(no subject)
Merry Christmas everyone. So, I like never update in here anymore. So what's new? Hmm, it's almost 2007, holy shit. I'll be graduating from Stonehill soon and I have not applied to grad school, so I'm freaking out. I thought by now I'd have some direction in my life, but I really don't. I need an internship, a car, someone to stop me from buying things I shouldn't and wanting what I can't afford.
Brandan came home from Korea and we've hung out a few times. It feels weird as hell. We're both so different from when we dated. I know this sounds silly, but I feel like we've both lost some of the innocence that we had back then. Sure, this comes with age, but still. That was something I liked when we were together and maybe it was what kept us together. Now that it's gone and we've both gone our separate ways so to speak, I can kind of see how some people become a part of your life, and some have staying power while others don't. It hurts to realize this and it's painful. I care about many of them, but I can't make them be right for me, with me, and with my life.
I can see how this can be true with family. I have some issues as I'm sure many of you know. We don't pick our family. Who's to say that we are "supposed" to be right for one another just because we're related. Sometimes it just doesn't work like that and despite everyone's efforts it's just futile and tiring to try to fix and change people. (I guess my New Year's resolution for '07 will be to try to accept people as they are. If my expectations of change, I can lesses my dissappointment that I do not in fact have an ideal family situation. But, no pity party here. I have some really good things going for me, and some less than great things, so I'm thankful for the good.
I just reread Bergdorf Blondes today. Reading it again and watching The Devil Wears Prada made me long all over for that kind of lifestlye, you know, living in NYC and working at the fashion magazine and wearing the kind of clothes and shoes that I only dream about and salivate over in my most wild daydreams. I hate that I want that. It's so silly. I feel like it's such a cliche. Not only that, but I feel so cynical. Do we as humans all really strive for greatness and riches? To have people look up to us, want to be us, covet what we have, how we dress, what we look like, and who we know? Generation after generation struggles to give their kids a better life. How much better can it get with standards constantly rising? There will always be someone richer!
I want to have a fulfilling life. I want to feel at peace with myself. I am so tired of thinking that I need to be better, look better, do better, try harder, work more.
I think the only important thing in life is to find someone to love. Not just someone but someones. Friends. Family. Children. I think that is what matters.
Brandan came home from Korea and we've hung out a few times. It feels weird as hell. We're both so different from when we dated. I know this sounds silly, but I feel like we've both lost some of the innocence that we had back then. Sure, this comes with age, but still. That was something I liked when we were together and maybe it was what kept us together. Now that it's gone and we've both gone our separate ways so to speak, I can kind of see how some people become a part of your life, and some have staying power while others don't. It hurts to realize this and it's painful. I care about many of them, but I can't make them be right for me, with me, and with my life.
I can see how this can be true with family. I have some issues as I'm sure many of you know. We don't pick our family. Who's to say that we are "supposed" to be right for one another just because we're related. Sometimes it just doesn't work like that and despite everyone's efforts it's just futile and tiring to try to fix and change people. (I guess my New Year's resolution for '07 will be to try to accept people as they are. If my expectations of change, I can lesses my dissappointment that I do not in fact have an ideal family situation. But, no pity party here. I have some really good things going for me, and some less than great things, so I'm thankful for the good.
I just reread Bergdorf Blondes today. Reading it again and watching The Devil Wears Prada made me long all over for that kind of lifestlye, you know, living in NYC and working at the fashion magazine and wearing the kind of clothes and shoes that I only dream about and salivate over in my most wild daydreams. I hate that I want that. It's so silly. I feel like it's such a cliche. Not only that, but I feel so cynical. Do we as humans all really strive for greatness and riches? To have people look up to us, want to be us, covet what we have, how we dress, what we look like, and who we know? Generation after generation struggles to give their kids a better life. How much better can it get with standards constantly rising? There will always be someone richer!
I want to have a fulfilling life. I want to feel at peace with myself. I am so tired of thinking that I need to be better, look better, do better, try harder, work more.
I think the only important thing in life is to find someone to love. Not just someone but someones. Friends. Family. Children. I think that is what matters.