The Further (Pinto) Adventures of Lady and Ninja - Pap!Zach
So, ninjaboots and I don't just talk about porny K/S scenarios all the time. Sometimes we talk about Pinto porn, as well!
Per whochick 's request, I give you: Movie Star!Chris and Pap!Zach (or, Ninja Humors Me in My Madness). Now with bonus Star!Zach/Pap!Chris switcheroo!
(If anyone would like to write one or both of these, um . . . please? Pretty please? We'll love you forever and ever.)
12:00:09 AM Lady: i was wondering how bad it would be
12:00:20 AM Ninja: ooh, ewinfic has posted something with an nc-17 rating
12:00:26 AM Lady: for me to want movie-star!chris and paparazzi!zach o.o
12:00:31 AM Ninja: that will probably cure me quite quickly
12:01:00 AM Lady: (also, the_deep_magic has updated her masterlist. three new fics, one in several parts. *dies of pinto happy*)
12:01:11 AM Ninja: i'm trying to reconcile zach's whole zen thing with a career as a soulless stalker who sells people's pain
12:01:25 AM Lady: hee
12:01:36 AM Ninja: (yes, but i sort of keep up with pinto_fic, bb. perhaps i has seen?)
12:01:41 AM Ninja: (*goes to check anyway*)
12:02:02 AM Lady: (probably. i like to leave it until she updates the masterlist, so i get a big hit all at once. ^_^)
12:02:07 AM Ninja: (lol)
12:02:30 AM Ninja: seriously though, how do you envision paparazzi!zach working?
12:02:34 AM Lady: (i was also the kid who hoarded her easter and halloween candy, in case you couldn't tell :lol:)
12:02:37 AM Lady: well
12:02:52 AM Ninja: (i was the one who ate it ALL and then made puppy eyes at my brothers)
12:02:55 AM Lady: in my mind, it's sort of a means to an end
12:03:15 AM Lady: he's a photographer, and he's good, but he can't make a living taking the kinds of pictures he wants to
12:03:38 AM Lady: it was this or taking portraits at sears. and he tried that first.
12:03:56 AM Ninja: not a kid-friendly person, zachary
12:04:05 AM Lady: not so much, no
12:04:31 AM Lady: he's actually not a very good pap, because he usually ends up feeling bad about essentially stalking a person
12:04:41 AM Lady: he's also pretty new at this
12:04:47 AM Ninja: good.
12:04:54 AM Ninja: chris pine is a -dick-, though
12:04:55 AM Lady: they've assigned him to chris as a sort of hazing XD
12:05:15 AM Ninja: so zach probably doesn't feel bad about taking the most unflattering pictures he can manage.
12:05:22 AM Ninja: because he is a dick and man he deserves it.
12:05:52 AM Lady: he threw a latte at zach once. played it off like he just stumbled when zach got in his way, that it was an accident, but zach knows better.
12:06:47 AM Lady: he saw the smirk afterwards. would've gotten it on camera, too, but he was busy freaking out about being scalded before he realized the coffee was only lukewarm.
12:07:08 AM Ninja: he -liked- that hat.
12:07:45 AM Ninja: so i'm seeing this as starting out with true mutual loathing
12:07:49 AM Lady: oh yes
12:07:55 AM Lady: they really can't stand each other
12:08:02 AM Ninja: zach is a geniunely nice guy, but pine is the worst sort of jerk, he really is
12:08:21 AM Ninja: and chris loves puppies and reads books, but he -hates paps-
12:08:22 AM Lady: though chris's loathing is more general and nothing to do with zach, personally
12:08:25 AM Lady: hee!
12:08:33 AM Ninja: yeah, exactly
12:08:40 AM Lady: freakin' vultures
12:08:43 AM Ninja: the man is following him with a camera and is therefore the enemy.
12:08:53 AM Lady: and then . . . wait for it . . .
12:08:59 AM Ninja: lol
12:09:02 AM Lady: they meet when zach is off-duty
12:09:11 AM Lady: at either a gay bar or some sort of sex club o.o
12:09:25 AM Lady: chris about has a panic attack
12:09:38 AM Ninja: oh, and here i was thinking zach would catch chris in an -actually- compromising position that would make zach's career but ruin chris's life. or zach laughs at something chris says to another pap.
12:09:43 AM Ninja: awww, poor bb
12:09:50 AM Ninja: i like that one
12:10:15 AM Lady: he is about as closeted as it's possible to be
12:10:42 AM Lady: and now here he is, face to face with his freakin' -nemesis-, and there's absolutely no way to explain this away
12:10:54 AM Lady: not that zach will wait to listen to an explanation
12:10:57 AM Ninja: his freaking nemesis who is off-duty, thank you very much
12:11:12 AM Lady: it's going to be all over the tabloids by the time the sun is up, shit shit SHIT
12:11:26 AM Lady: for some reason, all he can think for a moment is that his agent is going to absolutely kill him
12:11:57 AM Lady: zach, meanwhile, is fairly floored
12:12:19 AM Ninja: yeah
12:12:21 AM Lady: first of all, he has pretty decent gaydar and he never got so much as a blip from this guy
12:12:42 AM Lady: which is . . . impressive, really. maybe chris pine really -is- a decent actor after all.
