LETTERS (Part Fourteen of Fifteen)
LETTERS
A Kradam Romance in Fifteen Parts
Chapter Fourteen: Home
By: Lady Michaelis
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Cale Mills/Cassidy Haley
Rating: PG - NC17
Warnings: Sexual situations, voyeurism, foul language
Genre: Romance/Drama/Humor
Summary: Kris Allen never thought he would find a friend in the form of an old letter.
Disclaimers: I will never, ever own Kradam (or any of the other characters here, for that matter). If you know anyone featured in this fic - or worse, if you find your name here - please don’t kill me. What happens here may not be happening in real time right now, but they probably will sooner or later. Just you wait, you non-tinhatters. Just you wait.
Dear Adam
I’m composing this litany in my head because I’m kind of scared to express my feeling verbally to you right now. It’s a little strange, really-I could get used to this. By ‘this’, I mean this little snow globe of a world we’re currently living in. Is it stupid to wish that we both didn’t have other obligations to fulfill? Right now, I find myself wishing for that all the time; I’m scared that it’s all going to come to an end when the real world summons us back. We do have lives to live, after all.
I want to thank you, Adam. You gave me and taught me so much these past few weeks; and I am never going to forget the time we spent together. I’ve fallen so hard and so fast for you, but I’d understand if we end up on opposite ends of the road when we leave this place.
Just….don’t forget me, okay?
All my love,
Kris
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kris nuzzled into the warmth at his side, making a happy little noise when he felt the unmistakable press of lips to his forehead. It was difficult for him to imagine that he had been carried back into the cabin on a stretcher just a couple of hours ago. He had been too dizzy to remember most of the events that transpired-all he knew was that the paramedics had treated his sprain and Adam had fallen into bed with him after everyone else had left.
“Feeling better, babe?” Adam asked softly, running a hand through Kris’ mussed up hair.
“A lot better, yes” Kris smiled weakly, leaning into the touch. “I deserve it, though; I was such an idiot.”
“You’re right about the idiot part,” Adam tightened his hold. “You could have fucking died out there, Kris. What were you thinking?”
“…to tell you the truth, I don’t really know,” Kris admitted. “I suddenly felt the need to escape from here; I needed to go out and clear my head.”
“Was it me, Kris? Did you want to leave because of me…?”
Kris pulled back a little, shocked that Adam’s mind would even go down that path. Adam was his whole life now-he would never want to walk away from him.
“Don’t be stupid, Adam,” he said softly, reaching out to cup Adam’s cheek with his palm. “I could never leave you; you’re my blessed jewel.”
“…I thought I’d lost you,” Adam whispered. “You can’t even imagine how I felt when I came down to an empty room. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know where to start looking-”
“Hey, it’s okay now,” Kris soothed him. “I’m here, and I’m alive. That’s all that matters, right?”
Adam responded to that by pressing his lips to Kris’ in a hungry kiss, nibbling at his lower lip to demand entry. Sighing, Kris gave in, wrapping his arms and his good leg around Adam, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Emboldened all of a sudden, he reached down and rubbed Adam’s bulge through his sweatpants, feeling Adam’s cock harden and swell against his palm.
“So good, Kris,” Adam growled, yanking Kris’ own pants down. “I’m going to get you to come using just my fingers. And when that leg gets better, I’m going to fuck you good.”
Kris trembled in anticipation, spreading his legs open wantonly so Adam could position himself between them. Adam made quick work of the preparations, coating his fingers with lube from the bottle he’d left on the nightstand before guiding two digits into Kris’ willing body.
“Fuck, you’re still open,” he murmured, delighted. “This is going to make my job so much easier.”
Kris allowed a throaty moan to escape him as Adam finger-fucked him, setting a quick, rhythmic pace. It was difficult to push back down on Adam’s fingers with one bum ankle, but he somehow managed to anchor his weight on his good leg.
“God, baby,” he whined, back arching slightly when Adam brushed against his prostate. “Please, fuck me harder! I want to feel you inside me so bad…”
“When you’re all better, I promise,” Adam pressed a kiss to his mouth, pushing in deeper. “When that ankle is fully healed, I’m going to fuck you into this mattress until you can’t see straight.”
“Yes, please!” Kris begged, making high-pitched, keening noises as Adam hit his prostate again and again. “Oh god, let me get you off, too…”
He reached into Adam’s pants and pulled out his cock, jerking it roughly in time to Adam’s thrusts. It didn’t take long for Kris to come, a broken moan leaving him as he came down from his high. Adam followed soon after, coming in spurts on Kris’ stomach.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” he whispered brokenly, his gaze burning holes in Kris’ heart. “I can’t even kill you myself if I’m unable to find you in the first place.”
Kris laughed softly, locking his arms around Adam’s neck, keeping him close.
