Fic: Walking away from my heart. [Chapter 13/?]
Title: Walking away from my heart.
Rating: PG-13 to R
Pairing: Darren Criss/Chris Colfer
Summary: Darren and Chris broke up a week before filming their last Klaine scene. They aren’t able to stay professional about it because they realize that the pain is too much to bear while having to film a screenkiss. So how are they supposed to carry on playing a lovey-dovey
couple? Will they get through it without anyone noticing or will their personal life destroy everything they stand for?
Disclaimer: I do not own any persons in this. I respect Darren and Chris and I don’t claim that any of this happened, it’s all just a product of my imagination.
Author's Note: I want to apologize for the angst. Sorry! =) Also I made a fangirl-tumblr, so if you want to keep upwith my writing or just want to hit me up you can do it here.
[Chapter 1]
[Chapter 2]
[Chapter 3]
[Chapter 4]
[Chapter 5]
[Chapter 6]
[Chapter 7]
[Chapter 8]
[Chapter 9]
[Chapter 10]
[Chapter 11]
[Chapter 12]
The next morning Chris woke up with Darren's arms still wrapped around him tightly, his chest was rising and falling in a slow steady rhythm.
He looked so peacefully like that, so relaxed with dark stubbles spread over his face, his unruly curls ruffled, his eyes closed, the long lashes touching his cheeks .
Chris felt his stomach flutter at the sight.
He had had a nightmare again but at least he didn't sleepwalk.
Darren had told him he did that a lot after they were back together.
He had been worried and felt bad because he knew he was the reason but right now Chris was just really happy to have Darren's warm body pressed against his, feeling his breath in his neck and listening to the soft sounds he made.
He couldn't help but reach out to stroke Darren's cheek lightly, tracing his jawline with his fingertips, his neck, he snuggled closer, trying to forget about his dream.
It was stupid.
Everything he dreamt had to do with losing Darren.
Darren cheating on him.
Darren screaming on him.
He knew it wasn't real, but for how long?
Chris quickly pushed his thoughts aside, resting his head on Darren's chest, his ear pressed against it.
He could hear his heart beating slow and strong.
The younger man jumped when Darren shifted, his eyes fluttering open and his lips stretched into a content smile as soon as he saw Chris.
"Good morning.", he croaked, his voice low and raspy with sleep.
"Morning.", Chris echoed, kissing Darren's cheek softly.
"Had bad dreams?", Darren asked, rubbing his eyes and Chris couldn't help but stare for a moment, he couldn't believe he was allowed to wake up next to this gorgeous man.
"W-what? Yeah, I just...yeah.", he confessed, placing his head on Darren's chest again. "I woke you up didn't I?...I'm sorry."
"No, no it's fine...I was just worried.", Darren said, pausing for a few seconds.
"Was it...was it about me?", the older man asked carefully.
Chris was silent.
Darren's eyes were gleaming at him, sadness sparkling in them and Chris felt like crying, a harsh pain went through his heart.
He nodded slowly.
Darren felt like his heart was bursting into a thousand pieces all over again.
"I'm sorry...", he whispered, taking the other man's hand in his, stroking over the soft skin with his thumb.
"Don't!", Chris said firmly. "Just don't! Don't apologize! You don't deserve this. You told me you're sorry so many times before and I know you regret what you've done but...I just find it hard to trust people. So I'm sorry ok? I shouldn't make you feel like that. You make me so happy you have no idea but just...I want to trust you but every time I think I do...I...I start doubting everything. It's been that way all my life. I just...find it hard to accept that someone loves me you know? And that sounds more bitter than it is really..."
"I love you Chris. I love you with everything I got! Just - don't ever forget that ok? And don't say you're sorry...it's not your fault!", Darren looked him straight in the eyes now.
His hazel ones were sparkling with tears.
He felt nothing but pure hate for the people who did this to Chris.
They broke him and fixing him would take a lot, he knew that.
