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The Whole Truth PT 1
I should've done this a month ago. Instead, i tried to tell everyone to just shush. Well since this doesn't seem to be ending, I'll be letting everyone in on whats happened.
The Full Story
Me and Michelle were in her car during Landcape of the Body a few months back, Michelle was talking about Justin. She was saying that he had no right to be protective of her, and how she hated how he felt the need to take care of her. I said nothing. I tried to give non-commital answers to keep things cool, since she was giving me a ride at the time, and I didn't want any fights, but she kept going on about how she didn't want him in her life, and didn't care if he was her friend after this.
And then I opened my mouth. Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should've just let things go the way they were, and let them happen, but I couldn't.
I stood up for Justin. I told her he was probably a better friend than Isaac would ever be to her, because i felt that Isaac was fake. After I told Isaac I couldn't flirt with him anymore, all of a sudden, he had nothing to say to me. Which showed me how much I meant to him. It didn't help that i had been making jokes about him in the booth and he heard it from someone who took it as more than just jokes and i knew he never really forgot that. So Anyway, I tell her this, and she starts saying that she doesn't care and that she handles things her way and it wasn't any of my business. I didn't mention that i hadn't asked about what had happen, but i was too heated. I told her that Justin was just caring for her as a friend and had no other feelings for her. The arguement went on and excalated, and we both ended up screaming about it.
I got out of the car and we both decided we wouldn't speak of it again. After that, things were never the same between me and Michelle, maybe i never got over what happened, maybe she never did, but honestly believe thats what began this whole thing.
Anyway, we 'made up' shortly after, but things were still awkward for a while. Then one day she came to me, bombarding me and yelling at me saying that i had called her a 'two faced bitch' even though I wasn't the person who had said it. I was offended, but I shrugged it off as misinterpreted information. Because she protected whoever told her that, I will protect who actually SAID that. So things were still rocky.
Then I felt like things had finally started to go back to normal, auditions for the one-acts started. I casted Michelle and Isaac. I thought I'd have the best show because i had great actors and a good script. Then things started to go awry.
Rehearsals got cancelled. Why? Because I had made plans with my boyfriend that I had forgotten about twice. I couldn't bail on him, because we only get to see each other once a week, and I couldn't just go without seeing him. Yes, that was unproffessional to do, but i care more about my personal life than I will ever a show, and thats just how my priorities are. Plus, i made sure everyone had notice, so there wasn't any confusion. If i cancelled a rehearsal, I'd do it hours before the rehearsal, so that no one would be terribly inconvienced. Then Isaac started missing rehearsals, once because his car broke down, another because he had to go to work. I was annoyed, but I wasn't too upset, I figured things were just what they were.
Then finally we had a rehearsal scheduled. I got all of the things ready, the supplies, the rehearsal baby, the chairs, everything was set up and ready. I text both people in my show and called both as well. Neither answered, but it was about 15 min before rehearsal so I didn't worry about it. I waited. I waited for a half an hour before calling again and still no answer. Then it hit me. I had actually just been ditched in a proffessional setting by people who were supposed to be professional actors. I walked out of the green room where I had been waiting and into the Blackbox where I'm greeted by people telling me that Isaac was in the dance room a few minutes ago. I got mad again, but I tried to just relax.
Now this is the part I deem important, because most people seem to forget that I wasn't the one who started the blogging. This was the perfect opportunity to go online, and blog my hearts content about what had just happened to me. About how I had been ditched and not recieved even a phone call to say why. I said "No, maybe there's a good explanation for all of this. Don't jump to conclusions." And i'm not going to lie, that phrase, is something I don't usually go to and you all know it. But I did in this instance, because I couldn't believe that what I thought happened actually happened.
So the next day I see Michelle. Isaac has been avoiding me, and I don't care, because I've decided I'm done with the whole "Isaac" thing anyway. So i asked her why she missed rehearsal in a casual tone. Not even angry, CASUAL. She tells me she'll talk to me about it later...like i'm a child who needs to be reprimanded.
She pulls me to the side and says this, "The truth is...I just didn't want to go. I was feeling really apathetic about it." This is where I get completely furious. I'm so upset and hurt that I'm actually crying. I'm crying in front of this person who is so nonchalant about my show, and my grade and my feelings and I'm upset that i allowed this person who doesn't give a shit about me to hurt me. Then she says "the truth is, i really feel like the only reason I'm doing this is because i'm your friend."
