Fic: A Spy's Connections [Burn Notice, Michael]
Title: A Spy’s Connections
Fandom: Burn Notice
Summary: "Personal connections work against you in the spy trade." Michael’s POV. Basically one of his monologues.
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Michael; mentions everybody else and hints at Mike/Fi, but really it’s just Michael
Length: 590 words
Genre: angst, general
A/N: So. Ah… I started out with the idea going elsewhere, but this is how it ended up. In one of Michael’s monologue-y things. It’s interesting, to say the least.
In the spy world, connections are everything - intelligence is all about who you know and who you can connect yourself with. But in another sense, connections get you killed in the spy business. Personal connections work against you in this trade. If you have connections, people can find you and they can get leverage on you very easily. But even more importantly, personal connections to you get the people you care about dragged along and hurt. And the closer people are to you, the harder it hurts them when you get hurt or killed - which happens, even to the best, eventually.
So when you’re a spy, playing in such a high-stakes game, you learn to push people away - to keep the people you love at arm’s length because you love them. After a time, it becomes so ingrained that you begin to do it subconsciously.
I’ve done it ever since I came to Miami. Kept people as far as is possible without hurting them, all to keep them safe.
It’s why my brother’s sometimes better off in jail, without my help, why my mom’s best kept out of things if possible, why Sam was better off when he was worth something to the FBI for being an informant, and why Fi’s relationship with me is best focused on work no matter how much she pushes.
I may have been burned, but I still have some of a spy’s connections and definitely a spy’s enemies.
Even a spy isn’t invincible. At times, he may think that he is, but it’s always an illusion. And those times when you’re stupid enough to think you’re invincible and don’t take the proper precautions are the times when it’s most dangerous for them. I know, from experience, how dangerous that mistake can be.
It’s one I’ll never make again. I’m not invincible. I can’t keep them from getting hurt by connection to me. And so, even though they don’t understand, I keep them all at arm’s length.
Because it’s better to hurt the people you love in small ways than to let them get hurt because of you in a bigger way. It’s like cauterizing a wound on the battlefield - it burns like hell at first, but, in the end, it’s worth it all to fend off the infection and other injuries.
It’s worth it to alienate your connections just to keep them safe.
The problem is that unless you keep your guard up and keep a very close eye on yourself, you can start to slip back into your old ways. Even though you can so drill the need to push people away into yourself that you do it subconsciously, it’s very hard to fully eradicate from yourself the need to be close to some people. It’s like trying to shove something in between two attracting magnets; if it’s thin enough, the magnets keep attracting one another despite the barrier.
It’s only human to want to be close to the ones you love. And spies, even though they’re trained to be more than human, are, in the end, fundamentally human. Painfully, exquisitely human.
Lots of rules in life are painful and unfair. It’s just more so in a spy’s life.
It hurts to remember that distance is for the best. But distance is for the best.
Personal connections to spies are better handled, in the end, from a safe distance. And so they’ll always stay at arm’s length because that’s the best a spy can do - not for himself, but for them.
Finis
.
Fandom: Burn Notice
Summary: "Personal connections work against you in the spy trade." Michael’s POV. Basically one of his monologues.
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Michael; mentions everybody else and hints at Mike/Fi, but really it’s just Michael
Length: 590 words
Genre: angst, general
A/N: So. Ah… I started out with the idea going elsewhere, but this is how it ended up. In one of Michael’s monologue-y things. It’s interesting, to say the least.
In the spy world, connections are everything - intelligence is all about who you know and who you can connect yourself with. But in another sense, connections get you killed in the spy business. Personal connections work against you in this trade. If you have connections, people can find you and they can get leverage on you very easily. But even more importantly, personal connections to you get the people you care about dragged along and hurt. And the closer people are to you, the harder it hurts them when you get hurt or killed - which happens, even to the best, eventually.
So when you’re a spy, playing in such a high-stakes game, you learn to push people away - to keep the people you love at arm’s length because you love them. After a time, it becomes so ingrained that you begin to do it subconsciously.
I’ve done it ever since I came to Miami. Kept people as far as is possible without hurting them, all to keep them safe.
It’s why my brother’s sometimes better off in jail, without my help, why my mom’s best kept out of things if possible, why Sam was better off when he was worth something to the FBI for being an informant, and why Fi’s relationship with me is best focused on work no matter how much she pushes.
I may have been burned, but I still have some of a spy’s connections and definitely a spy’s enemies.
Even a spy isn’t invincible. At times, he may think that he is, but it’s always an illusion. And those times when you’re stupid enough to think you’re invincible and don’t take the proper precautions are the times when it’s most dangerous for them. I know, from experience, how dangerous that mistake can be.
It’s one I’ll never make again. I’m not invincible. I can’t keep them from getting hurt by connection to me. And so, even though they don’t understand, I keep them all at arm’s length.
Because it’s better to hurt the people you love in small ways than to let them get hurt because of you in a bigger way. It’s like cauterizing a wound on the battlefield - it burns like hell at first, but, in the end, it’s worth it all to fend off the infection and other injuries.
It’s worth it to alienate your connections just to keep them safe.
The problem is that unless you keep your guard up and keep a very close eye on yourself, you can start to slip back into your old ways. Even though you can so drill the need to push people away into yourself that you do it subconsciously, it’s very hard to fully eradicate from yourself the need to be close to some people. It’s like trying to shove something in between two attracting magnets; if it’s thin enough, the magnets keep attracting one another despite the barrier.
It’s only human to want to be close to the ones you love. And spies, even though they’re trained to be more than human, are, in the end, fundamentally human. Painfully, exquisitely human.
Lots of rules in life are painful and unfair. It’s just more so in a spy’s life.
It hurts to remember that distance is for the best. But distance is for the best.
Personal connections to spies are better handled, in the end, from a safe distance. And so they’ll always stay at arm’s length because that’s the best a spy can do - not for himself, but for them.
Finis
.