The wounds were too fresh the scars barely healed.
Darren knew Chris probably didn't even do anything wrong, he was just different.
The older man couldn't believe people could actually be mean to him, in his eyes he was absolutely perfect.
He didn't mind his slightly high pitched voice or Chris's dorkiness, he didn't care about him not being able to stay in the sun for too long without getting a sunburn, he didn't mind the light freckles right under his eyes, the ones you could only see when you were as close to him as he was now.
Darren didn't see anything that was not flawless about the other man.
He was scarred but he didn't mind, he didn't even notice.
Chris was Chris to him.
The awkward, lovely, sarcastic, witty young man with a probably unhealthy diet coke addiction he fell in love with, that's all Chris was in his eyes and he didn't want anything more desperately than Chris to believe him.
Chris looked around the room absently, toying with Darren's hand, feeling the warm, calloused skin on his fingertips.
"Chris?", Darren asked carefully and the younger man faced him again, his eyes wide and ocean blue and he felt like losing himself in them all over again.
"Hm?"
"I just...I don't know what to do or say and I'm really not good at that either but I just want you to know that you got me."
"What do you mean?"
"You got me Chris. You, only you...I couldn't...I could never cheat on you or want anyone else! I just want you to know that. I will keep telling you I love you until you believe me and I'll kiss you until you can feel my love. I'm not giving you up!"
"You...Darren I'm so sorry.", Chris was crying, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. "Darren fuck...I know you love me ok? I know but I can't understand it but that's not the point...I believe you. I know you're sincere and I love you just as much but it's just...I don't know why and I know I'm not making sense at all right now...", he let out a shaky breath. "I don't want you to think I don't know it. I don't want you to think I don't reflect those feelings ok? I - it's just hard for me right now and the timing couldn't be worse but just...I keep having those dreams, I sleepwalk, I can't concentrate and I have no idea why. Everything's perfect yet I keep freaking out over little things like you meeting a friend of yours. I shouldn't feel like I have to tell you to stop because I have no right to do that."
"Yes you do Chris! You're my boyfriend. You're supposed to tell me what I do wrong."
"But you're not doing anything wrong! Nothing at all! You're being so gentle and caring after...that 'thing'.", Chris paused, he couldn't say 'break up', it had been rough and he didn't want to be reminded. "I just...can I...can I have a day for myself today? I need to think...don't worry about me though ok? I'm fine...I just...I just need to think...not about us. I love you Darren, so fucking much but I need to think about...me. People always think I defeated my demons but I didn't and sometimes they come back and eat me up inside out. Right now...they're there and the doubts and...it's complicated...", he sighed, nuzzling his face into the crook of Darren's neck. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be Chris...just...I understand ok? It's alright...I...I just want you to be ok. You're so beautiful in and out and...I'll give you all the time you need.", he whispered, kissing Chris's head softly, stroking his hair out of his forehead.
"I-I don't want you to leave right away...I just need...some time off of everything. Just one day...I couldn't go more than one without you anyways...", he whispered.
Darren smiled softly even though he felt like crying.
He was worried but he knew he couldn't do anything.
All he could do was be there for Chris whenever he needed him.
"I'll go make breakfast.", he said, kissing Chris softly before getting up.
"You don't have to, I'll help you.", the younger man said quickly before lifting himself from the bed as well.
"No, just lay down again. I got this. You worked so hard the past days...you need all the rest you can get.", he beamed at his boyfriend before shooting him a warning glare when he moved to get up.
"Chris! I'm serious, just relax.", the older man chuckled lightly.
"How are you so perfect?", Chris mumbled into the cushion.
"Maybe you should tell me.", Darren smiled warmly at the younger man.
"Stop it...", Chris said, grinning contently. "I really love you Darren. I really fucking do."
"I know...I love you too Chris.", he whispered before leaving the room.
He felt tears prickling in his eyes.