Now that was what made me really furious. I don't know about you, but I don't HAVE friends who ditch me for a half an hour and can tell me so non-chalantly about it. I don't have friends who would disrespect me like that. I dont have friends who would misuse my trust like that. You don't do that to friends, you do that to enemies, and people you don't like. NOT friends.
So even then, I didn't bitch loud and crazy. I just decided to suck it up and keep going, because there was nothing else i could do. Then our next rehearsal happened. I couldn't make it to the rehearsal because i had a drug test to take for a job, and i had to do this in 24 hours. I actually ditched class so i could make it on time, but it ended up taking almost 3 hours to even get into the testing area, so i couldn't make it. my phone was cut off at the time too, so i couldn't call anyone.
When I got home, and got online, I read michelle's blog. Her blog is riddled with little insults directed at me for missing rehearsal. She'll deny this of course. Whats really interesting is that when I asked her what all of that meant if it wasn't about me she told me that "she didn't have to explain herself to me". The outloud fued began. I told her she didn't have a right to make me sound like I just ditched out for no reason, then she swore people told her about the drug test that i mentioned in my comment to her blog, when that was impossible, because no one knew about it.
After holding my tongue about this crap, i couldn't hold out any longer and I exploded in my own blog, you can still read it, its all still here, unlike Michelle, who deletes everything she ever says about me in her blogs. Then She deleted me. Realize this people, you all act like I started this fight, like i was the one who did everything, but realize she deleted me, simply so she could talk about me behind my back to everyone and not have me protest. She started the private blog bashing, not me.
So I cancel the show. And I dont tell anyone the whole story, because I'm trying to keep it completely quiet and hopefully as between us as possible. But soon I realized that was my mistake. Here I was, not defending myself, thinking that Michelle would just shut her mouth and keep it to herself, while she was running her mouth. How did I know that? How did i know that she was telling people. Its really simple. No one asked me what was going on. Justin didn't, Carrie didn't, Isaac didn't, not even James, no one asked me what happened except for Jacob and Chrissy. Meaning that everyone else was hearing it from someone else...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Then directing class happened. And all of a sudden, I was attacked. I'm trying to plead my defense in all of this, but all i hear is "YOU should've done this", "YOU should've done that.". Carrie suggested that I should just lie low for a while until things settled. She also seemed to know ALOT about what was going on for someone who was as she put it 'keeping out of it'. She said things like them not going to that rehearsal was Personal. Michelle, want to deny it? Go ahead, but Carrie said that it was PERSONAL. And it was obvious. Then She mentioned that it probably had alot to do with Landscape. Though I had thought everything was cool...apparently not.
After all of this bombardment by people who should have known NOTHING about what was going on, I was irritated. Irritated because none of them had asked for my side at all had just took what she had said for gold. I felt like i was the only one getting shit for what was happening, when SHE was the one who did the most wrong.
Then break passes through. I keep hearing whispers here and there about blogs, or comments said about me. and I'm getting annoyed now. Because all I want is for these people to just SHUT UP about me. So I keep posting "SHUT UP" while they keep posting, talking shit. Carrie then deletes me and has the nerve to say I 'dragged her into this'. Then the term begins. I've decided that I wasn't going to be fake anymore. fuck these people. fuck everyone of them. I knew who my friends were, they were the ones who called me, the ones who hung out with me, the ones who had asked for my side. Not these people who would only talk to me when others weren't around. Then I hear about Michelle's blog....she's deleted it now... but don't worry. I have reliable friends. I'll post it here for you:
some stuff.
I had to deal with psycho bitch drama today... i had to deal with eye rolling and random looks and laughing and whispers GALORE... and you know what? it.doesn't.matter. it was actually kinda fun in its own way, not my reactions..(cause i didn't react) but just watching it all was very amusing. I would let it get to me... if i had a reason to let it get to me...hah... i don't. i actually have no idea what to think of it all, i feel like i'm RIDICULOUSLY chill about the whole 'situation', i don't care for them, they don't care for me... okay.. that's good. We should be done now... but they are sooo over the top with EVERYTHING. looks, eye rolling, comments, etc, etc, etc... Like... what are they gaining from acting like stupid children? what is the point? i can understand that they feel the need to try to make my life harder but.. yeah, its just very strange to watch. Their technique is all off. The whole way they go about it is very odd... i really don't like them as people, but in a very strange way i feel sorry for them... i'm serious, i really do. UMMM and on another note! BABY WITH THE BATHWATER went REALLY well tonight! The audience was incredible! they laughed soooo hard and i had such great comments at the end... (= aw... i'm so glad some of my friends got to see it! ... i'm really proud of this role...