12:12:47 AM Ninja: lol
12:12:52 AM Ninja: who'da thunk?
12:12:57 AM Lady: second, the guy is -freaking out-
12:13:12 AM Lady: which is reawakening zach's original philosophical misgivings
12:13:18 AM Ninja: and not violently, which would have been zach's first guess, if he'd ever thought this was a possibility
12:13:41 AM Ninja: he's flinching away from him with wide, terrified blue eyes like a puppy who's expecting to be beaten
12:13:45 AM Lady: he's always been an asshole before, but for all his bitching people out for following him he's always seemed . . . prepared
12:14:12 AM Lady: but he's genuinely surprised now. and yes, very clearly terrified.
12:14:18 AM Lady: zach almost feels -bad-
12:14:24 AM Lady: which pisses him off
12:14:51 AM Lady: he hasn't even -done- anything but show up, looking to have a good time and forget about work for a while
12:15:28 AM Lady: so he ends up snapping at chris to chill the fuck out, he's off-duty
12:15:33 AM Ninja: yes!
12:15:42 AM Lady: chris does not find this as comforting as zach seems to think he will :lol:
12:15:47 AM Ninja: he doesn't even have his camera, pine, god.
12:15:58 AM Lady: because zach -knows-
12:16:20 AM Lady: he doesn't have a picture yet, but he will. unless chris completely stops . . . pretty much everything.
12:16:28 AM Ninja: awww, bb
12:16:56 AM Lady: and that's not even factoring in how zach's probably going to be selling the story of how he ran into chris pine in this place to his bosses within the hour
12:17:13 AM Lady: chris isn't stupid; he's seen it happen before
12:18:23 AM Ninja: entrapment of the celebrity kind
12:18:35 AM Lady: yes
12:18:54 AM Lady: and of course, now there's absolutely no way he can pick someone up tonight
12:19:16 AM Lady: because he's all panicked and paranoid and oh god he is -fucked- in the worst possible way
12:19:54 AM Ninja: not quite.
12:20:06 AM Ninja: though i do applaud your verb choice, mr pine
12:20:18 AM Lady: zach is opening his mouth to tell him to shut the hell up again when he hears himself saying, "what about me?"
12:20:27 AM Lady: and where the FUCK did that come from?
12:20:49 AM Ninja: ha
12:20:51 AM Lady: chris is looking at him like he's grown a second head
12:21:20 AM Lady: but now that the words are out there, zach is surprised to find that he actually sort of likes the idea
12:21:32 AM Ninja: mmm
12:21:40 AM Lady: pine is fucking gorgeous when he's speechless
12:21:51 AM Lady: zach thinks it might be nice to keep him that way for a while
12:22:41 AM Lady: chris wants to know if zach is touched in the head
12:23:13 AM Ninja: no, chris, zach just has some aggression towards you to work out.
12:23:16 AM Ninja: sexually.
12:23:29 AM Lady: like he's going to let himself be set up even more? god, he'd always gotten the impression that zach was kind of smart; it's almost disappointing to be proven wrong.
12:25:42 AM Lady: zach thinks that's interesting. so chris has thought about him, has he?
12:25:47 AM Ninja: heh
12:25:55 AM Ninja: why does chris even know his name, for that matter?
12:26:02 AM Ninja: there are lots of paps that stalk him on and off.
12:26:28 AM Lady: chris snaps something about needing to have a name in case he has to take out a restraining order. that's what you do with stalkers, after all.
12:26:42 AM Lady: and zach is . . . persistent. he stands out.
12:28:31 AM Ninja: chris notices the tall, dark, handsome ones, doesn't he?
12:29:30 AM Lady: no, he notices the obnoxious, annoying ones who get in his way when he's trying to carry his coffee to the car. if they -happen- to be tall and dark that's hardly his fault. and he refuses to admit to the 'handsome' part.
12:29:44 AM Lady: zach is invested in this idea by now, though
12:30:15 AM Lady: it's not like he'd want to out chris that way, anyway. he'd be outing himself every bit as much.
12:30:22 AM Ninja: chris would look so nice gasping on his cock
12:30:47 AM Lady: "please," chris snorts. "it's hardly the same thing. you're not going to miss out on work because no one finds a gay pap believable."
12:31:01 AM Ninja: lmao
12:31:13 AM Ninja: okay, that's funny
12:31:25 AM Lady: ^_^
12:31:35 AM Lady: "god, you're -bitchy-. how did i never realize you were gay before?"
12:32:13 AM Lady: "i'm bi, actually, and you're insane. now get out of my way; i'm going home."
12:32:54 AM Ninja: does zach actually get his way that same night?
12:34:14 AM Lady: "i don't want my family to find out," zach says before chris can stalk off, and it surprises both of them. "they're catholic, and i just . . . i don't have my job riding on it, but it matters. so i wouldn't. all right?"
