Crashing Bore
I am so psycho. Why is it that I never want to be alone and then when I find someone to be with... I want to be alone. Maybe it's just my company. I never get like that with certain people. But, I'm feeling like that now. God, I have zero energy and I am bored out of my wits. I don't want to do anythnig that I think of. None of the interests that I have... interest me anymore. But I want to do something... grrr... I even got tired of drawing the other day. I get so dusgusted with myslef when I don't want to make art. I mean, I intend to make a living doing something along those lines, how in the hell am I supposed to do that when I can't focus on what I'm doing for more than 15 god-damn minutes. Maybe I have ADD lol. Or maybe I'm just down lately. Whatever, I mean I have no reason to be. I'm such a jack-wad.
Anyway... I can't beleive how bored I get.. I mean, I'm writing here again. That must mean I'm bored, no? lol. But hey, I've been reading alot. That's cool. I still haven't finished that book I had to read for school though. Brooklyn College gave out a book that all freshmen had to read. It's called "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers. Nicole said it was good... but I want to finish HP 6 before I even pick that one up and maybe read one of the Roald Dahl books that I bought from Barnes and Noble first. I dunno, I have to much to read and to little of summer left. I can't believe I start on the fucking 30th... It's amazing how slow the summer is going for me, but I still regret college. I can't believe I even considered looking forward to it now. But yea.. at least I have the Family Reunion to look forward to on the 13th... it can't come quick enough I tell you. Maybe, just maybe Johnny will save me from the clutches of my self-induced mysery and I will live with the cousins for a while.
Every year, after the Family Reunion (so corny- I know) held at my cousin Johnny's house, I usually stay there for a while- like a week or so. And sadly, it's usually the height of my summer. Isn't that pathetic? But it's like I'm part of another family. It's like I'm Johnny's little girl... like his daughters Julianna and Kiera. I'm a child again and he takes care of me. He takes me to stores and tells me to pick out something for myself.... and Tina (his wife) cooks a wonderfully home-made dinner every night. Is this what families are supposed to be like? I'm I supposed to feel loved and apreciated and pampered. Or have a slipped into a Eutopia? I suppose, it's the one week a year I see a glimpse of the family I wish I were truly a part of. Like when Harry goes to the Burrow... but this year... This year I haven't been invited. Well, at least not yet but it's already the 5th and he hasn't said anything to me about bringing extra clothes or my bath suit or ...anything at all. In fact, I haven't spoken to Johnny in ages. I was thinking about calling him but I, I feel weird. I feel like I'm inviting myself, you kow? And I don't want to impose...
Olga called me today. It's nice to hear from friends. She talked about the site that I'm a mod of and explained about another character that she was creating. I feel awful that I'm not as into it as I should be. I know eventually I'll get back into it. I just need to will myself to. Anyway, she told me that she had to leave her job and that they were looking for another person. She recommended me. From what I hear, she doesn't seem to like the enviornment, infact once before I heard her talk about how they were homophobes and as much as I CAN NOT STAND people like that... I need a job. I could definitely use the dough. (sigh) I think I'll take it. At very least it'll look good that I am starting to find work in the "arts". And heck, she says the hours are flexible, maybe I'll be able to get another job as well.
God, my mother's right I am too damn serious. But I promised myself I'd celebrate with Arturo when he gets home. You know? I think that's a major factor in my sudden change of temperment. His absense has really taken a toll on me. He's one of the only people that I can pour my heart out to and he'll be like. "Aw... that sucks.... wanna play Melee?" lol And as much as that doesn't help my situation, he listens and he knows what to do to make me feel better. He certainly doesn't know what to say because he hardly ever does but he keeps me active and happy. I guess he helps me to forget. He helps me avoid thinking. He talks about random meaningless things, light subjects that are always ironic and funny and... god I miss him. He really is my best friend. I wish I were going to school with him next year. But maybe we can hang out at least one day a week (shrug)
I have to much on my mind. It's nice to let it out here.
What I'm listening to, the lyircs are to beautiful not to post. And what they hey it quite reflects how I am feeling... pretty miserable actually. So you know it must be Morrissey lol.