“Don’t worry; I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’d better not be.”
Kris was beginning to drift back into a sea of unconsciousness when he heard the distinct sound of a window opening from the downstairs area.
“Kristopher Allen, what did I ever tell you about leaving your windows open?”
“…who the hell?” Adam shot to his feet, confused.
“Tommy! Numnums!” Kris flailed, struggling to get out of bed. “I’d come say hi, but I’m in no condition to get past these stairs right now; I sprained my ankle.”
“You obviously are unable to function without me, little man,” the Tommy person was obviously scowling. “I’m coming up, okay?”
“Kris, you haven’t even pulled your pants up yet!” Adam panicked, jerking his own sweatpants over his hips. “There is no way in hell that you are greeting this weird friend of yours that goes in through windows with your pants around your ankles and come all over your stomach!”
“Relax, Lambert,” a blond boy standing in the doorway intoned. “He ain’t got anything I haven’t seen before; I used to bathe Kris when he was seven.”
“Tommy!” Kris whined, holding his arms out for a hug. “I missed you.”
“Hold it,” Tommy Joe Ratliff commanded, reaching into his backpack for a pack of wipes. “You’re not hugging me with come all over your tummy; that’s disgusting.”
“I’m disgusting?” Kris pouted.
“Not you, dickhead,” Tommy pressed an affectionate kiss to his forehead. “The come. Sex is awesome and all, but do remember to clean up after.”
“You didn’t give us time to clean up after,” Adam mumbled, looking quite affronted.
“Pardon my intrusion,” Tommy wiped his hands with a clean sheet before offering Adam the pack. “I’m on holiday for the next few days, so I thought I’d drop by and see if Kris was still alive; it didn’t occur to me that you would be around. Everyone was starting to get worried because he wasn’t calling-and Kris, what stupid thing did you do to get yourself injured, take a walk in the snow?”
“…wow,” Adam was impressed. “You do know him well.”
“We go way, way back,” Tommy shrugged, holding out his hand. “Tommy Joe Ratliff, musician; I play guitar for my friend’s band in LA. Other than that, I look after Kris for a living.”
“Yes, I can see that he’s reduced to all of six years old when you’re around,” Adam remarked, returning the handshake. “I’m Adam-Adam Lambert; which is stupid because you’re probably sick of my name.”
“I choose to think nothing of that,” Tommy shrugged. “Fame? Unimportant. Talent? Extremely important. Your chops are killer, so you have all my respect.”
“Uhm, thanks,” Adam replied, surprised. “That’s uhhhh, quite kind of you to say.”
“I was never prone to fanboy behavior,” Tommy admitted. “But if we’re talking about Max Cavalera or Bram Stoker, I’m probably going to fall over and die in a pool of my own blood out of sheer joy.”
Kris was unable to suppress the giggle that had been threatening to escape his throat. It was going to be a treat to have Tommy over for awhile; the guy was ridiculously awesome.
“So, are you guys dating?” Tommy glared at Adam. “Because if you’re just fucking Kris into the mattress for any other reason, I might just kill you.”
“He means that,” Kris chirped. “Tommy’s never dishonest when it comes to his feelings. But don’t worry, numnums; Adam is taking good care of me.”
“…numnums?” Adam arched an eyebrow.
“Chowder,” Tommy shrugged, referencing the cartoon. “Everyone back in Conway compares Kris to the crazy, affection-starved pink bunny named Panini. She calls her unrequited love ‘numnums’; unfortunately, Kris decided to paste the label on me-though I am not his unrequited love.”
“I’d be damned if you were,” Adam said under his breath.
“You don’t have to worry about me being a rival for Kris’ romantic affections,” Tommy smirked. “Whatever is between us is totally platonic-though I do enjoy making the men vying for his heart miserable. However, it seems he has given it to you freely.”
“Isn’t Tommy cool?” Kris grinned. “He has this amazing ability to get ahead of everyone. People really can’t get the upper hand on him in any argument.”
“Pet, you’re a flatterer,” Tommy ruffled his hair. “But your boyfriend here is beginning to look quite pissed off. You two go ahead and freshen up; I’ll be downstairs on the sofa.”
Tommy slipped out as quietly as he came in, leaving Adam and Kris sitting there. Almost immediately, Kris hobbled to his feet, leaning against Adam for support as he pointed in the direction of the bathroom.
“Shower,” he said matter-of-factly. “We can’t go downstairs to entertain Tommy smelling like sex.”
“And I don’t want to hear any funny noises, capisce?” Tommy hollered from below. “I did not come all the way here to listen in on my little Kristopher acting like a porn star.”
“I am not a porn star!” Kris yelled back, sounding scandalized.
“Oh baby,” Adam shook his head, grinning from ear to ear. “You should listen to the sounds you make in bed-I should do a recording.”
