and knee-guards were scoffed and brown; the flashing bulb on his bowtie was also short-circuiting.
“There, there. Of course I'll help you. We have to pull off his ball, for both of our sanity. Now, the Queen is probably waiting for you to assist her for the speech. Just get out there, do what you must, and I'll have all of the snacks ready behind the doors, and you can take them to the guests as soon as you're dismissed,” he said. As his sentence ended, Hare bubbled with incomprehensible gratitude and grabbed both his arms as he sunk to his knees.
“I LOVE YOU,” he told him.
Rabbit squinted to the air in front of him and gave him a tentative pat on the shoulder. “And when you have the time, please wash up,” he added. As Hare dashed off, he found himself disappointed that he could smell that bad, but calmly rolled up his sleeves and went to work.
To both of their surprise, they worked as a team from there, rolling out drinks and tasties with great efficiency, although Hare continued to roll around the party in a haze of fatigue, and he caught Hatter noticing on many occasions. Then, finally, when Hare made his last round back to the kitchen, he had no idea that he was being followed. Once he was safely away from the party, Hatter jumped out of nowhere and greeted him at the kitchen entrance.
“Hi, Rabbit!” Hare instinctively clutched him by the lapels and looked around the room for Rabbit, who seemed to have disappeared, but still he yanked Hatter all the way in and lowered him to the floor behind the island.
“What are you doing down here?”
“I just wanted to apologize for not giving Hare enough attention today. I know he means well. But I-I just had to see you!” Hatter answered, cupping his hands in front of him. To his dismay, “Rabbit” was frowning.
“We can't keep meeting like this!”
“I know, but I just wanted to make sure you didn't need my help anymore.” “Rabbit”'s fingers curled against his lips, and he looked about ready to melt.
“Oh! Hatter, that's so sweet of you, but I'm doing fine. Y-you should be with Hare, and don't worry about me. I've got it all covered. In fact, I'm used to it!” Hatter shook his head and clutched his hands.
“But I don't want you to be used to it-”
“What the hell is going on in here?” “Hare” suddenly asked, stepping out from the pantry with his hands on his hips. His counterpart didn't know what to say, and Hatter seemed to be making a marriage proposal.
He got up from his knees. “Hare! How did you get down here?”
“I could ask the same to you! What's the meaning of this?!”
“Oh God! You're having an affair?!” Hatter asked, his mouth flopping into an angsty grimace.
“No, we're not!” They both shouted.
“First you're meeting each other first thing in the morning, then down in the palace kitchen, and Hare is wearing funny clothes?! Well now I know it wasn't 'books' you were borrowing!”
“Hatta~, you are out of your mind if you think I would ever be attracted to-- that,” “Hare” started, swishing his hand at his own body but not quite agreeing with his own gesture.
“And what is wrong with Rabbit?!” Hatter asked, receiving no answer. “Is it because he's old?! Well maybe he has a youthful spirit! After all, he's always skating around. Obviously, he keeps himself in shape.” Rather than protest, both seemed intensely interested, suddenly. “Or, you know, maybe he's furry! But I think we're all plenty used to it. And so what if he's got an ice cream belly? Who here's gonna say they don't like ice cream?! I know I'm in the lucky minority who doesn't show it,” Hatter continued, and he patted his stomach. “Looks aren't what's important anyway. I may be beautiful, but I can recognize a beautiful personality.” By then, he'd marched around the room with indignation and ended up in front of his partner, whose frustration had dissolved into awe. “Okay, so you didn't have an affair, but... but... What's going on?”
Hatter extended his grey hands towards both bunnies and waited for an answer. When Rabbit and Hare met eyes, they seemed to come to an agreement about what must be done. “Uhh, well, Hare, Hatter just helped me with a couple chores earlier today and mistakenly thought that I needed his help again. But I don't, and you guys should really get back to the ball. Somebody's gotta do the work around here, and, Hare, you deserve not to worry about it, for once.” Though Hatter cocked his eyebrow, “Hare” hesitantly came forward and reached for his arm.
“Come on, Hatter, let's go back,” he tried, but Hatter started to shake his head.
“You heard the man. Get out! I can't be distracted like this!” “Rabbit” added, pained. As “Hare” tugged, Hatter's arm started to yield and he was lead out of the room.
* * *
At half past eight, Rabbit had watched Hare fumble with the Wonderland chalice - which was there as tribute to the Queen's accomplishments that year - roll right over her and everybody else's gowns, make unflattering expressions at guests, and begin to hold up wine bottles like they were gruelingly heavy weights. Hatter for some reason was steering clear of him now and had decided to get shit-faced to dull the pain of being abandoned by both bunnies. The Tweedles and Alice were even distancing themselves from him, as they found his swerving and cross-eyed conversation to be a deterrent, as did many of the other guests. Rabbit couldn't help but hear them mumbling about him, so he backed Hatter up into a chair as sweetly as possible and told him to shut the fuck up. Then he stepped off and began bussing a nearby table like it was a completely normal thing for Hare's body to do while Hatter was singing himself a song in the corner.