I hope you (the reader) can come see it!!!
(=
In reply, I posted a blog that was entitled "To Carrie and Michelle.". There was nothing in it. I just wanted to see if they were really 'over it' but they both were questioning everyone they they knew about it.
But here's my REAL response. Michelle, your whole blog is based on Me and Chrissy making jokes about Jacob having the hots for Bree and a million other in-jokes we've aquired over the last month of hanging out. NOT ABOUT YOU. You can asks James, he was sitting right there.
When it comes down to me and Carrie. You deleted me, you stopped talking to me. To try to say I DRAGGED you into this is complete bullshit. You left a rude comment on my blog, so rude that you actually said "wow, that came out ruder than I wanted it to.", and yea, I was annoyed, but it also showed were you stood in the whole thing. So I decided not to go to Utah, because i knew that you would also be someone who wouldn't be talking to me, and it would rather not wast my time. Then YOU deleted me from your myspace, and lied to jacob telling him that it was because you didn't want SMCC bloggers on your page, but Michelle just made a nice little write up and I didn't see you deleting her. Plus, you wrote your own and deleted it as well...Yea...I KNOW about that. I didn't talk to you the first day of school, because you made it CLEAR you didn't want to know me, so I was just giving you your wish. Then you had the nerve to say that i DID this to you. and then you start asking about my whole fucking LIFE to Jacob. Mentioning KCACTF to Julie, which wasn't your place at ALL? YOU initatied talking about me, not him, and you know how i handle people who talk about me behind my back. You say I'm the Queen of talking about people behind their backs? Well I hadn't asked anyone a goddamn thing about you two except why the hell can't you both just SHUT UP.
NOW STOP ACTING SO FUCKING HURT AND INNOCENT, YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO IT, NOT ME. if you hadn't gone and deleted me and my friends, maybe we'd still be cool now, but since you decided to say 'fuck you", don't be surprised when I say 'fuck you' BACK.
Now. Everythings out in the open. You guys want more, you want me to confess something? want more info, go right ahead and ask, i'm an open fucking book. I'm done being quiet. You want my side? You got it.
I should've done this a month ago. Instead, i tried to tell everyone to just shush. Well since this doesn't seem to be ending, I'll be letting everyone in on whats happened.
The Full Story
Me and Michelle were in her car during Landcape of the Body a few months back, Michelle was talking about Justin. She was saying that he had no right to be protective of her, and how she hated how he felt the need to take care of her. I said nothing. I tried to give non-commital answers to keep things cool, since she was giving me a ride at the time, and I didn't want any fights, but she kept going on about how she didn't want him in her life, and didn't care if he was her friend after this.
And then I opened my mouth. Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should've just let things go the way they were, and let them happen, but I couldn't.
I stood up for Justin. I told her he was probably a better friend than Isaac would ever be to her, because i felt that Isaac was fake. After I told Isaac I couldn't flirt with him anymore, all of a sudden, he had nothing to say to me. Which showed me how much I meant to him. It didn't help that i had been making jokes about him in the booth and he heard it from someone who took it as more than just jokes and i knew he never really forgot that. So Anyway, I tell her this, and she starts saying that she doesn't care and that she handles things her way and it wasn't any of my business. I didn't mention that i hadn't asked about what had happen, but i was too heated. I told her that Justin was just caring for her as a friend and had no other feelings for her. The arguement went on and excalated, and we both ended up screaming about it.
I got out of the car and we both decided we wouldn't speak of it again. After that, things were never the same between me and Michelle, maybe i never got over what happened, maybe she never did, but honestly believe thats what began this whole thing.
Anyway, we 'made up' shortly after, but things were still awkward for a while. Then one day she came to me, bombarding me and yelling at me saying that i had called her a 'two faced bitch' even though I wasn't the person who had said it. I was offended, but I shrugged it off as misinterpreted information. Because she protected whoever told her that, I will protect who actually SAID that. So things were still rocky.
Then I felt like things had finally started to go back to normal, auditions for the one-acts started. I casted Michelle and Isaac. I thought I'd have the best show because i had great actors and a good script. Then things started to go awry.
