Fanfiction: Fear in a Handful of Dust (6/?)
Title: Fear in a Handful of Dust (6/?)
Author: lady_slayer
Rating: T
Pairing: Damon/Elena,
Category: Hurt/comfort
Summary:Be careful what you wish for, or it might actually happen. Lives will get turned upside down, hearts get broken and everything is NOT the way it should be. Also... nothing good EVER came of a wish that starts with "I wish you could..."!
Warnings: A little blood, a bit more foul language, but nothing TOO bad.
Show/Bookverse: Show
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. And the title is from “The Waste Land” by T.S. Eliot
Spoiler: A few, I guess... but I don't really pick up on the actual show-plot, I just use a few newfound charactertraits (and new characters, like Elijah).
And right on to the 6th chapter!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Chapter 6
Masterpost
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
It had been two days since the incident at the Boarding House, and slowly but surely, Elena started to get accustomed to being a vampire. She had spent the last day in the forest outside of Mystic Falls - a little hunting, a little running, and a whole lot of trying out her new senses, strength and speed. Caroline had been there with her, but only for about an hour, for the actual hunting part.
After that, she had been on her own, and she had reveled in it. It had been an incredible day; she had felt as if all her worries were just suddenly gone… no heartbeat meant there was no way that she could be used as a sacrifice. Also, she was not a fragile little human now, and could take care of herself.
Of course she knew that she was just in denial… the ones out to take her, were so much older than her that, vampire or not, she would have no chance of winning a fight. Also… yeah sure, she would be useless as a sacrifice, but she knew that now her family and friends were in danger of becoming targets for revenge.
But just for the time being, she was perfectly happy with drowning in her denial, as if it really was a river in Egypt. Soon enough she would be human again - with a big, neon target on her back- and would have to go back to finding a plan to make sure her all her loved ones were safe, and she would survive. Well… the first part was kind of mandatory for her, the last… not so much. As long as there would be no one she cared about following her, she was content with landing in an early grave.
Now though she was preparing herself to go back to the Boarding House, so she pushed those thoughts into the darkest corner in her mind. She knew that she had to have a talk with Damon about… well, everything. Also, she was kind of curious about how he was doing, being human again.
So after a last glance into the mirror, she went downstairs, grabbed her car keys and was on her way.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
While Elena had spent yesterday running around in the woods (Caroline couldn’t stop gossiping if her life…unlife?... depended on it, so there wasn’t even the need to ask anyone what Elena was up to) he was out in the town.
He had made a quick visit to Liz - dropping off more of the dried vervain sprigs, making a show of touching them (he knew that she sometimes suspected something, so that might help to disperse any doubts she might have in him- and then went grocery shopping. Sure, he had done so loads of times in the last century. Since Elena spent nearly more time at the Boarding House than her own home, he made sure that she would always find something edible there. Also, he loved human food - the kind for them, not from them - so he always had something at home.
But this time around, he actually needed it, so now the pantry, fridge and kitchen cabinets were full to the brim. The rest of the day had been incredibly slow and relaxing. He ate something, read, and went back to the music room for an hour or two. Stefan had been there, again. But like on the first day, he had chosen to ignore his brother in favor of his own sanity. He just knew that any conversation they would start in there would be about their human life, back before Katherine. And like hell was he going to delve into that topic so soon.
It was hard enough to push the guilt he was feeling constantly right now to the back of his mind. It would be impossible to do so if he started to dissect what had become of the good relationship he and Stefan had once had.
But as he’d always been good at ignoring Stefan if he was so inclined, it had been not much of a problem.
He was in the kitchen, fixing himself dinner, as he heard the bang of the front door closing, and soon after the tapping of shoes behind him.
Looking over his shoulder, he saw Elena entering the room. She looked… somehow just like always, and totally different at the same time. There was a slight smile teasing at the edge of her mouth, and her eyes held a sparkle he hadn’t seen in too long. Her whole posture was relaxed, and anyone who would care to look, would see that she was perfectly comfortable in her own body right now - something that she hadn’t been in quite some time. He knew, because he felt like he was always watching her. But right now, her shoulders weren’t hunched, she wasn’t wearing a button up over her top to hide as much skin as was bearable with the hot weather outside... there were other things too, but in the end it didn’t really matter. The important thing was, that she was doing good.
“Well well Miss Gilbert. I have to say, death becomes you.”