12:34:53 AM Ninja: *huggaloves*
12:36:35 AM Lady: "besides," he says, now that he has chris off-balance and fucking -still- for once, lowering his voice for good measure. "really good, hard, angry sex with someone you can't stand. you can't tell me you've never thought about it--bending me over and pounding the hell out of me when i get in your face one too many times."
12:37:31 AM Ninja: nope, but i bet he's had flashing thoughts of you shoving him against that wall and taking it out of his ass after that stunt with the latte
12:37:42 AM Lady: hee
12:37:50 AM Lady: oh, chris wants to fuck him
12:38:03 AM Lady: and he's -far- more likely to go for that with someone like zach
12:38:10 AM Ninja: is he now?
12:38:23 AM Lady: much as he might want it, he doesn't trust zach nearly enough to let things go the other way
12:39:02 AM Lady: chris is trying really hard to breathe properly
12:39:03 AM Ninja: ah
12:39:04 AM Ninja: yes.
12:39:06 AM Ninja: sensible.
12:39:25 AM Ninja: even though deep down he's a bit of a bottom boy?
12:39:31 AM Lady: yes -_-
12:39:36 AM Ninja: (not real people. not real people. JUST PRETEND.)
12:39:49 AM Lady: but zach is really, really close now, and chris just . . . he just wants . . .
12:40:21 AM Lady: "oh, fuck," he groans. "fuck it." and crushes his mouth to zach's.
12:40:33 AM Lady: (NOT REAL, BB. these boys only live in my crazy head.)
12:41:21 AM Ninja: (right. right. *hyperventilates*)
12:41:26 AM Ninja: YAY KISSINGS
12:41:34 AM Lady: (aww, bb. do you need to take a break?)
12:42:43 AM Ninja: (no. kissings more kissing now!)
12:42:48 AM Lady: (hee!)
12:42:55 AM Ninja: (*bangs spoon on table*)
12:42:56 AM Lady: well, then they have angry sex -_-
12:43:06 AM Ninja: with top!chris
12:43:07 AM Ninja: ?
12:43:08 AM Lady: yes
12:43:21 AM Ninja: *dubious Ninja is dubious*
12:43:33 AM Lady: zach's inherent toppiness has been appeased by getting chris to cave in the first place
12:43:36 AM Ninja: is zach topping ridiculously from the bottom via manipulating chris's reactions shamelessly?
12:43:52 AM Lady: he is a bit
12:43:55 AM Lady: at least at first
12:44:03 AM Lady: he gets kind of caught up after a while
12:44:11 AM Ninja: when he wants it harder, he says something completely filthy that trips all of chris's hidden fantasies
12:45:30 AM Lady: they end up sweaty and exhausted and filthy, possibly in a darkened alley behind the club
12:45:45 AM Ninja: mmm
12:46:10 AM Lady: and then it gets a bit fuzzy after that, but they occasionally meet up for more angry sex
12:46:24 AM Lady: which gets slightly less angry over time
12:46:39 AM Lady: until finally chris has his brilliant idea
12:47:08 AM Ninja: oh?
12:47:12 AM Lady: see, the thing he hates about paps is their ability to pop up -everywhere- and completely invade his life
12:47:22 AM Ninja: . . . put a bell on them?
12:47:36 AM Lady: but if he were just dealing with one, it wouldn't be so bad. especially if he knew they were there.
12:47:52 AM Ninja: he wants zach to be his own personal pap?
12:48:00 AM Lady: so they start a disinformation campaign about where chris is going to be on certain days, what his plans are, etc.
12:48:02 AM Lady: yes -_-
12:48:21 AM Ninja: zach is so getting his ass fired
12:48:24 AM Lady: he lets zach get exclusive pics while the others are off on a wild goose chase, and in return zach helps him pull it off
12:48:31 AM Lady: well, zach is mainly freelance -_-
12:49:01 AM Lady: it's not every day; once, maybe twice a week
12:49:30 AM Lady: just so that chris can have a freakin' break every now and then
12:49:39 AM Ninja: i'm not sure that that's quite how it works, but okay
12:49:44 AM Lady: it is in mah head
12:49:51 AM Ninja: hee!
12:49:57 AM Ninja: your head is a joyous place!
12:50:02 AM Lady: 'tis!
12:50:42 AM Lady: anyway, i have no idea how this resolves itself, only that they end up happy and together and zach protects chris from the evil paparazzi as much as possible
12:50:53 AM Lady: mostly it's an excuse for lots of hate!sex
12:51:53 AM Ninja: in my head, it's all about zach figuring out that chris really likes to not have power in the bedroom, and chris's trust issues about letting zach have any power at all
12:52:03 AM Ninja: it's all terribly sexy.
2:47:30 AM Lady: oh, that reminds me!
2:47:52 AM Lady: i promised whochick that i would post our movie-star!chris/pap!zach chat
2:48:00 AM Lady: which i shall try to remember to do tomorrow
2:48:38 AM Ninja: oh! yes, i saw that
2:48:42 AM Ninja: did we even ever finish that chat?