Rehearsals got cancelled. Why? Because I had made plans with my boyfriend that I had forgotten about twice. I couldn't bail on him, because we only get to see each other once a week, and I couldn't just go without seeing him. Yes, that was unproffessional to do, but i care more about my personal life than I will ever a show, and thats just how my priorities are. Plus, i made sure everyone had notice, so there wasn't any confusion. If i cancelled a rehearsal, I'd do it hours before the rehearsal, so that no one would be terribly inconvienced. Then Isaac started missing rehearsals, once because his car broke down, another because he had to go to work. I was annoyed, but I wasn't too upset, I figured things were just what they were.
Then finally we had a rehearsal scheduled. I got all of the things ready, the supplies, the rehearsal baby, the chairs, everything was set up and ready. I text both people in my show and called both as well. Neither answered, but it was about 15 min before rehearsal so I didn't worry about it. I waited. I waited for a half an hour before calling again and still no answer. Then it hit me. I had actually just been ditched in a proffessional setting by people who were supposed to be professional actors. I walked out of the green room where I had been waiting and into the Blackbox where I'm greeted by people telling me that Isaac was in the dance room a few minutes ago. I got mad again, but I tried to just relax.
Now this is the part I deem important, because most people seem to forget that I wasn't the one who started the blogging. This was the perfect opportunity to go online, and blog my hearts content about what had just happened to me. About how I had been ditched and not recieved even a phone call to say why. I said "No, maybe there's a good explanation for all of this. Don't jump to conclusions." And i'm not going to lie, that phrase, is something I don't usually go to and you all know it. But I did in this instance, because I couldn't believe that what I thought happened actually happened.
So the next day I see Michelle. Isaac has been avoiding me, and I don't care, because I've decided I'm done with the whole "Isaac" thing anyway. So i asked her why she missed rehearsal in a casual tone. Not even angry, CASUAL. She tells me she'll talk to me about it later...like i'm a child who needs to be reprimanded.
She pulls me to the side and says this, "The truth is...I just didn't want to go. I was feeling really apathetic about it." This is where I get completely furious. I'm so upset and hurt that I'm actually crying. I'm crying in front of this person who is so nonchalant about my show, and my grade and my feelings and I'm upset that i allowed this person who doesn't give a shit about me to hurt me. Then she says "the truth is, i really feel like the only reason I'm doing this is because i'm your friend."
Now that was what made me really furious. I don't know about you, but I don't HAVE friends who ditch me for a half an hour and can tell me so non-chalantly about it. I don't have friends who would disrespect me like that. I dont have friends who would misuse my trust like that. You don't do that to friends, you do that to enemies, and people you don't like. NOT friends.
So even then, I didn't bitch loud and crazy. I just decided to suck it up and keep going, because there was nothing else i could do. Then our next rehearsal happened. I couldn't make it to the rehearsal because i had a drug test to take for a job, and i had to do this in 24 hours. I actually ditched class so i could make it on time, but it ended up taking almost 3 hours to even get into the testing area, so i couldn't make it. my phone was cut off at the time too, so i couldn't call anyone.
When I got home, and got online, I read michelle's blog. Her blog is riddled with little insults directed at me for missing rehearsal. She'll deny this of course. Whats really interesting is that when I asked her what all of that meant if it wasn't about me she told me that "she didn't have to explain herself to me". The outloud fued began. I told her she didn't have a right to make me sound like I just ditched out for no reason, then she swore people told her about the drug test that i mentioned in my comment to her blog, when that was impossible, because no one knew about it.
After holding my tongue about this crap, i couldn't hold out any longer and I exploded in my own blog, you can still read it, its all still here, unlike Michelle, who deletes everything she ever says about me in her blogs. Then She deleted me. Realize this people, you all act like I started this fight, like i was the one who did everything, but realize she deleted me, simply so she could talk about me behind my back to everyone and not have me protest. She started the private blog bashing, not me.
So I cancel the show. And I dont tell anyone the whole story, because I'm trying to keep it completely quiet and hopefully as between us as possible. But soon I realized that was my mistake. Here I was, not defending myself, thinking that Michelle would just shut her mouth and keep it to herself, while she was running her mouth. How did I know that? How did i know that she was telling people. Its really simple. No one asked me what was going on. Justin didn't, Carrie didn't, Isaac didn't, not even James, no one asked me what happened except for Jacob and Chrissy. Meaning that everyone else was hearing it from someone else...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Then directing class happened. And all of a sudden, I was attacked. I'm trying to plead my defense in all of this, but all i hear is "YOU should've done this", "YOU should've done that.". Carrie suggested that I should just lie low for a while until things settled. She also seemed to know ALOT about what was going on for someone who was as she put it 'keeping out of it'. She said things like them not going to that rehearsal was Personal. Michelle, want to deny it? Go ahead, but Carrie said that it was PERSONAL. And it was obvious. Then She mentioned that it probably had alot to do with Landscape. Though I had thought everything was cool...apparently not.