Kris glared at his bum ankle as Adam scooped him up into his arms. The temptation to kick him or do something completely immature was highly tempting at the moment.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“How long are you staying, numnums?” Kris asked, wiggling his toes in an attempt to stay warm.
“Not for long,” Tommy replied. “I just wanted to see if you were okay. Other than that sprain, you seem to be perfectly fine. I haven’t seen you this relaxed in quite awhile.”
“…it’s funny, you know?” Kris asked. “I came here to go on a solo adventure and find myself. I actually got a lot more than what I originally bargained for-new friends, new music and a sort of relationship with this amazing, amazing person. It’s all so crazy. Sometimes, I pinch myself just to make sure it’s not a dream.”
“Well, it’s probably your dream come true,” Tommy remarked wryly, running his fingers through Kris’ hair. “I always had a feeling you weren’t meant to be the typical Arkansan hick, Kristopher Allen. I think Lambert sees that, too; you need to go to LA and make the kind of music you’ve always wanted to make. That’s the only way you’re ever going to be truly happy.”
“We wrote a song together, you know? It was a love song.”
“Then that closes the case,” Tommy laughed quietly. “The hardest thing to do in the world is to write a love song with someone you aren’t in love with. Have you told him yet?”
“No. I haven’t really thought about it, actually. By the way things are going, it just seems that we are, you know? Is it presumptuous of me to assume that words are unnecessary when actions say so much?”
“Words aren’t always necessary-but they are nice to hear.”
“How can I say it, though?” Kris frowned, wrinkling his nose. “You know I’m not good with words.”
“And you know I’m not good with feelings.”
Kris chuckled softly, burying his face into Tommy’s lap. It felt good to have an old friend around. Tommy kept Kris grounded; he was sort of Kris’ life coach. If anyone could help him with his little confession dilemma, that would be Tommy.
“But what do you think?” Kris asked, peering up at Tommy. “Do you think he’s a good guy? Do you think people at home would like him? Do you think I’m still thinking like a normal person?”
“Yes, yes and probably,” Tommy replied promptly. “Despite the fame and fortune aspect, he seems to be quite a decent guy. For one thing, he’s attempting to make some dinner-that is so not rock star.”
“My biggest concern is the last question, though,” Kris admitted. “What makes you doubtful?”
“You two haven’t discussed this, am I right?” Tommy sighed. “If you already have, you wouldn’t be asking me all these things. This is something you really need to talk about. That way, you’ll know where you’re going with this relationship. I hate to be the nasty bitch, but sometimes, love just isn’t enough. He’s a celebrity, and you’re an unknown looking for a niche in the music industry. That in itself is already a call for caution. I’m not judging him solely on his occupation, but…you know what I mean.”
“I do know what you mean,” Kris mumbled into his lap. “But I don’t think I can just let this go, you know? No matter what happens, a part of me is always going to love Adam. This time, I think I’m ready to take chances even if it means I’m going to get hurt.”
The hand that curled itself around his hair was gentle. “You do know how much I love you, right?”
“…to the moon and back,” Kris grinned, arching into Tommy’s touch.
“And I will always love you to the moon and back,” Tommy said fiercely, bending to press a kiss to his forehead. “Maybe someday I’ll stop agonizing over you.”
“But you’re always going to agonize over me, Tommy.”
“Right you are,” Tommy shook his head, laughing softly. “You’ve grown up so fast; it’s a little scary.”
“You know I’m always going to need you,” Kris grinned. “I have this penchant for dependence; my neighbor had to look out for me the moment I arrived here, and she’s a girl.”
“Does this mean you can walk up to girls without looking genuinely disinterested now?” Tommy smirked. “I can’t believe no one updated my Kris memo.”
“Well, I’m updating it now,” Kris giggled. “What else do you need to know?”
“Actualfax sex. Have you or have you not?”
Kris turned beet red at the mere mention of the word. How was he supposed to tell Tommy that Adam had caught him jacking off to their friends having sex without wanting to die?
“Spill,” Tommy commanded. “Judging by the look on your face, it means that you lost your virginity in a not-so-innocent way.”
“…what if I tell you it wasn’t innocent at all?”
“Shit, son!” Tommy’s eyes widened comically. “Don’t tell me I missed the emancipation of Kris Allen or anything like that; you always seem to be getting adventurous when I’m not looking.”
“It happened by accident, okay?” Kris buried his face into his hands. “I was hearing some noises from down here, so I crept out of bed to see what was going on. Two of our friends were uhm, kind of doing it here and I sort of got carried away. Adam caught me jacking off; and uhm…yeah.”
“…and you’re making me sleep on the sofa where the nasty happened?” Tommy eyed the fabric warily. “You did have these disinfected and laundered, right?”
