(no subject)
I'm not sure when this started, but it seems like I'm too afraid to say 'congratulations' to anyone when something good happens to them.
It's pretty much because I'm afraid I'm going to snap at them for no reason. And I don't want to do that because of how bad this situation I am in is. I really am more mad at all that has happened and it's really not fair to take it out on someone that doesn't deserve it.
I'm also just mad at myself as well. I'm afraid of talking to people because I'm afraid of turning them off. I also don't want to barge in on whatever they have going on, even if I want to be a part of it. I'm also upset at other people not getting how I'm feeling. Which may be why I have not been involved with some of these people, it's just awkward when they don't realize how much they've hurt you and you can't bring yourself to tell them the real reason. Or what's one big problem, I start talking to some people to try to do things with, and it just fizzles out, like no one wants to even have any effort in a new relationship.
I'm trying to be brave. I'm trying to fix these things, but I am afraid I'm coming off as unsupportive. I'm not. I'm just afraid that I'm going to lose it and make things worse, and I can't do that. I just hope people will understand that.
It's pretty much because I'm afraid I'm going to snap at them for no reason. And I don't want to do that because of how bad this situation I am in is. I really am more mad at all that has happened and it's really not fair to take it out on someone that doesn't deserve it.
I'm also just mad at myself as well. I'm afraid of talking to people because I'm afraid of turning them off. I also don't want to barge in on whatever they have going on, even if I want to be a part of it. I'm also upset at other people not getting how I'm feeling. Which may be why I have not been involved with some of these people, it's just awkward when they don't realize how much they've hurt you and you can't bring yourself to tell them the real reason. Or what's one big problem, I start talking to some people to try to do things with, and it just fizzles out, like no one wants to even have any effort in a new relationship.
I'm trying to be brave. I'm trying to fix these things, but I am afraid I'm coming off as unsupportive. I'm not. I'm just afraid that I'm going to lose it and make things worse, and I can't do that. I just hope people will understand that.