2:49:05 AM Lady: i . . . do not remember?
2:49:16 AM Lady: but no matter!
2:49:32 AM Lady: i shall post it, and share it with pinto_fic, and PERHAPS SOMEONE WILL BE MOVED TO WRITE IT
2:50:05 AM Ninja: THAT WOULD BE EXCITING
2:50:18 AM Lady: *hopes*
2:50:24 AM Ninja: and now i am thinking of the reverse
2:50:34 AM Ninja: in which chris is actually rather a crap pap
2:50:43 AM Ninja: keeps falling out of trees and such
2:50:43 AM Lady: *giggles*
2:50:47 AM Lady: ahahahahahaha
2:50:53 AM Ninja: zach kind of feels sorry for him.
2:51:03 AM Ninja: also chris HATES HIS JOB
2:51:14 AM Lady: with a fiery burning passion, yes
2:51:30 AM Ninja: one day chris trips and falls pretty much right at zach's feet while he's walking noah
2:51:51 AM Ninja: zach just kind of stops, looks down at him, and sighs
2:51:54 AM Lady: lol
2:52:04 AM Ninja: chris scrambles upright, bright red and clutching at his camera
2:52:55 AM Ninja: he sputters something, backing away, then looks at his camera and--because his brain is currently NOT WORKING--says, "oh shit--i--i'm supposed to--i mean, sorry, i've gotta go!"
2:53:18 AM Ninja: zach sighs again, spreads his arms, and says "go ahead."
2:53:20 AM Lady: heeeeeeee
2:53:23 AM Ninja: chris is confused.
2:53:28 AM Ninja: "you--you--what?"
2:53:46 AM Ninja: "one photo, man. go ahead. you have had a -crap- week, haven't you?"
2:54:11 AM Ninja: chris deflates.
2:54:15 AM Lady: "i'm gonna take noah and walk over there *points* on the other side of the street. i might even make a phone call while we're walking. knock yourself out. but please, not literally this time."
2:54:52 AM Ninja: "that doesn't seem--right," chris falters. "i mean. that is not how this is supposed to go."
2:55:56 AM Lady: "no, you're -supposed- to have the barest whisper of -stealth-, man. but since apparently you don't, and i'm in a generous mood, i'll give you this one for free. one-time offer, take it or leave it."
2:56:16 AM Ninja: chris turns his camera over uneasily.
2:56:40 AM Ninja: it feels like cheating, somehow.
2:56:56 AM Lady: but . . . but it -would- keep him from getting fired, at least for a few more days
2:57:11 AM Lady: not that he wouldn't love to switch jobs, but the economy . . .
2:57:20 AM Ninja: maybe. . . maybe if zach is -sure-. . .
2:57:43 AM Ninja: he looks up hesitantly. zach is already briskly walking noah across the street, right where he'd said he'd be.
2:58:21 AM Ninja: he lifts the camera uncertainly. okay. just the one photo.
2:58:34 AM Ninja: zach grins helplessly into his coffee when he hears the shutter click.
2:58:49 AM Lady: this guy is just so -cute-
2:59:05 AM Lady: not really zach's type, but absolutely adorable in a fluffy puppy sort of way
3:00:53 AM Ninja: eventually it evolves into a weird sort of cordiality
3:01:21 AM Ninja: chris looks like a drowned puppy standing out in the rain, so zach wordlessly passes him a cup of coffee when he leaves lamill
3:02:27 AM Lady: i have this mental image of zach walking out his front door and handing a glass of iced tea to chris who is doing a -really really shit job- of hiding in the bushes
3:02:42 AM Lady: actually . . . he's actually trying to hide -in the bushes-
3:02:48 AM Ninja: who does that?
3:02:49 AM Lady: zach just doesn't even
3:03:37 AM Lady: and then the two of them sitting down to drink their iced tea, and zach being all, "man, -seriously-. why do you do this? because don't take this the wrong way, but you're kind of crap at it."
3:03:38 AM Ninja: one night i think zach gets stupidly drunk downtown somewhere, probably on his own
3:03:52 AM Ninja: chris gets him home, swearing most of the way.
3:03:56 AM Lady: awwww! ^_^
3:04:15 AM Ninja: i wonder if noah kind of knows chris at this point?
3:04:21 AM Lady: zach is mumbling at him that he's supposed to be -shooting- zach, not helping him into a car and buckling him in
3:04:30 AM Lady: probably, yeah :lol:
3:04:30 AM Ninja: because really, chris FAILS COMPLETELY at keeping far enough away
3:04:48 AM Lady: and i think part of chris's EPIC FAIL is that he just -can't- help saying hi to noah
3:05:04 AM Lady: so now noah sees chris and knows OMG TIME FOR PETS!
3:05:51 AM Ninja: chris -likes- noah
3:06:04 AM Ninja: ooh
3:06:08 AM Lady: he's such a good dog!
3:06:24 AM Ninja: at one point when they're at the park, noah goes bounding away after a squirrel or something, and doesn't come back
3:06:35 AM Lady: oh noes!