“Of course we have, silly. I wouldn’t have had you shack up here otherwise.”
“Good to know,” Tommy nodded. “But damn, I didn’t know you were into voyeurism.”
“As I said, it was accidental, okay?” Kris threw his hands up in the air. “I just…had no idea that seeing hot guys doing it would turn me on so much.”
“Probably the advent of your sexuality,” Tommy sighed. “Shame I wasn’t there to witness it. Do you figure it was a long time coming, though?”
“Maybe,” Kris shrugged. “I’ve never really been interested in anyone before Adam.”
“This takes me back to your junior prom. All the girls were heartbroken because you took me.”
“Prom would have been boring if I went with one of them,” Kris said with a shudder. “I mean, all high school girls want to do is giggle the night away while you dance with them and try not to step on their toes; it’s kind of not my thing.”
“But what if you spent the night pressed against the chest of a tall, broad-shouldered man instead? Would that be kind of your thing?”
“…just so you know, I’m trying not to visualize being pressed up against Adam.”
“Yeah, I thought as much.”
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Kris feeling soothed by the gentle scratching of Tommy’s blunt nails across his scalp. This was how Tommy used to put him to sleep when he was younger; it made Kris feel comfortable and right at home.
“You guys alright with spam and eggs?” Adam emerged from the kitchen, looking silly in Kris’ plaid apron. “I’m terrible with anything that doesn’t come from a can.”
“That’s fine, man,” Kris beamed at him, struggling to stand up. “Here, let me help-”
“No way in hell are you getting up on that foot,” Adam and Tommy chorused disapprovingly.
“Okay, okay,” Kris laughed, curling back around Tommy’s form. “I’ll sit; I’ll be good.”
“Don’t make me chain you to the sofa, pet,” Tommy added darkly.
“…are you into bondage?” Adam raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, you’d be surprised at the things I’m not into.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dinner had gone by pretty uneventfully. Tommy had held court during most of the conversation, sharing stories about his life on the road and experiences with the bands that he had worked with. Adam finally seemed to warm up to him, as he’d extended an invitation for Tommy to try out for his band. Surprised, Tommy agreed, promising Adam he’d show up when tryouts were to be staged in LA. They’d all gone to bed in good moods despite the absence of Kris’ cooking and the overabundance of spam-in Tommy’s case; he ate like a mad man when hungry-in their stomachs.
“I’m sorry for pumping you with preservatives,” Adam said apologetically, sliding into bed next to Kris. “Though I really should be apologizing to myself; my waistline is not going to thank me.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not fat?” Kris mumbled, pressing himself against Adam. “You’re perfect just the way you are.”
A pause.
“…you’re the only person in my life who’s ever said that.”
“Idiot. Your mother must have. Or your friends.”
Kris whined almost pathetically when Adam pulled away. He gripped Kris tightly by the shoulders, blue eyes boring into brown ones with an intense gaze.
“You know what I mean, Kris,” Adam said softly, brushing a knuckle over his cheekbone. “I’m not going to avoid the topic this time; we really need to talk about this.”
“…I know,” Kris squeezed his eyes shut, pressing into Adam’s touch. “This has been a long time coming, hasn’t it? I don’t even understand how I feel, Adam.”
“Tell me,” Adam urged. “Whatever you think it is you feel for me, I’d like to hear it.”
Kris inhaled sharply, reaching out to cup Adam’s face. He allowed his hands to map Adam’s face, tracing the freckles that dusted his face with trembling fingertips.
“…I love you,” he breathed.
“I know,” Adam whispered, pressing a kiss to his palm. “I love you, too. It’s as simple and as complicated as that, baby.”
“But what are we going to do?” Kris asked, his voice cracking. “You have this big, amazing life waiting for you outside this cabin. Two or three days from now, you’re going to walk out of here because your career and the rest of the world need you back. You can’t stay here and play house with me forever, Adam. This is exactly why I’ve been holding back all this time; we can’t have a future together.”
“Who said we can’t?” Adam tightened his grip on Kris’ wrist. “I’m a selfish man, Kris; the moment I realized I loved you, I was determined to keep you in my life no matter what. We are going to make this work, Kris-I’ve finally found someone I could love more than my music itself. You know me for the man that I am; you love me for me and not because I’m the American Idol. I need you to want us to work, Kris. If you’re too scared, we’re just going to end up driving ourselves miserable.”
Kris gazed into Adam’s eyes, feeling overwhelmed by the rawness of the emotion reflected there. Trust, hope, love, fear-everything was there, waiting for Kris to cave in and say “yes”.
All he had to do was reach out and take it.
“I’m ready,” he murmured, leaning forward for a kiss. “Let’s do this.”
“It’s going to be okay, Kris,” he felt Adam smile into the kiss. “We’re going to make beautiful music together.”