You must be wondering how, The boy next door turned out, Have a care, But don't stare, Because he's still there
Lamenting policewomen policemen silly women taxmen, Uniformed whores, They who wish to hurt you, Work within the law
This world is full, So full of crashing bores, And I must be one, 'Cos no one ever turns to me to say
Take me in your arms, Take me in your arms, And love me
You must be wondering how, The boy next door turned out, Have a care, And say a prayer, Because he's still there
Lamenting policewomen policemen silly women taxmen, Uniformed whores, Educated criminals, Work within the law
This world is full, Oh oh, So full of crashing bores, And I must be one, cos no one ever turns to me to say
Take me in your arms, Take me in your arms, And love me, And love me
What really lies, Beyond the constraints of my mind, Could it be the sea, With fate mooning back at me
No it's just more lock jawed pop stars, Thicker than pig shit, Nothing to convey
They're so scared to show intelligence, It might smear their lovely career
This world, I am afraid, Is designed for crashing bores, I am not one, I am not one
You don't understand, You don't understand, And yet you can, Take me in your arms and love me, Love me, And love me
Take me in your arms and love me, Love me, love me, Take me in your arms and love me, Take me in your arms and love me
Would you do, Would you do, What you should do, Oh oh oh, Oh oh
Anyway... I can't beleive how bored I get.. I mean, I'm writing here again. That must mean I'm bored, no? lol. But hey, I've been reading alot. That's cool. I still haven't finished that book I had to read for school though. Brooklyn College gave out a book that all freshmen had to read. It's called "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers. Nicole said it was good... but I want to finish HP 6 before I even pick that one up and maybe read one of the Roald Dahl books that I bought from Barnes and Noble first. I dunno, I have to much to read and to little of summer left. I can't believe I start on the fucking 30th... It's amazing how slow the summer is going for me, but I still regret college. I can't believe I even considered looking forward to it now. But yea.. at least I have the Family Reunion to look forward to on the 13th... it can't come quick enough I tell you. Maybe, just maybe Johnny will save me from the clutches of my self-induced mysery and I will live with the cousins for a while.
Every year, after the Family Reunion (so corny- I know) held at my cousin Johnny's house, I usually stay there for a while- like a week or so. And sadly, it's usually the height of my summer. Isn't that pathetic? But it's like I'm part of another family. It's like I'm Johnny's little girl... like his daughters Julianna and Kiera. I'm a child again and he takes care of me. He takes me to stores and tells me to pick out something for myself.... and Tina (his wife) cooks a wonderfully home-made dinner every night. Is this what families are supposed to be like? I'm I supposed to feel loved and apreciated and pampered. Or have a slipped into a Eutopia? I suppose, it's the one week a year I see a glimpse of the family I wish I were truly a part of. Like when Harry goes to the Burrow... but this year... This year I haven't been invited. Well, at least not yet but it's already the 5th and he hasn't said anything to me about bringing extra clothes or my bath suit or ...anything at all. In fact, I haven't spoken to Johnny in ages. I was thinking about calling him but I, I feel weird. I feel like I'm inviting myself, you kow? And I don't want to impose...
Olga called me today. It's nice to hear from friends. She talked about the site that I'm a mod of and explained about another character that she was creating. I feel awful that I'm not as into it as I should be. I know eventually I'll get back into it. I just need to will myself to. Anyway, she told me that she had to leave her job and that they were looking for another person. She recommended me. From what I hear, she doesn't seem to like the enviornment, infact once before I heard her talk about how they were homophobes and as much as I CAN NOT STAND people like that... I need a job. I could definitely use the dough. (sigh) I think I'll take it. At very least it'll look good that I am starting to find work in the "arts". And heck, she says the hours are flexible, maybe I'll be able to get another job as well.
God, my mother's right I am too damn serious. But I promised myself I'd celebrate with Arturo when he gets home. You know? I think that's a major factor in my sudden change of temperment. His absense has really taken a toll on me. He's one of the only people that I can pour my heart out to and he'll be like. "Aw... that sucks.... wanna play Melee?" lol And as much as that doesn't help my situation, he listens and he knows what to do to make me feel better. He certainly doesn't know what to say because he hardly ever does but he keeps me active and happy. I guess he helps me to forget. He helps me avoid thinking. He talks about random meaningless things, light subjects that are always ironic and funny and... god I miss him. He really is my best friend. I wish I were going to school with him next year. But maybe we can hang out at least one day a week (shrug)
I have to much on my mind. It's nice to let it out here.
What I'm listening to, the lyircs are to beautiful not to post. And what they hey it quite reflects how I am feeling... pretty miserable actually. So you know it must be Morrissey lol.
You must be wondering how, The boy next door turned out, Have a care, But don't stare, Because he's still there
Lamenting policewomen policemen silly women taxmen, Uniformed whores, They who wish to hurt you, Work within the law
This world is full, So full of crashing bores, And I must be one, 'Cos no one ever turns to me to say
Take me in your arms, Take me in your arms, And love me
You must be wondering how, The boy next door turned out, Have a care, And say a prayer, Because he's still there
Lamenting policewomen policemen silly women taxmen, Uniformed whores, Educated criminals, Work within the law
This world is full, Oh oh, So full of crashing bores, And I must be one, cos no one ever turns to me to say
Take me in your arms, Take me in your arms, And love me, And love me
What really lies, Beyond the constraints of my mind, Could it be the sea, With fate mooning back at me
No it's just more lock jawed pop stars, Thicker than pig shit, Nothing to convey
They're so scared to show intelligence, It might smear their lovely career
This world, I am afraid, Is designed for crashing bores, I am not one, I am not one
You don't understand, You don't understand, And yet you can, Take me in your arms and love me, Love me, And love me
Take me in your arms and love me, Love me, love me, Take me in your arms and love me, Take me in your arms and love me
Would you do, Would you do, What you should do, Oh oh oh, Oh oh