He wasn’t sure if she was open to these kind of jokes, but if anything, she should know his admittedly black kind of humor by now. And sure enough, instead of sighing in annoyance, or rolling her eyes, she just cracked a smile and made her way over to him. Standing on her tiptoes, she leant over his shoulder to take a look at the stove.
“Well, life doesn’t look all that bad on you, either. What are you making, it smells really good.”
He lifted an eyebrow at her behavior then. Sure, he was glad that she wasn’t a mess because of everything but… she was leaning over him, touching him, making compliments… there had to be a catch somewhere. But instead of asking her outright, he rather steered clear of that, sure that she would come to it, sooner or later.
“Thanks, I think. And… nothing much. Just a Risotto.”
Seemingly satisfied with his answer, she stepped away from him and sat down on the kitchen counter.
“If you’re looking for Stefan, he’s not here right now. Guess he got tired of being in awe of my heartbeat, or something.”
He shot her a crooked grin which she gave right back.
“Actually, I’m not here to see Stefan. I wanted to talk to you.”
“About?”
She didn’t say anything for a moment, obviously trying to find the right words for what she wanted to say - he knew that this, right there, was the catch he had been thinking about only moments before.
“Well… okay, I can’t really think of an easy way to approach this, so I guess I’ll just… jump right in. Do you, by any chance, have some of my memories?”
His mouth already open to deliver a flippant come-back to whatever she had to say, he stopped short in the last second, as his brain registered what exactly she had just said. Now he was officially confused (not that he would say it like this, ever).
“Come again?”
Sighing, she hopped down from her perch on the counter, and then leaned back onto it, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
“Yesterday and the day before I had… glimpses of your past, I think. Just random scenes, out of nowhere. It felt like a real memory of mine - it was as if I saw everything from my point of view, only I knew that these things never happened to me.”
That was…interesting (a complete disaster). He cleared his throat and turned back to the stove, turning the heat off because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on cooking now, anyway.
“What… what kind of memories? If they even are memories, and not just some strange… side effect of this.”
Elena had been contemplating for hours if she should tell him what she had seen, exactly. In the end, she decided that they were his memories, and he had a right to know.
“The night you died. Just… the moment the bullet connected, and you blacked out. And I saw how you killed a woman, sometime in the twenties. Also… it wasn’t just the memories, Damon. I wasn’t only seeing what happened, I was… feeling it. Not so much with the first… it was over way too fast but… I felt how you enjoyed the fresh blood, how… good it was to have the control over the mind of this woman and… the lack of remorse at what you had done.”
It was silent now, neither of them speaking, the only sound in the room being their breathing. He knew he should turn around and face her, try to do something, anything to somehow make her not hate him for what she had seen. That memory must have reminded her of the monster he was very capable of being, and he was afraid that now she would finally hate him for good. Being reminded of that time also did next to nothing to make him feel less guilty.
“Elena I’m…”
He wanted to apologize, explain… anything, but she seemed to like the habit of interrupting him she had taken up recently.
“Don’t, Damon. Whatever you wanted to say just… don’t. There’s no need for apologies, because what’s done is done. It’s the past, and neither you, nor I can change it. Also… I already knew that you hadn’t led the life of a saint these past decades. And I don’t need you to explain anything either, really. I get that you were different then… that you have changed since you came back to Mystic Falls. Damon, I didn’t tell you to make you feel… guilty or something. All I wanted was to let you know and ask if you have some of my memories, and… that’s all.”
He was dumbstruck for a moment; after what she just told him, he was expecting her to lash out, to call him names, or cut him out of her life again. This silent acceptance of what he was (had been, really. It had been a long time since he had been this kind of monster) freaked him out, just a little bit. He should just let it rest and count his blessings, but he never did what he should, especially not in regards of Elena.
“How come you didn’t storm here, all righteous anger and disgust, shouting ‘monster’? I mean, you won’t hear me complaining, not by a long shot but… why?”
She looked to the floor for just a moment, but then she squared her shoulders, moved over to him and cradled his face in both of her hands, turning his head so she could look into his eyes.
“I don’t know the first thing about what you were like back then. What I do know is, that you’re not that kind of person now. I won’t go and judge you for things you did when not even my parents had been born yet. Also… feeling what you felt, gave me a thrill that scared me, just a little bit. The moment the memory had ended, I was suddenly so incredibly hungry. And not just for blood but… I wanted to hurt something - someone; I wanted to hunt and chase, smell fear and hear the erratic pumping of a heart.”