A Kradam Romance in Fifteen Parts
Chapter Fourteen: Home
By: Lady Michaelis
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Cale Mills/Cassidy Haley
Rating: PG - NC17
Warnings: Sexual situations, voyeurism, foul language
Genre: Romance/Drama/Humor
Summary: Kris Allen never thought he would find a friend in the form of an old letter.
Disclaimers: I will never, ever own Kradam (or any of the other characters here, for that matter). If you know anyone featured in this fic - or worse, if you find your name here - please don’t kill me. What happens here may not be happening in real time right now, but they probably will sooner or later. Just you wait, you non-tinhatters. Just you wait.
Dear Adam
I’m composing this litany in my head because I’m kind of scared to express my feeling verbally to you right now. It’s a little strange, really-I could get used to this. By ‘this’, I mean this little snow globe of a world we’re currently living in. Is it stupid to wish that we both didn’t have other obligations to fulfill? Right now, I find myself wishing for that all the time; I’m scared that it’s all going to come to an end when the real world summons us back. We do have lives to live, after all.
I want to thank you, Adam. You gave me and taught me so much these past few weeks; and I am never going to forget the time we spent together. I’ve fallen so hard and so fast for you, but I’d understand if we end up on opposite ends of the road when we leave this place.
Just….don’t forget me, okay?
All my love,
Kris
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kris nuzzled into the warmth at his side, making a happy little noise when he felt the unmistakable press of lips to his forehead. It was difficult for him to imagine that he had been carried back into the cabin on a stretcher just a couple of hours ago. He had been too dizzy to remember most of the events that transpired-all he knew was that the paramedics had treated his sprain and Adam had fallen into bed with him after everyone else had left.
“Feeling better, babe?” Adam asked softly, running a hand through Kris’ mussed up hair.
“A lot better, yes” Kris smiled weakly, leaning into the touch. “I deserve it, though; I was such an idiot.”
“You’re right about the idiot part,” Adam tightened his hold. “You could have fucking died out there, Kris. What were you thinking?”
“…to tell you the truth, I don’t really know,” Kris admitted. “I suddenly felt the need to escape from here; I needed to go out and clear my head.”
“Was it me, Kris? Did you want to leave because of me…?”
Kris pulled back a little, shocked that Adam’s mind would even go down that path. Adam was his whole life now-he would never want to walk away from him.
“Don’t be stupid, Adam,” he said softly, reaching out to cup Adam’s cheek with his palm. “I could never leave you; you’re my blessed jewel.”
“…I thought I’d lost you,” Adam whispered. “You can’t even imagine how I felt when I came down to an empty room. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know where to start looking-”
“Hey, it’s okay now,” Kris soothed him. “I’m here, and I’m alive. That’s all that matters, right?”
Adam responded to that by pressing his lips to Kris’ in a hungry kiss, nibbling at his lower lip to demand entry. Sighing, Kris gave in, wrapping his arms and his good leg around Adam, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Emboldened all of a sudden, he reached down and rubbed Adam’s bulge through his sweatpants, feeling Adam’s cock harden and swell against his palm.
“So good, Kris,” Adam growled, yanking Kris’ own pants down. “I’m going to get you to come using just my fingers. And when that leg gets better, I’m going to fuck you good.”
Kris trembled in anticipation, spreading his legs open wantonly so Adam could position himself between them. Adam made quick work of the preparations, coating his fingers with lube from the bottle he’d left on the nightstand before guiding two digits into Kris’ willing body.
“Fuck, you’re still open,” he murmured, delighted. “This is going to make my job so much easier.”
Kris allowed a throaty moan to escape him as Adam finger-fucked him, setting a quick, rhythmic pace. It was difficult to push back down on Adam’s fingers with one bum ankle, but he somehow managed to anchor his weight on his good leg.
“God, baby,” he whined, back arching slightly when Adam brushed against his prostate. “Please, fuck me harder! I want to feel you inside me so bad…”
“When you’re all better, I promise,” Adam pressed a kiss to his mouth, pushing in deeper. “When that ankle is fully healed, I’m going to fuck you into this mattress until you can’t see straight.”
“Yes, please!” Kris begged, making high-pitched, keening noises as Adam hit his prostate again and again. “Oh god, let me get you off, too…”
He reached into Adam’s pants and pulled out his cock, jerking it roughly in time to Adam’s thrusts. It didn’t take long for Kris to come, a broken moan leaving him as he came down from his high. Adam followed soon after, coming in spurts on Kris’ stomach.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” he whispered brokenly, his gaze burning holes in Kris’ heart. “I can’t even kill you myself if I’m unable to find you in the first place.”
Kris laughed softly, locking his arms around Adam’s neck, keeping him close.
