Good Friends
After the hailstorm called my father let loose a quite impressive tirade throughout my entire household around 830PM, I felt perfectly content to lie in my bed for the rest of the evening, listening to Sara's Favorites (disc 2) and writing until I fell asleep sometime, probably shortly after I turned off the lights and pulled the comforter over my head.
And then there was a convenient knock on my door, and my brother answered it, and came upstairs, and informed me somebody was here to see me. I had horrible thoughts about what potential drama had arrived on my front stoop, but was pleasantly surprised (and mildly mortified, as the arrival of company meant an end to my night of solitare) to see Heather standing in my front hallway.
She told me it was probably good that I never checked the voicemail on my cell phone, because she had called about half an hour ago to tell me that if I didn't call her back in fifteen minutes, she was going to come kidnap me. Which now left me with no choice, because she had taken the huge initiative to both locate and drive to my house--I had to go out. So I changed out of my pajamas, turned off the music, and after some bickering over who was a worse driver, I got in the car with her to go meet her friends at the movie theatre on Barrett Parkway to see Shrek 2.
Of all people I was sneakily forced into hanging out with this evening, I'm really glad it was Heather. Our friendship is so....casual. Historic almost. We drove to the theatre and, even though I hadn't seen her by myself in over a year, we just drove in silence, listening to whatever she had on the stereo. It wasn't an awkward silence--just a comforting one. And I thoroughly enjoyed the company of her friends, even though I only knew their names and had never really spent any time around them. Mandy was nice, and made it an ease for me to feel comfortable, and Josh was pretty damn hysterical. I like people who don't make me feel like an outsider. And seeing Heather...was really good. It's important for me to have people in my life who laugh at my mistakes (instead of forever holding me accountable for them), and who constantly encourage me to be better. I like surrounding myself with people who appreciate the changes in my life. And Heather, of all people, would definately appreciate them. Aside from Court, and T when she felt like it, Heather was the only person around to witness what I've done to myself time and time again. And one of two people--Court, of course, being the other--that I trust to see the merit and the value behind all the changes I've made. I am not a mistake around Heather--I am a person, a person who has grown and changed, a person who has watched others grow and change. I love the person Heather has become. I've loved it every step of the way, and respected it. I love seeing her as the person she has become, of the person I know she is capable of being...I love just knowing I can sit back and watch it. In a lot of senses, Heather has helped me shape my definition of friendship...and my definition of myself. Being around her gives me a certain confidence and calm that no long-term friend (except, of course, Court) has given me. Other people make me feel edgy, like I'm never good enough, like I'll never be there--wherever there is. And even when I didn't know where I was or where I stood, Heather still helped me to feel like anything was possible. I appreciate it, Heather--if you're out there.
I read something on Megan from Atlanta (not to be confused with Meghan the roommate)'s profile that kinda made me consider a lot of things. "It's actually very interesting to see who will stay with you in hard times...it will surprise you." And it's so true. I remember laying on a blanket with David Dwyer the summer before my junior year, in my side yard. We just laid there and talked for...hours, probably. And we talked about just that, about how times of trial will teach you who your true friends are. Most of the times, the people I trusted with my life were the people who stayed. And sometimes, the people I trusted with my life were the first people to leave at signs of trouble. Maybe I'm just too much to handle at times, but I value the people who have stayed. And the people who, every day, stand by me regardless. Mel always stood by me. So did Heather, and Court. David Dwyer always stayed, and Lisa, as well. And Kassie. And though Katy probably has been given more than enough reasons to run, she stood by me. What irks me is that the people I wanted to stay by me were always the first to turn and leave. I can't decide if I should account it to a fumbling heart, to foolish wishes, or to absolute stupidity. Either way, the negative doesn't matter, because I don't have room for that in my life. I'm taking off, going places, getting things. I feel so awake, so alive, so able, so confident.
I feel like myself.