She let go of his face and brought a little distance between them. Suddenly she wasn’t looking so comfortable anymore. But not because she felt disgusted with herself, he realized after a moment. She was waiting for him to do what she wouldn’t do to him - to judge her.
Shaking his head, he made quick work of the gap she had created between them, and hugged her, pressing a soft kiss on the crown of her head. He knew that normally she wouldn’t allow something like this, but right now, everything that was normal (normal for Mystic Falls, which was something entirely different from every other meaning of the word) was, wasn’t working. So for a few minutes they stood just like that, just taking comfort in each other.
“It’s normal, Elena. You’re bound to want something like that… you have a predator inside of you, and the call of blood and violence can be a siren’s songs, sometimes. The important thing is, that you didn’t act on the urge. That’s something that most aren’t able to do.”
And it was true, too… Stefan or he, himself, weren’t even remotely close to controlling themselves in the first few years of their undead existence.
They were so wrapped up in each other - in their thoughts and feelings - that they didn’t even notice the eyes glued on their forms.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
One of these days, he would start to feel like a creep, or a stalker. For some reason, he had the worst timing in the world, always walking in on highly inappropriate moments.
Also… seeing his girlfriend and brother standing in the kitchen, wrapped up so tight in the other’s arms that not even a sheet of paper would fit in between them felt… strange. He knew he should be feeling jealous, or angry, but instead… instead he felt his heart breaking just a little bit, and mending itself in the next instant. He had known that Elena wouldn’t belong to him forever; had known that he would never be able to keep her. And for longer than he cared to admit to even himself, he had known that as soon as the field was free, his brother would step up. Sure, he had tried everything to prevent that happening because… well, he loved her. But in the last two days he felt something return that he had thought lost. The love he once had felt for his brother had started to anchor itself back into him, and he knew right then that his relationship with Elena would be over sooner rather than later.
So right now there was only this strange feeling inside of him… the feeling of letting go and starting anew. And finally, after over a century and a half of existing, he was ready to step aside and let Damon have something he wanted for himself, too.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Done for today^^. Now… I kind of wanted to make Stefan in this huge douche, but as always, the characters did what THEY wanted, and not what I told them to do so now… he’s kind of nice, I guess. Oh well, my bad. Now… please tell me what you think about this chapter - just click on the little button below and leave me a few words! Reviews are love, people!
So long,
Lady
Author: lady_slayer
Rating: T
Pairing: Damon/Elena,
Category: Hurt/comfort
Summary:Be careful what you wish for, or it might actually happen. Lives will get turned upside down, hearts get broken and everything is NOT the way it should be. Also... nothing good EVER came of a wish that starts with "I wish you could..."!
Warnings: A little blood, a bit more foul language, but nothing TOO bad.
Show/Bookverse: Show
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. And the title is from “The Waste Land” by T.S. Eliot
Spoiler: A few, I guess... but I don't really pick up on the actual show-plot, I just use a few newfound charactertraits (and new characters, like Elijah).
And right on to the 6th chapter!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Chapter 6
Masterpost
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
It had been two days since the incident at the Boarding House, and slowly but surely, Elena started to get accustomed to being a vampire. She had spent the last day in the forest outside of Mystic Falls - a little hunting, a little running, and a whole lot of trying out her new senses, strength and speed. Caroline had been there with her, but only for about an hour, for the actual hunting part.
After that, she had been on her own, and she had reveled in it. It had been an incredible day; she had felt as if all her worries were just suddenly gone… no heartbeat meant there was no way that she could be used as a sacrifice. Also, she was not a fragile little human now, and could take care of herself.
Of course she knew that she was just in denial… the ones out to take her, were so much older than her that, vampire or not, she would have no chance of winning a fight. Also… yeah sure, she would be useless as a sacrifice, but she knew that now her family and friends were in danger of becoming targets for revenge.
But just for the time being, she was perfectly happy with drowning in her denial, as if it really was a river in Egypt. Soon enough she would be human again - with a big, neon target on her back- and would have to go back to finding a plan to make sure her all her loved ones were safe, and she would survive. Well… the first part was kind of mandatory for her, the last… not so much. As long as there would be no one she cared about following her, she was content with landing in an early grave.
Now though she was preparing herself to go back to the Boarding House, so she pushed those thoughts into the darkest corner in her mind. She knew that she had to have a talk with Damon about… well, everything. Also, she was kind of curious about how he was doing, being human again.