3:06:35 AM Ninja: chris catches him right before he gets out on the road
Per whochick 's request, I give you: Movie Star!Chris and Pap!Zach (or, Ninja Humors Me in My Madness). Now with bonus Star!Zach/Pap!Chris switcheroo!
(If anyone would like to write one or both of these, um . . . please? Pretty please? We'll love you forever and ever.)
12:00:09 AM Lady: i was wondering how bad it would be
12:00:20 AM Ninja: ooh, ewinfic has posted something with an nc-17 rating
12:00:26 AM Lady: for me to want movie-star!chris and paparazzi!zach o.o
12:00:31 AM Ninja: that will probably cure me quite quickly
12:01:00 AM Lady: (also, the_deep_magic has updated her masterlist. three new fics, one in several parts. *dies of pinto happy*)
12:01:11 AM Ninja: i'm trying to reconcile zach's whole zen thing with a career as a soulless stalker who sells people's pain
12:01:25 AM Lady: hee
12:01:36 AM Ninja: (yes, but i sort of keep up with pinto_fic, bb. perhaps i has seen?)
12:01:41 AM Ninja: (*goes to check anyway*)
12:02:02 AM Lady: (probably. i like to leave it until she updates the masterlist, so i get a big hit all at once. ^_^)
12:02:07 AM Ninja: (lol)
12:02:30 AM Ninja: seriously though, how do you envision paparazzi!zach working?
12:02:34 AM Lady: (i was also the kid who hoarded her easter and halloween candy, in case you couldn't tell :lol:)
12:02:37 AM Lady: well
12:02:52 AM Ninja: (i was the one who ate it ALL and then made puppy eyes at my brothers)
12:02:55 AM Lady: in my mind, it's sort of a means to an end
12:03:15 AM Lady: he's a photographer, and he's good, but he can't make a living taking the kinds of pictures he wants to
12:03:38 AM Lady: it was this or taking portraits at sears. and he tried that first.
12:03:56 AM Ninja: not a kid-friendly person, zachary
12:04:05 AM Lady: not so much, no
12:04:31 AM Lady: he's actually not a very good pap, because he usually ends up feeling bad about essentially stalking a person
12:04:41 AM Lady: he's also pretty new at this
12:04:47 AM Ninja: good.
12:04:54 AM Ninja: chris pine is a -dick-, though
12:04:55 AM Lady: they've assigned him to chris as a sort of hazing XD
12:05:15 AM Ninja: so zach probably doesn't feel bad about taking the most unflattering pictures he can manage.
12:05:22 AM Ninja: because he is a dick and man he deserves it.
12:05:52 AM Lady: he threw a latte at zach once. played it off like he just stumbled when zach got in his way, that it was an accident, but zach knows better.
12:06:47 AM Lady: he saw the smirk afterwards. would've gotten it on camera, too, but he was busy freaking out about being scalded before he realized the coffee was only lukewarm.
12:07:08 AM Ninja: he -liked- that hat.
12:07:45 AM Ninja: so i'm seeing this as starting out with true mutual loathing
12:07:49 AM Lady: oh yes
12:07:55 AM Lady: they really can't stand each other
12:08:02 AM Ninja: zach is a geniunely nice guy, but pine is the worst sort of jerk, he really is
12:08:21 AM Ninja: and chris loves puppies and reads books, but he -hates paps-
12:08:22 AM Lady: though chris's loathing is more general and nothing to do with zach, personally
12:08:25 AM Lady: hee!
12:08:33 AM Ninja: yeah, exactly
12:08:40 AM Lady: freakin' vultures
12:08:43 AM Ninja: the man is following him with a camera and is therefore the enemy.
12:08:53 AM Lady: and then . . . wait for it . . .
12:08:59 AM Ninja: lol
12:09:02 AM Lady: they meet when zach is off-duty
12:09:11 AM Lady: at either a gay bar or some sort of sex club o.o
12:09:25 AM Lady: chris about has a panic attack
12:09:38 AM Ninja: oh, and here i was thinking zach would catch chris in an -actually- compromising position that would make zach's career but ruin chris's life. or zach laughs at something chris says to another pap.
12:09:43 AM Ninja: awww, poor bb
12:09:50 AM Ninja: i like that one
12:10:15 AM Lady: he is about as closeted as it's possible to be
12:10:42 AM Lady: and now here he is, face to face with his freakin' -nemesis-, and there's absolutely no way to explain this away
12:10:54 AM Lady: not that zach will wait to listen to an explanation
12:10:57 AM Ninja: his freaking nemesis who is off-duty, thank you very much
12:11:12 AM Lady: it's going to be all over the tabloids by the time the sun is up, shit shit SHIT
12:11:26 AM Lady: for some reason, all he can think for a moment is that his agent is going to absolutely kill him
12:11:57 AM Lady: zach, meanwhile, is fairly floored
12:12:19 AM Ninja: yeah
12:12:21 AM Lady: first of all, he has pretty decent gaydar and he never got so much as a blip from this guy
12:12:42 AM Lady: which is . . . impressive, really. maybe chris pine really -is- a decent actor after all.