He knew Chris didn't want him to worry but all he wanted was the man he loved to be ok.
Rating: PG-13 to R
Pairing: Darren Criss/Chris Colfer
Summary: Darren and Chris broke up a week before filming their last Klaine scene. They aren’t able to stay professional about it because they realize that the pain is too much to bear while having to film a screenkiss. So how are they supposed to carry on playing a lovey-dovey
couple? Will they get through it without anyone noticing or will their personal life destroy everything they stand for?
Disclaimer: I do not own any persons in this. I respect Darren and Chris and I don’t claim that any of this happened, it’s all just a product of my imagination.
Author's Note: I want to apologize for the angst. Sorry! =) Also I made a fangirl-tumblr, so if you want to keep upwith my writing or just want to hit me up you can do it here.
[Chapter 1]
[Chapter 2]
[Chapter 3]
[Chapter 4]
[Chapter 5]
[Chapter 6]
[Chapter 7]
[Chapter 8]
[Chapter 9]
[Chapter 10]
[Chapter 11]
[Chapter 12]
The next morning Chris woke up with Darren's arms still wrapped around him tightly, his chest was rising and falling in a slow steady rhythm.
He looked so peacefully like that, so relaxed with dark stubbles spread over his face, his unruly curls ruffled, his eyes closed, the long lashes touching his cheeks .
Chris felt his stomach flutter at the sight.
He had had a nightmare again but at least he didn't sleepwalk.
Darren had told him he did that a lot after they were back together.
He had been worried and felt bad because he knew he was the reason but right now Chris was just really happy to have Darren's warm body pressed against his, feeling his breath in his neck and listening to the soft sounds he made.
He couldn't help but reach out to stroke Darren's cheek lightly, tracing his jawline with his fingertips, his neck, he snuggled closer, trying to forget about his dream.
It was stupid.
Everything he dreamt had to do with losing Darren.
Darren cheating on him.
Darren screaming on him.
He knew it wasn't real, but for how long?
Chris quickly pushed his thoughts aside, resting his head on Darren's chest, his ear pressed against it.
He could hear his heart beating slow and strong.
The younger man jumped when Darren shifted, his eyes fluttering open and his lips stretched into a content smile as soon as he saw Chris.
"Good morning.", he croaked, his voice low and raspy with sleep.
"Morning.", Chris echoed, kissing Darren's cheek softly.
"Had bad dreams?", Darren asked, rubbing his eyes and Chris couldn't help but stare for a moment, he couldn't believe he was allowed to wake up next to this gorgeous man.
"W-what? Yeah, I just...yeah.", he confessed, placing his head on Darren's chest again. "I woke you up didn't I?...I'm sorry."
"No, no it's fine...I was just worried.", Darren said, pausing for a few seconds.
"Was it...was it about me?", the older man asked carefully.
Chris was silent.
Darren's eyes were gleaming at him, sadness sparkling in them and Chris felt like crying, a harsh pain went through his heart.
He nodded slowly.
Darren felt like his heart was bursting into a thousand pieces all over again.
"I'm sorry...", he whispered, taking the other man's hand in his, stroking over the soft skin with his thumb.
"Don't!", Chris said firmly. "Just don't! Don't apologize! You don't deserve this. You told me you're sorry so many times before and I know you regret what you've done but...I just find it hard to trust people. So I'm sorry ok? I shouldn't make you feel like that. You make me so happy you have no idea but just...I want to trust you but every time I think I do...I...I start doubting everything. It's been that way all my life. I just...find it hard to accept that someone loves me you know? And that sounds more bitter than it is really..."
"I love you Chris. I love you with everything I got! Just - don't ever forget that ok? And don't say you're sorry...it's not your fault!", Darren looked him straight in the eyes now.
His hazel ones were sparkling with tears.
He felt nothing but pure hate for the people who did this to Chris.
They broke him and fixing him would take a lot, he knew that.
The wounds were too fresh the scars barely healed.
