(no subject)
Today I took my first step to admitting that I am not going to take the train to 66th street in September... a small step but a step none-the-less. Well, it may have little to do with college but I went and bought myself a mess of tee-shirts with the money my mother left for me. She said that the money was to be used as funds for a new “wardrobe for college.” Which I must say, is much needed. I've been wearing the same three shirts in rotation the past couple of weeks. That is, my Clockwork Orange tee, the red one with the base guitar on it and "God Save New York." ...You know for a glam rock fanatic I'm a fashion disaster. Well, not anymore! I bought 6- count em' 6 band shirts from Virgin. I find it humorous that I went clothes shopping in a record store- but hell it's an improvement from Wal-Mart that's for sure. But yea, I picked 6 different band tees featuring the Killers, Franz Ferdinand, Morrissey, the Doors, the Who and the Beatles. It must come as a shock to you when you realize that "David Bowie" wasn't mentioned. God knows I looked but the only one they had was two sizes to big. ...poo. Anyway, I decided to go to Virgin for clothes because they're having a sale on a bunch of stuff and the tees are buy 2 get one free. It's not that I'm a cheap-skate but I think $20 for a tee-shirt is a bit steep, no? So I lunged at the opportunity to get them for a little cheaper. And hell, they're band shirts! What better way to be proud of the music you listen to? Rosa says it'll also be a good way to "pick up guys"... I'll keep my fingers crossed. XD
I had the single weirdest night last night. For some odd reason my brother and I started talking about sex… which is strange in itself but I think we got to the topic because he asked me why all British men are gay. So, I started talking about the “sexual revolution” of the 60s and 70s that wasn’t really touched upon in the U.S. and how things are just so much more different in Europe not even in just Britain. And he basically said that he thought being gay was wrong, that he would never discriminate someone for being gay but he thought it was wrong. As if that wasn’t upsetting enough, he brought up religion. (excuse me while I roll my eyes) At this point, I was already in tears. But I told him that no matter what, love is never wrong. Love between two people is beautiful in all forms and it can never be “wrong”. I told him that I knew I sounded like a hippie but I believed it with all of my being and that he should think this way to. ….From there he was very silent for a very long while. I think I got through to him. But the weird-ness didn’t stop there. It was as if I were in a therapy session. Nick basically asked me a bunch of questions and concluded that I have too little self worth, that I shouldn’t put myself on the bottom of my “to-do” list, that I have to realize I have a promising life ahead of me… he also said that I focus on the negatives to much and that makes me miserable- and I know he’s right but I just can’t seem to make myself change. I’ve tried but it’s difficult to change thought patterns suddenly. I just don’t think like my brother does, I don’t see things in the light. I know my flaws- it’s fixing them that’s the problem.
My mother and I have been getting along really well all of a sudden. Maybe it’s because she’s in another state most of the summer lol but we’ve been talking about serious things. She’s been much more understanding and we were talking about finding me a therapist. Hoorah, for head doctors! I can’t say that I would mind paying someone to listen to me complain for fourty-five minutes. You know, instead our making all of your eyes water with long, droning entries on a live-journal. Then again, maybe they’d get even longer! Wouldn’t you just defenestrate yourself? Ok, I’m completely obsessed with that word! Defenestrate! Greatest word in the English language! If you don’t know what it means, look it up! It’ll give you a good laugh. They used it on Family Guy hehe!
I just want to conclude this entry by thanking everyone who commented. Your words are always consoling, it’s nice to know you care. I didn’t mean to make my entries sound so troubled but- maybe I am. I just didn’t realize all of this was built up. Sorry if I annoyed or scared any of you. lol Some of you guys were saying that you’re worried. I guess Morrissey lyrics are always a sign that something is not right with Concetta, right? Lol So, perhaps I’ll end this with a change of tune…
“Ordinary World”
Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly
I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you
What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away
But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away
But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy needOurs is just a little sorrowed talk
And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world
Yea it’s Duran Duran!! You got a problem with that?!?!
I had the single weirdest night last night. For some odd reason my brother and I started talking about sex… which is strange in itself but I think we got to the topic because he asked me why all British men are gay. So, I started talking about the “sexual revolution” of the 60s and 70s that wasn’t really touched upon in the U.S. and how things are just so much more different in Europe not even in just Britain. And he basically said that he thought being gay was wrong, that he would never discriminate someone for being gay but he thought it was wrong. As if that wasn’t upsetting enough, he brought up religion. (excuse me while I roll my eyes) At this point, I was already in tears. But I told him that no matter what, love is never wrong. Love between two people is beautiful in all forms and it can never be “wrong”. I told him that I knew I sounded like a hippie but I believed it with all of my being and that he should think this way to. ….From there he was very silent for a very long while. I think I got through to him. But the weird-ness didn’t stop there. It was as if I were in a therapy session. Nick basically asked me a bunch of questions and concluded that I have too little self worth, that I shouldn’t put myself on the bottom of my “to-do” list, that I have to realize I have a promising life ahead of me… he also said that I focus on the negatives to much and that makes me miserable- and I know he’s right but I just can’t seem to make myself change. I’ve tried but it’s difficult to change thought patterns suddenly. I just don’t think like my brother does, I don’t see things in the light. I know my flaws- it’s fixing them that’s the problem.
My mother and I have been getting along really well all of a sudden. Maybe it’s because she’s in another state most of the summer lol but we’ve been talking about serious things. She’s been much more understanding and we were talking about finding me a therapist. Hoorah, for head doctors! I can’t say that I would mind paying someone to listen to me complain for fourty-five minutes. You know, instead our making all of your eyes water with long, droning entries on a live-journal. Then again, maybe they’d get even longer! Wouldn’t you just defenestrate yourself? Ok, I’m completely obsessed with that word! Defenestrate! Greatest word in the English language! If you don’t know what it means, look it up! It’ll give you a good laugh. They used it on Family Guy hehe!
I just want to conclude this entry by thanking everyone who commented. Your words are always consoling, it’s nice to know you care. I didn’t mean to make my entries sound so troubled but- maybe I am. I just didn’t realize all of this was built up. Sorry if I annoyed or scared any of you. lol Some of you guys were saying that you’re worried. I guess Morrissey lyrics are always a sign that something is not right with Concetta, right? Lol So, perhaps I’ll end this with a change of tune…
“Ordinary World”
Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly
I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you
What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away
But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away
But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy needOurs is just a little sorrowed talk
And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world
Yea it’s Duran Duran!! You got a problem with that?!?!