12:12:47 AM Ninja: lol
12:12:52 AM Ninja: who'da thunk?
12:12:57 AM Lady: second, the guy is -freaking out-
12:13:12 AM Lady: which is reawakening zach's original philosophical misgivings
12:13:18 AM Ninja: and not violently, which would have been zach's first guess, if he'd ever thought this was a possibility
12:13:41 AM Ninja: he's flinching away from him with wide, terrified blue eyes like a puppy who's expecting to be beaten
12:13:45 AM Lady: he's always been an asshole before, but for all his bitching people out for following him he's always seemed . . . prepared
12:14:12 AM Lady: but he's genuinely surprised now. and yes, very clearly terrified.
12:14:18 AM Lady: zach almost feels -bad-
12:14:24 AM Lady: which pisses him off
12:14:51 AM Lady: he hasn't even -done- anything but show up, looking to have a good time and forget about work for a while
12:15:28 AM Lady: so he ends up snapping at chris to chill the fuck out, he's off-duty
12:15:33 AM Ninja: yes!
12:15:42 AM Lady: chris does not find this as comforting as zach seems to think he will :lol:
12:15:47 AM Ninja: he doesn't even have his camera, pine, god.
12:15:58 AM Lady: because zach -knows-
12:16:20 AM Lady: he doesn't have a picture yet, but he will. unless chris completely stops . . . pretty much everything.
12:16:28 AM Ninja: awww, bb
12:16:56 AM Lady: and that's not even factoring in how zach's probably going to be selling the story of how he ran into chris pine in this place to his bosses within the hour
12:17:13 AM Lady: chris isn't stupid; he's seen it happen before
12:18:23 AM Ninja: entrapment of the celebrity kind
12:18:35 AM Lady: yes
12:18:54 AM Lady: and of course, now there's absolutely no way he can pick someone up tonight
12:19:16 AM Lady: because he's all panicked and paranoid and oh god he is -fucked- in the worst possible way
12:19:54 AM Ninja: not quite.
12:20:06 AM Ninja: though i do applaud your verb choice, mr pine
12:20:18 AM Lady: zach is opening his mouth to tell him to shut the hell up again when he hears himself saying, "what about me?"
12:20:27 AM Lady: and where the FUCK did that come from?
12:20:49 AM Ninja: ha
12:20:51 AM Lady: chris is looking at him like he's grown a second head
12:21:20 AM Lady: but now that the words are out there, zach is surprised to find that he actually sort of likes the idea
12:21:32 AM Ninja: mmm
12:21:40 AM Lady: pine is fucking gorgeous when he's speechless
12:21:51 AM Lady: zach thinks it might be nice to keep him that way for a while
12:22:41 AM Lady: chris wants to know if zach is touched in the head
12:23:13 AM Ninja: no, chris, zach just has some aggression towards you to work out.
12:23:16 AM Ninja: sexually.
12:23:29 AM Lady: like he's going to let himself be set up even more? god, he'd always gotten the impression that zach was kind of smart; it's almost disappointing to be proven wrong.
12:25:42 AM Lady: zach thinks that's interesting. so chris has thought about him, has he?
12:25:47 AM Ninja: heh
12:25:55 AM Ninja: why does chris even know his name, for that matter?
12:26:02 AM Ninja: there are lots of paps that stalk him on and off.
12:26:28 AM Lady: chris snaps something about needing to have a name in case he has to take out a restraining order. that's what you do with stalkers, after all.
12:26:42 AM Lady: and zach is . . . persistent. he stands out.
12:28:31 AM Ninja: chris notices the tall, dark, handsome ones, doesn't he?
12:29:30 AM Lady: no, he notices the obnoxious, annoying ones who get in his way when he's trying to carry his coffee to the car. if they -happen- to be tall and dark that's hardly his fault. and he refuses to admit to the 'handsome' part.
12:29:44 AM Lady: zach is invested in this idea by now, though
12:30:15 AM Lady: it's not like he'd want to out chris that way, anyway. he'd be outing himself every bit as much.
12:30:22 AM Ninja: chris would look so nice gasping on his cock
12:30:47 AM Lady: "please," chris snorts. "it's hardly the same thing. you're not going to miss out on work because no one finds a gay pap believable."
12:31:01 AM Ninja: lmao
12:31:13 AM Ninja: okay, that's funny
12:31:25 AM Lady: ^_^
12:31:35 AM Lady: "god, you're -bitchy-. how did i never realize you were gay before?"
12:32:13 AM Lady: "i'm bi, actually, and you're insane. now get out of my way; i'm going home."
12:32:54 AM Ninja: does zach actually get his way that same night?
12:34:14 AM Lady: "i don't want my family to find out," zach says before chris can stalk off, and it surprises both of them. "they're catholic, and i just . . . i don't have my job riding on it, but it matters. so i wouldn't. all right?"
