*awkward turtle.*
dear lord, it's been forever and a year since i've typed in this sucker... *sigh* i s'ppose that myspace has fully corrupted me, diverting my attention elsewhere. but feel special livejournal, because i come to you for real problems. =)
heh, now that i'm done talking to the site... *shifty eyes*
so last night, out of boredom and a desire to refrain from doing any form of homework on a friday night, i had the pleasure of chillin with Brenda and the Booze. it was actually pretty awesome and we all just got to talkin about so many things that one wouldn't ever imagine... i'll just say that there are several people that i'm never going to look at the same, EVER.
well, i had gotten to thinking about it yesterday and i remembered when i mentioned to a few people that i had been nervous about starting up school again. don't get me wrong, i love the mount and everyone in it... it was just that this summer, because i had a full time job, i didn't see practically anybody either because they were out of town or working too, with the exeption of lewis who technically doesn't count. it was actually one of the worst summers ever, and caitlin and i both agreed on that. when i was talking to her yesterday, we had a little heart to heart driving back up to the school and both saw eye to eye with a lot of things going on. anyways, i was worried that because of this, and because i was used to hanging out with a lot of girls who are so much older and more mature in some ways that it was going to be hard to go back. and i was pretty much right...
i had known all of these people for four years or more. well, with the exception of a few new people... and within those four years, i have come to make many awesome friends with my own little group of the ones i like to call the best. this is why it hurt so much to feel like nothing more than a stranger to the rest of them, walking down the halls at school. for some reason, there's always that awkward feeling of unfamiliarity around the people, places, and things that i was once so connected to.
i kinda hesitate to say all of this because i don't want people to think that i'm just being depressed and pesimistic, or even paranoid cause i really don't try to be... and the last thing i want is to sound like stacey. but i just feel like i'm being replaced in everyone's book. now, i know, i know... you're all probably thinking that it's all just in my head, but i can't help it.
with things changing so much, all of us growing up... we're already starting to drift and getting too busy for other people. i just got that feeling of being phased out. maybe it's because there's no one around anymore and for some reason, i never get to hang out with anyone because our schedules just never click anymore. with rebecca, it's softball 24/7. caitlin = poppe. sarah is starting to drift to kathleen and brenda. stacey is just not a nice person to me anymore, and i feel bad for not speaking to her though i have good reasoning. brian, i never see or hear from because of votech in the afternoons and we both grew fond of sleeping... even patrick kennedye asked karen out yesterday and told brenda, sarah, and i last night. haha, he prolly thought we were psycho, cause sarah and i were concerned that he was going to ditch us for her and the sophomore girls now... and he replaced me on myspace! *sniffles* i'm only second best now... lmao. (btw, i was just jokin around on that last one... but it still hurts. haha)
*shrugs* it's all just so awkward.
eh, i guess it'll all be okay. i'm just hoping that it's all going to blow over soon because it's just going to be pure hell having to deal with this feeling for the rest of my senior year.
gah.
heh, now that i'm done talking to the site... *shifty eyes*
so last night, out of boredom and a desire to refrain from doing any form of homework on a friday night, i had the pleasure of chillin with Brenda and the Booze. it was actually pretty awesome and we all just got to talkin about so many things that one wouldn't ever imagine... i'll just say that there are several people that i'm never going to look at the same, EVER.
well, i had gotten to thinking about it yesterday and i remembered when i mentioned to a few people that i had been nervous about starting up school again. don't get me wrong, i love the mount and everyone in it... it was just that this summer, because i had a full time job, i didn't see practically anybody either because they were out of town or working too, with the exeption of lewis who technically doesn't count. it was actually one of the worst summers ever, and caitlin and i both agreed on that. when i was talking to her yesterday, we had a little heart to heart driving back up to the school and both saw eye to eye with a lot of things going on. anyways, i was worried that because of this, and because i was used to hanging out with a lot of girls who are so much older and more mature in some ways that it was going to be hard to go back. and i was pretty much right...
i had known all of these people for four years or more. well, with the exception of a few new people... and within those four years, i have come to make many awesome friends with my own little group of the ones i like to call the best. this is why it hurt so much to feel like nothing more than a stranger to the rest of them, walking down the halls at school. for some reason, there's always that awkward feeling of unfamiliarity around the people, places, and things that i was once so connected to.
i kinda hesitate to say all of this because i don't want people to think that i'm just being depressed and pesimistic, or even paranoid cause i really don't try to be... and the last thing i want is to sound like stacey. but i just feel like i'm being replaced in everyone's book. now, i know, i know... you're all probably thinking that it's all just in my head, but i can't help it.
with things changing so much, all of us growing up... we're already starting to drift and getting too busy for other people. i just got that feeling of being phased out. maybe it's because there's no one around anymore and for some reason, i never get to hang out with anyone because our schedules just never click anymore. with rebecca, it's softball 24/7. caitlin = poppe. sarah is starting to drift to kathleen and brenda. stacey is just not a nice person to me anymore, and i feel bad for not speaking to her though i have good reasoning. brian, i never see or hear from because of votech in the afternoons and we both grew fond of sleeping... even patrick kennedye asked karen out yesterday and told brenda, sarah, and i last night. haha, he prolly thought we were psycho, cause sarah and i were concerned that he was going to ditch us for her and the sophomore girls now... and he replaced me on myspace! *sniffles* i'm only second best now... lmao. (btw, i was just jokin around on that last one... but it still hurts. haha)
*shrugs* it's all just so awkward.
eh, i guess it'll all be okay. i'm just hoping that it's all going to blow over soon because it's just going to be pure hell having to deal with this feeling for the rest of my senior year.
gah.