Suddenly he heard a trumpet sound and looked across the courtyard to find the Queen approaching her podium. “My dear subjects! I hope you all enjoyed dinner tonight, but even more, the dessert! Rabbit!” And “Rabbit” set down the trumpet and tripped over himself on the way to the curtains, where he drew them as gracefully as possible while the Queen laughed nervously. When he wheeled it out, everyone could see that it was monstrous.
It was the cake of all cakes. Stretching five feet tall, layer after layer, with purple and blue frosting glowing under a random spotlight, it almost outdid the Queen, but only almost, because if it had, she wouldn't have stood for it. Everyone gathered around, Alice especially since her time in Wonderland before her parents got suspicious was coming to a close, but Hare had to passively slice and serve the cake and keep himself from drooling all over it. Rabbit resumed his table bussing when he caught sight of something sparkling on the floor. With eyes wide, he lowered to all fours and crawled forward, sharpening his gaze on the sparkle enough to tell that it was a fallen jewel, but just as he was reaching he felt his leg being shoved in one direction and then crushed by a terrible weight. He didn't need to turn around once he heard the drunken Hatter murmuring, but he was broken off by a “whoosh” and then a “squish!” and everyone was being sprayed with cake.
Rabbit didn't dare move, but he surveyed the courtyard. Hatter was planted face-first in the foot of the curtains, the curtains had all splayed across the floor, the rod holding them was dipping into the fondue fountain and the “Happy Birthday, Wonderland!” sign that the Queen had commissioned weeks ago, with care, had replaced the cake. Meanwhile, everyone at the ball was standing rigid with their hands outstretched and mouths agape as if a bus had just driven by and soaked them with cold water. The Queen seemed to wipe away the frosting from her eyes in slow motion.
Then she traced this catastrophe back to its source and grew livid. She darted for Rabbit with a fire under her ass - it was as if she'd swallowed an entire bottle of hot sauce. The only thing that was missing was steam coming out of her ears! Rabbit felt like he was having an out of body experience - no, perhaps the worst nightmare you could possibly have. Of course, he had irritated, disappointed, frustrated, misinterpreted, and even angered the Queen, but never like this - what he saw coming at him was bound to give him Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He'd be hiding under tables the rest of his life whenever he so much as heard the word “red”.
“HARE,” she screeched, her finger swishing at the air in front of him, “I KNEW SOMETHING WOULD GO WRONG WITH YOU AT MY BALL.” Rabbit carefully slid his leg out from under Hatter's fallen feet and stood up as straightly as if he were at boot camp. She looked over at Hatter, who rolled to his side, reached for his hat, and put it on backwards. “Hatter, you get up right now.”
Hatter was drunk as a clam, but he was sentient enough to know his Queen was pissed, so he got to his feet and tried to maintain his balance next to “Hare”. “I want you out of here right now,” the Queen said. Rabbit could only babble, and Hatter seemed taken aback over the matter. Then he just started to giggle because the Queen looked funny when she was covered in cake. He had half a mind to stick his finger in her and have a taste. “You have ruined the ball,” she clarified, swatting away the Hatter's hand. Silence continued from these future-ball-exiles. From within the crowd, the Tweedles shook their heads like two black women going “mmmmMm.” Alice just covered her mouth.
The Queen had had enough.”I SAID OUT. OUT,” she shouted, and Rabbit began to shuffle with tears in his eyes, but Hatter starting swaying right into him as they hurried for the gates, and he had to apply himself at keeping this giant purple man from dropping. Once they'd passed the gates and were shuffling together onto the forest path, the Queen did a little angry dance. “Oh, harumph! And don't think you'll be invited again!”
And her voice echoed, so that all of Wonderland could hear it again and again and again... Or, at least, it felt that they could in Rabbit's broken heart.
Favorite Quotes
“I need to talk to someone. About my FEELINGS.”
The Tweedles couldn't help but notice that, though Hatter and “Hare” stood together, their shoulders were not shuffling against each other - there must've been as much as five inches between them.
“What happened today?” “Hare” asked, less like a curious partner and more like “Rabbit” and Hatter might've drawn on the palace walls with non-erasable markers.
Rabbit wished he had more servant friends. They understood discipline.
Hatter was planted face-first in the foot of the curtains, the curtains had all splayed across the floor, the rod holding them was dipping into the fondue fountain and the “Happy Birthday, Wonderland!” sign that the Queen had commissioned weeks ago, with care, had replaced the cake. Meanwhile, everyone at the ball was standing rigid with their hands outstretched and mouths agape as if a bus had just driven by and soaked them with cold water.
He'd be hiding under tables the rest of his life whenever he so much as heard the word “red”.