Darren knew Chris probably didn't even do anything wrong, he was just different.
The older man couldn't believe people could actually be mean to him, in his eyes he was absolutely perfect.
He didn't mind his slightly high pitched voice or Chris's dorkiness, he didn't care about him not being able to stay in the sun for too long without getting a sunburn, he didn't mind the light freckles right under his eyes, the ones you could only see when you were as close to him as he was now.
Darren didn't see anything that was not flawless about the other man.
He was scarred but he didn't mind, he didn't even notice.
Chris was Chris to him.
The awkward, lovely, sarcastic, witty young man with a probably unhealthy diet coke addiction he fell in love with, that's all Chris was in his eyes and he didn't want anything more desperately than Chris to believe him.
Chris looked around the room absently, toying with Darren's hand, feeling the warm, calloused skin on his fingertips.
"Chris?", Darren asked carefully and the younger man faced him again, his eyes wide and ocean blue and he felt like losing himself in them all over again.
"Hm?"
"I just...I don't know what to do or say and I'm really not good at that either but I just want you to know that you got me."
"What do you mean?"
"You got me Chris. You, only you...I couldn't...I could never cheat on you or want anyone else! I just want you to know that. I will keep telling you I love you until you believe me and I'll kiss you until you can feel my love. I'm not giving you up!"
"You...Darren I'm so sorry.", Chris was crying, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. "Darren fuck...I know you love me ok? I know but I can't understand it but that's not the point...I believe you. I know you're sincere and I love you just as much but it's just...I don't know why and I know I'm not making sense at all right now...", he let out a shaky breath. "I don't want you to think I don't know it. I don't want you to think I don't reflect those feelings ok? I - it's just hard for me right now and the timing couldn't be worse but just...I keep having those dreams, I sleepwalk, I can't concentrate and I have no idea why. Everything's perfect yet I keep freaking out over little things like you meeting a friend of yours. I shouldn't feel like I have to tell you to stop because I have no right to do that."
"Yes you do Chris! You're my boyfriend. You're supposed to tell me what I do wrong."
"But you're not doing anything wrong! Nothing at all! You're being so gentle and caring after...that 'thing'.", Chris paused, he couldn't say 'break up', it had been rough and he didn't want to be reminded. "I just...can I...can I have a day for myself today? I need to think...don't worry about me though ok? I'm fine...I just...I just need to think...not about us. I love you Darren, so fucking much but I need to think about...me. People always think I defeated my demons but I didn't and sometimes they come back and eat me up inside out. Right now...they're there and the doubts and...it's complicated...", he sighed, nuzzling his face into the crook of Darren's neck. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be Chris...just...I understand ok? It's alright...I...I just want you to be ok. You're so beautiful in and out and...I'll give you all the time you need.", he whispered, kissing Chris's head softly, stroking his hair out of his forehead.
"I-I don't want you to leave right away...I just need...some time off of everything. Just one day...I couldn't go more than one without you anyways...", he whispered.
Darren smiled softly even though he felt like crying.
He was worried but he knew he couldn't do anything.
All he could do was be there for Chris whenever he needed him.
"I'll go make breakfast.", he said, kissing Chris softly before getting up.
"You don't have to, I'll help you.", the younger man said quickly before lifting himself from the bed as well.
"No, just lay down again. I got this. You worked so hard the past days...you need all the rest you can get.", he beamed at his boyfriend before shooting him a warning glare when he moved to get up.
"Chris! I'm serious, just relax.", the older man chuckled lightly.
"How are you so perfect?", Chris mumbled into the cushion.
"Maybe you should tell me.", Darren smiled warmly at the younger man.
"Stop it...", Chris said, grinning contently. "I really love you Darren. I really fucking do."
"I know...I love you too Chris.", he whispered before leaving the room.
He felt tears prickling in his eyes.
He knew Chris didn't want him to worry but all he wanted was the man he loved to be ok.