“Don’t worry; I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’d better not be.”
Kris was beginning to drift back into a sea of unconsciousness when he heard the distinct sound of a window opening from the downstairs area.
“Kristopher Allen, what did I ever tell you about leaving your windows open?”
“…who the hell?” Adam shot to his feet, confused.
“Tommy! Numnums!” Kris flailed, struggling to get out of bed. “I’d come say hi, but I’m in no condition to get past these stairs right now; I sprained my ankle.”
“You obviously are unable to function without me, little man,” the Tommy person was obviously scowling. “I’m coming up, okay?”
“Kris, you haven’t even pulled your pants up yet!” Adam panicked, jerking his own sweatpants over his hips. “There is no way in hell that you are greeting this weird friend of yours that goes in through windows with your pants around your ankles and come all over your stomach!”
“Relax, Lambert,” a blond boy standing in the doorway intoned. “He ain’t got anything I haven’t seen before; I used to bathe Kris when he was seven.”
“Tommy!” Kris whined, holding his arms out for a hug. “I missed you.”
“Hold it,” Tommy Joe Ratliff commanded, reaching into his backpack for a pack of wipes. “You’re not hugging me with come all over your tummy; that’s disgusting.”
“I’m disgusting?” Kris pouted.
“Not you, dickhead,” Tommy pressed an affectionate kiss to his forehead. “The come. Sex is awesome and all, but do remember to clean up after.”
“You didn’t give us time to clean up after,” Adam mumbled, looking quite affronted.
“Pardon my intrusion,” Tommy wiped his hands with a clean sheet before offering Adam the pack. “I’m on holiday for the next few days, so I thought I’d drop by and see if Kris was still alive; it didn’t occur to me that you would be around. Everyone was starting to get worried because he wasn’t calling-and Kris, what stupid thing did you do to get yourself injured, take a walk in the snow?”
“…wow,” Adam was impressed. “You do know him well.”
“We go way, way back,” Tommy shrugged, holding out his hand. “Tommy Joe Ratliff, musician; I play guitar for my friend’s band in LA. Other than that, I look after Kris for a living.”
“Yes, I can see that he’s reduced to all of six years old when you’re around,” Adam remarked, returning the handshake. “I’m Adam-Adam Lambert; which is stupid because you’re probably sick of my name.”
“I choose to think nothing of that,” Tommy shrugged. “Fame? Unimportant. Talent? Extremely important. Your chops are killer, so you have all my respect.”
“Uhm, thanks,” Adam replied, surprised. “That’s uhhhh, quite kind of you to say.”
“I was never prone to fanboy behavior,” Tommy admitted. “But if we’re talking about Max Cavalera or Bram Stoker, I’m probably going to fall over and die in a pool of my own blood out of sheer joy.”
Kris was unable to suppress the giggle that had been threatening to escape his throat. It was going to be a treat to have Tommy over for awhile; the guy was ridiculously awesome.
“So, are you guys dating?” Tommy glared at Adam. “Because if you’re just fucking Kris into the mattress for any other reason, I might just kill you.”
“He means that,” Kris chirped. “Tommy’s never dishonest when it comes to his feelings. But don’t worry, numnums; Adam is taking good care of me.”
“…numnums?” Adam arched an eyebrow.
“Chowder,” Tommy shrugged, referencing the cartoon. “Everyone back in Conway compares Kris to the crazy, affection-starved pink bunny named Panini. She calls her unrequited love ‘numnums’; unfortunately, Kris decided to paste the label on me-though I am not his unrequited love.”
“I’d be damned if you were,” Adam said under his breath.
“You don’t have to worry about me being a rival for Kris’ romantic affections,” Tommy smirked. “Whatever is between us is totally platonic-though I do enjoy making the men vying for his heart miserable. However, it seems he has given it to you freely.”
“Isn’t Tommy cool?” Kris grinned. “He has this amazing ability to get ahead of everyone. People really can’t get the upper hand on him in any argument.”
“Pet, you’re a flatterer,” Tommy ruffled his hair. “But your boyfriend here is beginning to look quite pissed off. You two go ahead and freshen up; I’ll be downstairs on the sofa.”
Tommy slipped out as quietly as he came in, leaving Adam and Kris sitting there. Almost immediately, Kris hobbled to his feet, leaning against Adam for support as he pointed in the direction of the bathroom.
“Shower,” he said matter-of-factly. “We can’t go downstairs to entertain Tommy smelling like sex.”
“And I don’t want to hear any funny noises, capisce?” Tommy hollered from below. “I did not come all the way here to listen in on my little Kristopher acting like a porn star.”
“I am not a porn star!” Kris yelled back, sounding scandalized.
“Oh baby,” Adam shook his head, grinning from ear to ear. “You should listen to the sounds you make in bed-I should do a recording.”