So after a last glance into the mirror, she went downstairs, grabbed her car keys and was on her way.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
While Elena had spent yesterday running around in the woods (Caroline couldn’t stop gossiping if her life…unlife?... depended on it, so there wasn’t even the need to ask anyone what Elena was up to) he was out in the town.
He had made a quick visit to Liz - dropping off more of the dried vervain sprigs, making a show of touching them (he knew that she sometimes suspected something, so that might help to disperse any doubts she might have in him- and then went grocery shopping. Sure, he had done so loads of times in the last century. Since Elena spent nearly more time at the Boarding House than her own home, he made sure that she would always find something edible there. Also, he loved human food - the kind for them, not from them - so he always had something at home.
But this time around, he actually needed it, so now the pantry, fridge and kitchen cabinets were full to the brim. The rest of the day had been incredibly slow and relaxing. He ate something, read, and went back to the music room for an hour or two. Stefan had been there, again. But like on the first day, he had chosen to ignore his brother in favor of his own sanity. He just knew that any conversation they would start in there would be about their human life, back before Katherine. And like hell was he going to delve into that topic so soon.
It was hard enough to push the guilt he was feeling constantly right now to the back of his mind. It would be impossible to do so if he started to dissect what had become of the good relationship he and Stefan had once had.
But as he’d always been good at ignoring Stefan if he was so inclined, it had been not much of a problem.
He was in the kitchen, fixing himself dinner, as he heard the bang of the front door closing, and soon after the tapping of shoes behind him.
Looking over his shoulder, he saw Elena entering the room. She looked… somehow just like always, and totally different at the same time. There was a slight smile teasing at the edge of her mouth, and her eyes held a sparkle he hadn’t seen in too long. Her whole posture was relaxed, and anyone who would care to look, would see that she was perfectly comfortable in her own body right now - something that she hadn’t been in quite some time. He knew, because he felt like he was always watching her. But right now, her shoulders weren’t hunched, she wasn’t wearing a button up over her top to hide as much skin as was bearable with the hot weather outside... there were other things too, but in the end it didn’t really matter. The important thing was, that she was doing good.
“Well well Miss Gilbert. I have to say, death becomes you.”
He wasn’t sure if she was open to these kind of jokes, but if anything, she should know his admittedly black kind of humor by now. And sure enough, instead of sighing in annoyance, or rolling her eyes, she just cracked a smile and made her way over to him. Standing on her tiptoes, she leant over his shoulder to take a look at the stove.
“Well, life doesn’t look all that bad on you, either. What are you making, it smells really good.”
He lifted an eyebrow at her behavior then. Sure, he was glad that she wasn’t a mess because of everything but… she was leaning over him, touching him, making compliments… there had to be a catch somewhere. But instead of asking her outright, he rather steered clear of that, sure that she would come to it, sooner or later.
“Thanks, I think. And… nothing much. Just a Risotto.”
Seemingly satisfied with his answer, she stepped away from him and sat down on the kitchen counter.
“If you’re looking for Stefan, he’s not here right now. Guess he got tired of being in awe of my heartbeat, or something.”
He shot her a crooked grin which she gave right back.
“Actually, I’m not here to see Stefan. I wanted to talk to you.”
“About?”
She didn’t say anything for a moment, obviously trying to find the right words for what she wanted to say - he knew that this, right there, was the catch he had been thinking about only moments before.
“Well… okay, I can’t really think of an easy way to approach this, so I guess I’ll just… jump right in. Do you, by any chance, have some of my memories?”
His mouth already open to deliver a flippant come-back to whatever she had to say, he stopped short in the last second, as his brain registered what exactly she had just said. Now he was officially confused (not that he would say it like this, ever).
“Come again?”
Sighing, she hopped down from her perch on the counter, and then leaned back onto it, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
“Yesterday and the day before I had… glimpses of your past, I think. Just random scenes, out of nowhere. It felt like a real memory of mine - it was as if I saw everything from my point of view, only I knew that these things never happened to me.”
That was…interesting (a complete disaster). He cleared his throat and turned back to the stove, turning the heat off because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on cooking now, anyway.
“What… what kind of memories? If they even are memories, and not just some strange… side effect of this.”
Elena had been contemplating for hours if she should tell him what she had seen, exactly. In the end, she decided that they were his memories, and he had a right to know.
“The night you died. Just… the moment the bullet connected, and you blacked out. And I saw how you killed a woman, sometime in the twenties. Also… it wasn’t just the memories, Damon. I wasn’t only seeing what happened, I was… feeling it. Not so much with the first… it was over way too fast but… I felt how you enjoyed the fresh blood, how… good it was to have the control over the mind of this woman and… the lack of remorse at what you had done.”
