(no subject)
It's one hour till midnight. I am looking at the window, and can't get my eyes off. Outside all is covered with white weightless snow. It's on the trees, and ground, roofs and window-sills. It's like a glass snow ball. If you shake it, it will be snowing again. I am sitting in my lilac dressing gown, and wanting to get outside, barefoot, in that lilac dressing gown. I'm breathing hard, and wiping my tears away with a sleeve. I'm feeling heavy, heavy in my heart. The words that I speak out, the tears I shed - they don't help. They all do even worse. And it becomes hot, like I'm in fire. And I just want to get outside and cool down, and get frozen, frozen from the inside, to freeze the feelings and thoughts. I can't breathe. I want to let it all out like a hurricane, to destroy everything but to set me free. I just wonder whether I want spring to come, and melt it down again...