Kris glared at his bum ankle as Adam scooped him up into his arms. The temptation to kick him or do something completely immature was highly tempting at the moment.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“How long are you staying, numnums?” Kris asked, wiggling his toes in an attempt to stay warm.
“Not for long,” Tommy replied. “I just wanted to see if you were okay. Other than that sprain, you seem to be perfectly fine. I haven’t seen you this relaxed in quite awhile.”
“…it’s funny, you know?” Kris asked. “I came here to go on a solo adventure and find myself. I actually got a lot more than what I originally bargained for-new friends, new music and a sort of relationship with this amazing, amazing person. It’s all so crazy. Sometimes, I pinch myself just to make sure it’s not a dream.”
“Well, it’s probably your dream come true,” Tommy remarked wryly, running his fingers through Kris’ hair. “I always had a feeling you weren’t meant to be the typical Arkansan hick, Kristopher Allen. I think Lambert sees that, too; you need to go to LA and make the kind of music you’ve always wanted to make. That’s the only way you’re ever going to be truly happy.”
“We wrote a song together, you know? It was a love song.”
“Then that closes the case,” Tommy laughed quietly. “The hardest thing to do in the world is to write a love song with someone you aren’t in love with. Have you told him yet?”
“No. I haven’t really thought about it, actually. By the way things are going, it just seems that we are, you know? Is it presumptuous of me to assume that words are unnecessary when actions say so much?”
“Words aren’t always necessary-but they are nice to hear.”
“How can I say it, though?” Kris frowned, wrinkling his nose. “You know I’m not good with words.”
“And you know I’m not good with feelings.”
Kris chuckled softly, burying his face into Tommy’s lap. It felt good to have an old friend around. Tommy kept Kris grounded; he was sort of Kris’ life coach. If anyone could help him with his little confession dilemma, that would be Tommy.
“But what do you think?” Kris asked, peering up at Tommy. “Do you think he’s a good guy? Do you think people at home would like him? Do you think I’m still thinking like a normal person?”
“Yes, yes and probably,” Tommy replied promptly. “Despite the fame and fortune aspect, he seems to be quite a decent guy. For one thing, he’s attempting to make some dinner-that is so not rock star.”
“My biggest concern is the last question, though,” Kris admitted. “What makes you doubtful?”
“You two haven’t discussed this, am I right?” Tommy sighed. “If you already have, you wouldn’t be asking me all these things. This is something you really need to talk about. That way, you’ll know where you’re going with this relationship. I hate to be the nasty bitch, but sometimes, love just isn’t enough. He’s a celebrity, and you’re an unknown looking for a niche in the music industry. That in itself is already a call for caution. I’m not judging him solely on his occupation, but…you know what I mean.”
“I do know what you mean,” Kris mumbled into his lap. “But I don’t think I can just let this go, you know? No matter what happens, a part of me is always going to love Adam. This time, I think I’m ready to take chances even if it means I’m going to get hurt.”
The hand that curled itself around his hair was gentle. “You do know how much I love you, right?”
“…to the moon and back,” Kris grinned, arching into Tommy’s touch.
“And I will always love you to the moon and back,” Tommy said fiercely, bending to press a kiss to his forehead. “Maybe someday I’ll stop agonizing over you.”
“But you’re always going to agonize over me, Tommy.”
“Right you are,” Tommy shook his head, laughing softly. “You’ve grown up so fast; it’s a little scary.”
“You know I’m always going to need you,” Kris grinned. “I have this penchant for dependence; my neighbor had to look out for me the moment I arrived here, and she’s a girl.”
“Does this mean you can walk up to girls without looking genuinely disinterested now?” Tommy smirked. “I can’t believe no one updated my Kris memo.”
“Well, I’m updating it now,” Kris giggled. “What else do you need to know?”
“Actualfax sex. Have you or have you not?”
Kris turned beet red at the mere mention of the word. How was he supposed to tell Tommy that Adam had caught him jacking off to their friends having sex without wanting to die?
“Spill,” Tommy commanded. “Judging by the look on your face, it means that you lost your virginity in a not-so-innocent way.”
“…what if I tell you it wasn’t innocent at all?”
“Shit, son!” Tommy’s eyes widened comically. “Don’t tell me I missed the emancipation of Kris Allen or anything like that; you always seem to be getting adventurous when I’m not looking.”
“It happened by accident, okay?” Kris buried his face into his hands. “I was hearing some noises from down here, so I crept out of bed to see what was going on. Two of our friends were uhm, kind of doing it here and I sort of got carried away. Adam caught me jacking off; and uhm…yeah.”
“…and you’re making me sleep on the sofa where the nasty happened?” Tommy eyed the fabric warily. “You did have these disinfected and laundered, right?”