After all of this bombardment by people who should have known NOTHING about what was going on, I was irritated. Irritated because none of them had asked for my side at all had just took what she had said for gold. I felt like i was the only one getting shit for what was happening, when SHE was the one who did the most wrong.
Then break passes through. I keep hearing whispers here and there about blogs, or comments said about me. and I'm getting annoyed now. Because all I want is for these people to just SHUT UP about me. So I keep posting "SHUT UP" while they keep posting, talking shit. Carrie then deletes me and has the nerve to say I 'dragged her into this'. Then the term begins. I've decided that I wasn't going to be fake anymore. fuck these people. fuck everyone of them. I knew who my friends were, they were the ones who called me, the ones who hung out with me, the ones who had asked for my side. Not these people who would only talk to me when others weren't around. Then I hear about Michelle's blog....she's deleted it now... but don't worry. I have reliable friends. I'll post it here for you:
some stuff.
I had to deal with psycho bitch drama today... i had to deal with eye rolling and random looks and laughing and whispers GALORE... and you know what? it.doesn't.matter. it was actually kinda fun in its own way, not my reactions..(cause i didn't react) but just watching it all was very amusing. I would let it get to me... if i had a reason to let it get to me...hah... i don't. i actually have no idea what to think of it all, i feel like i'm RIDICULOUSLY chill about the whole 'situation', i don't care for them, they don't care for me... okay.. that's good. We should be done now... but they are sooo over the top with EVERYTHING. looks, eye rolling, comments, etc, etc, etc... Like... what are they gaining from acting like stupid children? what is the point? i can understand that they feel the need to try to make my life harder but.. yeah, its just very strange to watch. Their technique is all off. The whole way they go about it is very odd... i really don't like them as people, but in a very strange way i feel sorry for them... i'm serious, i really do. UMMM and on another note! BABY WITH THE BATHWATER went REALLY well tonight! The audience was incredible! they laughed soooo hard and i had such great comments at the end... (= aw... i'm so glad some of my friends got to see it! ... i'm really proud of this role...
I hope you (the reader) can come see it!!!
(=
In reply, I posted a blog that was entitled "To Carrie and Michelle.". There was nothing in it. I just wanted to see if they were really 'over it' but they both were questioning everyone they they knew about it.
But here's my REAL response. Michelle, your whole blog is based on Me and Chrissy making jokes about Jacob having the hots for Bree and a million other in-jokes we've aquired over the last month of hanging out. NOT ABOUT YOU. You can asks James, he was sitting right there.
When it comes down to me and Carrie. You deleted me, you stopped talking to me. To try to say I DRAGGED you into this is complete bullshit. You left a rude comment on my blog, so rude that you actually said "wow, that came out ruder than I wanted it to.", and yea, I was annoyed, but it also showed were you stood in the whole thing. So I decided not to go to Utah, because i knew that you would also be someone who wouldn't be talking to me, and it would rather not wast my time. Then YOU deleted me from your myspace, and lied to jacob telling him that it was because you didn't want SMCC bloggers on your page, but Michelle just made a nice little write up and I didn't see you deleting her. Plus, you wrote your own and deleted it as well...Yea...I KNOW about that. I didn't talk to you the first day of school, because you made it CLEAR you didn't want to know me, so I was just giving you your wish. Then you had the nerve to say that i DID this to you. and then you start asking about my whole fucking LIFE to Jacob. Mentioning KCACTF to Julie, which wasn't your place at ALL? YOU initatied talking about me, not him, and you know how i handle people who talk about me behind my back. You say I'm the Queen of talking about people behind their backs? Well I hadn't asked anyone a goddamn thing about you two except why the hell can't you both just SHUT UP.
NOW STOP ACTING SO FUCKING HURT AND INNOCENT, YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO IT, NOT ME. if you hadn't gone and deleted me and my friends, maybe we'd still be cool now, but since you decided to say 'fuck you", don't be surprised when I say 'fuck you' BACK.
Now. Everythings out in the open. You guys want more, you want me to confess something? want more info, go right ahead and ask, i'm an open fucking book. I'm done being quiet. You want my side? You got it.