It was silent now, neither of them speaking, the only sound in the room being their breathing. He knew he should turn around and face her, try to do something, anything to somehow make her not hate him for what she had seen. That memory must have reminded her of the monster he was very capable of being, and he was afraid that now she would finally hate him for good. Being reminded of that time also did next to nothing to make him feel less guilty.
“Elena I’m…”
He wanted to apologize, explain… anything, but she seemed to like the habit of interrupting him she had taken up recently.
“Don’t, Damon. Whatever you wanted to say just… don’t. There’s no need for apologies, because what’s done is done. It’s the past, and neither you, nor I can change it. Also… I already knew that you hadn’t led the life of a saint these past decades. And I don’t need you to explain anything either, really. I get that you were different then… that you have changed since you came back to Mystic Falls. Damon, I didn’t tell you to make you feel… guilty or something. All I wanted was to let you know and ask if you have some of my memories, and… that’s all.”
He was dumbstruck for a moment; after what she just told him, he was expecting her to lash out, to call him names, or cut him out of her life again. This silent acceptance of what he was (had been, really. It had been a long time since he had been this kind of monster) freaked him out, just a little bit. He should just let it rest and count his blessings, but he never did what he should, especially not in regards of Elena.
“How come you didn’t storm here, all righteous anger and disgust, shouting ‘monster’? I mean, you won’t hear me complaining, not by a long shot but… why?”
She looked to the floor for just a moment, but then she squared her shoulders, moved over to him and cradled his face in both of her hands, turning his head so she could look into his eyes.
“I don’t know the first thing about what you were like back then. What I do know is, that you’re not that kind of person now. I won’t go and judge you for things you did when not even my parents had been born yet. Also… feeling what you felt, gave me a thrill that scared me, just a little bit. The moment the memory had ended, I was suddenly so incredibly hungry. And not just for blood but… I wanted to hurt something - someone; I wanted to hunt and chase, smell fear and hear the erratic pumping of a heart.”
She let go of his face and brought a little distance between them. Suddenly she wasn’t looking so comfortable anymore. But not because she felt disgusted with herself, he realized after a moment. She was waiting for him to do what she wouldn’t do to him - to judge her.
Shaking his head, he made quick work of the gap she had created between them, and hugged her, pressing a soft kiss on the crown of her head. He knew that normally she wouldn’t allow something like this, but right now, everything that was normal (normal for Mystic Falls, which was something entirely different from every other meaning of the word) was, wasn’t working. So for a few minutes they stood just like that, just taking comfort in each other.
“It’s normal, Elena. You’re bound to want something like that… you have a predator inside of you, and the call of blood and violence can be a siren’s songs, sometimes. The important thing is, that you didn’t act on the urge. That’s something that most aren’t able to do.”
And it was true, too… Stefan or he, himself, weren’t even remotely close to controlling themselves in the first few years of their undead existence.
They were so wrapped up in each other - in their thoughts and feelings - that they didn’t even notice the eyes glued on their forms.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
One of these days, he would start to feel like a creep, or a stalker. For some reason, he had the worst timing in the world, always walking in on highly inappropriate moments.
Also… seeing his girlfriend and brother standing in the kitchen, wrapped up so tight in the other’s arms that not even a sheet of paper would fit in between them felt… strange. He knew he should be feeling jealous, or angry, but instead… instead he felt his heart breaking just a little bit, and mending itself in the next instant. He had known that Elena wouldn’t belong to him forever; had known that he would never be able to keep her. And for longer than he cared to admit to even himself, he had known that as soon as the field was free, his brother would step up. Sure, he had tried everything to prevent that happening because… well, he loved her. But in the last two days he felt something return that he had thought lost. The love he once had felt for his brother had started to anchor itself back into him, and he knew right then that his relationship with Elena would be over sooner rather than later.
So right now there was only this strange feeling inside of him… the feeling of letting go and starting anew. And finally, after over a century and a half of existing, he was ready to step aside and let Damon have something he wanted for himself, too.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Done for today^^. Now… I kind of wanted to make Stefan in this huge douche, but as always, the characters did what THEY wanted, and not what I told them to do so now… he’s kind of nice, I guess. Oh well, my bad. Now… please tell me what you think about this chapter - just click on the little button below and leave me a few words! Reviews are love, people!
So long,
Lady