12:34:53 AM Ninja: *huggaloves*
12:36:35 AM Lady: "besides," he says, now that he has chris off-balance and fucking -still- for once, lowering his voice for good measure. "really good, hard, angry sex with someone you can't stand. you can't tell me you've never thought about it--bending me over and pounding the hell out of me when i get in your face one too many times."
12:37:31 AM Ninja: nope, but i bet he's had flashing thoughts of you shoving him against that wall and taking it out of his ass after that stunt with the latte
12:37:42 AM Lady: hee
12:37:50 AM Lady: oh, chris wants to fuck him
12:38:03 AM Lady: and he's -far- more likely to go for that with someone like zach
12:38:10 AM Ninja: is he now?
12:38:23 AM Lady: much as he might want it, he doesn't trust zach nearly enough to let things go the other way
12:39:02 AM Lady: chris is trying really hard to breathe properly
12:39:03 AM Ninja: ah
12:39:04 AM Ninja: yes.
12:39:06 AM Ninja: sensible.
12:39:25 AM Ninja: even though deep down he's a bit of a bottom boy?
12:39:31 AM Lady: yes -_-
12:39:36 AM Ninja: (not real people. not real people. JUST PRETEND.)
12:39:49 AM Lady: but zach is really, really close now, and chris just . . . he just wants . . .
12:40:21 AM Lady: "oh, fuck," he groans. "fuck it." and crushes his mouth to zach's.
12:40:33 AM Lady: (NOT REAL, BB. these boys only live in my crazy head.)
12:41:21 AM Ninja: (right. right. *hyperventilates*)
12:41:26 AM Ninja: YAY KISSINGS
12:41:34 AM Lady: (aww, bb. do you need to take a break?)
12:42:43 AM Ninja: (no. kissings more kissing now!)
12:42:48 AM Lady: (hee!)
12:42:55 AM Ninja: (*bangs spoon on table*)
12:42:56 AM Lady: well, then they have angry sex -_-
12:43:06 AM Ninja: with top!chris
12:43:07 AM Ninja: ?
12:43:08 AM Lady: yes
12:43:21 AM Ninja: *dubious Ninja is dubious*
12:43:33 AM Lady: zach's inherent toppiness has been appeased by getting chris to cave in the first place
12:43:36 AM Ninja: is zach topping ridiculously from the bottom via manipulating chris's reactions shamelessly?
12:43:52 AM Lady: he is a bit
12:43:55 AM Lady: at least at first
12:44:03 AM Lady: he gets kind of caught up after a while
12:44:11 AM Ninja: when he wants it harder, he says something completely filthy that trips all of chris's hidden fantasies
12:45:30 AM Lady: they end up sweaty and exhausted and filthy, possibly in a darkened alley behind the club
12:45:45 AM Ninja: mmm
12:46:10 AM Lady: and then it gets a bit fuzzy after that, but they occasionally meet up for more angry sex
12:46:24 AM Lady: which gets slightly less angry over time
12:46:39 AM Lady: until finally chris has his brilliant idea
12:47:08 AM Ninja: oh?
12:47:12 AM Lady: see, the thing he hates about paps is their ability to pop up -everywhere- and completely invade his life
12:47:22 AM Ninja: . . . put a bell on them?
12:47:36 AM Lady: but if he were just dealing with one, it wouldn't be so bad. especially if he knew they were there.
12:47:52 AM Ninja: he wants zach to be his own personal pap?
12:48:00 AM Lady: so they start a disinformation campaign about where chris is going to be on certain days, what his plans are, etc.
12:48:02 AM Lady: yes -_-
12:48:21 AM Ninja: zach is so getting his ass fired
12:48:24 AM Lady: he lets zach get exclusive pics while the others are off on a wild goose chase, and in return zach helps him pull it off
12:48:31 AM Lady: well, zach is mainly freelance -_-
12:49:01 AM Lady: it's not every day; once, maybe twice a week
12:49:30 AM Lady: just so that chris can have a freakin' break every now and then
12:49:39 AM Ninja: i'm not sure that that's quite how it works, but okay
12:49:44 AM Lady: it is in mah head
12:49:51 AM Ninja: hee!
12:49:57 AM Ninja: your head is a joyous place!
12:50:02 AM Lady: 'tis!
12:50:42 AM Lady: anyway, i have no idea how this resolves itself, only that they end up happy and together and zach protects chris from the evil paparazzi as much as possible
12:50:53 AM Lady: mostly it's an excuse for lots of hate!sex
12:51:53 AM Ninja: in my head, it's all about zach figuring out that chris really likes to not have power in the bedroom, and chris's trust issues about letting zach have any power at all
12:52:03 AM Ninja: it's all terribly sexy.
2:47:30 AM Lady: oh, that reminds me!
2:47:52 AM Lady: i promised whochick that i would post our movie-star!chris/pap!zach chat
2:48:00 AM Lady: which i shall try to remember to do tomorrow
2:48:38 AM Ninja: oh! yes, i saw that
2:48:42 AM Ninja: did we even ever finish that chat?
2:49:05 AM Lady: i . . . do not remember?