“Of course we have, silly. I wouldn’t have had you shack up here otherwise.”
“Good to know,” Tommy nodded. “But damn, I didn’t know you were into voyeurism.”
“As I said, it was accidental, okay?” Kris threw his hands up in the air. “I just…had no idea that seeing hot guys doing it would turn me on so much.”
“Probably the advent of your sexuality,” Tommy sighed. “Shame I wasn’t there to witness it. Do you figure it was a long time coming, though?”
“Maybe,” Kris shrugged. “I’ve never really been interested in anyone before Adam.”
“This takes me back to your junior prom. All the girls were heartbroken because you took me.”
“Prom would have been boring if I went with one of them,” Kris said with a shudder. “I mean, all high school girls want to do is giggle the night away while you dance with them and try not to step on their toes; it’s kind of not my thing.”
“But what if you spent the night pressed against the chest of a tall, broad-shouldered man instead? Would that be kind of your thing?”
“…just so you know, I’m trying not to visualize being pressed up against Adam.”
“Yeah, I thought as much.”
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Kris feeling soothed by the gentle scratching of Tommy’s blunt nails across his scalp. This was how Tommy used to put him to sleep when he was younger; it made Kris feel comfortable and right at home.
“You guys alright with spam and eggs?” Adam emerged from the kitchen, looking silly in Kris’ plaid apron. “I’m terrible with anything that doesn’t come from a can.”
“That’s fine, man,” Kris beamed at him, struggling to stand up. “Here, let me help-”
“No way in hell are you getting up on that foot,” Adam and Tommy chorused disapprovingly.
“Okay, okay,” Kris laughed, curling back around Tommy’s form. “I’ll sit; I’ll be good.”
“Don’t make me chain you to the sofa, pet,” Tommy added darkly.
“…are you into bondage?” Adam raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, you’d be surprised at the things I’m not into.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dinner had gone by pretty uneventfully. Tommy had held court during most of the conversation, sharing stories about his life on the road and experiences with the bands that he had worked with. Adam finally seemed to warm up to him, as he’d extended an invitation for Tommy to try out for his band. Surprised, Tommy agreed, promising Adam he’d show up when tryouts were to be staged in LA. They’d all gone to bed in good moods despite the absence of Kris’ cooking and the overabundance of spam-in Tommy’s case; he ate like a mad man when hungry-in their stomachs.
“I’m sorry for pumping you with preservatives,” Adam said apologetically, sliding into bed next to Kris. “Though I really should be apologizing to myself; my waistline is not going to thank me.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not fat?” Kris mumbled, pressing himself against Adam. “You’re perfect just the way you are.”
A pause.
“…you’re the only person in my life who’s ever said that.”
“Idiot. Your mother must have. Or your friends.”
Kris whined almost pathetically when Adam pulled away. He gripped Kris tightly by the shoulders, blue eyes boring into brown ones with an intense gaze.
“You know what I mean, Kris,” Adam said softly, brushing a knuckle over his cheekbone. “I’m not going to avoid the topic this time; we really need to talk about this.”
“…I know,” Kris squeezed his eyes shut, pressing into Adam’s touch. “This has been a long time coming, hasn’t it? I don’t even understand how I feel, Adam.”
“Tell me,” Adam urged. “Whatever you think it is you feel for me, I’d like to hear it.”
Kris inhaled sharply, reaching out to cup Adam’s face. He allowed his hands to map Adam’s face, tracing the freckles that dusted his face with trembling fingertips.
“…I love you,” he breathed.
“I know,” Adam whispered, pressing a kiss to his palm. “I love you, too. It’s as simple and as complicated as that, baby.”
“But what are we going to do?” Kris asked, his voice cracking. “You have this big, amazing life waiting for you outside this cabin. Two or three days from now, you’re going to walk out of here because your career and the rest of the world need you back. You can’t stay here and play house with me forever, Adam. This is exactly why I’ve been holding back all this time; we can’t have a future together.”
“Who said we can’t?” Adam tightened his grip on Kris’ wrist. “I’m a selfish man, Kris; the moment I realized I loved you, I was determined to keep you in my life no matter what. We are going to make this work, Kris-I’ve finally found someone I could love more than my music itself. You know me for the man that I am; you love me for me and not because I’m the American Idol. I need you to want us to work, Kris. If you’re too scared, we’re just going to end up driving ourselves miserable.”
Kris gazed into Adam’s eyes, feeling overwhelmed by the rawness of the emotion reflected there. Trust, hope, love, fear-everything was there, waiting for Kris to cave in and say “yes”.
All he had to do was reach out and take it.
“I’m ready,” he murmured, leaning forward for a kiss. “Let’s do this.”
“It’s going to be okay, Kris,” he felt Adam smile into the kiss. “We’re going to make beautiful music together.”