2:49:16 AM Lady: but no matter!
2:49:32 AM Lady: i shall post it, and share it with pinto_fic, and PERHAPS SOMEONE WILL BE MOVED TO WRITE IT
2:50:05 AM Ninja: THAT WOULD BE EXCITING
2:50:18 AM Lady: *hopes*
2:50:24 AM Ninja: and now i am thinking of the reverse
2:50:34 AM Ninja: in which chris is actually rather a crap pap
2:50:43 AM Ninja: keeps falling out of trees and such
2:50:43 AM Lady: *giggles*
2:50:47 AM Lady: ahahahahahaha
2:50:53 AM Ninja: zach kind of feels sorry for him.
2:51:03 AM Ninja: also chris HATES HIS JOB
2:51:14 AM Lady: with a fiery burning passion, yes
2:51:30 AM Ninja: one day chris trips and falls pretty much right at zach's feet while he's walking noah
2:51:51 AM Ninja: zach just kind of stops, looks down at him, and sighs
2:51:54 AM Lady: lol
2:52:04 AM Ninja: chris scrambles upright, bright red and clutching at his camera
2:52:55 AM Ninja: he sputters something, backing away, then looks at his camera and--because his brain is currently NOT WORKING--says, "oh shit--i--i'm supposed to--i mean, sorry, i've gotta go!"
2:53:18 AM Ninja: zach sighs again, spreads his arms, and says "go ahead."
2:53:20 AM Lady: heeeeeeee
2:53:23 AM Ninja: chris is confused.
2:53:28 AM Ninja: "you--you--what?"
2:53:46 AM Ninja: "one photo, man. go ahead. you have had a -crap- week, haven't you?"
2:54:11 AM Ninja: chris deflates.
2:54:15 AM Lady: "i'm gonna take noah and walk over there *points* on the other side of the street. i might even make a phone call while we're walking. knock yourself out. but please, not literally this time."
2:54:52 AM Ninja: "that doesn't seem--right," chris falters. "i mean. that is not how this is supposed to go."
2:55:56 AM Lady: "no, you're -supposed- to have the barest whisper of -stealth-, man. but since apparently you don't, and i'm in a generous mood, i'll give you this one for free. one-time offer, take it or leave it."
2:56:16 AM Ninja: chris turns his camera over uneasily.
2:56:40 AM Ninja: it feels like cheating, somehow.
2:56:56 AM Lady: but . . . but it -would- keep him from getting fired, at least for a few more days
2:57:11 AM Lady: not that he wouldn't love to switch jobs, but the economy . . .
2:57:20 AM Ninja: maybe. . . maybe if zach is -sure-. . .
2:57:43 AM Ninja: he looks up hesitantly. zach is already briskly walking noah across the street, right where he'd said he'd be.
2:58:21 AM Ninja: he lifts the camera uncertainly. okay. just the one photo.
2:58:34 AM Ninja: zach grins helplessly into his coffee when he hears the shutter click.
2:58:49 AM Lady: this guy is just so -cute-
2:59:05 AM Lady: not really zach's type, but absolutely adorable in a fluffy puppy sort of way
3:00:53 AM Ninja: eventually it evolves into a weird sort of cordiality
3:01:21 AM Ninja: chris looks like a drowned puppy standing out in the rain, so zach wordlessly passes him a cup of coffee when he leaves lamill
3:02:27 AM Lady: i have this mental image of zach walking out his front door and handing a glass of iced tea to chris who is doing a -really really shit job- of hiding in the bushes
3:02:42 AM Lady: actually . . . he's actually trying to hide -in the bushes-
3:02:48 AM Ninja: who does that?
3:02:49 AM Lady: zach just doesn't even
3:03:37 AM Lady: and then the two of them sitting down to drink their iced tea, and zach being all, "man, -seriously-. why do you do this? because don't take this the wrong way, but you're kind of crap at it."
3:03:38 AM Ninja: one night i think zach gets stupidly drunk downtown somewhere, probably on his own
3:03:52 AM Ninja: chris gets him home, swearing most of the way.
3:03:56 AM Lady: awwww! ^_^
3:04:15 AM Ninja: i wonder if noah kind of knows chris at this point?
3:04:21 AM Lady: zach is mumbling at him that he's supposed to be -shooting- zach, not helping him into a car and buckling him in
3:04:30 AM Lady: probably, yeah :lol:
3:04:30 AM Ninja: because really, chris FAILS COMPLETELY at keeping far enough away
3:04:48 AM Lady: and i think part of chris's EPIC FAIL is that he just -can't- help saying hi to noah
3:05:04 AM Lady: so now noah sees chris and knows OMG TIME FOR PETS!
3:05:51 AM Ninja: chris -likes- noah
3:06:04 AM Ninja: ooh
3:06:08 AM Lady: he's such a good dog!
3:06:24 AM Ninja: at one point when they're at the park, noah goes bounding away after a squirrel or something, and doesn't come back
3:06:35 AM Lady: oh noes!
3:06:35 AM Ninja: chris catches him right before he gets out on the road